The Sorting (revised)

::Professor McGonagall stands with her parchment next to the sorting hat. "Harry Potter."

::Harry walks to the front, sits on the stool, and places the sorting hat on his head::



Sorting Hat- (voice of Sgt Hartman)"You slimy little shit toe! Where the fuck should I put you?

Potter- ((Not Slytherin not Slytherin))

Sorting Hat- "Did I ask your opinion you pile of goat piss. I don't give a shit if your Harry Potter, Elvis, Michael Jackson, or Cyrus the Virus, you shut the fuck up when I say."

Potter- ((not slytherin, I want gryffindor))

Sorting hat- "Are you fucking retarded, I am not asking your damn opinion, kill yourself shit bag, yeah, I said kill your self, but do it in GRYPHANDOR!!!

::Harry goes and sits with his table, obviously embarrassed::

McGonagall- "Ozzy Ozbourne."

::Ozzy walks to the front and sits on the stool::

Sorting hat- "Are you on acid?"

Ozzy-"I'm fucking Ozzy Ozbourne."

Sorting hat- "You are a waste of fucking space you cock sucker!"

Ozzy- "I'm fucking Ozzy Ozbourne, the price of fucking darkness."

Sorting Hat- " I don't give a shit what you're a price of. Slytherin if you so dark you worthless piece of shit!"

Ozzy- "I'm Ozzy fucking Ozbourne."

McGonagall- " Hat, shut the fuck up or you will be back in my pants."

Sorting Hat- "Fuck you woman."

McGonagall- "Ron Wesley"

::Weasley walks to the hat and puts it on::

Sorting hat- "Do you have fucking Downs Syndrome, you look like Quassy Modo! My god, the boy looks retarded, am I the only one that notices this. Why don't you do everyone a favor and die. You look like a Hufflepuff, but fuck it, Gryffindor!"

::Ron goes and sits at the table, looking like he doesn't know whats going on, and drooling::

McGonagall- "Hermione Granger"

::Granger goes to the front and sits::

Sorting Hat- "You're a bitch aren't you, well go to gryffindor and keep the retard company."

McGonagall- "The Rock."

::Rock goes and sits down, obviously bigger than anyone else::

Sorting Hat- "What the fuck is a huge homo like you doing here, you fucking Peter puffer? My god, you look worse than the retard, you are a true piece of crap. I think you should go suck the shit out of a pigs ass while being ass fucked by a bear."

Rock- "Jabroni, why don't you take that stroll down know your role blvd, HAAAng that right onto jabroni drive, and proceed to check your aunt jamima no pancake having ass directly into the SMACKDOWN HOTEL"

::Rock then listens, expecting a cheer from the crowd, but no one even notices him"

Sorting Hat- "Shut the fuck up and go to Hufflepuff."

McGonagall- "Draco Malfoy"

""Malfoy begins to walk up but the hat stops him"

Sorting hat- "Don't even think about it, just go to fuckin slytherin, I don't want your greasy hair on me."