Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. However I do own the poem.
Blood Flows By: Dead Inside
Blood flows like a spring from my heart,
like a river from my veins.
It flows and goes onward and outward.
Where does it go- I do not know.
Nor do I care- for it is leaving me
and that is all I ask for.
Do not weep. Don't be sad.
It was my choice and I made it.
I know you will cry, I know you will morn,
but in the end you will forget and move on.
You all have someone to care for,
some to love who loves you more than words can tell.
But I have no one-
and don't care to burded you anymore.
So farewell good friends, I did love you
and I know you loved me.
But it was not enough-
it was not what I needed.
It's not your fault so please don't blame
just move on and forget.
Farewell and goodbye.
You all meant so much to me,
but now I'm off- to where ever the next part of life takes me.
I will always remember you with love.
I wish you all the best
love and tenderness.
I hope your days will be merry and bright
and that you have someone to hold at night.
Goodbye my friends.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
He laid there contemplating his blood flowing across the floor. He smiled. It was actually very beautiful. It swirled and whorled around creating intricate little patterns. ~How ironic.~ He snorted. ~A life that had no direction, no course, nothing stable and yet as it ends, it creates that which it lacked.~ His eyes followed the path and saw that it founds its end against the bathtub. He snorted again. ~Figures. Though it has the illusion of a path, it just leads to a big pool of nothingness- just like my life. Oh the irony.~ His eyes were feeling very heavy and he laid his head back down on the floor. ~I hope it's not too much of a mess to clean up.~ He chuckled silently at the inane thought. His eyes were slowly drifting closed. ~Hmm it's not cold anymore. Good.~ He smiled and then his whole body went limp and lifeless.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The sky is dark and stormy, threatening rain that does not fall. The air is heavy and terribly silent. Many people are standing around a single grave high on a lonely hill. The preacher is situated under the one lone tree that stands a silent sentinel behind the grave marker. As he finishes his final prayer the people walk quietly away, some crying and others just respectfully somber. Four alone still stand at the foot of the grave. They silently look on and try to understand and cope with their thoughts.
Quatre begins to weep quietly and is quickly gathered into Trowa's strong arms. Duo and Heero stand side by side, shoulders scarcely touching, each one silently contemplating, alone inside their heads. Suddenly Duo breaks into giant sobs and falls to his knees. "It's my fault! I should have known something was wrong!" He buries his head in his hands and his shoulders shake as pain and grief reel through his body. Heero looks on somewhat baffled by his koi's words. He puts a strong comforting hand on Duo's shoulder. But Duo, refusing to be consoled, shakily stands to continue his rant. "I knew he was unhappy. I knew that he felt lonely. I-I just..." He sobs broke through again. Heero leans towards him and pulls the distraught boy to his side holding him fast with his powerful arm and trying to brush the tears away with his free hand. For a moment Duo calms, but then the pain stabs his heart with renewed force. "Why couldn't I just listen to him? Why did all of our conversations have revolve around me?!" As he bitterly wept memories of his friend reaching out to him surfaced in his mind. ~"Duo I need..." "Oh! you just will not believe what happened..."~ Conversation after conversation surfaced in his pain filled mind. ~"Hey 'Fei how's it goin'?" "Actually..." "Guess who called today!..."~ There were too many times to count. Duo buried his head in Heero's shoulder and wept harder.
To his left Quatre attempted to speak through his tears. "I just don't understand. I tried so hard to be there for him. I even offered to let him move into the house with us. I tried...but... I just don't understand." His speech broke off as he wept into Trowa's indomitable shoulder. The taller boy just looked on the scene with an occasional tear threading it's way down his cheek. Duo took up where Quatre left off. "I was his best friend! Why didn't he come to me?! Why did he...!? I was alwa..." Memory upon memory flashed into his mind. Messages left on the answering machine because no one was home. E-mails that went unanswered. Calls that were never returned. Trips that were cancelled last minute. Meetings that were forgotten. Duo sobs grew louder with each memory of how he had failed his friend. His body shook so hard with grief that Heero had to support him.
Long after the sun had set they stood there, until it began to mist heavily. It just seemed wrong to leave. Finally Trowa broke the silence. "We need to go before it starts raining." He looked up and saw the pain and resentment in Duo's eyes. "We will never forget him Duo, but it will do him nor us any good to stand here forever." Heero silently agreed and lead his beloved down the hill towards the car. Duo moved as if in a trance, no longer caring what was happening to him. Trowa placed an arm around his little one's shoulder and tried to turn him away. Quatre didn't move but instead looked into the face of his love. "I just don't understand. I guess I never understood him, but I tried! I tried to always be there for him!" The tears returned and Quatre pushed his face into Trowa's chest. Trowa gently stroked his hair. "You were there for him Quatre. You tried your best and that's all that counts. He understood that you have obligations and responsibilities. A large company does not run itself, we all know that." With that said Trowa scooped up his Heart and carried him to the car where the others were waiting.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
As they left each one reflected on their lives and their memories of Wufei. They all greaved in their own way and as time marched on each one learned to let go and to live again. No one ever forgot their friend and they kept the good memories locked safely inside their hearts. But ever the question remained- Why?
Fin.
I wrote this in a fit of depression and anger at my two friends. Forgive the angst. Reviews would be appreciated.
