Confusion. The first emotion that filled his haze-clouded mind just made it worse. He did not remember where he was, and for a moment, the built man did not even know who he was. Hazel eyes blinked, but it was bright, excessively bright to be normal. What was normal anyways? The haze was starting to thin out in his mind, and Derek began to remember. He was Derek Hale, previous alpha, present dead werewolf. Dead. That did not make sense; if he did, he should not be seeing anything. He should not be aware. Hang on, the thought crossed his mind and he looked around the dense wooded area he was standing in, how the fuck did, he die? If he was dead how did he ended up in these green colored woods? Panic was settling in his chest and his body turned three hundred and sixty degrees while he tried to figure out what the hell was going on. He was not going to succumb to whatever devilment was going on, he was stronger than this, and he had been through worse than this.

"Derek…" A strong but soft voice filled his ears and it was familiar. He just could not place it. Looking around frantically a growl building in his chest his eyes tried to pick out details. He was out in the open, what if this was a hallucination caused by hunters, or Peter? "Come to us Derek…" The voice was there again and his chest tightened, it was in that moment he realized he was breathing, his heart was beating, but it did not make any sense. Closing his eyes he counted to himself, he needed to calm down and not succumb to his panic. His body relaxing to its normal calculating state he examined his surroundings again recognizing them finally. This is what the wooded area around his home use to look like, but yesterday it was dark and foreboding. His feet acted of their own will and started to carry him in the direction his chest was telling him he needed to go. Derek was uneasy, something was not right he felt it in his gut.

That unsure feeling only doubled when he saw his home, it was not burnt. It was fine, like nothing had happened. He stood in shock, but that only doubled when he saw kids running around, adults talking and laughing. He recognized every single face, his family was right there. It hit him all at once his eyes widening his back collapsing against the nearest tree; his chest was hurting from how hard his heart was pounding against his chest. He could not think, he could not breathe, and he could not do anything but stare. They were all dead, how were they there? How was he seeing them? What the hell was happening? Nothing was making any sense to him at this point. As soon as he had seen them all, the bodies stopped moving and all eyes were on him. Finding it hard to swallow he gulped staring at each face, their immobile bodies smiling at him. His eyes stopped and focused on one person, the only person moving towards him. Long brown hair, a pale yellow sundress on, and no shoes. This was how he remembered her, the last time he saw her, and this is how she was dressed.

His chest began to hurt even more, but a smile was just on her face. She looked so… strong, comforting, and understanding? She always knew what was in his head, wait how did she even know still? She was dead! "Derek, I know you're confused honey." Her soft words breaking through the panic of his mind he felt her hand rest against his cheek, and Derek's eyes instantly closed leaning against the familiar touch he had missed. "Mom…" Muttering just enough to be heard his eyes opened and he looked at her smiling face as she nodded and sucked in a breath. "What's going on? How is this possible?" The smile drained from her face some, but soon it was back and he knew instantly it was for his benefit. He could feel it in his bones, especially when she spoke her words laced with sadness. "You're dead Derek; Peter killed you for your status." He could hear the disappointment rumbling through the people at the house, but he knew he had done the same thing at one point.

"But… how? I still have a heartbeat, I am breathing, I am seeing… I can't be… dead this isn't real." Even though it hurt him to say, Derek snapped out of his weak daze and stood up straight growling dangerously. This was all a trick, and someone was going to pay for using his family. They had suffered enough! How dare they use them to get him in some way? Someone was going to pay dearly with their life, he would make sure of that. "Derek, it's the truth. Listen to me. Here we, well we have as much of a normal life as possible. Well undead lives, we all still have those lifelike symptoms to give us a sense of normalcy. You are dead, I am so sorry baby." Hearing the sadness but truth in her words the anger still was on his face before it just faded away to exhaustion. He should have known something like this would have happened. "I shouldn't have trusted him… I let him close, Deaton warned me, and I did not listen. I am always getting people killed, I guess it's fitting that this time it's me." His voice staying even and strong even if he did not feel it, Derek kept his head high and looked at his mother.

