Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi and I'm not making money off of this. Please don't sue me, my student loans have all my money anyway.
"That's a 'when', not an 'if', right?"
She kept replaying it in her head, those last few words spoken. They had their plan. They were supposed to be together. He was her prince; she was supposed to live her fairytale. It was supposed to be forever.
"When do you need to be there?" Mrs. Sinclair asked gently from the pantry. Holly J blinked a few times and looked down at the notice in yesterday's paper, even though she didn't need to. She had memorized every word.
"Visitation goes from 1 to 5 today. Adam said to be there by 12:45 and then I'm invited to go out to eat with all of them after, if I want," she answered in hallowed tones. The very thought of eating made her stomach do back flips. She didn't sleep at all the night before, the vision of him leaning against that wall, telling her goodbye being burned into her eyelids.
"I can drop you off and let me know when you want to be picked up," her mom offered. Holly J nodded, even though her mom couldn't see. She was just trying to be supportive.
"Yeah, I'll let you know."
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"Clare, you know that this is not going to be easy for me…"
"I know, and I appreciate you coming with me. He was my friend and now that Adam's with Fiona, we need to be there to support him," Clare said as she straightened Eli's tie for him.
"Such a lovely way to spend our last day together…" Eli mumbled bitterly. Clare shot him a look.
"It's not like anyone expected this to happen. I certainly didn't plan on spending my last day here for the summer at a funeral, but it is what it is. Now, please, lets just make the best of it." She countered. Eli rolled his eyes and sat on her bed as she finished getting ready. He didn't even know the guy, just a passing look at the theater awards. But, Clare had some sort of attachment to him and Adam was now dating his sister, so it was time to be there for everyone. Eli didn't know what their past was and didn't want to know. When Clare got the news, it messed her up a bit. For days, she didn't want Eli to come over and now that he was there, she would stop and stare, whispering "Propmaster Clare" to herself every once in awhile, like she was presently doing in the mirror.
"Clare?" Eli broke. She visibly shook herself out of her thoughts and smiled weakly at him in the mirror, "We need to get going if we don't want to be late." Her smile dropped and she went back to perfecting her mascara.
Eli didn't mean to come off as an ass, but right now he couldn't help it. Despite driving a hearse, funerals weren't exactly his favorite thing in the world. He hadn't been to one since Julia's and even though he had come to terms with her and was very happy with Clare, the thought of stepping foot inside of a funeral home again made his stomach lurch. Coupled with the fact that Clare was leaving to volunteer at Christian Summer Camp the next morning and Eli was pushed to the limit.
"Okay, let's go," Clare said as she turned to face him. Eli nodded and stood up, walking over to her. She didn't reach for his hand as she led them out of her room.
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There she was, right at the end of the line, next to Fiona. This was the worst place in the world right now. She shook the hands and said the thank you's with as much meaning as she could muster, but none of it could sink in. This didn't feel right. She wasn't his girlfriend. She wasn't family. But, none of that mattered right now. In his family's eyes, she was. Fiona practically had a death grip on Holly J as soon as she arrived. Adam was preoccupied with a couple of his friends at the moment, apparently having some sort of fight. Real classy, fighting at someone else's wake.
Holly J hated this, standing in front of the casket. This would be the last time she would stand next to him and he wasn't even standing. She couldn't bring herself to look at the body, not that there was any sort of outward sign of what had happened. No, it was more of the thought that if she looked at the body, she would have to admit that he was really gone. Her prince was gone.
"I'm really sorry for your loss…" Clare's voice interrupted. Holly J looked up into her eyes, doing her best to rearrange her face into one of controlled sadness, "Declan was special to me. He was a good guy. I'm going to miss him." Holly J nodded and softly thanked the girl. She and Clare didn't have the best track record, but Clare was never a mean spirited person. When she said she was sorry, she meant it.
"Hey, why don't you take a break? Go get something to drink?" Adam said lightly as he moved between Holly J and Fiona. Fi's hand immediately went for his, trying her hardest to hold back tears. Holly J took a breath.