Blood Flows By: Dead Inside
Blood flows like a spring from my heart,
like a river from my veins.
It flows and goes onward and outward.
Where does it go- I do not know.
Nor do I care- for it is leaving me
and that is all I ask for.
Do not weep. Don't be sad.
It was my choice and I made it.
I know you will cry, I know you will morn,
but in the end you will forget and move on.
You all have someone to care for,
some to love who loves you more than words can tell.
But I have no one-
and don't care to burded you anymore.
So farewell good friends, I did love you
and I know you loved me.
But it was not enough-
it was not what I needed.
It's not your fault so please don't blame
just move on and forget.
Farewell and goodbye.
You all meant so much to me,
but now I'm off- to where ever the next part of life takes me.
I will always remember you with love.
I wish you all the best
love and tenderness.
I hope your days will be merry and bright
and that you have someone to hold at night.
Goodbye my friends.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
He laid there contemplating his blood flowing across the floor. He smiled. It was actually very beautiful. It swirled and whorled around creating intricate little patterns. ~How ironic.~ He snorted. ~A life that had no direction, no course, nothing stable and yet as it ends, it creates that which it lacked.~ His eyes followed the path and saw that it founds its end against the bathtub. He snorted again. ~Figures. Though it has the illusion of a path, it just leads to a big pool of nothingness- just like my life. Oh the irony.~ His eyes were feeling very heavy and he laid his head back down on the floor. ~I hope it's not too much of a mess to clean up.~ He chuckled silently at the inane thought. His eyes were slowly drifting closed. ~Hmm it's not cold anymore. Good.~ He smiled and then his whole body went limp and lifeless.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The sky is dark and stormy, threatening rain that does not fall. The air is heavy and terribly silent. Many people are standing around a single grave high on a lonely hill. The preacher is situated under the one lone tree that stands a silent sentinel behind the grave marker. As he finishes his final prayer the people walk quietly away, some crying and others just respectfully somber. Four alone still stand at the foot of the grave. They silently look on and try to understand and cope with their thoughts.
Quatre begins to weep quietly and is quickly gathered into Trowa's strong arms. Duo and Heero stand side by side, shoulders scarcely touching, each one silently contemplating, alone inside their heads. Suddenly Duo breaks into giant sobs and falls to his knees. "It's my fault! I should have known something was wrong!" He buries his head in his hands and his shoulders shake as pain and grief reel through his body. Heero looks on somewhat baffled by his koi's words. He puts a strong comforting hand on Duo's shoulder. But Duo, refusing to be consoled, shakily stands to continue his rant. "I knew he was unhappy. I knew that he felt lonely. I-I just..." He sobs broke through again. Heero leans towards him and pulls the distraught boy to his side holding him fast with his powerful arm and trying to brush the tears away with his free hand. For a moment Duo calms, but then the pain stabs his heart with renewed force. "Why couldn't I just listen to him? Why did all of our conversations have revolve around me?!" As he bitterly wept memories of his friend reaching out to him surfaced in his mind. ~"Duo I need..." "Oh! you just will not believe what happened..."~ Conversation after conversation surfaced in his pain filled mind. ~"Hey 'Fei how's it goin'?" "Actually..." "Guess who called today!..."~ There were too many times to count. Duo buried his head in Heero's shoulder and wept harder.
To his left Quatre attempted to speak through his tears. "I just don't understand. I tried so hard to be there for him. I even offered to let him move into the house with us. I tried...but... I just don't understand." His speech broke off as he wept into Trowa's indomitable shoulder. The taller boy just looked on the scene with an occasional tear threading it's way down his cheek. Duo took up where Quatre left off. "I was his best friend! Why didn't he come to me?! Why did he...!? I was alwa..." Memory upon memory flashed into his mind. Messages left on the answering machine because no one was home. E-mails that went unanswered. Calls that were never returned. Trips that were cancelled last minute. Meetings that were forgotten. Duo sobs grew louder with each memory of how he had failed his friend. His body shook so hard with grief that Heero had to support him.
Long after the sun had set they stood there, until it began to mist heavily. It just seemed wrong to leave. Finally Trowa broke the silence. "We need to go before it starts raining." He looked up and saw the pain and resentment in Duo's eyes. "We will never forget him Duo, but it will do him nor us any good to stand here forever." Heero silently agreed and lead his beloved down the hill towards the car. Duo moved as if in a trance, no longer caring what was happening to him. Trowa placed an arm around his little one's shoulder and tried to turn him away. Quatre didn't move but instead looked into the face of his love. "I just don't understand. I guess I never understood him, but I tried! I tried to always be there for him!" The tears returned and Quatre pushed his face into Trowa's chest. Trowa gently stroked his hair. "You were there for him Quatre. You tried your best and that's all that counts. He understood that you have obligations and responsibilities. A large company does not run itself, we all know that." With that said Trowa scooped up his Heart and carried him to the car where the others were waiting.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
As they left each one reflected on their lives and their memories of Wufei. They all greaved in their own way and as time marched on each one learned to let go and to live again. No one ever forgot their friend and they kept the good memories locked safely inside their hearts. But ever the question remained- Why?
Fin.
I wrote this in a fit of depression and anger at my two friends. Forgive the angst. Reviews would be appreciated.