My Best Friend
A Tales of Symphonia Fanfic
A/N: Okay, my first bash at decent length, shonen-ai one-shot. I wrote this because my best friend suggested I try, and uploaded it because she gave me the confidence to, so this is dedicated to her. It's not too bad, and apart from a few details set before and after the game it's all pretty accurate. Yuan's POV, KratosYuan pairing, but it's fairly mild. Please tell me what you think. 2,791 words.
I often wondered, almost idly, how weird it would feel if my best friend got a girlfriend. This was a little hypocritical, considering I was the one who first had a "serious" relationship.
These days, I hardly notice that my fiancé is dead and that is the one reason that Mithos Yggdrasil hates me. At first I was devastated, but four thousand years of Mithos' insane, psychotic ranting and ravings about her have really curbed the pain, because I've been listening to him for so long that the girl I knew and loved hardly exist, even in my memory.
When my best friend, Kratos Aurion, left Cruxis to be with Anna, I felt the sharpest pain I'd felt in four thousand years. I think what got to me most was I hadn't even known about her. I'd noticed something was up, his good mood, his constant slipping away from the Tower, the way his eyes lit up as he smiled and remembered something the rest of us weren't privy to. But up until the moment he left, I'd had no idea who his new "friend" was. He clammed up and wouldn't tell me anything. I found out the truth from Mithos.
"Kratos has a girlfriend. A human named Anna from Luin." I didn't believe him. Later on, I also left the Tower, flew off to find him. When I did he told me the parts of the story Mithos had neglected to tell me. Like how the reason he'd felt the need to leave Cruxis was Mithos sending his girlfriend to the human ranch. Like him having to rescue her. Like how if I tried to force him back he would kill me. I looked at the fierce protective glare he was shooting me when he said that and turned and ran away. Just for the record, it hurts like hell when your best friend hates you. And you end up crying. Way, way too much.
Over the next five years I was really unsettled. I missed Kratos so much I was surprised. I'd forgotten how much that kind of feeling is almost a physical ache. Also, seeing him with Anna had started me thinking more clearly about Martel. If she knew what Mithos was doing, she would hate it. It would make her cry her eyes out. All of that got me thinking about how I could stop Mithos. So while I formed the Renegades, you could just as easily say that it came into being because of Kratos and Martel.
The day I was reunited with Kratos was one of the strangest, scariest, saddest days of my life. I've known Kratos since we were kids, not even in high school and never once seen him cry. He cried then. Incidentally, he's let me hug him on a couple of occasions, mostly when I was scared or sad, but this was the first time he ever seemed glad I was holding him. He only let himself cry that once. The rest of the grief he channelled into rage, flying off the handle at the slightest offence, and fear. Many nights I could hear him cry out in his sleep. One night, a few months after it happened, probably brought on by the fact that it was Lloyd's fourth birthday, he actually screamed.
I ran in to see him, horrified by the pain, and terror, in the sound. I found him bolt upright and trembling, breathing harsh and unsteady. I watched him for a while, spiky russet hair even wilder than normal, pupils dilated against their rich crimson background. The only thing I found myself able to say was that I hated Mithos for doing this to him and his family. He laughed then. A bitter, hollow laugh that sent shivers down my spine, and not the nice kind you get when something exciting is happening. He told me straight that Mithos had done things just like this and worse to millions of families over the years, and he hated himself for never doing anything to stop it.
That was July 17th, 4012 A.K.W. The next day was July 18th 4012 A.K.W. It was also the day the Renegades were officially formed.
It wasn't until almost fifteen years later that the Renegades were close to achieving our ultimate goal. There were just three remaining obstacles we had to attend to: eliminating the chosen before she became the vessel, obtaining the Eternal Sword and defeating Mithos. The second of these goals made me sick to my stomach, because in order to achieve it I would have to do something I'd always lumped in with the lowest of the low. I would have to blackmail my best friend into killing himself using the love he had for a son he thought he lost.
The look in his eyes when he realised what I was doing, after I'd convinced him to come along, promising to bring Lloyd out so the two of them could talk, just about broke the heart I'd forgotten I had. His eyes filled with hatred, as he realised I'd betrayed him. They filled with fear as he realised his son's life was under threat. They filled with hurt, because I was the only person, apart from Mithos, who truly understood what Kratos' family had meant to him, I was his best friend who'd supported him through losing them, who'd he'd come to after finding Lloyd and it was me doing this. It wasn't Mithos who was sick enough to use the love a parent has for their child to manipulate them. It was me.
