I'm With The Band O/S Contest
Prompt: "Where words fail, music speaks."
Rating: M
Pairing: BellaxEdward
Genre: Romance
Word Count: 9285
Homeward Bound
Hey, babe, look at this," her husband exclaimed, entering the room with a paper in his hand.
"Hmm?" she hummed without lifting her head from the book in her lap.
"Bella!" he snapped to get her attention. "Are you ignoring me or have you actually found something new in that decrepit copy of Wuthering Heights you're reading…again?"
"Hmm?" she repeated, but this time she raised her head to look at him.
"The Forks High homecoming committee is trying to organize all the marching band alumni to play in the homecoming parade," he read aloud. "They want you to play, and," he paused dramatically, "they want you to crown the homecoming queen!"
"Oh, God. I can't think of anything I'd like to do less than that." Bella turned back to her book, dismissing the conversation.
He leaned over the back of the sofa and nuzzled his nose into her neck. "Are you sure? I seem to remember that you had some very good times as a member of the Forks High Marching Band."
"Positive," she stated and tried to squirm away.
He chuckled and brought his mouth closer to her ear. "He might be there," he whispered.
The brush of his lips made her shiver.
"Who?" she asked, though she already knew the answer.
"Your nerdy, little, band-geek boyfriend, that's who,"
"Psssh," she scoffed. "Why would I care?" She did her best to appear unconcerned, though her heart began to beat just a little faster.
When Bella was 13 she and her best friend, Edward were in the marching band. Edward was some kind of musical genius. He played several instruments and composed his own pieces. Bella was his shy, bookish best friend who played the clarinet, badly, in her opinion. She only agreed to join the band after Edward begged her, pointing out that band members always had a ride to away games and that as his best friend she was obligated to help keep the skeezy girls in the pom-pom squad from hitting on him on the bus.
For a moment Bella was transported to Friday nights on the band bus riding back from football games. She could almost feel the cold window against her cheek and smell the sweaty wool uniforms as her mind began to drift.
She and Edward were slumped down low with their knees pushed high against the seat in front of them. It felt like a private little cave and they treated it as such, sharing their bagged dinners and whispered secrets.
"You do so know that Jessica Stanley likes you, and you like her back." Bella accused.
"I do not!" Edward was indignant. "Where did you hear that?"
"She told everyone in the changing room how you made out with her after band practice Wednesday and then your dad gave her a ride home."
Bella took out her retainer before grabbing some M & Ms out of the bag on Edward's lap and popping them in her mouth.
"God, Bella, that thing is so gross. Put it away!"
She tucked the retainer in her pocket and crossed her arms, glaring at him. "Don't try to distract me from the issue at hand."
"Bella, I think the subject of your disgusting retainer is very much the issue at hand, especially since it's always in your hand and not your mouth. If you want to talk about kissing, we should also discuss how you're ever going to get a boyfriend as long as you have that thing."
She was unmoved through his diatribe, and when he finished ranting she merely raised her brows. "Did you?"
"Aw crap, Bella." He broke her gaze and looked down at his lap. Bella could see the tips of his ears color with embarrassment.
"I did!" he exclaimed. "But you know how she is always touching me and stuff, and today she was telling me about how great her lip gloss tastes and I told her I didn't believe her."
Edward was gesturing wildly now, hoping she would believe him and maybe even forgive him.
"Then she dared me to taste it, and I said, 'no way, guys don't wear lip gloss,' and she said I didn't have to try it on I just had to kiss her! Jasper was standing there laughing, and I just wanted her to go away, so I did it…and then my dad pulled up."
Edward hung his head low and grasped his hair by the roots with both hands. He continued the story, mumbling into his chest.
"My dad got out of the car and offered her a ride. Then he gave me a lecture on the way home about being a gentleman and not kissing girls in parking lots. It was humiliating."
Bella almost felt bad for Edward as she watched him tear at his scalp, but she wasn't ready to let him off the hook too easily. He knew how much Jessica and her friend Lauren tortured Bella with their nasty comments and cruel jokes. He shouldn't have given the Jessica the satisfaction of a kiss. Now Jessica was only going to lord it over Bella that she had kissed Bella's best friend.
"How was it?" she asked, tight-lipped.
"It was awful!" he exclaimed, loudly. "Her lip gloss was gooey and tasted like wax, and she smelled like baloney!"
He looked at her with pleading puppy dog eyes and Bella felt her irritation slipping away.
"Are you mad?"
"Baloney?"
He rolled his eyes before replying, "Old baloney…that's been stuck inside a gym locker…that was infested with maggots…"
Bella was brought back to reality with a nudge from her husband. "So?" he asked.
"Don't be silly. I'm all grown up, now. Why would I want to see him? Anyway, I haven't played in years. All my reeds are dried out."
"I've heard that you're very good at wetting a reed." He leered suggestively.
"Oh my God, pervert!" She swatted at him with her book as he laughed. "Go and check on our daughter. You're supposed to be coloring with her, not sexually harassing your wife!"
After he left, muttering something about "I'll show you sexual harassment." Bella couldn't concentrate on her book. Her mind kept replaying scenes from her childhood, and her friendship with Edward. Her husband was right about one thing; Edward was a nerdy band geek.