"You sure?" Adam looked sadly over to her.
"Yeah, I got this." Holly J only nodded and stepped out of the line. She slowly moved through the crowd that gathered in the room, all well-wishers who had come to pay their respects. She couldn't look at them, instead keeping her eyes firmly to the carpet.
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The lobby looked exactly the same as it did two years earlier and it weirded him out just a little bit. They had made an appearance, Adam had things under control, in his mind, it was time to leave. Clare, unfortunately, didn't feel the same. When he tried to tell her, to explain to her that he wasn't okay being there, she fought him on it, telling him to grow up and think about someone else for a few hours. That was why he was currently hiding away in one of the private parlors, a floor above the main viewing room. He didn't have the heart to just leave Clare, but he needed to get away somehow. It was peaceful up here, a modestly sized room with a large window that overlooked the garden, a high-back chair and small reading table being the only furniture. It was almost like this room was intended for a single person to be alone with their thoughts.
He heard the door click behind him as someone came in, probably Clare wanting to talk.
"Clare, it's fine. If you want to stay…" he started as he turned around to the intruder. Holly J looked up from the carpet, her mascara smudged slightly from her tears. She looked terrified.
"Oh, sorry," she said, "I didn't know anyone else was in here," and she turned to leave.
"No, wait. Stay. It's fine," Eli said as he stood from the chair, "Here, have a seat." Eli didn't really know much about Holly J, just that she was Vice-president this past year. Still, she must have been close to the deceased to look this miserable. She slowly nodded and crossed the room, sitting on the edge of the seat, wiping under her eyes with her finger. Eli pulled a tissue from his pocket and offered it to her, she taking it with a weak smile. She stared at her hands in her lap and Eli wasn't sure what he should do. She looked like she needed a break from all of this more than he did. It was probably best if he left her to her own thoughts.
"I don't know what I'm doing up there…" she said quietly, to no one in particular. He turned back to her and opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. It was probably for the best though. She probably just needed to vent. She looked up at him, "I'm not his girlfriend anymore. I know we had the plan, to go to Yale and see how things were in August, but… we broke up. I wasn't his girlfriend anymore." So, she was the major ex-girlfriend in his life, the one that the family loved and he never got over. Eli sat on the floor and leaned against the wall, getting the feeling that he was going to be there for a bit. Oddly, he didn't mind. Helping someone else with their problems helped get his mind off his own.
"Aren't you good friends with Fiona? She probably appreciates you being there for her," he tried.
"Adam's been doing most of the heavy lifting…"
"Adam's good for that," he tried joking, but all she did was swallow. No, now was not the time. Had someone have tried to do that at Julia's wake, he would have punched them out, "Sorry."
"Don't get me wrong, I loved Declan. I wanted the fairy-tale happy ending with him. But…" and she faded off. Eli could see the guilt on her face. She knew how she was supposed to act, but it didn't work with how she felt.
"But… not yet." He finished. She met his gaze and nodded softly. He looked down at his hands, playing a little with the ring on his thumb. He wasn't sure if he wanted to open up this line of communication. It could be a huge mistake; she could freak out and tell everyone. It took him months to finally tell Clare, and that was only because he liked her and wanted something with her. But, when he looked up and saw her hunched over, a hand on her forehead, a few of her scarlet waves coming loose from her bun and framing her face, so raw and vulnerable, he knew that she had to know.
"Holly J," he said softly and she lifted her head up, looking towards him, "My girlfriend died unexpectedly two years ago, so I know what your going through… and I know that we've never really talked before now but, um, if you need someone to talk to, you can call me." She swallowed hard and looked him up and down, taking a breath and smiling a little.
"Yeah, I'd like that."
AN: Thanks for reading! Reviews are cookies and love and faster updates! I really hope it wasn't too confusing with the switching points of view, so if it was, please let me know. Thanks again!