I walk down the hall briskly; a stack of papers in hand. Even though it's late, the base is a flurry. All of the Scouts are on edge due to the upcoming expedition beyond the walls. The mission starts in three days so everyone's trying to keep their minds off of it. Which is understandable, it's not easy to be around all your friends and only be able to think about how many of them are going to die on this mission. I stop in the mess hall doorway and look in to see everyone playing poker. Eren and Jean seem to be in an argument over something as usual, Mikasa pretends to pay no attention but anyone who knows Mikasa is aware that she is keeping an eye on the situation in case it gets violent. Sasha and Connie are goofing around with each other while Armin, Christa and Ymir seem to be trying to ignore the situation. I can't help but let a smile escape. Despite everything, these guys seem only seem interested in making the time they have together count.
"Hanji," Armin calls out to me, "Is the briefing over?"
Yup," I say, "For today at least. Is Levi around?"
"Haven't seen him since dinner," Eren puts in, "We figured he went to the meeting."
"He wasn't there," I tell them, "Irvin didn't seem bothered by it, he just asked me to bring Levi a copy of the command plans. I should probably go look for him."
"Good luck with that," Eren says as I leave. I get halfway down the hall when I hear a small voice behind me.
"Hanji wait!"
I turn to see Christa had followed me out.
"What is it?" I ask her.
"I'm sorry for waiting to tell you, I just didn't want to say this in front of the others," she explains, "But Levi seemed really upset at dinner."
"Oh?" I say, slightly shocked. It's not like Levi to show emotion of any kind.
"Yeah, I mean, he was fine at first but Eren and Armin got into a conversation about the preparations for the upcoming expedition and he got really pale. He left after dinner and no one's seen him since."
"Thank you Christa," I tell her, "I'll keep that in mind."
"Your welcome. Well, good luck finding Levi."
Christa turns around and goes back to the mess hall. I start to head towards Levi's room; thats where he most likely disappeared to. When we returned from our last mission he locked himself in there for almost four days. He wanted nothing to do with anyone when his squad died; probably because it nearly killed him. Although most of the soldiers don't think Levi feels much of anything anymore me, Irvin and Mike have been around him long enough to know when something's bothering him. As worried as we were, we thought it was best to give him his space. It was clear he wanted to be alone and forcing Levi to talk about it would've just annoyed him.
I reach Levi's room and knock on the closed door.
"Levi?" I say quietly.
"What," he snaps through the door. Yeah, something's definitely eating at him.
"I have the strategy for the expedition for you," I tell him, "Irvin asked me to bring it to you."
The door opens and I see Levi holding a half empty bottle of sake.
"Come in," he says, turning away from the door quickly.
I enter his room and look around. This is the first time Levi's let me, actually I'm pretty sure this is the first time Levi's let anyone in his room. There's a bed against the wall, as well a table in the center of the room, a cupboard and a desk next to a window. Not very glamorous, but he seems fine with what he's got. Levi sits down at the table and takes a long drink out of the bottle in his hand.
"How much have you had to drink tonight Levi?" I ask in concern.
"Just this," he responds, holding up the half empty bottle, "Got to take it easy, what with the mission in a few days."
"Oh, ok," I say, relieved that he wasn't completely hammered.
"You can just set the plans on the desk," he tells me, "I'll look at them later."
I do as he asks and can't help but see four Scout Regiment emblems on the desk; one for each of his squad members.
"Do you want to stay for a drink?" he asks before I get the chance to ask about it.
"Sure," I respond, moving away from the desk. Levi goes to the cupboard and takes out a small glass as I approach the table. I sit down as Levi pours a glass out of the bottle he has and hands it to me. I take a drink as Levi sits down. It's weirdly silent for what seems like an eternity; the image of those emblems on the desk still nagging at the back of my mind.
"Levi," I say softly, "Are you ok?"
"What?" he asks in shock of what I just asked.
"Are you ok?" I reiterate, "If something's bothering you, you can tell me."
Levi takes a deep breath, "You saw the emblems, didn't you?"
"Yeah," I tell him, "And after what happened to your squad on our last mission, if you need someone to talk to, I'm here."
He says nothing in response, just takes another sip of sake and I look down at my drink.
"Do you blame yourself," I ask him.
"I should've been with them," he tells me. "I should've been by their side. I knew that titan would go after Eren."
