For one of the rare moments of Wash's life, he's finally gets to have a day with no bullets firing at him, no soldiers arresting him, and no crazy AI taking over someone and destroying shit.

It felt like forever since the last time that it was midday and Wash wasn't even in armor. After all, the Reds and Blues found out their little war was just training (Wash is pretty sure that Sarge is still coping) and he's starting to get used to Valhalla.

Everything felt peaceful.

"Wasthingtub!"

Never mind.

Looking up from his book, Wash sighed, "What is it Caboose?"

"Tucker and I need to talk to you. It is very important!" The taller blond announced, grabbing Wash's arm and nearly dragging him into the living room, leaving the book forgotten in the ex-Freelancer's room.

Settling on the couch, the blond looked up to Tucker and Caboose standing in front of him, "Okay, what's going on?"

"Wash, what's something that we have and you don't?" Tucker asked, gesturing to himself and Caboose then pointing at the new recruit.

"Informal training or no training at all."

"No, something nonmilitary related."

"Beats me."

Shaking his head with a look on his face that could be mistaken as disappointment, Tucker sat down next to Wash, resting a hand on his shoulder, "You don't have a theme song."

Blinking a bit, Wash remained confused by the stupidity of his new teammates, "What? A theme song. Really?"

"Yep," confirmed Caboose, taking the empty spot on Wash's left, "I have a really cool one, Tucker has a stupid, and Church's was about shapes."

"It was when Epsilon was in that sphere artifact," Tucker explained to Wash's growing confusion, "He was a real jackass when he was being praised by those aliens."

"I didn't like them," commented Caboose, "I was worshiping Church before it was cool!"

"Wait, are you telling me," Wash started with disbelief, "That I need a theme song to be on Blue Team?"

"It's to make you seem cooler," Tucker answered.

"Yeah," Was said in an annoyed tone, "I don't sing."

"Oh don't say that Washington," Caboose replied happily then abruptly stood up, glee and excited exposed in his eyes, "I know! We will sing our songs! And you will be so inspired by our voices!"

"You're kidding right?"

"He wasn't kidding," Tucker thought out loud as Simmons activated the hologram room of Red Base.

"Alright Blues," Sarge huffed, "I'll allowing you access to Red Base only if I sing my song."

"Even you guys have theme songs?" Wash cried out.

"No just Sarge and Donut," Grif explained, "Making and singing a song is too much work and Simmons' will just screw up and make it nerdy."

"That's not true!" pouted Simmons, setting the room to project a concert stage.

Donut then cheerfully said, "I should sing my song too! You all know how I love it when there's a big, solid mic near my face!"

"No!" The other Reds yelled as the two Blues tried to ignore the pink soldier.

Hopping on the stage, Caboose grinned and held the microphone and began singing,

"Remember that time I saved your life, you were happy I could tell.
You said something about how I was smart and I make your life a living heaven."

Wash's face displayed confusion and was about to comment when Tucker interrupted, "It gets worse."

"We do everything together like hide and don't seek; your favorite game. But I am so glad that we found each other and I know you feel the identical way as me." Caboose closed his eyes and smiled, "Church, I'm your best friend, that's what I am to you. And we'll be together till the part where it's over, because we're brothers and not red, brothers and not red."

"This is kind of sad," Wash muttered as the song continued.

Sarge nodded in agreement, "Yes, Caboose's loyalty has to be his strongest quality, besides stupidness."

"Because we're such a great team when we're together like chocolate and peanut candy!"

"Chocolate and peanut candy," Grif repeated thoughtfully.

Rolling his eyes, Simmons grumbled as the chorus repeated, "Of course that's what you say about the song."

"And Church we'll weather that storm together and I'll be by your side. You don't have to worry because Tucker is stupid," the teal soldier glared at his snickering commander, "Stupid. You don't have to worry because Tucker did it, Tucker did it."

"Stop being a dick," Tucker punched Wash's arm but didn't stop the man from smirking.

