Summary: She was running away, and he wasn't doing anything to stop her.

Pairing: G/S

Archive: Absolutely, if you want it- just check with me first, please.

Spoilers: Small reference to Burden of Proof and general for season three

Disclaimer: CSI belongs to CBS, Anthony Zuiker, and various other people that I am not. I'm just borrowing the characters for my own enjoyment. The lyrics used at the beginning of the story are from "Dreams", by Fleetwood Mac… surprisingly enough, I do not own them, either!

Author's Note: This is my first attempt at an actual CSI fic, so I'm pretty nervous. Any feedback you have, whether it be praise or constructive criticism, is appreciated. I may not be the best at this yet, but I'm going to keep trying until I get it right, and your comments will help so much. Also, the ending of this story leaves the door wide open for a second chapter/sequel. As of right now, I'm not planning to continue it- I love the ending as it is.

~*~

What You Lost

"It's only me
Who wants to wrap around your dreams and...
Have you any dreams you'd like to sell?
Dreams of loneliness...
Like a heartbeat...drives you mad...
In the stillness of remembering what you had...
And what you lost
What you had...
And what you lost"

The weather that day was warm and sunny and bitterly ironic. Rich yellow sunlight flooded the land, reflecting off of windowpanes and making the palm trees that lined the roads glitter like green jewels. The sky was cloudless and a deep, intense blue you could get lost in.

She was running away, and he wasn't doing anything to stop her.

Waves of heat, like a swinging curtain, rose off the runway. The noses of airplanes cut through it as they rocketed down the concrete, their wheels eventually lifting off the ground. She watched them pass from the huge glass window, marked and smeared with fingerprints. Two duffel bags, hastily packed, lay at her feet. She would send for everything else later, when she had somewhere to put it all. The lady on the intercom was preaching about the dangers of leaving luggage unattended as businessmen sat, their laptops balanced precariously on their laps, glancing at their watches. Others, dressed casually, watched them sadly, knowing their vacations were ending and their own computers and cell phones would soon be in full use once again.

Sara glanced behind her at 30-second intervals, and her neck was beginning to protest each time she did so. She scanned the crowds of people, rushing this way and that, dragging suitcases behind them. There were pairs and pairs of eyes, but none of them the ice blue she was looking for. She often thought she heard his voice, calling her name urgently, but it was just a memory, a prayer, an echo in her mind. It was a Sunday, and the traffic on and around the strip was always heavy. He was probably stuck in the middle of it somewhere, nervously glancing at his watch and the unmoving line of cars in front of him. She hadn't told him what time her flight was. Maybe he was standing in the airport right now, quickly scanning the list of departures, praying he wasn't too late.

Or maybe he was sitting at home in his townhouse, wondering where he had gone wrong.

~*~

She sat clutching both armrests, staring out the window, waiting for something… anything… to happen. Something could be wrong with the engine and the plane would be unable to take off. The pilot might become ill and the flight would be delayed. He could come bursting down the aisle, pulling her to her feet and making her forget that he had ever hurt her.

Her stomach dropped as she felt the plane begin to move backwards slowly. She resisted the urge to unbuckle, to scream and run to the doorway, begging to be let out. She couldn't go. She was making the biggest mistake of her life. How could she truly leave this place behind when her heart and soul seemed to be trapped here, unwilling to follow her body? Could hundreds of miles really erase him from her mind, keep her from dreaming of him?

The plane rattled down the runway, gaining speed until it lifted from the ground, giving Sara the momentary sensation that she was lighter than air. She watched the city below shrink more and more until the lines of cars that scurried up and down the roads were the size of the toy cars her brother used to play with. Then they shrank to the size of ants, barely able to be separated from their surroundings. Finally, the plane broke into the clouds and a grayish haze obstructed her view of the ground. The city faded away, melting into the emptiness of hills and desert.

The back of her eyelids burned and she felt as if someone had stuffed a large wad of cotton in her throat, making it almost impossible to breathe. The woman sitting beside her glanced over in concern, but Sara shut her eyes to block her pitying gaze.

There was no going back.

