Long distance relationships and college don't go well together. Everybody knows that.
The words of her mother rings in her head like a bell, refusing to leave. Don't be the girl who goes to college with a boyfriend.
Lara Jean sits alone on the picnic mat, waiting for Peter to arrive. She finds herself smiling sadly. It's no surprise that he's late. Even back in high school, he's always been late to pick her up, and it's clearly not something that has changed with time.
Only a few more minutes goes by before Peter arrives. He's still wearing his lacrosse outfit, with a bomber jacket over it. He looks good.
Why was he bringing a book with him? Had he picked up a love for reading in his time at university? Lara Jean found it hard to believe, but both of them had changed so much since high school it was hard to know if he was even the same person anymore.
Peter is sporting the same arrogant grin he's always had—but this time, it doesn't quite reach his eyes. He jogs over to her, a book in hand, as he carefully steps over the baskets of food to kiss her. It's a kiss she wishes she could live in forever.
Lara Jean tries to memorize the way everything feels in this moment. Her hands in his hair, his hands on her back, the wind blowing all their problems away...
They finally break apart, when they really have to. An awkward silence fills the void between them, and Lara Jean begs herself to say anything to release the tension.
"Covey, you really made all this food for me? I'm starting to think you want me to become fat and drop out of lacrosse," In the end, Peter is the one to say something.
She punches his arm playfully. "If you did, then maybe you'd have more time to spend with me."
It kills the grin on his face instantly. "No—I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"
"It's fine."
Lara Jean mentally hits herself, over and over again. Stupid, stupid.
Here she is, on her last date with Peter, ruining everything and making him unhappy. She puts a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, I really—"
"It's fine." She flinches away at the coldness in his voice. Have they really become such strangers?
Time to cheer him up. She gently puts a food basket into his hands, with an encouraging smile to open it. "Well hey, do you still remember those cookies you begged me to bake on our first Christmas together?"
Immediately, Peter's eyes light up again.
The two of them spend the rest of the afternoon having the most fun they've ever had. Every moment they spend together is a million times more special then it should be. Every kiss, every romantic gesture, every small thing made her heart ache.
Why is she doing this, Lara Jean wondered again. Maybe this whole 'last-date-before-we-break-up thing with Peter' is just a really bad idea. It's all going to hurt so much more now when it's all over.
They spend the afternoon carefree and with no worries, nearly even forgetting for a while exactly what they were doing there. Lara Jean tried not to let herself get too attached; she was breaking up with him, after all, but Peter made it so damn easy to fall in love with him again.
That day, the two of them take a lot of photos. And Lara Jean is smiling in every single one of them, but dying on the inside.
They end up on the roof of a building somehow—she doesn't remember how—eating soft-serve ice cream with their feet dangling over the ledge.
Her head is on his shoulder, his arms are around her torso, and they're both staring down at the city below, lost in their own worlds. Lara Jean has her head on Peter's shoulder, and if she tries hard enough, she can almost convince herself nothing has changed
They stay like that for a while. It's hard to gauge how long, but it wasn't long enough. And together, they watched the sun slowly set, in gorgeous shades of orange and red and pink.
"Covey, do you really want to break up?"
Lara Jean can feel her chest tighten at how fragile he sounds. She had known he was going to ask this question. How could he not? Her voice sounds so pitifully small. "...No."
"Then let's stay together." His voice is barely louder than a whisper, a desperate plea. She can hear the sadness in it.
"We tried that. It didn't work out."
And it really hadn't. God, she still remembered all too well the long silences and the unanswered texts, and the counting down of days until they saw each other again. In the end, Peter had started falling behind in lacrosse and she had started falling behind in her studies. And they had gotten into more fights than they ever did in high school. It had been painful, slowly falling apart.
"Alright, your loss."
Silence takes over again, and Lara Jean wonders whether meeting up one last time had been a mistake.
Peter exhales deeply. "Hey, close your eyes."
She does as she's told. A rectangular object is placed into her hands, the texture hard and smooth. She opens her eyes to see that it's a book. More specifically, It's the book Peter has been carrying around all day.