The next thing that happened was when Kratos released the seal. I'd watched him since long before Lloyd arrived, wondering why I felt the urge to rush out and beg him not to do this, when this was what I'd been working toward for years. Wondering why the deep crimson eyes that held so much hidden emotion that precious few people could see captured my gaze effortlessly. Why my breath was coming short even though nothing had happened yet. Why I was feeling something stir inside me that I hadn't felt for so long, that I could no longer recall the name of the sensation, nor when and where I'd felt it. I didn't realise until I held the dying angel in my arms, allowing as much mana as I could spare flow from my body to his, hearing his breath come that little bit stronger, seeing his eyes grow that little bit brighter, tiny signs which showed he would recover. I didn't realise I had somehow fallen in love with my best friend.
Over the next, hectic few weeks, I didn't see Kratos at all and I was grateful for that. I needed to get my head straight, sort out my thoughts. Reluctantly I accepted the fact that the sudden epiphany I'd had in front of Origin's shrine was genuine. I really had fallen in love with him. After I'd worked that out I was in the emotional tangle of being desperate to see him again and wanting to avoid him because I was embarrassed, and afraid that he would see the emotion in my eyes.
Right before Kratos left for Derris Kharlan, he came to say goodbye to me. It was an awkward farewell, me unable to meet his eyes and him edgy. We spoke for a few minutes the sat in silence for a long, unnaturally uncomfortable, pause.
"I'll miss you." I burst out, wishing I had the courage to admit that I would miss him in more ways than one.
"I'll... Miss you too." He mumbled, voice coming out gruff, suddenly moving forward to pull me into a bear hug. I inhaled deeply, leaning against him for a moment before pulling back, confused by his sudden show of emotion. I watched him walk out of my room for the last time, then sat down with my head on my knees and my hands over my eyes and cried.
Lloyd came to visit me every month, telling me snippets of information, enquiring into my life. Every so often he would bring a friend along. Mostly Presea or Zelos, but Sheena or Genis quite often and Colette, Raine or Regal only rarely. I liked those visits, though I didn't believe I had earned their friendship. Once I asked Lloyd why he came.
"Because you're my friend" He replied, startled that I felt the need to ask.
"Well, why the first few? I wasn't you're friend then."
"Because you were special to Dad." I stared into his solemn brown eyes, realising that he looked remarkably like his father, unable to reply. Had my closeness to the other seraphim been so great that Lloyd had noticed and felt the need to show me his appreciation of that?
"I never realised who he was talking about, but back when I first knew him he would tell me tons about when he was a kid. A lot of the stories had you in them." He continued, becoming aware that I wasn't going to reply.
That visit was about a year before the time Lloyd was a week late. I had been about to set off to check on him, concerned about the eager-to-help boy who would instinctively help others even when it put him at risk, when he arrived, excited about something.
"Yuan! Yuan! Dad's home!" I froze when he said that. I met his eyes in disbelief, reading the sincerity, the joy, the excitement, the love displayed there. Anyone else I would have suspected of winding me up, unaware of how cruel their little joke was. But this was Lloyd. Stupid, loyal, honest, kind, reckless, hot-headed Lloyd. I knew he wouldn't lie, or even mention it if he was unsure. My best friend, my old ally, my childhood hero was back.
"Can I come to visit?" I asked, unexpectedly insecure.
"Of course. I came to ask you if you would. He wanted to see you but the professor says if he tries to get up and walk around, let alone fly, so soon after falling like that, she will personally see to it that his other wing and both his legs are also broken, just so he'll rest as long as he needs to." I couldn't help laughing. It figures that even Kratos was enough in awe of the seriousness of Raine's threats to back down.
Less than two hours later, I was stood in front of someone I hadn't seen in two years, someone I thought I would never see again. Seeing him after all this time firmly convinced me of three things.
1) Using dodgy transporters on a drifting Derris Kharlan is a bad idea because they drop you off at the top of the Tower of Salvation (Or where the top was before the Tower was destroyed) and your wings are still frozen so you fall.
2) This long separation hadn't cured me of my "feelings" for Kratos.