She snorted remembering his heavyset eyeglasses and wild, messy hair.
"I look like Alfalfa," he would whine as he tried to tame it with hair products.
Bella couldn't agree. She thought he looked like a lion or Beethoven. She secretly loved when it flopped into his eyes while he played a difficult piece on the piano. It was then that she could touch him, pushing his hair back and running her fingers through it as she turned the pages of his sheet music.
When Edward applied for the prestigious Seattle Conservatory before their sophomore year, Bella was the one who helped him write the application essay that got him admitted. While he was an expert with music, Bella was the writer. She loved to keep her thoughts in a fabric-covered journal he had given her for her birthday.
"Write it all down, Bella," he told her as she opened the book. "Someday you'll be my writing partner and we'll be famous!"
His acceptance was bittersweet. There had been no doubt that the talented boy would attend the conservatory, but it was crushing to know they wouldn't see each other everyday. Bella was scared she would lose her best friend, and he was so afraid to be alone.
Since the drive to Seattle was so long, it was decided that Edward would live with his brother Emmett, a student at University of Washington, in an off campus apartment during the week. Bella was relieved to hear that Edward would still be coming home on weekends.
For the first year, Edward returned faithfully every weekend. He and Bella would hole up in one of their bedrooms and recount the previous week while they helped each other with schoolwork. Edward was completing his education by independent study and Bella was always there to keep him up-to-date on their assignments. In turn, Edward taught her what he was learning about music theory and composition and even encouraged her on the piano until she was proficient enough to begin writing her own short pieces.
Their parents looked at their industry with amusement, but they never interfered. It was enough to know their seclusion kept them out of trouble, and they were very happy to let shy Bella and awkward Edward stay that way as long as possible.
But their private world couldn't last forever. Edward's talent was getting noticed, and in his junior year he was invited to perform with the Seattle Symphony.
Bella and the Cullen family waited backstage after Edward's performance. His performance was a success and they were bursting with pride. Bella looked nervously at the crowd that had gathered. It seemed his talent wasn't the only thing garnering attention. A few dozen women in evening gowns lurked in groups of two or three.
"Fans," Edward's piano teacher explained. Apparently word about the attractive, young prodigy had spread among the symphony's supporters and Seattle's wealthy matrons had gotten in the habit of dropping in on rehearsals. It had become so distracting that the hall had to be closed whenever Edward was there.
Bella was outraged, knowing that these women were only here for his good looks and not his talent, but what really concerned her was the small group of students from the conservatory, who also waited to offer their congratulations. Among them was Tanya, Edward's practice partner. Edward talked about her all the time when he was home, and to see her in the flesh was upsetting. She was everything Bella imagined her to be, everything Bella thought she was not, talented, poised, beautiful…
"Blonde," Bella muttered under her breath.
Finally, a door opened and he appeared, shaking the conductor's hand. Edward in a tuxedo took her breath away; tall and lean, the long pants emphasized the height he had only recently grown into. He cheeks were flushed and his eyes sparkled with excitement. Bella stood there with her mouth slightly open, unable to move until she heard Edward's mother's voice in her ear.
"Go ahead, darling," she urged, and gave Bella a little push in his direction.
Clutching her evening bag like a shield, she took the first tentative steps toward him. People who wanted to shake his hand and offer their congratulations surrounded him. Bella waited on the fringe for her opportunity.
The crowd began to thin and Bella saw her chance, but before she could utter her congratulations she was pushed aside. Tanya rushed ahead, blocking the way.
"Edward!" she screeched, and threw her arms around his neck. Before Bella could say, "tramp" Tanya swept her mouth against his and kissed him hard. Bella was shocked and humiliated. She did the only thing she could think of, running into the theater. Thankfully it was empty. She would have been mortified for anyone, even strangers, to see the traitorous tears coursing down her cheeks.
She found the ladies room and ran inside. Locking herself in a stall, she cried frustrated, embarrassed tears. She had never felt so foolish, not even the time she walked into biology with toilet paper on her shoe.
She loved him. She had loved him since the first time he had carried her books in the sixth grade, and now she knew that he would never love her. Not as long as there were beautiful blondes around to kiss.
The soft click of the ladies room door opening alerted Bella to someone else's presence. She froze, not wanting to attract attention, but she should have known Edward's mother would come looking for her. She quickly dried her eyes.
"Bella, honey," Esme called. "I know you're in here. Please come out. I don't think you saw, what you think you saw."
She opened the door determined to maintain her composure, but the sight of Esme's gentle face brought on another spate of tears. She was enveloped in kind arms while she cried it all out.
"Now, you listen to me, Bella Swan. My son is not in love with that girl. He's been in love with you since he was eleven years old, and if he's too stupid to know it…well…that's just because boys are dumb."
Bella laughed, despite herself. "Boys are dumb?"
Esme rolled her eyes "When it comes to love they are. You know, I practically had to jump off a cliff to get Carlisle to notice me. Look at us now, 25 years of marriage, three children and he's wrapped up right here." Esme held up her little finger and pointed to it with a smile.
Esme brushed the girl's hair back and looked in her eyes. "Now get yourself cleaned up and get back out there before that little hussy gets herself in any tighter with my boy. As for the rest, if my son is just as dumb as his father, well you don't worry about it. We'll take care of it when the time is right."