"Church, I am your best friend! Do not listen to Tucker! This song is not creepy, not creepy at all. And Church you don't have to worry because Tucker is stupid! We'll weather that storm, Tucker's storm, there's no storm that Tucker can make that we can't snuggle together!"

"Okay, I had enough," Sarge announced as he walked on stage and ripped the microphone from Caboose, shoving him off the edge, "Simmons, give me a fat beat!"

The voice command of Simmons 2.0 activated and played a fat beat.

"I got the Blues in a headlock, I got the Blues in my shotgun's sight. I got the Blues, they can't get away. Gonna make those Blues say the last goodnight!"

"Does he still believe in the Red and Blue war?" Wash asked.

"Probably not as much as back then with you telling him everything was a lie," Donut concluded.

Sighing, Grif whined, "Man he basically lost it when I told him the news, he even tried to build a new Red Base out of trash!"

"He just had his entire military life broken," Simmons defended.

"Dude, it was a pretty sad sight," commented Tucker.

Caboose piped in, "He made a really nice speech too. I enjoyed it a lot."

"Hop in the jeep, put the pedals to the metal. Have it tearing through the canyon while I'm yelling like rebel. We may not have a tank but you can take it to the bank. I'm the soldier of most bolder, I got the highest rank. And I intend to use it, I hereby order you to boogie," no dared to dance aside from Donut who began swaying his hips, "Not you Donut. No one wants to see that."

The pink soldier stopped and pouted, "Ah come on!"

"I got the Blues right where I want them. I got the Blues but I got Grif too," Grif just rolled his eyes, "I got the Blues stuck in this canyon so long and sometimes I don't know what to do. Oh wait, yes I do, shoot them! Blues, you just got Sarged!"

Simmons and Donut was the only ones clapping as Sarge got off the stage and Tucker grabbed the mic, "Simmons, any chance you can get holographic girls?"

"You want Carolina or Tex?"

"Never mind!" Tucker said quickly, "I am not taking any chance with either of them, hologram or not!" The music started and Tucker had his flirting smirk on, "Everybody knows about Tucker. They say I'm a bad motherfucker. I could spend every day thinking about chicks, think about Tootsie Roll Pops, how many licks."

"Oh god," Wash groaned and face palmed, "I should have known this would be his theme song would be about girls and sex,"

"I'm so alone out in this canyon. Not one single girl out in his canyon or anything rhyming with canyon. So come and see if you need a new man-yon!"

"There's bound to be something that rhymes with canyon," Simmons mused.

"Really, like orange?" Grif rhetorically asked.

"Peanut candy," Caboose repeated.

"When I see the ladies I say bow chicka bow wow! When the ladies see me they say bow chicka bow wow. Cause they know I treat them right, bow chicka bow wow. When I think about you I say bow chicka wow wow wow. Cause I know you're out of sight!"

"Does this song even seduce people?" Wash muttered.

"Wash, this is us we're talking about," Grif countered, "Obviously we're gonna sing stupid shit."

"The most surprising thing would be us singing well in the first place," commented Simmons as Tucker started rapping in third person.

"Guess whose back in the house again. Tuck called me up, said he needed a friend, to play his wing and so my thing. Jump on the track make the ladies sing. Bow. All for Tuck, that boy's the truth, and the king in the booth. Doctor Ruth ain't touching Tuck, cause the ladies know he's doctor fuck! Bow chicka bow wow"

"It's almost over right?" Wash asked removing his hand from his forehead.

"Cause I know you're out of sight!" Tucker still had a smirk as he walked back to Wash, "So, are you inspired yet?"

"Not even close."

"Oh, it's my turn!" Donut dashed up to the stage

The music began before the Reds yelled, "NO!"

"Let me blow you away! You won't believe your eyes and ears today! You are in for a surprise when you look into my eyes. You won't be able to deny my gaze!"

Tucker and Wash's eyes were wide open, in shock at the blonde's voice as Wash questioned, "Your what?"