3) Raine Sage's punishments are very painful when you throw yourself on top of her heavily bruised patient in a tackle-hug and make them yelp in agony.
Nearly two months after Kratos came home, when he was finally fully healed, his angelic immune system repairing bones and muscle almost perfectly; we went out, just the two of us, to an old-favourite spot of ours. A large ledge, near our hometown, a mountain town not far from modern day Hima that was destroyed in the war. It was quiet, sheltered and we camped out there so many times that even four thousand years later, I can still pick out the exact spot where we always made our campfire.
We sat up late that night, talking into the early hours of the morning. Time and again, I told him how happy I was to have him back. At around five o'clock in the morning, I was beginning to feel the urge to sleep. Seraphim don't need sleep, but we do recover from fatigue through it and I'd gotten into the habit of sleeping. Noticing my expression, Kratos laughed, a warm rich sound that had made me feel safe for as long as I had known him, and told me to get some rest.
I protested bitterly, after all, you don't let your best mate baby you, do you? He laughed again, gently pushing me down. After a few minutes struggling, I gave up and collapsed against him, resting my head on his shoulder, expecting him to shove me off. To my surprise he seemed to enjoy the contact, wrapping one arm around me and leaning against the rock face so we were in a more comfortable position. I didn't get to ponder it for more than a minute, dozing off feeling more content than I had in months.
When I awoke I was mildly surprised that I hadn't dreamed up the encounter, as I was in the same position I had been in last night. I pulled myself into a half-sitting position and stared intently at Kratos. I knew from long experience that he normally shied away from physical contact, even with those he was closest to. However since returning he had been far more relaxed, accepting Raine's treatment only mildly reluctantly and obviously enjoying hugging Lloyd. I made a mental note to ask him about it later and studied his face, searching for any changes. I noted how much more peaceful he looked when he was sleeping, though even in the few brief seconds I had observed him he was beginning to stir; feeling the gaze upon him.
His eyes opened slowly, slightly clouded by sleep, quickly clearing and growing warm as he shot me brief grin, before sitting up himself. I felt startled, I had expected him to blank me, self-conscious about being so affectionate the night before but he seemed lax, almost lazy. Feeling the need to talk I mentioned having noticed how much more tolerant he had been of physical contact since returning. He explained that after being literally completely isolated from life for two years, unaware whether a day or a week had passed, any kind of contact brought relief, and contact from people he was close to brought pleasure.
It hadn't really occurred to me how completely isolated he would be on Derris Kharlan. Musing on it at great length, it became rapidly apparent that his reaction was unsurprising, if not expected.
I noticed he was giving me an oddly intent stare, like he was trying to figure me out, but dismissed the thought almost instantly. I regretted doing that, because it meant I was completely off-guard when he unpredictably cupped my chin with his hand and briefly pressed his lips against mine, before pulling back to see my expression.
To be fair, my response can't have been very encouraging. In a moment of startled stupidity I blurted out:
"Did you just kiss me?" Although it was fairly obvious he had. I suppose I meant to ask why he had kissed me but I reacted reflexively, meaning I didn't have time to think about what I was going to reply.
"Yes." He replied, calmly. At this point I should have recovered my wits and asked my initial question as the reason for him kissing had a lot to do with how I would respond. Instead, still reeling from shock, I responded with:
"I thought you had." My voice sounded pretty normal, even though a small firework display seemed to be taking place in my stomach and I felt light-headed.
"You didn't seem to like it much..."
"EH?" I yelped, caught off guard be how disappointed his voice was. Blushing slightly he muttered:
"Well, you didn't react, and your verbal response wasn't particularly... Encouraging." Okay... That sounded like he was kissing me the way I wanted him to kiss me. Come to think of it, this was Kratos, who did regard kissing as a romantic gesture so...
It was at this point I became aware that his old barriers were going up and he was about to shut me out. So I did the only thing I could think of. Grabbed hold of his shoulders and reached on my tiptoes to kiss him.
For a fraction of a second he tensed, then he wrapped on arm around my waist, the other moving to tangle in my hair, all the while fiercely responding to my affections. When we broke apart for air I moved my hands from resting on his shoulders to encircling his torso. For a minute or so we stood like that, until a worrying thought arose in my head.
"What are you going to tell Lloyd?"
"...I'm going out with Yuan?"