"You had your orders, if you stayed you just would've gotten in trouble later. Besides there's no guarantee they would've survived. I could have at least fought to save them, but no. It was just a complete slaughter. Erd, Gunter, Auruo."
"Petra," I say, and he looks away.
"Especially Petra, I should've been there to protect her."
"You loved her, didn't you?"
"Not in the way you think. She was the closest thing to a daughter I had; that I'll ever have."
"That's not true, as humanity's strongest soldier I'm sure that you have a line of suitors halfway across the city."
"I can't marry, it wouldn't be fair to the woman I end up with if I ended up dead. And with the Scout Regiment's mortality rates as they are, I can't leave a family behind with no one to provide for them."
"I understand completely."
"What!?" Levi says, almost in shock.
"When I'm not beyond the walls, I'm completely immersed in my research. I'd never see my family and I wouldn't want to leave them if something happened to them."
"I guess we're on the same page then."
A moment of silence passes, I take another sip of my drink unsure of what to say next. I set my glass on the table and feel a gentle caress on my right cheek. I move my gaze from the table to see Levi's face just a few inches from my own.
"Levi," I manage to say before he presses his lips against mine. He kisses me gently as I feel his tongue explore my mouth. This is weird, I catch myself thinking. Levi's never tried anything like this before, but whats even stranger to me is that I like it. Alot. A warm wetness pools between my legs and I shift closer to Levi. He breaks our kiss and I look at him in a daze.
"Sorry about that," he tells me, "I don't know what came over me."
"It's ok," I assure him, "It was nice."
"You know," I say, "Since there's no guarantee that either of us are going to make it back from the expedition, we could just live for tonight."
"Live for tonight," Levi muses, trying to figure out what I mean, "You mean-"
"Yes," I say cutting him off, "Since neither of us have a significant other, or even plan to have one. It could be nice if, just for tonight, we could pretend we do."
Levi gets quiet for a minute, just when I'm sure he's gonna say no, he kisses me again. This kiss isn't like the last one, it's more powerful than the one from before. Filled with desire, lust. His tongue sweeps against mine and explores my mouth, his hand travels up from my waist over my ribs and onto my breast. I make no effort to stop him; it's been so long since I've been with someone that I've almost forgotten what it's like. Levi picks me up as if I'm nothing; despite me being much taller and, I'm assuming heavier than him.
He carries me to the bed and lays me down on it. We make quick work of getting all the belts off of each other. While tedious and annoying to put on and remove, the multiple belts and straps are necessary in maintaining balance when using the 3DMG. Levi unbuttons my shirt and tugs it off; discarding it onto the floor. His gaze falls over my chest and I feel heat rise in my face. Even though I still have a bra on it's been a long time since I've been this exposed to someone.
"You ok?" he asks.
"Yeah," I tell him, "It's just been a while."
"Same here," he says before he presses his lips against my neck. I let a little gasp escape at the action and Levi leaves a trail of kisses down my neck and over my collarbone; his hands lightly massaging my breasts. He kisses the top of the valley between my breasts and moves his hands behind my back to unclasp my bra. The fabric loosens and I feel Levi pulls it off of me.
"You've got nice breasts," he says, "I never noticed before."
"Thanks," I say, my face burning.
"Do you bind them when we're on the field?"
"Yeah, otherwise they get in the way."
Levi takes my left breast in his mouth; circling my nipple with his tongue. A moan escapes as he teases me; his right hand finds my right breast and massages it. He soon grows bored with my breasts and kisses over my stomach as he fumbles with my pants. Levi soon pulls off my pants and my underwear with them; leaving me completely exposed to him.
He runs his tongue over my clit in a teasing motion and a wave of pleasure shoots through me.
"Mmmmph," I gasp out. Levi takes me in mouth and sucks a bit before letting me fall out.
"Ahh!" I cry out, as he continues to suck, lick and tease me. As he toys with my clit I feel a finger enter me.
"Levi," I moan out as he continues to lick my clit in circular motions; he adds another finger and moves them in and out of me. My body goes hot all over as pleasure overtakes me. I pant and moan and beg Levi for more. Just as I start to think I can't take it anymore; Levi stops. A little annoyed that he teased me so much and offered no release I can't help but pout a little.
"Don't look at me like that," he tells me, "We don't want the fun to end too early."