"Come on," Donut said cheerfully, "You can't deny my deep, penetrating eye contact, my gaze!"

The two Blues glanced uncomfortably at each other and Tucker hesitantly said, "Bow chicka bow wow?"

"He does have nice eyes," Caboose pointed out.

Donut continued his singing as Sarge uneasily said, "Yeah, it's best to ignore him when he talks like that."

"Let me start with this inquiry, which I've recorded in my diary, I've got a secret thing I want to say. What's worse than a conundrum or a cheerleader threesome?"

"Bow chicka bow wow!"

"Not taking the time to enjoy life each day. You see the fun will never cease, as long as we've got elbow grease. There's really nothing to it, when you're using headlight fluid!"

"Um, headlight fluid?" commented Wash.

"Dude," Grif shook his head, "Just don't ask."

"I caught the fever for hot fun and I'm recruiting everyone. You know this army needs a little style. Hold my ankles, dress my hammies, I hope you like double whammies, cause I'm gonna dance and sing until you smile. Some soldiers only work or nap, while I ride in shotgun's lap. The solution is simple, I'll fill them up with my potential!"

"Donut please!" Simmons pleaded, "Enough of the double entendres!"

His pled was ignored as the pink solder continued singing the rest of the song while the Reds and Wash were grimacing, Tucker was saying his catch phase whenever the felt was right, and Caboose was nodding his head to the music.

"Let me blow you away. I'm on my knee just to have a chance today. If you see me winking, it's because we are both thinking, this light-ish red armor looks so garish!"

"Um," Wash blinked in confusion, "What did you just call your armor?"

"Garish," Donut chirped, "It means totally lacking in good taste."

"Like this song," Simmons bluntly said.

"For the millionth time, Donut!" Grif yelled "Your armor is clearly pink!"

"It's light-ish red!"

Sarge sighed, "Why won't he just admit it?"

"Yeah, you're not fooling anyone, Donut," agreed Simmons.

"Um are we still talking about his armor color?" questioned Tucker, "Or something else?"

"Enough talk you guys!" Donut declared, "It's time for some action!"

"NO!" the Reds yelled as the pink solder sang the final chorus.

"So let me blow you, blow you all! One by one, individually, or in a group! Blow you away!" Holographic fireworks exploded the Reds' and Blues' heads.

The Blue commander looked at Tucker, "I am not having a theme song."

"This is the stupidest idea ever."

"What? No 'of all time'?"

"I'm saving that for the future," Wash rubbed his temple and tapped the mic, "This is still a stupid idea. And where the hell did you find a guitar?"

Tucker strummed a few chords and shrugged, "Well I thought about how I found my sword in a hole so I looked around the ship."

"Do you even know how to play it?"

"A lot of girls love guitarist, finger skills and all."

"Of course that's your reason."

"Wash, stop stalling and sing. The sooner we finish the sooner that voice of yours is playing throughout the radio stations."

"Can't we just say that we need help?"

"Songs are way catchier."

Wash hesitantly tapped the mic, "For the record, this is not my theme song, this is for our situation."

"Duly noted, now sing."

Frowning, Wash pressed the record button of the radio system and began singing, "We've been here so long. Still I remember a rainy September, contact. Two-Four-One-Ten, Two-Four-One-Ten. Am I transmitting, is anyone listening? Contact.

Two-Four-One-Ten, Two-Four-One-Ten. Am I still willing to foot all this billing? Contact.
We are green and grey. The longness of semper, still I remember. Contact.
Two-Four-One-Ten, Two-Four-One-Ten. Am I transmitting, is anyone listening? Contact.

Riding on our shining metal horses; singing a rider's song. One of us won't be forgotten, the other one's wrong.
Two-Four-One-Ten, Two-Four-One-Ten. Am I still willing to foot all this billing? Contact.

When I think of you, your name's in the sky, ninety feet high. Contact.
riding on our shining metal horses; singing a rider's song. One of us won't be forgotten, the other one's wrong.

Thanks for reading!