Her knowing smile was all that he received in return, it was kind of annoying but at the same time he loved it. He had missed how she always knew what he was doing, she was his saving grace when he was younger, and now she was here. "Derek, you have been through so much, but don't blame yourself. You did your best, just… you had trouble trusting, and decided to trust the wrong person for the first time" Feeling her hand on his cheek once more he couldn't stop himself from leaning into the touch again. His hands itched to hug her, but that was not him. He was not emotional. He could not let death change him, he could not become weak. The knowing glint in her eyes, and giggles from a small girl was the only warning Derek got before he felt a small body impact his leg. Stumbling back one-step he looked down seeing a small body of a 7-year-old girl. He remembered her, god did he ever she was in his dreams every night with the rest of his family. The tightness in his chest just constricted more, and the burning in his eyes got worse. "Vera…" His voice sounding raw even to his own ears he cleared his throat and straightened up tensely.

Reaching down he ruffled her hair some and shook his head. "Good to see ya runt…" Seeing her nose scrunch like she had smelled something bad, her body took a step back her hands going to her hips, one cocking out to the side looking like a mini diva. "I am not a runt!" Watching as she stomped her foot he tried not to smile, but could not stop the side of his lips from twitching upwards slightly. "Derek…" Looking up at his mother he sighed at the determined look she had in her eyes and lifted his hand dragged down his face. "This is real… there is no danger here Derek, you don't need to protect yourself. We are your family." The matter of fact tone of authority she had made him wince and remember that even in death, Talia Hale was an Alpha. Nodding his head he looked at her before his arms lifted half an inch then down again rubbing the sides of his jeans hesitantly. He didn't know how to let go, he spent so much time being guarded and fighting he didn't know how to react to having everything he could ever want in front of him. His family.

His apprehension was answered when his senses were suddenly assaulted by the sense of cherry blossoms, and fresh rain. Warm arms engulfed his body and his eyes closed taking a deep breath. Lifting his own arms he circled them around his mothers waist as she held him, he felt like a child again. For that moment wrapped in her arms, nothing bad had ever happened. He never got his family killed, he was never alone, and he never made the wrong choices getting people killed. He was just a kid being held by his mother. His tense shoulders sagging he let out a slow breath feeling his worries leaving him as her words wormed their way through his ear and into his heart. "You're home Derek, there's no pain here." Feeling nothing but relief, he held onto her tighter not believing for once that he was actually grateful for Peter. He had killed Derek and gave him what he always wanted; Family. Slowly pulling back from his mother a very rare smile crossed his face and he looked around realization finally sinking in. "This is all real?"

The looks of happiness that he saw on everyone's face was answer enough, so when he saw Vera, his youngest sister holding her arms up he didn't hesitate to pick her up allowing her to hug his neck tightly. Derek did not believe in heaven, he did not believe in hell, but one thing was for sure this was his paradise. Before the fire, Derek had a mother, father, and three sisters. He had been the only male, and lived in a house filled with his pack, his family. Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, best friends… all of them under one roof, and now he had them back. Laura was the oldest and had been his rock after the fire but before the fire, they had been normal siblings that fought and had moments of sibling love. His eyes scanned every face but he did not see her. Peter had killed her, she should be there, and he should be able to apologize for not leaving New York with her. He just could not face home at the time, where was Laura. Looking at his mother confused, he shook his head still being clung to by Vera. "Where is she? Where is Laura?" His voice rough from everything bearing down on him at once he sighed, he was not going to get an answer he realized. His mother just smiled and walked away.

Derek was the second child, he guessed that was a good thing but then came along Cora. She tried to mimic him a lot, it was probably how she came to act so much like him he realized. They were not incredibly close but she was his sister and he would have done anything for her. Then there was Vera, the young brunette that clung to him like he would disappear. He would never tell anyone, but she had always been his favorite. She idolized him. She never asked stupid questions, and she had been fully human. The only human Hale that came from his mother, but he had never held that against her. Derek had actually loved that she was human, and fought against everyone saying she should be bitten. He thought her humanity had been just as good a gift as the bite. He thought it would save her, how wrong he had been. She had been burned alive at only 7 years old. His chest tightening again in anguish he held onto his younger sister tighter muttering out for everyone to hear. "I am so sorry…" He would have taken every single one of their places in that fire if he could have. He caused their death.

