Dear Whoever Actually Cares To Read This,
If your reading this, I went through with it. I sucked it up and killed myself. Your rid of me. Lucky you. But before I went and offed myself, I had to tell the truth. The entire truth, not the half-assed stuff I usually tell. That was always my favorite way to manipulate, well other than with my body of course. Keeping it so close to the truth, that even sometimes I believed it. A different story everytime. I loved watching your faces as you bought into my usually over dramatic story, believing every second of it. Trust, such an easily gained weakness. So here is it, the pathetic yet truthful life of Diana Ladris.
It all started with my shit-hole of a father. He's rich, so he can act like a dick. He's attractive, so much that even I noticed, so he can cheat all he wants. And he's powerful, so no matter what anyone does, he always wins. Honestly, he's alot like you Caine, says something about me dosent it? Anyways, it was early and my father got in late, reeking of whisky, so he was still in bed. My mother and I were at the top of the stairs, screaming at eachother over god-knows-what. She knew what my father did last night, so she was already in a bad mood. Her voice was getting annoying, and next thing I know shes at the bottom of the stairs, quiet and not moving, my hand stretched out towards the place she just was. At least I didnt have to hear her voice anymore. I walked into my fathers room, woke him up and simply pointed towards the stairs, not saying a word. I just stared at him, opening my eyes real wide so I would start crying. I went to the bathroom and messed up my hair, making it look like I just woke up. The police and ambulence showed up, making everything more chaotic. They were talking to my father, saying something about her being paralyzed or something along those lines. My father stared explaining what happened. What actually happened. Finally the police came over and questioned me, asking if what my father said was true. I just looked up at the rather ugly man with my tear stained eyes, pointed to my father and said, "He pushed her." Three simple words. So close to the truth, yet so far away. Now that I think about it, it's always three simple words isnt it? I love you. I am leaving. I hate you. I am crazy. This time it just happened to be, "he pushed her." Sooner or later, im not quite sure how, they found out I was lying. Lying about alot of things, but thats another story for another time. Wait, their won't be another time will there? Also Drake, if you ever read my physc file, most of its not true. After all, manipulating a male psychiatrist? Not all that hard to do. So whats why I got sent to Coates. Coates hell-hole Academy. Actually thats a lie, in a way, I loved Coates. In a screwed up way, Coates was my home. It was also the place I met you, Caine. I noticed you from the very beginning, did you know that? I doubt it, because I didnt act like I noticed you. Also, I noticed that you noticed me. Thats how it all starts, my manipulation, getting exactly what I want, just a notice. That second glance. For the first two weeks I watched you, and I became amazed. Such charm and manipulation, even better than mine. I watched you charm your way out of anything and everything. I watched you manipulate just for the fun of it. Most of all though, I watched you watch me. Thats how I found your weakness you know? Everyone has one Caine, and thats how I found yours. At first I wasn't quite sure, only guessing, but the first time we ever talked I was sure of it. You came up to me, charm on full blast, introduced yourself and asked if you could show me around the school. I remember your smile, that smile i'd seen manipulate so many others. I also remember your face when I gave you a disgusted look, said no, and sautered off. That look of at first anger, then annoyance, and last of all, no emotion. A perfect poker face. But I saw it, it was only there for a split second, but that was more than enough. The look of power, a need to control everyone and everything. You were beautiful Caine, such grace and charm, you could have been anything you wanted to be, if it wasn't for your delusions of a grandeur. That was your greatest weakness. Sometimes your greatest power is your greatest weakness. And I knew what your greatest weakness was Caine, and that was a very dangerous thing. Sooner or later, you did pull me into your delusions though, but you never did notice how far you were in mine, did you? I remember the first time I realized that you actually cared. You had already discovered your powers, the powers that only fueled your delusions, and you were getting good at them too. Then Mr. Green, the science teacher, decided to hit on me. I knew he was nasty, making subtle remarks, glancing at me several times. I never said anything because I never though he would actually do anything, I mean I was 14 and he was what, like 40? Never was I ever so wrong. I realized that day there some sick people out there, even sicker than you, or even Drake, and thats saying something. He raped me, in the science room, where no one could hear me scream. He also must have beat me pretty good too because I passed out when I got back to my room. Thats how you found me, wasn't