She gave Bella a quick hug and left the room. Bella washed her face and fixed her make-up. Squaring her shoulders, she opened the door with a whoosh. Outside an agitated Edward paced the hallway.
"Bella," he shouted and rushed to her side.
"Where's your girlfriend?" she asked, peering over his shoulder. She wasn't going to let either of them see her discomfort.
To her surprise, Edward reached to cup her face with both hands.
"Silly Bella," he chided. "She's right here."
Bella's eyes widened with surprise. Her heart started beating faster and she thought she might faint, or vomit, or … die.
"We have to go, but I was thinking there was something I wanted to try."
Edward hesitated and then pressed his lips very softly against hers.
"You're everything to me," he whispered.
Bella closed her eyes, remembering her first kiss. Edward had been her first…everything. It hurt her heart a little to know she could never go back to that simple time. She looked at the letter from her school and wondered if it was a good idea to dredge up all these memories, though she had to admit, some of them were very good.
That simple kiss had led to an amazing summer. Edward had met some talented musicians and joined their band. Bella tagged along as they performed in venues around Tacoma and Seattle. Emmett was back in Forks for his summer break and they spent the weeks playing house in his apartment. Their years of responsible behavior allowed them the freedom to come and go as they pleased. As long as they turned up in Forks every few days their parents seemed content to leave them be.
It was a honeymoon without sex, and they celebrated the return of their bubble, lavishing each other with attention and affection.
Edward took foolish delight in coming home to her after a day of rehearsal. Throwing open the door, he would shout out his arrival. Bella would come skipping out and fling herself into his arms, kissing him passionately. He marveled over how much she loved him. It never seemed to dim, and she never had eyes for anyone else, no matter how many men approached her at the bars and clubs they frequented.
There were plenty of men. Bella had blossomed into a beautiful woman, and could have had her pick among them, but she only wanted Edward.
It had always been him.
Edward thrived under her care and so began one of the most prolific and creative periods of his life. He lived on her love, and like an addict he took as much of it as he could get.
Too soon, it was time for school and a return to regular life. Carrying a heavy course load, in addition to rehearsals and performing with the band, left Edward with little time to return home.
Desperate for Bella by November, he begged her to join him at the family cabin for the Thanksgiving holiday.
By Friday night he wasn't sure his plan was a good one. Forced together by the cabin's remote location, the entire family gathered for shared games, movie watching and even a pick up football game. Edward and Bella hadn't had one moment to spend alone. When his sister suggested he play the piano so they could perform karaoke, he lost his temper completely.
Frustrated and angry, he grabbed a blanket and stormed out of the cabin.
Bella could picture him sitting on the wooden deck, blanket wrapped around him, gazing at the sky.
She stepped out, closing the door quietly. As she approached he turned and she said, "Hi."
"Hi," he responded opening the blanket to invite her in. Her heart was pounding and she suddenly felt nervous but she snuggled up to him anyway. As he wrapped his arms around her she felt his body relax.
"How do the stars look tonight?" she whispered.
"I don't know," he replied, "I can only see you."
She smiled, embarrassed, but pleased. His compliments always made her feel beautiful, never feeling like flattery. The look in his eyes was earnest, and so she was beautiful when she was with him.
She asked him what they were looking at and he began to describe the night sky in elaborate detail. She barely heard him, mesmerized by the movement of his jaw and the intensity in his eyes. She reached up to brush a stray hair from his forehead and he stopped talking and blushed.
"Thanks." He smiled, shyly. "So, are you really interested in the night sky?"
"I'm interested in you," she said boldly, then lost her nerve and looked down.
He reached out to pull up her chin with his fingertip and whispered, "I've missed you."
She was glad to know that he thought about her, but sad to think of him missing her. Unbidden, her hand reached up and cupped his cheek. His pull was irresistible, and she knew that there would be no stopping tonight.
Caressing his mouth with her thumb she rose up on one knee and leaned towards his face. Brushing her lips to his, she let out a little sigh. His mouth was perfectly soft and warm in the cold night air, so she leaned in for another kiss. This time, he met her halfway and the kiss turned heated and passionate.
"I've never…" he said.
"Neither have I," was her soft reply.
He smiled and continued to lavish her mouth with fierce kisses. They were needy and hot and left them trembling.
Running his mouth down her neck, he nipped at her skin and at the crest of her shoulders. The sensation was so strong that she couldn't help but moan and clasp him to her, tighter. They took turns tugging and pulling at their clothing until they were nude inside the blanket cocoon.
Slipping his hand between her legs he ran his fingers over the slick wetness there and it sent a shudder through him. Before he could stop himself, he sucked his fingers into his mouth and groaned, tasting the essence of her. He heard her gasp and his eyes flew open, realizing, too late that he must have shocked her. They stared at each other for a long moment and then, with urgency, she pulled him to her again.
He knew then there was no going back. They were inevitable and irrevocable in the intense, emotional way that they had known their entire lives.
He positioned himself between her legs and took another long look into her eyes. She nodded and tried not to tense her body against him. Keeping their eyes locked he began to slip into her warmth and wetness. His eyes widened at the onslaught of sensation. So much more than he had ever felt. He pressed forward and watched her face grimace at the intrusion.