The guilt began to eat at him because they were here welcoming him, but he had gotten them killed. Lifting his head the internal pain clearly evident on his face he realized he needed to face his demons, and with the people who suffered from them. "You all have to know... I… I am so sor…" He did not get the chance to finish because his sister's hand was suddenly covering his mouth. "Shush bubba, we know about that Kate evil lady. You did not do it… you were lonely, you were always lonely. We were there though, we always watched you" Seeing the proud look on her face he could not help but feel ashamed. He had done so much bad, and they had seen it. "How can any of you still look at me? How are you not ashamed of me?" It was his father who spoke this time, and it made Derek's back straighten. They had not always gotten along, he had always been really hard on Derek but in this moment he needed that side, he needed them to punish him. "Derek. Shut up son. What we saw, yes, you made many mistakes, but you owned up to them. You killed Peter, which you did for selfish reasons, but you tried to make up for it. We know you were building a surrogate family."

Looking at the hard expression on his father's face in disbelief, he shook his head. "How the hell can you all forgive me!? I got you killed!" Setting Vera down his hand went through his hair tugging at the dark strands in frustration. "I got people killed! How can you just stand there and act like I am not some stupid monster!?" Looking at each and every face he saw his cousin Maria just roll her eyes before she spoke up with every ounce of sarcasm he remembered her having. "Are you done with your tantrum princess? Derek we are family, even if sometimes I wonder if you are adopted or something. You mean a lot to this family, just as we do to you, and do not act like we don't. That big bad surly tough guy act doesn't work on us. Remember I use to have to wash that bubble butt of yours" The smirk that was on her face made him remember being small and getting dirty in mud puddles, which caused her to end up giving him a bath and making fun of his… manly bits. Unable to help when his face turned red he glowered at her scowling. "You are never going to let me live that down are you?"

When Maria just smirked, he knew he had his answer. "Considering you're dead? Nope!" Growling for a moment, Derek could not help the smile that came to his face despite the embarrassing situation. He had a family that cared enough to still tease him. That was how he knew this would suddenly be okay. The darkness that had been in his chest ever since the fire lifted, he had his family again. Taking a deep breath, he walked closer to the house returning all of the hugs that were given relishing in the familial feelings he was getting. He had his family, he was not alone, and he was not running. He did not have to guard himself. This was the best feeling in the world, and if he had known dying would get him here, he would have done it sooner. Taking a seat on the porch steps as everyone went back to what they had been doing previously; Derek could not wipe the smile off his face. He had an eternity to catch up with his family now. Leaning against his knees his arms hanging off the edge of his legs he looked up as feet stopped in front of him. Looking up and seeing Vera, he smirked at the devilish look she had in her eyes. She definitely got that from him.

"What do you want runt?" Hearing her tiny little human growl at that he tried not to laugh, he remembered teaching her how to growl properly and raised an eyebrow her whining tone making him want to laugh even more. "I am not a runt! Ugh… play with me bubba!" Smiling he stretched popping his back that seemed to be stiff and looked at her. "Alright... I guess this has been a long time coming, what do you want to play?" Looking at her his hazel eyes actually dancing with happiness of being able to talk to her again he raised an eyebrow. "Tea party." The smile falling he looked at her like she was crazy and shook his head. "Oh no… last time you tried to put make up on me. Not sure if you noticed, but this…" Pausing he made a circular motion to his face. "Is perfect without make up" Smirking he leaned back on the steps his elbows resting against the porch. "Meanie head! Pleeeeease Der Der? I will love you foreeeeeeeeeever!" Listening to her pleading tone and then seeing her puppy dog eyes he groaned his head falling back. "How the hell do those still work?" Hearing her cheer, and the adults laughing at him as she jumped around doing her happy dance, Derek honestly could not help but smile.

