A/N: Well... I have no idea were this came from but here it is. I got rid of the Letters to Grandma story because I just wasn't feeling it. Instead I think this is going to be my 'darker' story. This is also going to be an AU story just like Just Take My Hand, Don't Let Go. This is a high school story though for sure. I definitely want to show more of Beca's back story in this. Also I've read, or I am currently reading, a few fanfics where every chapter was inspired by a different song. I tried this once before and failed miserably at it so I'm deciding to try again but not limit myself to one artist. I will continue this is the demand is there. I don't want to pour all of my time into a story that no one is reading, ya know?

Anyways let me know what you're opinion is of this. Feedback is always appreciated so long as it's in a constructive manner and not just bagging on the writing. If you're going to be a dick about I'm not going to listen. Simple as that.

As always I own nothing but the plot to this story. All rights to the movie and it's characters belong to Kay Cannon and Universal Studios. I also use the lyrics to the song Down by Jason Walker and the title for this chapter comes from that same song and all the rights go to him. Also the title of this comes from my favorite Paramore song of all time, Last Hope. I HIGHLY recommend giving it a listen because it's honestly one of those songs that is the reason I keep going sometimes. And of course, I don't own the rights to those lyrics either.

I don't really go into detail here as far as the self-harm aspect is concerned but I'm still putting a TRIGGER WARNING in here because it only takes a little snowball to create an avalanche, so to speak.

Anyways, I hope you have a marvelous day or evening and enjoy the read.

I don't know where I'm at

I'm standing at the back

And I'm tired of waiting

Waiting here in line, hoping that I'll find what I've been chasing.

I shot for the sky

I'm stuck on the ground

So why do I try, I know I'm gonna to fall down

I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?

Never know why it's coming down, down, down.

Beca watched as crimson red liquid cascaded smoothly down her porcelain white skin. The contrast between white and red was actually quite beautiful to look at, in her opinion anyways. That wasn't the reason she originally did it but that didn't mean she couldn't stop to appreciate beauty when she saw it. Especially when it was the last beautiful thing she was going to see ever.

Shutting her eyes, she let her head fall back against the head-board behind her. This was it. She was nearing the end. She could finally understand what people were talking about when they say that death has a calming effect on people. This was probably the most calm she had felt in a long time, if ever. There was just something... cathartic about knowing that the end was coming and that after it was all over there would be no more pain, no more suffering. Lord knows she's been through fair share of suffering in her short, young life. The abandonment from her father at age eight, the death of her mother in a car accident when she was 15, and then having to be ripped away from all of her friends (not that she had very many to begin with) and move in with her deadbeat father a month later. Yeah, she was definitely ready to just be done with the world.

Just as the room around her began to fall silent and she felt herself falling into a heavy (and permanent) sleep, she heard the sound of someone shouting. She couldn't make out who it was or what they were saying but at this point she just didn't care. She was almost there, almost rid of this miserable existence they called life. Soon she would be forever asleep. Pain and misery would no longer bother her and she could finally be at ease. Taking one last deep breath, she exhaled and let her body relax. The next thing she knew all she saw was black.

Six hours later

Beca opened her eyes to a bright white (rather obnoxious) light. If this was the light they were talking about when people died it wasn't very pleasant. She went to move and suddenly every sense in her body came alive. Especially the pain that she felt shoot from her wrists up. She wasn't dead. She was very much the opposite in fact. How could this have happened though? She felt death's gentle embrace encompass her tiny body. How could she possible be awake, or better yet alive right now? Closing her eyes again she racked her brain for answers. She had been so close, she was right there. What happened?

As she thought back to her near death experience nothing she remembered gave her any answers. That was until the very last thing seconds before everything went black. Someone had been yelling. At the time she hadn't bothered to care but now she did. Furrowing her brows she tried hard to recall what the person had been yelling.

"Beca! Beca! Wake up!" It was hazy but the words were definitely coming back.

"Someone call 911!" The person then shouted. She recognized the voice now. It was Phil, her father. She then heard, or remembered hearing, footsteps come running down the hall.

"What's going on?" She heard a female voice ask. It was definitely Shelia, her step-mother.

"Shelia call an ambulance!" Phil shouted, his voice cracked with what she assumed were tears. So now he cares, Beca thought bitterly.

The was the last thing she could remember before blacking out completely. So that was how she ended up where she was. It was all her asshole father's fault. He always seemed to ruin Beca's life in the most drastic of ways. Why did a deadbeat asshole like him even exist?

"Hello there Beca." She heard a kindly sounding man say. Reluctantly she opened her eyes and was greeted by the sight of a dark-haired, dark-skinned, doctor. She didn't reply, only glared at him.

"My name is Dr. Harris. Do you know why you're here?" He asked, getting closer to her.

"Yeah. My parents had sex one night and nine months later I popped out." She replied sarcastically. He laughed at the response.

"I see your sense of sarcasm is still in tact." He joked, taking out a pen from his jacket pocket.

"And I see you're still here." Beca mumbled in response.