Burning, burning, burning.
She pushed her palms against his hips. "Wait."
He froze.
"Kiss me," she begged. Attacking her mouth with his tongue, he poured all his passion into the kiss and when she was breathless, he moved down to her breasts, licking and sucking until she was aroused and relaxed and aching for more.
Slowly he began to move in her. He was overwhelmed and in this state he looked down to see his body disappearing into hers. Overcome with lust and love he climaxed in a few short bursts and collapsed on top of her. His breathing was heavy and harsh, she let him lay atop her, stroking his back as he calmed.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
She hushed him and told him it was OK.
From inside the house a loud roar was heard. Their eyes flicked to the sliding glass door as they heard the sounds of the girls joining the boys in the basement. He wasn't ashamed of her or what they'd done, but he didn't want her to be exposed to the others. He sat up and settled her between his legs, wrapping the coverlet around them both. They were stargazers again.
The sound of the door opening sent a rush of color to her cheeks. He soothed her with a kiss to the back of her head.
"Hey." It was his sister. Though it was dark, Alice noticed her flushed cheeks and his sweaty brow. With a wrinkle in her forehead she looked at them with suspicion.
"Catch any falling stars?" she asked.
"Not yet," he replied. "But it's a beautiful night, anyway." He tipped his nose into her neck, unable to hold back the smile that bloomed across his face.
Finally, Alice was gone. He wasted no time pressing his lips to her neck, her ear, her cheek and blessedly, her mouth. He busied his hands brushing them against her thighs with long, ticklish strokes.
Instinctively she tensed against the sensation.
"Trust me," he begged.
Once again, his fingers slipped into the warm divide between her legs and she moaned quietly. She could feel his body rise and press into her back, but all she could do was arch against the friction of his hand until she cried out in climax.
He was stunned by how beautiful she was coming apart in his arms. He whispered her name over and over as she lay against him.
Later they snuck up to his bedroom and clung to each other under the covers.
"I'm not going back after break," he whispered into the darkness.
Bella cocked her head and stared at him. "What?" she finally asked.
"I'm dropping out of the conservatory. The band wants to tour. They think it's the only way to get a record deal. I'm going with them," he explained.
She argued that it would be a waste of his talent to go off without finishing school and pleaded with him not to leave; that it would make his family so sad.
He grabbed her by the shoulders. "Don't you see?" he asked. "This is what I want. It's what I have to do."
Bella didn't say anything about the hurt she felt. She didn't point out that they had made plans. Three weeks later she helped him pack his bags into an old van and waved him off on a fifty-city tour of the country's dive bars.
She went home and applied for summer admission to the University of Washington. By June she was headed to Seattle.
The three-month-tour turned into six months, which turned into eleven months, until Bella realized he wasn't coming back anytime soon. At first, there were phone calls from rest stop bathrooms and the back of the van, but when Edward's mobile bill became a problem he dropped the service. She received the occasional email and even the rare postcard for a few months more, but eventually contact stopped, leaving Bella at loose ends.
Six months later she got a call from Edward's brother, Emmett. Edward was back in town and the band was playing. When Bella mentioned that maybe Edward didn't want to see her, Emmett was adamant that he did.
"He's miserable and he thinks he's been gone too long. Hell, he has been gone to long, but that doesn't matter if you love him, right?"
She held out for five nights. Five times she walked past the entrance to the bar. Five times she stood outside the door and listened to his voice. Five times she went home and cried herself to sleep. On the sixth night she walked past the entrance toward the alley behind the club.
She waited in the parking lot, leaning against his car. He still drove the same beat up Volvo his parents had given him years ago. From her perch she could see the groupies clamoring at the stage door, overly done, under dressed girls with big smiles and a sheen of desperation. Even from a distance she could see the calculating looks in their eyes. She never understood the attraction that male musicians held for women. For the most part they were rude, unkempt assholes, but there were always willing women after every show, and equally willing players ready to take them home for the night.
It made her uneasy to think that now Edward may be that kind of man. It had been almost a year since she had spoken to him and even longer since they had seen each other in person. She really had no idea what he would be like or even if he would be happy to see her.
She glanced down at her worn jeans and pulled uncomfortably on the sleeves of her hoodie.
Oh well. She shrugged. At least they're clean.
She felt a twinge of anticipation each time the stage door opened. She tried hard not to crane her neck towards the commotion as women clamored for the band member's attention. One-by-one they emerged from the crowd, each with a woman holding on for dear life. She realized that she had no back up plan if Edward also decided to pick someone up, and she suddenly felt ill at the prospect.
I'll just say hello and walk away if that happens. I'm sure Rosalie will pick me up.
Slowly people started to trickle away from the alley and still Edward hadn't emerged. Bella started to panic, wondering if she had somehow missed him. Soon it was only she and the Volvo. She waited another 15 minutes before deciding to pack it in and go home. She was putting her phone to her ear when she heard the scrape of a metal door. Bella looked up and saw a solitary figure leaving the theater. Even with his head down and hands shoved in his pockets she recognized him.
She knew everything about him.
His shuffling gate and hunched shoulders told her he was tired, and her heart clenched.
Oh, Edward. Why do you do this to yourself?