That was until he saw what looked like a dark swirling vortex that was growing by the second between trees. Everyone stopped to stare at it and get on the porch, and Derek could feel the fear grip his chest. "Mom… what is it?" Hesitant to ask he felt her hand on his shoulder and looked at her, all he saw was the complete devastation on her face. "Derek… we love you. No matter what happens, you have to know that, and this was not a dream. Please baby you have to take care of yourself. Do not do anything stupid, use your brain. You are so smart" Listening to her slowly understanding what was happening his eyes widened and he shook his head. "No! No! I don't want to go back! I can't! I just got you back please!" Begging to every single person there actually feeling like he was about to break down he could feel his body starting to be dragged towards the vortex and pain beginning to set in. "NO!" He would have done anything to stay, gripping the side of the porch he looked at his mother in desperation. Going back meant he had to be alone; he would have to deal with pain, fear, uncertainty. There was nothing good back there.

"Mom! Please! Don't make me go!" Looking at her pleading, begging even for the help he knew in his gut that she could not give him, he could see the tears in her eyes that never fell. "Be strong Derek, you are a Hale." Taking in their every feature, his hand lost grip on the railing as the pull to the vortex became stronger. The only thing he knew was that he was suddenly flying backwards away from his family, and his hands were frantically grasping towards them. A family was all he had ever wanted since the fire, and now that he had it, it was being ripped away from him. "NO!" Screaming just as he was engulfed in a deep blackness, a pain spread across his chest and he was suddenly gasping for air like he was a fish flopping around on the deck. His eyes flashing open, a cold steel blue, he saw he was surrounded back dirt. He could taste it as it flooded his mouth, and blinded his eyes. Coughing violently his entire body feeling like it had been crushed his hands clawed at the dirt as he tried to get away from the pressure, the pain. He needed to get back to his family. He was still there, he had to be. He was desperate to know he was still with his family.

His fingers feeling air suddenly, his body shot up from the depths of the dirt as he gasped for air, his lungs filling with air for what felt like the first time in months. They ached and burned; his body stretched and come to terms with being in use again. He was in denial still, he was still with his family in his mind, and he was not back. He just continued to repeat that to himself. His dirty hands wiping his eyes he blinked seeing only blurry and foggy images. It was dark and brown, not the vibrant and bright he had just been in. As his vision began to clear, he slowly allowed himself to look around and he noticed he was in front of his home. The real one, the burnt one. Pulling himself out of the hole slowly he found himself on his hands and knees as he coughed up the dirt that had filled his mouth. He had been in paradise, what happened? Why was he back here? Lifting his head hearing heartbeats he looked over to see Lydia. They brought him back.

Unable to help it feeling the desperation to go back, to be with his family that was for the second time ripped from his grasp, Derek let out a loud howl of anguish and depression that wrecked his entire body, shaking the rotted wood of his home. His hands tightened around clumps of wet and dead leaves beneath him, his body falling from his position on his hands and knees to his stomach. He had never felt so weak in his life. He knew from when Peter came back he was nowhere near his normal strength, being brought back had a price and he would be weak for a while. That was all he needed to be added to this mess. Lifting his head slowly ignoring any words that came from those to his side a few feet away his eyes focused in on the porch. He could see in his mind it being perfect, filled with his family welcoming him, but it faded away. It turned back into the rotted mess that it was, just burnt and wrecked. Just like him. The depression that had set in fast was suddenly gone. He felt pure anger, and hatred. Hatred at Peter for killing him and giving him that small spark of hope for it to be ripped away. Anger at those who had brought him back, hatred at himself for allowing himself to be weak.

Growling warningly at anyone who would dare to come near him at this very moment he slowly pushed himself up, his muscles making him fall once more. His fist punching a hole in the ground his eyes suddenly the cold blue that they had been since his high school days he growled again. He would not be caught off guard again. He would stop whatever Peter had planned. He would kill him for good, and if anyone brought him back, he would kill them. He would not accept help, he would do this alone, and once Peter was dead, he would accept his own death to go home. With his own family. Resolute in his decision now, Derek slowly got to his feet the clothes he had been wearing during his death clinging to him with the wet earth. Clenching his jaw, his entire body tense and ready to strike despite being weak his eyes looked towards the heartbeats that still lingered his claws sliding out. He would never forgive them for this, he was done being helpful, he was ready to take on anyone who dared to test him now. Weak or not, he was tired of having good things ripped from his life. If he was honest with himself, he was just hurting, but he would not allow himself to feel that hurt. Not this time. This was a new Derek Hale, one that did not care if he lived or died.