A very short oneshot because I am in denial about my dissertation and I felt like writing something new. Plus, a concerned Byakuya is a cute Byakuya, especially when he gets to pick on Renji in the process!
It wasn't the sort of thing I generally liked to be caught doing by by anyone, least of all by Kuchiki-taichou. I got the strong impression that he hated my guts enough anyways for crushing on his sister without seeing me doing some suspicious dumbass thing like this. But when you had just been found at three in the morning going through his sister's private quarters in the thirteenth division, there wasn't much else you could do except tell the absolute truth. And, of course, incriminate anyone and everyone except yourself if at any point the chance arises.
"Uhm, there's a very good reason behind this, if you'll just put senbonzakura down for three seconds and listen to me," I said hastily, backing away from Rukia's chappy the bunny organiser and putting my hands nervously in the air.
"And why should I allow you to explain, Abarai," taichou said coldly. Ouch. I thought Rukia was supposed to be the Ice Princess.
"You see-"
"I was not finished, Abarai." Oh, that voice made me shudder, and not in that tingly pleasant way. It was like having icicles wedged under your skin. "You are currently disobeying exactly nine laws of Seireitei. I could have you arrested this second."
"But, I was ju-"
"Silence. Interrupting a superior contravenes another five regulations, Abarai. Especially when he's had a long day, has a headache, and was just about to go to bed."
I waited for the blows to start raining in in a swirl of cherry-scented death. He stood like a stoic ice sculpture. I gulped, and took the plunge.
"My deepest apologies, taichou," I yelled, falling to my knees and bowing. "Allow me to explain!"
"I will give you ninety seconds to explain, Abarai," he said sternly. I sighed with relief.
"Well, it's a long story, taichou," I began.
"Eighty two seconds," he said dispassionately. I began speaking as fast as possible.
"Well, to cut a long story short, taichou, I guess you could say I was acting as a concerned citizen. You see, haven't you noticed that since Rukia came back from the world of the living she's been acting rather secretly and singing strange real world popular tunes under her breath whilst skipping through the Seireitei when she should be working?" I took a deep breath and glanced up; Taichou's face was impassive.
"Thirty nine seconds," he said after a pause.
"Nowait," I rushed. "You see, beforeintheworldoftheliving, I noticed she developed somestrangehabits, most of them because of the Kurosaki kid, and as an older bro- I mean a concerned friend, I thought itwasmyduty to make sure shewasok."
"And you thought that you could ascertain this by going through her private things? Surely I, as her older brother, would be the first person in whom she would confide if she had an issue?"
"Uhh…" Now this was the bit I had to navigate carefully to avoid getting ripped to shreds. When you had been rifling through your captain's little sister's desk to try and find love letters, bits of naughty lingerie or kinky photographs, which you had good reason to believe existed since you had seen her and Kurosaki at it against a tree outside Urahara-shoten, it was tactless to say so to said big brother in so many words. Especially when he was aiming a very pointy sword at your throat.
"Twenty-one seconds, Abarai."
"Well, I think, don't get me wrong, that Rukia and Kurosaki might have been a little bit more than professional, you see." Had my voice always been this high?
"Impossible. Rukia would never be so disobedient. As a member of the Kuchiki household, she knows better than to engage in illicit activities. As of this moment, you are the only one under any doubt. Try again, Abarai. Nine seconds."
Shit.
"Uhh… thevoicesinmyheadtoldmetodoit."
Taichou blinked. I might be saved.
"The voices in your head, Abarai?" he asked coldly. I gulped.
"Yes, sir. You see, I've been having these strange episodes ever since I came back from the world of the living. Paranoia, forgetfulness, even periods where I can't control my own actions."
"I see."
"It's terrible. And tonight, I got this strange feeling that something wasn't right, and I had to go check it out. Um, to protect Rukia from danger."
"Should you not be more concerned with your own well being, if you can hear voices?"
Um.
"Well, you see, I would hate to let the sixth division down by failing to protect a member of the Kuchiki household," I made up blindly. "And since Kuchiki-taichou of course doesn't need my help-"
"Are you suggesting that Rukia is incapable of taking care of herself? That someone bearing the Kuchiki name requires assistance from somebody like you?"
Um.
"It is my duty to lay my life on the line to protect such nobility," I hazarded.
"I am glad to see you understand your place, Abarai. However, it does not explain why, once you ascertained Rukia was not here, you went through all of her belongings."
"I- er- that is, I was looking for a-clue? In case she was kidnapped?" Or whatever it was I saw him slip her before she whet through the senkai gate which made her go bright pink and giggle like Yachiru on fruit rollups.
"I see. And this has nothing to do with Kurosaki Ichigo in any way?"
"Of course not, sir!"
"And Rukia's reputation is unimpeachable?"
"Naturally!"
"And the orange-haired shinigami doll she sleeps with instead of the chappy I bought her is merely a coincidence and has nothing to do with her feelings towards the ryoka?"
Uh.
"I couldn't say, sir."
"Abarai…"
"It can't possibly be, sir. After all, as your brother she would definitely have told you about anything going on with him, sir."
"And you have discovered nothing incriminating in her possessions which indicate a secret liason?"
Huh? What the-
"Come to think of it, Kuchiki-taichou… what are you doing here at three in the morning?"