It was at that moment that her roommate answered her phone. "Call you back," Bella said, and snapped the phone shut. The sound caught Edward's attention and he looked up. The sight before him made him stop in his tracks.
"Bella?" he called out. She couldn't answer; she was filled with emotion. He began to run, and when he reached her he grabbed her so quickly and tightly it took her breath away. They didn't speak. He rocked her in his arms with his face pressed into her neck. She raked her hands through his hair and whispered soft words of comfort, as he clutched her more closely.
When he finally released her and took a step back, he had to look away so she wouldn't see the tears that threatened.
"Hey," he choked out, and she laughed, so relieved that he was there and hadn't turned her away. She wanted to kiss him, so badly, but she wasn't sure if he still felt the same and she didn't want to press her luck.
He took her to an all night diner and they talked over endless cups of coffee.
He told her about his disappointment with his band mates' lack of focus and how disillusioned he was by the constant partying and endless stream of women and hanger's on.
He poured his heart out about his bitterness toward the record label, which wouldn't fund a better tour for the band, but still expected him to produce songs for other artists.
He was exhausted and disheartened and it broke Bella's heart to see him that way. Reaching over the table, she clasped his hands in hers.
"Take me home," she said. Wordlessly, he led her from the restaurant.
It seemed she couldn't look into his eyes too long or too deeply that night, and when they came together it was sultry and passionate, gentle and loving.
She wanted to heal him.
He wanted respite.
He buried his face in her hair, her neck, her chest. He savored the feel of her silky hair and feasted on her soft skin.
"God I've missed you. How could I have gone without you for so long?"
She didn't answer. She couldn't. She had been wondering the same thing.
He knew he had been a fool to leave her just as he knew he would be a fool again.
"I'm quitting the band," he whispered. "I can't go on like this."
Her heart beat just a little faster. She tried to hide the excitement in her voice. "Will you come home?"
His hesitation told her everything she needed to know and her hopes were quickly dashed.
"I still have a contract. I'll have to go to L.A. and work until it runs out."
Bella worked hard to finish her degree.
What else do I have to do? she rationalized.
Rosalie dragged her out to socialize once in a while, but she preferred to stay home. She wasn't pining for Edward, she just didn't find anything very interesting without him. He had always been her best friend, her constant companion, and she found it difficult to change.
The occasional phone call or email told her that he was just as busy and focused on work. After leaving the band he had renegotiated his contract with the record label and was very happily working on new material and performing local gigs.
The never talked about the future, but Bella planned to move to L.A. after graduation so that they could be together. It was all she wanted. She thought it was what he wanted too.
Late one afternoon Bella flipped through a gossip magazine while she waited for Rosalie to come out of the bank. The cover story featured a pop star and her new boyfriend. Bella carelessly perused the photos of the woman at an outdoor café. Across from her sat a man so familiar to Bella that she would have known him anywhere. It was Edward drinking coffee and reading a newspaper. Bella stared. Even with the grainy quality of the photo there was no mistaking his unruly hair and the sharp cut of his profile. She flipped inside to find two more pictures. In the first one he was walking with his arm slung around the woman's shoulders, her body tucked into his the second, the woman's nose was nuzzled into his neck and his face bore a wide smile.
My smile.
He looked so relaxed with his hand in his pocket as they walked along. He looked good.
He looks happy.
Bella felt bile rising in the back of her throat. She wanted to scream and rip the magazine and tell everyone how betrayed she felt, but she couldn't bear to suffer the humiliation. She'd rather die than have anyone know she had been hurt by the very one she had been waiting for.
She begged off her lunch with Rose. There was no way she would have been able to eat. She rushed home and slammed around her apartment, abusing the doors and screaming at the top of her lungs. When her anger began to ebb, she sent him a text:
Whatever the fuck you are doing, drop it, and call me NOW.
Her phone rang immediately. She knew it would. She never used words like "fuck."
"Hello?" she answered with a grunt.
"Bella, what's going on?"
Bella held her tongue. She wasn't sure she could speak without shouting. Through the silence she heard the muffled sounds of people talking and then a woman's voice call out for him.
"Is that her?" she finally asked. Her voice was splintered and rough.
"Bella, who? What are you talking about?"
She wasn't going to do the hard work for him. Clinging to her last scrap of dignity, she wasn't going to make an accusation that he could deny.
Her silence finally broke him.
"I was just so lonely." His voice was barely audible.
There was a pause as Bella repeated the words in her head a few times, sifting through them for their real intent.
"Lonely?" she asked. "But I've been here, all along. You left…you said it was what you had to do. I've waited for you, Edward. Jesus, all I've done is wait for you." Her words were harsh, but she couldn't bring herself to shout them.
"Try to understand," he pleaded. "She was just a distraction."
She swallowed hard. The muscles in her throat were sore and dry from the strain of holding back her tears.
"A distraction, Edward? Do you understand what you've done?"
"Maybe it's better this way. Maybe you're better off without me."
"No!" she shouted, cutting him off. "I'm yours," she sobbed. "I've always been yours, Edward, but if you want me, you're going to have to come and get me. I'm not waiting anymore. I hope it was worth it," she finished bitterly, and hung up the phone.
He never called back.