it Caine? Half naked, with bruises and bite marks all over my body? I was never quite sure, because I never asked. I woke up in your room, pajamas on with my body covered in bandaids. I still have scars, did you enjoy making those ? Did you enjoy cutting your teeth into my body as I screamed? Anyways, I woke up to you just staring at me, but not actually looking at me. You asked me what happend, no emotion in your voice. I didnt answer, I couldn't answer. You got up and sat down so close to me I could feel you breathing. You asked me again, but this time with so much emotion I could barely keep myself from crying. I told you, but I didn't tell you the entire truth did I? I just told you he tried to rape me, not that he suceeded. So close to the truth, but so far away. The reason I knew you actually cared though was not becase you nearly killed the man, but because of the emotion you had. I saw it, saw the hurt in your eyes when i was crying, saw the care in your eyes when I woke up screaming for the next week. I saw it Caine, you tried so hard to hide it, that one flaw of yours, but I saw it. Too bad you never saw mine. Love is an illusion, it fades with age, beauty and time. Yes, it can be real at first, but that ends. It always ends. But power, power withstands age, beauty and time. Power endures all. You know all about that don't you Caine? Power over love. Power over me. Power over everything. But what can I be complaining about? Thats what its always was about between you and me. That how our relationship worked. A fight for whose more powerful, whose more in control. Well let me just tell you, oh fearless leader, you won. You didn't always win, but in the end, you won. I couldn't resist you, and everything you were, even your power. I loved you, if thats what you want to call it. A sick, twisted, form of love only a cold heart can give. Whatever it was, love, power, mutual alliance, whatever you want to call it, it was there. And it was strong. So Caine, these are my last words to you. After this, you'll never have to deal with me again. Our fight for control will be over. Love is a weakness Caine, your only weakness, and now it will be gone. Just remember though, whatever it was, whatever I had for you, it was there. One thing I was always sure of, you were always there. So goodbye, oh fearless leader. Also, when you read the next part of the letter, dont kill him. He is only a sick minded boy, he didnt know what he was doing. Or maybe he did, either way, the next part is about you, Drake. Im writing this last part to you becuase you were the last person I saw, the last person I ever spoke to. You remember what you said to me? You said. "Go die." No pun intended right? Funny how these things work out. Now I know your not going to be too happy about what i'm going to say in the rest of this letter, but what do I care? Im not going to be around to deal with you now am I? First time I ever met you Drake, do you remember what you did? You didn't scare me, or try to kill me, or even try to scar my mind. You did what every guy does, you hit on me. Yes, Drake Merwin, crazy, insane sadistic, physchopath hit on me. Like any normal teenage guy right? But you aren't normal Drake, are you? Your the farthest thing from it. It was all a game after that. A game to get back at me. A psychotic mind game, that I played just as much as you did. It started out with you trying to freak me out with those damn bunnies. Now dont get me wrong, i'm not much of an animal person, but that was screwed up. Sick. You wanna know what he did? I doubt you do, but im going to tell you anyways. The truth always comes out anyways right? He killed them, skinned them, wrote my name on the wall in their blood, and layed them on my bed. Each body part dismembered, their organs spelling out "Sleep Tight." Fucked up right? In a way though, it was beautiful. God that sounds so screwed up. In alot of ways, i'm just like you Drake. Yes, I am sadistic. Not in a physical way, where I like blood and torturing people to death. But in a mental way, screwing with their emotions. Playing with their mind and feelings. Controling them, if you will. I loved it, I got a sick sense of power out of it. Even with you Drake. I mean it wasn't that hard, you are a teenage boy after all. A sick teenage boy, but still one with hormones. Is that why you hate women so much? Because I played you so bad? It was all a game though. Everything in this life is. Wheather it was with my father, or Caine, or anyone I came in contact really, it was a game. A game to see who fell the hardest, who believed the most. I loved it. Because I always won. Until the very end, until now. I can't play anymore, I've lost at my own game. But that's okay, because in a sick sense of way, I also won. This is the complete and utter end for me, but it's also the end for some of you. You believed me, and that was all it took. That simple belief in your head, that what your believing is true. Truth, so many different was things can be true. What you believe, and what I believe can be two complete different things, but they can both be true. Everything in your life is based on what you believe to be true. Be careful though, because truth can be the biggest lie of them all.
Love, Diana