Understanding, but still not happy about it, I unbutton Levi's shirt and pull it off. Letting it fall to the bed I make quick work of his pants; wanting to please him the same way he did me. I pull his pants and underwear down to his knees and run my gaze up his length. He's quite sizable, but nothing overwhelming. I take the tip of him in my mouth and start to suck.
Levi lets a gasp escape as I take more of him into my mouth. I take in all I can, and start to suck, running a hand up from the base in the same timing as I move my head back and forth. I gag, feeling him the back of my throat. It hurts a bit, but I continue sucking him. After a few minutes of this Levi stops me.
"Lay down," he tells me.
I do as he says and spread my legs for him. Levi crawls between my legs and I feel him pressed against my core.
"Just do it," I tells him shyly. Levi takes my instruction and I feel his hardness slide into me.
"Ah," I wince, while it doesn't hurt, it's a bit uncomfortable.
"Does this hurt?" Levi asks.
"No," I assure him, "Just go slow."
Levi starts moving, pulling halfway out before gently sliding back in. He sets a slow pace, carefully thrusting into me. The discomfort fades quickly as pleasure takes it's place.
"Ah!" I gasp out as Levi hits a particularly pleasurable spot. Levi notices my reaction and thrusts directly into that spot again.
"Levi," I cry out in pleasure. "Again."
He focuses his thrusts on that spot; as well as starting to move faster and thrust harder. The pleasure soon becomes overwhelming; heat spreads throughout my body as Levi continues to ram into me. I pant and moan as he brutalizes that sensitive spot inside me.
"Ah, Levi, More," I beg as he gets even faster, "Don't stop."
Levi starts massaging my clit in timing with his thrusts; sending me over the edge.
"Ah,"I cry out, my thighs wrap around his waist and tighten as my vision goes white and I reach my climax. After a few more thrusts Levi pulls out and splashes his seed all over my stomach. We sit there frozen in time for a minute as we wait for our orgasms to finish tearing through us and soon my body cools off. Levi gets up and pulls a cloth out of the cupboard. He comes back over to the bed and gently cleans his seed off of me before lying down next to me.
"Thank you Hanji," he says.
"For what?" I ask.
"For tonight, for everything. You're a good friend, I don't know what I'd do without you."
"Of course Levi. Friends look out for each other."
"Just promise me something," he asks.
"Anything."
"Promise me that you'll remember tonight. If you ever feel lonely, or upset. Just remember tonight."
I kiss him on the cheek and smile, "Of course Levi."
Levi smiles, "Thanks, that makes me happy."
He closes his eyes and I move closer to rest my head on his chest. The sound of his heartbeat calms me. Even if it was only for tonight, we were together and that makes me happy.
One week later:
I walk over a field of grass. You idiot; that's the only thought that can go through my mind. Tears well up in my eyes as I stop and gaze at the stone in front of me. Levi's name is carved into it as well as his birth date. And his death date; four days ago. He died in combat; his tanks ran out of gas is the official story but I knew. He had full tanks; I was there when he refilled them. I guess Levi just couldn't take it anymore.
"Dammit, why didn't I see how bad you were really hurting!?" I screamed at the gravestone. I fall to my knees in front of it, my head resting against the smooth surface. "Why didn't you say something?! I told you the night we-"
I stop abruptly, remembering the last words he said to me that night.
"Promise me you'll remember tonight."
The words run through my head, he knew he wasn't going to come back from the expedition, he just wanted to leave his last friend a pleasant memory of him.
"Dammit Levi, how could you?!" I scream through my tears, "How could you leave me here alone?! They were my friends too! But we still had each other! How could you leave me? I loved you!"
I stop at the realization of what I just said, this was the first time the thought of me being in love with him crossed my mind. Now that I think about it, whenever I saw Levi my heart would beat faster, my palms would get sweaty and I'd be in a good mood for the rest of the day. Damn, I am a fool. I never realized I loved him until it was too late.
"I'm sorry," I say softly to the grave, "I did love you, Levi. I just wish I realized that before now. I wish I had the chance to tell you that. But now it's too late."
I get up and walk away from Levi's grave, my heart feels like it's tearing in half. I've never been this said in my life, but I won't give up. I'll keep my promise to Levi. I'll always remember that night we spent together, I'll never forget that for one night, we were together' I just wish we could've had one more.