In her last year at UW Bella landed an internship at a Seattle advertising agency. Her years of toil and self-imposed isolation made it easy to focus on work. She impressed the creative team with her strong work ethic and talent. When they offered her a job after graduation, she grabbed it with both hands, taking a chance on becoming someone other than Edward's Bella.
It was exhilarating. Bella's creativity flourished, and for the first time in a long time she just felt good.
She never forgot Edward. She had loved him for so long that it would have been impossible to stop. There was always a part of her mind that knew he was out there and that he might return. However, a larger part focused on building a future without him. So she patched over the hole in her heart and tried to move on.
Though she worked as a copywriter, she continued composing on the side. Late at night, when melancholy threatened, she would open her journal and pour her heart out, then compose simple scores to go along with her words. As luck would have it, she was listening to her own work at her desk one day when the agency's new art director, Jacob Black, walked by.
Jake had been trying to convince Newton's Outfitters that they needed to have a jingle for their new campaign. Something about the lilting melody coming from Bella's Ipod captured his imagination. He stuck his head into her office to ask about the musician. They struck up a conversation and Jake was impressed to hear that the artist was actually Bella. Their conversation let to coffee, which led to lunch, which resulted in Bella collaborating with Jacob on his account and one very happy client.
The executives were pleased and encouraged them to work together on more assignments. Both Bella and Jacob enjoyed it. He found her enthusiasm invigorating and her point-of-view refreshing. She liked that he was willing to mentor her, but allowed her to express her own voice.
Together they became an agency powerhouse. Their work was bold and inventive, garnering attention for the agency and themselves. Bella's musical ability was an unexpected asset to the team and she found herself being loaned out to work on special projects with jingle houses for their clientele. Word got around; Bella Swan was a talented pro who could deliver.
Eventually Jacob and Bella's teamwork in the office led to collaborations outside of work too. They found that in addition to their mutual respect, they genuinely liked one another. Late nights and long work weeks led to take-out picnics on the conference room floor, which led to Friday night drinks, which resulted in stolen kisses against Bella's car.
The first time he kissed her Bella was lost inside her head. She compared his mouth to Edward's, his taste, his scent, the way he gripped her by the waist. It wasn't the same. Not nearly the same. But she found she wanted him anyway, and that was enough.
A year after they won their first ADDY Award, Bella received a surprising request. Edward Cullen's record label wanted her to collaborate with him on a song for his new album. Edward had won a "Best New Artist" Grammy for his debut album, and he wanted her talent for his next one.
Bella ignored the phone calls for a few weeks, growing more irritated and moody with each message. Jacob was confused and upset by her attitude and thought maybe Bella had found someone else, or that she was leaving the firm. When the tension was about to drive him out of his mind with worry, he confronted her.
"Bella whatever it is, just tell me. We can work it out, but please…please don't leave without talking to me." His voice broke as he fell to his knees in front of her.
Shocked by the sight of Jake on his knees, she was motionless until the dam burst on her emotions, and she flung herself, sobbing, into his arms. She recounted the entire story of her relationship with Edward. Some off it Jacob had heard before, some he had guessed. He knew in his gut this request was Edward's attempt to get Bella back, but what could he do? If she didn't confront him and come home he knew she would always wonder what might have happened, and he couldn't have that. Jake planned to make Bella his wife one day, and he wouldn't have anyone stand in the way of her giving him her whole heart.
"I think you should go," he reassured her. "It's time to unleash Bella Swan on the world." He brushed her hair from her shoulder and caressed the back of her neck. "I'm not afraid of Edward Cullen," he stated, with a watery grin.
Bella packed her bags and flew to L.A. with trepidation. She had no idea what to expect. She only hoped she'd be able to do the job she was asked to do and get back home with her heart intact.
Los Angeles was beautiful with its palm trees and sunshine, but Bella didn't notice the weather. She was focused on getting her first meeting with Edward out of the way. She insisted on arriving at the studio straight from the airport so she wouldn't have time to change her mind.
Her stomach was clenched like a fist as the taxi pulled up in front of the iconic circular building, and her legged bobbed furiously.
"Suck it up, Bella," she muttered to herself and opened the lobby doors.
After a brief meeting with studio executives, Bella was taken to meet with Edward. She followed a young intern down the long hallway toward the recording studio.
She heard him before she could see him. The soft notes of guitar music floated down the hall and it was all she could do to keep walking toward the sound.
And then he was there…and he was just as she remembered.
Leaning back on a sofa across from the huge mixing board, Edward sat strumming a guitar and making notes on a pad in front of him. The intern excused herself and softly shut the door behind her.
"I thought I told you to come and get me." Her voice was flat, unemotional.
Edward's head snapped up.
"Bella," he breathed.
His voice wrapped around her like music, like magic, like home. She could feel her resolve slipping. She quickly reached into her bag, pulled out a fabric-covered notebook, and tossed it onto the cushion beside him.
"Take my words," she whispered. "I'll be in my hotel for 24 hours if you have any questions."
She turned and stumbled out of the room.
He called out to her and she started to run, hoping to reach the elevators before he could catch her. She could hear his footsteps behind her.
"Bella! Wait!"
Without thinking she pushed open the fire door and ran down the stairs. Ten flights later she burst into the lobby. She kept running until she was in a cab and headed to her hotel.
