Edward Elric hated the indoors at headquarters. They always smelled of cigarettes and, for some reason, melon. His automail clunked as he approached the door, stamping his feet on a mission. This time, he would say it. And damn the consequences.
Lt. Hawkeye peeked around a corner, "Something you need Edw-"
"No time!" Ed pushed her head back behind the doorway, and came to his destination: the commandant's office.
Bursting through the big wooden doors, Edward stormed in, seeing Col. Roy Mustang, chin resting in a hand as he looked over paperwork, barely lifting his eyes, "Oh, Fullmetal, I didn't call you, did I?"
Ed slammed his hands on the table, "This is important!"
Rolling his eyes, Roy put the briefings down and folded his arms, leaning back in his chair, "It's always important."
"Well, uh, you see," Ed rubbed the back of his head, starting to second guess himself.
Roy stood up and walked around his desk, "Out with it, already, Fullmetal."
"Well," Edward tried again, "You know how sometimes...on the job...you get a...well...what do they call 'sexual tension', I guess?"
Roy sat on his desk, leaning closer and smiling, "Yes?"
"Well, uh, the truth is," Ed closed his eyes, and shoved his face towards Roy's with his lips puckered-
To be greeted by the colonel's palm smothering his face and holding him at bay.
"Sorry, Edward," he said, holding his other hand parallel to the floor about six inches over Edward's head, "You must be this tall to ride the Mustang."