After he asked her a bunch of questions and did a routine check-up he departed and Beca breathed a sigh of content. Finally, she was alone. Well she was alone for all of ten minutes. She heard a knock on her door and opted to remain silent in hopes that whoever it was would go away. Instead she saw the balding head of her father peek out from the behind door and a hesitant smile grazed his lips upon seeing she was awake.

"Hey Becs." He greeted softly, as if she was tiny and delicate and a loud noise would break her.

"That's Beca to you. What do you want Phil?" His smile immediately fell at her cold greeting.

"I just came to see how you were doing. You really scared me Becs."

"Again, it's Beca and you don't have a right to be concerned. You weren't when you left so you don't get to be now." She sneered, her eyes never meeting his and her tone harsh and cold.

"Beca I know I messed up! That doesn't mean I stopped caring about you. I tried really hard to fix thing between us! I'm still trying now! Please, don't shut me out." She whipped her head in his direction.

"Fuck off Phil! Just leave me alone!" She screeched. His disappointment showed visibly as he nodded his head in defeat and quietly exited her room. Beca felt the tears stinging at the brim of her eyelids. Inhaling sharply she used every ounce of resolve she had and fought back the tears. She did all of her crying a month ago. That was the last time she was going to breakdown. It would have been for certain if her stupid father hadn't of stopped the inevitable. Whatever, so it was one failed attempt. She'd just try again when she was home. No doubt she'd be watched pretty heavily for a while and they would probably have all of the "dangerous" objects locked away somewhere in the house. That didn't matter to her though. They can't watch her every second of the day and a knife isn't the only way she could kill herself. She was ready to die, therefore she was going to die. One way or another. If she played her cards right and made everyone believe she was doing better than they would back off, give her some breathing room. That's when she would make her move. She'd find any way she could to execute her plan and then do so. So she may have to wait a few months in order for it to happen. that was a small price to pay in the end.

She was released into her father's care a day later under supervision and with a promise to return twice every week for a month to attend some group therapy type thing. Of course Beca would never have actually agreed to that. Her father did. Still, if she wanted people to believe she was getting better and have her plan ultimately work she would need to at least make it look like she was trying.

When Beca and her father arrived at his house Shelia greeted the pair warmly before heading back into the kitchen to make dinner. Beca blew both her and her father off as she headed straight towards her room. She wasn't in the mood to deal with either of them. In all honesty she was still kind of tired. Stripping out of the clothes her dad had brought for her to change into, she slipped into a pair of basketball shorts and a black tank top before burrowing under her comforter for a nap.

She awoke an hour later to her father calling her name from downstairs. Covering her head with her pillow, she tried her best to ignore the man and go back to sleep. It was useless however as moments later the older man appeared in her doorway bellowing her name as if it was a war cry.

"WHAT!?" She shouted, shooting up in her bed.

"Dinner's ready so wash up and come downstairs." He replied calmly.

"I'm not hungry." She muttered before laying back down and covering herself with the blanket again.

"Well too bad. You need to eat to regain your strength." He stated simply.

"Fuck off Phil."

"Now you listen here young lady! Either you come down stairs and eat or I-"

"You'll what Phil? Just up and leave me one night without explanation then call me three years later to try and get me to understand that what you did had to be done and just expect me to forgive you?" Beca scoffed before continuing.

"Just leave me alone Phil." She was emotionless as she spoke, not wanting him to know just how much he had broken her when he left. Not letting him know just how far down she had fallen and no matter how hard she tried she never seemed to be able to pick herself back up.

"Beca I said I was sorry! I know I messed up okay? I hurt both you and your mom. But how am I suppose to make it up to you when you won't even let me in?"

"I don't want your apologies! I don't want anything to do with you! I just want you to leave me alone and stop trying!" She then shouted, her emotions getting the better of her. She saw the hurt wash over his face and she got a sick sense of satisfaction in knowing she hurt him. Even if it was only a little she took joy in knowing he was in some kind of pain.

"If that's really what you want then fine. I'll back off... but don't you think for a second that I will stop trying Beca. I will do whatever it takes to get my little girl back. That's a promise Beca." He stated as he exited her room, closing the door behind him. Go ahead and try. I won't be around for long.

After he left Beca managed to go back to sleep. She only woke up a little while later when her stomach refused to be quiet. Carefully she opened the door to her bedroom and peeked out into the hall. All the lights were off so Beca assumed everyone was asleep. Quietly she tiptoed down to the kitchen. She made her way over to the fridge. As she looked inside she found a plate of food already made and wrapped in saran wrap with a note on top of it. Beca took the plate out and read the note.

Dear Beca,

I saved you a plate of food because I figured you'd wake up and be hungry. Anyways I also saved the last piece of cake for you from your father. It's white with chocolate frosting. Help yourself to anything if you don't want any of that. If you need anything don't be afraid to come wake your father or I up. See you in the morning Beca

~ Shelia

As much as Beca hated this woman for ruining her family she couldn't deny that the woman wasn't THAT terrible. She did after all save food for Beca, including a piece of cake.

Beca ate her leftover meal (which was actually not that bad) in silence before heading back upstairs to her room. She still felt exhausted from her adventures and just wanted to go back to sleep. The minute she reached her bed and lay her head on the pillow she was asleep.