She collapsed on her bed weeping with remorse. It had been a terrible mistake to see Edward. The hole in her heart that she had knitted over with her new life had ripped open the instant she heard his voice. She hugged her arms across her chest to hold its ragged edges together. Disconsolate, she cried herself to sleep.
Shortly after dawn Bella awoke with a start. She lay in the dim light wiping the sleep from her eyes until she heard a light rapping on the door.
There could only be one person who would come knocking at this hour.
"What do you want, Edward?" she asked through the door.
"Bella," came his soft reply. "I've finished the song. Please open the door."
She took a deep breath and opened the door. "If it's finished, then I can go home. Thanks for telling me."
He sighed and his shoulders slumped. "Can I come in and play it for you?" He took a step towards her.
"No." She stopped him with her palms. "The studio. I'll meet you downstairs."
Twenty minutes later they were in a taxi. He looked as rough as she felt, and she was glad she wasn't the only one suffering.
But something happened as they rode in silence. As her lungs filled with the sweet scent that came off his skin, she felt well. Whole. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest and the blood racing in her veins. It was like there had never been any hole in her chest. Powerless to stop herself, she grasped his hand.
Though she turned her face to the window, she still heard his quiet gasp.
She was glad no one was in the building when they arrived. It would make leaving so much easier when the time came.
Edward set himself up on a stool in the sound booth, guitar on his knee. Bella was relieved that he would be singing from behind the glass. She couldn't risk touching him again.
He sang her words and his voice captured the longing she felt when she wrote them. She felt tears pricking her eyes.
"It's beautiful," she told him as the music faded. "You did a great job."
"We did a great job," he said with a smile. "I always knew we'd make a great team. Even if we weren't in the same room."
He held her journal and nervously fanned the pages. "Everything in your book; it's about me."
She swallowed hard. "Yes."
"But the last entry was only a month ago."
She had no answer for that. She merely looked on, her expression guarded.
"Bella I stayed away because I thought it was what was best for you. I hoped that you could have what I couldn't give you, a normal life. But if you." He hesitated. "If you're still in love with me…" His voice trailed off as he struggled with the words. "If you've moved on I'll understand."
He reached out and grabbed her arm. "Can you still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?" he whispered.
"What kind of an idiotic question is that? The way I feel about you will never change."
She could see the resolve forming in his eyes and she knew he was going to kiss her. She couldn't let it happen. Nothing was worth that kind of pain.
"You can't call me here and sing me a song and expect everything to be alright," she snapped. I have a job. I have a life." She left Jacob's name unspoken. "I told you once before that if you wanted me, you had to come and get me."
Bella shoved the journal in her bag and threw the strap over her shoulder. "I have a plane to catch. It's what I have to do. You know where to find me."
She left the room with a heavy heart. The sense of wellbeing she felt in his presence melted with each step. She realized that she hadn't even asked if he still loved her.
"Stupid, stupid girl," she muttered. "You've torn yourself open for a man who didn't even tell you he loved you.
She tried to leave Jake a message that she was coming home, but the words stuck in her throat. Somewhere deep inside a tiny flicker of hope still burned.
The sound of laughter in the other room broke Bella from her reverie. Even after so many years, it was hard to relive it, and even harder to think about what might have been.
Maybe now is the right time to go back to Forks, and finally put it all to rest.
She called her dad later in the week. She mentioned homecoming and arranged for them to stay at his house during their visit.
"You bringing that husband of yours?" Charlie asked with a grunt.
Bella sighed. It seemed her father would never get over her choice of husbands. He thought she had settled, and even the birth of his granddaughter hadn't softened his demeanor toward the couple.
"You know, Dad, you're not the only person I know in Forks," she threatened.
"Yeah, yeah," he grunted. "Just make sure I get plenty of time with my grandbaby."
That evening she tried on her old school jacket and preened in the mirror. "It certainly would be nice if you had one of these to wear," she called out to her husband.
"But I didn't graduate from Fork's High," he called back.
She huffed and tried to make the jacket fit around her bust. "I know. But I'd feel a lot less dorky if I weren't the only one."
"You are lovely," he told her as he stepped into the room. "I doubt you've had a dorky day in your entire life."
"Yeah? Well you weren't there the day I tripped in the cafeteria and sent my lunch spilling across the floor. That…was a very dorky day."
He wrapped his arms around her from behind and caught her eyes in the mirror. "I wasn't there, but I wish, with all my heart, that I had been."
Bella flushed with pleasure and her face burned. Even after ten years of marriage he could still make her blush. It didn't matter what Charlie, or anyone else thought. He was the right choice, and she loved their life together.
After the parade and an exciting football game, Bella and her little girl stood on the 50-yard-line with the other Forks dignitaries and waited for the procession of the Homecoming Court. The girls and their dates would process across the football field to music played by the school's jazz ensemble. The queen would be crowned and then the students would head over to the gym for the dance. Forks High principal, Mrs. Cope, hugged her and handed her the first bouquet of flowers as the band took up their instruments on a raised platform at the other end of the field.
The whine of the PA system broke through the crowd noise and the announcer's voice boomed across the stadium.
