I own nothing.
Spock leaned heavily against the wall of the observation room sunk to the floor.
It was all too much too soon.
He had lost his world, his betrothed, and even his…..
He could not bear to even think it, it was too painful.
The place in his mind where T'Pring's presence had always been pulsed painfully as his mind tried to deal with the gap, but that ache was nothing compared to the void his mother's presence had left in his mind.
He had felt her presence ripped from the seams of his psyche the moment her body had impacted on the collapsing ground below and ever since he'd been unable to shake the sense of utter loss.
He now understood what drove Nero to do what he did and he hated himself for his newfound understanding. But even he could not understand the want to inflict this kind of pain on others.
It was too unbearably cruel.
Spock curled into a ball and buried his face into his knees.
His mother had never been anything other than good and kind to every other living soul who ever crossed her path, she deserved to have lived out her days with Sarek and never have more to worry about than what to do each day.
He felt so cheated of the lifetime he was supposed to have with her, and he couldn't imagine another 175 years of life without her presence.
He could only imagine how his father, who had been far more deeply bonded to Amanda, could manage the thought of existing without his bondmate.
No sooner did this thought cross Spock's mind than he was jolted from his position on the floor by the feel of a warm hand landing on his shoulder.
"My son."
Spock looked up at his father with tear filled eyes and could not even summon up the strength to feel ashamed about it.
"Father." He greeted back hoarsely.
Sarek looked at him for a long moment before joining his son on the floor and wrapping a strong arm around him.
"She would not want us to live our lives in sadness Spock. It may not seem like it now Spock, but life will go on."
"How?" Spock asked wretchedly.
Sarek held him tighter and sighed.
"I knew your mother better than anyone Spock. And I loved her more than anyone too. I will never be complete without her."
Sarek closed his eyes and breathed deeply, gathering himself as much as he could.
"We were bound much deeper than any of our peers thought possible and it was because of our bond that I can assure you now that she met her end with great happiness."
Spock's head jolted up and turned to stare at his father.
"Happiness?" He asked incredulously.
Sarek nodded and allowed the tiniest bit of endearment to bleed into his features.
"In extreme states of duress the strength of a bond between bondmates is strengthened immensely. I saw through her eyes as much as my own as she fell. I felt what we both felt."
Sarek's voice got unbearably soft as he continued.
"She felt no fear Spock. Only a sense of utter joy that it was only herself that would be lost. She saw that we were safe and thus she felt peace. It was the first and the last time we were ever able to communicate telepathically."
Sarek turned his head to face his son and look into his eyes, Amanda's eyes.
"Her last thought before she was lost was that she was sorry she would not be there to watch over us and that she loved us both with all her heart."
Spock held his father's gaze for a long moment as he realized how hard that had to have been for Sarek.
To see death though his beloved's own eyes.
"I am sorry." He whispered quietly as he looked away from his father's pained gaze.
Sorry he hadn't saved Vulcan, sorry he hadn't gotten there earlier, and sorry he'd be too slow to save her.
Sarek reached out and made Spock look at him.
"You have nothing to be sorry for. None of this was your fault."
"Isn't it?" Spock whimpered weakly.
If he'd done it all different, if he'd thought of his family quicker or realized what Nero was doing sooner he could have stopped it. He should have stopped it.
Sarek pressed his forehead to his sons and signed.
"We are more alike than you will ever know my son. I feel more blame for the loss of your mother than you will ever know."
Spock eyed him disbelievingly.
"But it wasn't you fault."
Sarek's face fell minusculy.
"She would not have been on Vulcan if I had not married her, she would have been safe on Earth teaching history in Canada. She would still be alive if I had not asked her to be my wife."
"Illogical, she loved you and chose to be your wife of her own volition."
"I could have rejected her. I could have made her stay on Earth and find a human spouse."
Spock smiled a brittle smile.
"She would have chased you across the galaxy because she loved you so much. It isn't your fault."
"It isn't your fault either my son. You were not the one that caused our kind's near genocide nor did you ideally stand by and let it occur. Do not let your own wrongfully placed guilt cloud your heart. Amanda would not have wanted either of us to suffer in such a manner."
Spock signed and leaned against his father's slightly larger frame.
"I know, It's just….I miss her so much."
Sarek pulled his son closer and bowed his head.
"So do I Spock. So do I."
Both father and son stared into the star light space outside the observation deck and mourned the loss of the only women they had ever loved.
My own fic made me sad. How messed up is that? I'm on a real Sarek/Amanda spree right now with a bit of Spock thrown in. You know, trying to dabble into other genres. Be sure to review and tell me what you think!
P.S: I stand by Amanda being the only women that Spock has and will ever love. I am completely against the whole Uhura/Spock thing. That was just J.J Abrams's way of trying to down play the obvious gay tension between Spock and Kirk. If you can watch Star Trek 09 and don't see the sexual tension you're blind!
Yours truly,
Jessica499499