"It's a scrapbook," Peter says softly. "You made one for me when we were leaving high school, and I know how much you love them, so I thought... I don't know, it would be nice to look back on all of the stuff we did. It's just... something to remember me by."
He's watching her closely, waiting for her reaction. And Lara Jean doesn't know how to react. So she just accepts the scrapbook, and hugs him tightly.
"Thank you." She whispers. Before she knows it, she's bawling her eyes out on Peter's jacket, as the orange skies slowly fade behind them.
They stay like that for a while more. She's not sure how long.
Lara Jean's hands somehow end up in his hair. They somehow end up making out, frantically and passionately kissing each other for what felt like hours on end.
It was a bad idea. If they were really going to break up after today, then the memories of these moments would make it so much harder. But Lara Jean is past the point of caring.
It's nearing night, now. The sky is turning dark, and it's starting to drizzle.
Lara Jean is staring at his face, trying to take it all in. To memorize every detail and feature—the light in his eyes when he smiles at her, the way her name rolls off his tongue, the confused look he gets whenever he doesn't understand something...
And Peter is doing the same, his gaze transfixed on her.
It's taken the whole day for it to sink in; but this really is it. The end of their relationship. The last time she'll see him in... forever. And letting go suddenly feels so hard.
The world around them is grey and empty. They're right next to her car, trying to figure out how to say goodbye.
"So, we're—" Peter's voice breaks, if only for a second. "We're really breaking up? This is it?"
Lara Jean can feel her heart in her throat and a million voices in her head telling her it's not too late. She knows that it's not too late to call off the break up, and carry on with the hollow mess their relationship. But she has to do it, because it's the best for both of them.
Or at least she thinks it is.
So she leans in, and the two of them share one final kiss. They make it last a long while.
"Peter, I... I have a gift for you too." Lara Jean passes him an envelope, trying to squash the nervousness she felt inside."It's a letter. And a couple of photographs. I wasn't sure if I wanted to give it to you or not—it's a bit embarrassing—but it's everything I remember about our time together. Everything you mean to me, everything I've ever wanted to say to you, it's all in there."
His mouth turns into an 'O' shape. His fingers trace the seal of the envelope longingly, as if wanting to tear it open right there and then, but he stuffs it into his jacket and helps her into her car.
He smiles, and somehow, it seems both happy and wistful. "You gonna be alright, Covey? I mean, you are losing all of *this*." He gestures to himself grandly, earning a playful shove from Lara Jean.
"I think I'll be fine." But she's definitely not going to be. "I'll get there eventually, anyway. How about you, Kavinsky?"
He shrugs nonchalantly. "We're still going to chat and be friends and stuff, right?"
"Yeah, of course!"
"Okay, cool, cool. Try not to hit too many pedestrians on your way home." He gives her that puppy-like grin, and a mixture of warmth and exasperation fills her heart.
They share one final, lingering kiss and then she's off, driving away until Peter is no more than a speck in the distance. Everything is alright for a few seconds, and it feels like if she just focuses on her driving, everything might be okay...
But it's not. And soon the tears start to flow, until it's a river pouring out of her eyes and she to pull over because she can't see the road clearly. The light drizzle had become a thunderstorm, the rain constantly pattering down on the car, comforting her ever so slightly.
She fumbled around the passenger seat until she found Peter's scrapbook. With tears in her eyes, she opens the cover, expecting to see a cute picture of them or something. Instead, it's... the letter she wrote him.
The horribly embarrassing love letters she had written years ago, that Kitty had found and sent out, and started their whole relationship.
And at the bottom was a small note from Peter;
I had a feeling I'd never see the letter again once you got it back, so I photocopied it :P
And for the first time in the whole day, Lara Jean has a genuine laugh. She laughs so hard, in fact, that her eyes stop overflowing with tears long enough to look at the next picture in the scrapbook. And the next. And then the one after the next.
Before she knows it, she's revisited every moment spent with Peter. And although it's sad to look back on it now, she can't help but think it was worth it.
So what if they had broken up? So what if they weren't meant to be together? She had the best moments of her life with him, and maybe that was worth getting her heart broken for.