"Ladies and gentlemen, students and alumni, welcome to the forty second presentation of the Forks High School Homecoming Court!" The crowd in the stands cheered.
"Tonight we are proud to welcome Forks High alumnae, accomplished song writer and our homecoming parade Grand Marshall, Ms. Bella Swan!" Bella stepped forward and waved. She was so glad the night was almost over.
They waited while the court assembled on the sidelines. Bella turned, expectantly toward the band.
Once again, the announcer's voice pierced the air. "Before we present our homecoming court we have one more surprise for you, folks. When he heard Ms. Swan was going to be here he said he just had to be a part of the festivities. He's here to lead the band, so please put your hands together for Grammy winning recording artist, Edward Cullen!"
The crowd went crazy, yelling and shouting.
A tall man with a wild mane of hair, sporting a Forks High jacket and thickly framed glasses ran onto the field. He smiled and waved at the crowd. Bella gasped and her hand flew to her face.
It was him; her nerdy, band geek boyfriend.
Excitement flooded her system. It felt like her heart was beating in her throat. Bella was vaguely aware of someone tugging on her arm. She looked down in time to see her daughter break free of her grasp.
"Daddy!" she shrieked and took off across the field.
"Elizabeth! Come back!" Bella called, but her voice was lost in the din of the crowd. Elizabeth ran straight for Edward, who bent down and scooped her into his arms. He whispered something in her ear and she turned to wave at the crowd too.
Edward took his seat on the stage and settled Lizzy between his knees as he had done countless times before. Bringing his guitar around, he leaned toward the microphone.
"This one's for Bella," he said. The drummer counted off the beat and the music started.
His voice was husky and deep, no longer the tenor of childhood. It vibrated through her body, as it always had.
"When you look into my eyes,
and you see the crazy gypsy in my soul,
it always comes as a surprise,
when I feel my withered roots begin to grow…"
"Oh!" she exclaimed. It was her song. The song they wrote together.
As she let the music wash over her, she knew that she could never regret one moment of the time it had taken for them to get here. She didn't regret the time they'd spent together or the time she waited for him to return.
"When you touch my weary head,
and you tell me everything will be all right,
you say use my body for your bed,
and my love will keep you warm throughout the night…"
She certainly didn't regret the day he walked into her office with a ring and promises of forever. He'd been so surprised when she said yes, but she knew there would never be any other answer.
Like something out of a movie, a trail of people followed Edward as he made his way through the maze of offices and cubicles looking for Bella. She wasn't in her office, or the conference room, or the bathroom.
Frustrated, he stood on a chair and shouted her name.
A perplexed Bella stepped out of the copy room carrying a sheaf of paper. When she saw him her mouth popped open in surprise and the paper slipped from her hand.
"Bella!" he shouted again as he ran toward her.
She was frozen in place until a friend brushed by and whispered, "Close your mouth, honey."
He stopped a few feet away and raked his hand nervously through his hair.
"I thought that I could do it. That I could live without you so that you could have a normal, happy life. But for the first time, in a long time I can breathe again, and that's because of you." He took a step forward.
"Just being near you…" Edward's voice broke. "Just being in the same city…and then you touched my hand…it made me dare to hope that maybe…"
He stopped speaking and pinched the bridge of his nose. Unable to quell his tears, he gave up and stepped closer.
"Bella, I was so stupid. I thought it was wrong to want you so badly. But I can see that I need you, and I think you should let me love you because you need me too." He smiled through his tears.
"Can you do that, Bella? Will you let me love you? That's all I want. It's all I'm ever going to need."
Bella was speechless. All she could do was nod.
Edward closed the final distance between them and gracefully slid to one knee. Bella's eyes widened and she covered her mouth with a trembling hand.
She felt him clasp her hand and then the cool feel of a ring as he slipped it onto her finger.
"Bella Swan will you marry me?"
"…home is just another word for you."
It had always been him.
"If I travel all my life, and I never get stop and settle down,
long as I have you by my side, there's a roof above and good walls all around.
You're my castle; you're my cabin, and my instant pleasure dome.
I need you in my house
'cuz you're my home."
The last strains of the song faded away and Bella looked around to find that she had already walked across the football field and was standing in front of the stage. Like a magnet, she was drawn to him unaware.
Edward put the guitar down and hopped off the stage. For a moment he was shy and could only stand with his hands in his back pockets and a goof y grin on his face.
She could see the awkward teenaged boy she had fallen in love with, and her heart skipped a beat. She adored him then. She adored him now.
"Surprised?" he finally asked.
She rolled her eyes and grabbed him by the collar of his coat. "Always," she replied and drew him in for a kiss.
"What did I ever do to deserve you?" he spoke against her mouth.
"You came for me."
Edward grasped her shoulders so he could have her full attention.
"Bella…I…did you listen to the words?"
She nodded.
"I wanted you to know." He huffed in exasperation. For someone who used words for a living he was having difficulty getting to his point.
"I wanted you to know that I know, and I promise to love you forever—every single day of forever."
He took her left hand and kissed each of her fingertips before kissing the ring he had placed there so many years before.
"Thank you," he said simply.
Bella brushed the tears from his cheeks with her thumbs.
"Take me home, Mr. Cullen" she asked with a smile.
"Oh, Mrs. Cullen, we're already there."