~*~

The smiling flight attendant handed her a glass of water, and Sara eagerly took a sip, the liquid soothing her burning throat. Her hand trembled slightly, making the top of the water quiver. She put the glass down on the tray table, then clenched and unclenched her fists, trying to get them to remain still. The lady beside her watched this out of the corner of her eye, still looking curious and sympathetic. She was reading with the light above her on, cutting through the dimness- Sara had flipped the shade on the window down. She didn't want to see where they were going and what she was leaving behind.

She glanced at the cover of the book the woman had been immersed in for so long. It featured a man and a woman in a passionate embrace; the wind whipping what little clothing they were wearing. The woman had impossibly long, flowing hair, and the man had a chest even those carving from stone couldn't chisel as well.

"It would be nice, wouldn't it?" The lady asked her, glancing at the cover, then down the worn gold band on her fourth finger.

"It's not worth the trouble." Sara responded.

"They don't all end badly, you know."

"But they all end."

~*~

The plane hit turbulence, matching Sara's thoughts. The fasten seatbelt sign illuminated and the cabin was filled with soft clicks as the passengers obeyed the command.

The in-flight magazine lay on her lap, open to the map showing the various destinations of the airline. Navy blue arcs made paths from city to city, and she lightly traced the one she was currently traveling with her finger. The distance between the cities wasn't that far, really.

She was making a mistake. What was she thinking?

He hadn't tried to stop her.

She wouldn't regret leaving once she got there. There were dozens of labs in the country that would be glad to have her. The lab in San Francisco would probably welcome her back with open arms. And with her education and expertise, there were plenty of other options, other jobs, open to her. She couldn't waste them over him.

She had a mind of her own and wasn't willing to spend the rest of her life in an awkward, strained environment, pining for a man who was too afraid to act on his feelings. Sara Sidle would not spend any more time dreaming about him and trying to win him over, his cryptic comments the only thing that kept her going. He had waited too long for her, and she couldn't hold on for him any longer. She had begun to feel trapped and hopeless- the confines of the lab had become more of a prison than a home.

The thought of never hearing her name on his lips again, never seeing his boyish excitement as he conducted an experiment, made her heart feel like it had been shattered into a million pieces. She didn't want any new opportunities; she didn't want to start over, yet again, somewhere else. She just wanted him. He had stolen her heart from her, and she had let him take it.

She had to get away. She was losing her life, herself, to a man she couldn't have.

The plane continued to shake back and forth as it closed in on its destination.

~*~

Sara walked out of the automatic doors, a suitcase in each hand, looking for a taxi. She hadn't told her friends or former co-workers she was coming. To say it out loud would have seemed so final. She shivered as a gust of wind tried to push her back into the airport, back to where she had come from.

The weather in San Francisco was chilly and wet and bitterly ironic.

~*~

Sunlight poured through the cracks of the tightly shut blinds in the townhouse, but the rooms were dark, gloomy, and heavy. A man unaccustomed to crying sat with droplets of water still visible on his shirt and gleaming on his cheeks. His red, bleary eyes were focused on the plant that stood proudly in front of him. Despite all that had transpired between him and the woman he had given the plant to, it stood tall and proud, green and healthy.

Unwilling to give up.

She had placed it on his desk as he had signed her resignation. He looked up, startled and confused- why was she giving him this? Then he had seen the card still inside the pot; water damaged but still readable, simply saying "From Grissom."

She had returned the plant that had kept them together. It had contained all of the things he felt but didn't have the courage to say himself, and she was leaving it behind. Sara snapped off one of the leaves on the plant, then turned and walked away without a word, without a goodbye.

He'd lost her.

He'd dated several women in the past, ones he truly loved mixed with the occasional one night stand. After a while, they'd all tell him to either commit to something permanent or they would leave. He'd watched each of them depart, feel like he was drowning in loneliness and self-hatred, but knowing it was for the best. He moved on without regret.

He had watched Sara leave like all the others, but she had taken part of him with her. She had taken his illusion of happiness. She left him with his feelings, unclouded by fear and sharper than ever, with loneliness that was suffocating him. All that mattered was Sara.

He stared at the plant in front of him. It stared back.

It contained all of the things he felt but couldn't say. He needed her, like he had needed no one else before.

He picked up his phone and dialed quickly, his fingers trembling slightly on the buttons.

"Hello? I'd like to book a ticket for your next flight to San Francisco. I need to leave as soon as possible."

The sun was sinking and the sky was ablaze in swirls of orange and pink.

The weather was warm and breezy and full of promise.