Chapter 1 – Introductions

"I am Willard H. Wright, professional badminton player," I announce to the class. I see the other students eagerly waiting for the rest of my introduction, but I'm a simple, boring person, and of course I didn't think of anything to say beforehand. My lack of foresight has resulted in my introduction being just one sentence. Damn it, if I leave it as this, I'll be nothing but 'the kid who plays badminton'! I need to think of something… what do I do… surely there's something interesting! How about my love of coats…? No, that will just come out weird. …Ah, there's always that…!

"And I have a cat called Diana," I blurt. The whole class looks at each other, giggling. Oh God damn it, did I really introduce myself as 'a badminton player who has a cat'? Sheesh, I deserve to be roasted alive for such a crappy introduction. Let these people laugh; anything better would be spoiling me.

After what must have been the longest few seconds of my life, Mr Hitler looks at me and smiles, and I can't tell if he's mocking me or what. "Thank you, Willard," he says, and gestures towards the seat in the far left corner of the room. "You'll be sitting at that desk." As I sit down, I realise that I have the 'generic anime seat', enabling me to look out of the window. That's nice.

Mr Hitler rambles about 'making the new student feel welcome' and 'treat classmates with respect', but the whole class is still giggling at my abysmal display. I lazily look around the room, trying to hide my embarrassment, and notice that the girl to my right is waving at me, trying to attract my attention.

"Hahaha, you know, I have a cat too, child of man. She's called Bernkastel," she says, brushing back her purple hair. Before it could develop into anything resembling a conversation, Mr Hitler interrupts.

"Featherine, stop distracting Willard! Time for talking is not in class!"

"Sorry, sir. Won't happen again."

"Good," he pauses, and clears his throat. "As I was saying, St. Gryffindor's Academy is announcing a new club! It's a coincidence that we started this on the day Willard-kun arrives, I assure you. On Tuesdays after school, we will be holding badminton tournaments!" The entire class shows little to no reaction, including myself. To be honest, I'm more shocked that there were no badminton tournaments to begin with.

After gauging everyone's bored expressions, Mr Hitler takes a hint and begins the lesson. History. Mr Hitler energetically gives a lecture about how he won WWII and definitely didn't commit suicide, apparently wanting everyone to cheer up. Just when it seems like his optimism had fallen on deaf ears, a blonde girl in the front row raises her hand. "Sir, may I help you teach the lesson? I think it would be more interesting if one of us students helped." Mr Hitler is delighted that someone in his class isn't a lazy delinquent, and happily agrees.

"Absolutely, Gaap. You'll always be better at sparking life into these kids than I," he cheers. Even the other students grin and beam, as Gaap walks to the front of the room. I don't understand, and my cluelessness probably makes me stick out like a sore thumb. Featherine apparently notices, and pokes my arm.

"Watch this, child of man. Gaap-san is like the teacher Mr Hitler wishes he could be." Almost as if at Featherine's word, the class falls silent. The expectant faces I thought I saw before couldn't hold a candle to the class now. Gaap takes a deep breath, pulls a marker pen seemingly out of nowhere, and draws a Hitler moustache on herself. She acts out the events of WWII under the guise of Mr Hitler himself, who is laughing just as much as us. Her impersonation of him is absolutely perfect, right down to the repeated shouting of 'FEGELEIN, FEGELEIN!' and slamming on the desk. By the time she is finished, it's already the end of the lesson – and every one of us is feeling 100% happier than when the lesson started. And this happiness is instantly blown away by one sentence:

"Alright, there's going to be a test on this after break, so make sure you remember what Gaap taught you."

We all sulkily leave the room, and do our best to enjoy our break. 'If we don't think about the test, maybe it won't happen' seems to be the strategy everyone is thinking of. I'm already clueless as to where to go, which is picked up upon by yet another blonde girl. Or, at least, they look like a girl. They also sound and dress like a boy. "Hey, you're the guy who plays badminton and has a cat called Diana, aren't you?" they say, giggling. Oh, for God's sake. It's already begun.

"I really botched that introduction."

"Don't worry, everyone did. Look, that girl over there," she points towards another blonde girl. "That's Beatrice. She's known as 'the person who likes ice cream.' Don't say that around her though; I can already tell you're friendlier than her. Anyway, let's go! I'll introduce you to my sister. By the way, I'm Lion. Pleased to meet you, Will-kun."

"Nice to meet you too, Lion-chan." I say and follow her outside. Cherry blossoms, everywhere. We sit at a picnic bench, which is already occupied by – you guessed it – a blonde girl, and her black-haired friend (I presume). "Jessie, look, there's a new kid! Come on, don't be rude, introduce yourself!"

"Uh, right… P-pleased to meet you. My name is Jessica," she curtseys nervously.

"Call me Will," I respond, and some fibre of canon in me forces me to take Jessica's hand and kiss it, which instantly startles her friend. Judging by her reaction: blushing and overwhelming rage… oh, is it that kind of situation? So I've introduced myself as a person who cares for nothing but cats and badminton, and potentially destroyed this girl's relationship with Jessica. Man, today is not my day. Lion quickly steps in and reassures her it was a greeting, and ushers the final unnamed member of our group to introduce herself. She hesitates, but complies.

"…My name is Kanon. Forgive my brief introduction, but furniture must not speak unnecessarily," she says monotonously. Jessica quickly supports her.

"Um, well… Kanon-kun is kind of shy, but he's a really good person! Please don't think of him badly." He…? Well, okay then. But he's wearing the female school uniform! It was an easy conclusion to come to!

"Hey, Will-kun, you said you liked badminton, right?" Lion suddenly blurts. "So you'll be joining the badminton club?"

"Yes, absolutely. Do you three play badminton too?"

"All three of us. The problem is, well… since there's three of us, and Kanon-kun and Jessie always team up together," she looks down at her feet, avoiding my gaze. "Well, do you want to be on my team? I'm sure we'll be great together. We'll show all the other teams how to play badminton! Even Jessie and Kanon-kun won't stand a chance!" Before I can reply, the bell rings, and we all begin to return to class.