WARNING. MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS.

I haven't written for a long time and I finally found some inspiration to do this since I got back into Naruto recently. I started watching Naruto Shippuden again and got to the episodes were Deidara and Tobi were in, and I was immediately hooked on their partnership. It is so hilarious and I know already what Tobi's true identity is. But, I couldn't help but wanting to write a story where he is back to being Tobi.

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy! There will be pairings, but not between Deidara and Tobi. I just see them as a funny partnership though there will be some jokes about their relationship.

But this will contain some crack. Probably a lot of it.

Summary: Infiltrating Konoha isn't easy especially when you are an Akatsuki. Drastic measures will taken in order to get any valuable information. "Senpai, your disguise looks so fabulous. That mascara really defines your eyelashes, and that blush...Passion fruit is so your color." Crack fic.

Note: Of course I don't own Naruto. All rights go to Kishimoto. If I did own it, then Naruto would have been all a comedy.

Rated T for Language.

A New Mission

"You are fucking joking, yeah."

"I am not."

"You are."

"Does this expression show any signs that I am playing you?"

"Maybe if you get more piercings..."

"Don't test my patience."

"But you can't be serious."

"You need to clean out those ears of yours."

"But with us? Leader, I expected you to send out another pair. I thought that you, especially with Konan, will invade, yeah."

"There is no other choice. Every other member is already assigned for a mission and you two are the only ones left that don't have a mission yet. Everyone is going to leave the hideout at the same time tomorrow and will return on the same month. We need to gather as much information from our enemy and we need it now."

"Can-,"

"My order is given. You and Tobi will sneak into Konoha in disguise and give us any information about them. Give us as much as possible. Even the tiniest details. Give us the layout of the village, where's where, types of jutsus, who is there, or anything that can give us an advantage when we invade. This will indeed last for more than a few months like for the other members. So prepare yourself in every way possible. You have a day to form your plan like everybody else. Return back here at exactly twenty-four hours from now and then the both of you will be able to leave."

"Did you hear that Deidara-Senpai?! We are going to Konoha, but in disguise!" the masked-man giggled. "We can be anyone we want!" Tobi glanced at Deidara and leaned closer to him. "We can even disguise ourselves as a married couple."

Pause.

"Tobi, you have exactly three seconds to get the hell away from me, yeah."

A second passed.

Tobi moved even closer. "But, baby-,"

He didn't have time to finish as Tobi was blasted away from him.

Deidara was dreading to go on this mission. He honestly that of this as the most absurd thing that he was about to put himself into. He couldn't believe that Pein even assigned this mission to him and his partner.

Though he is an Akatsuki and should follow anything that his leader tells him to, this was too ridiculous. Was he really going to disguise himself the best he could with Tobi and stay in Konoha for a few months or more? Could the shinobi there find out who they were sooner or later? Could Konoha see through their disguise? They were quite famous thanks to Konoha's bingo book, but they also faced some of its inhabitants. They would likely be caught in a matter of seconds.

But they are Akatsuki. Though it would be tough for any kind of shinobi, the Akatsuki were listed as S-rank. Though the title does not bode well with Konoha or anywhere, it does give them credibility that they are on of the best that is out there.

It was going to take a lot of preparation for this sort of mission, so both of them, or for Deidara, he, will have to think of the best disguise to sneak into the Hidden Leaf and stay there as long as possible without any exposure to their true identity.

Their looks were the main part of their disguise. They could use a jutsu, but Deidara paused and thought about it.

I could just use a jutsu, but there might be a consequence to that, yeah. Though I don't have to change my real appearance, I wouldn't want to risk being caught without it. Happens if one of the shinobis come to where we are staying and actually see us in our true form? We have to disguise ourselves in our true form and do it well, yeah.

Deidara glanced at himself in the mirror and observed his looks. His eyes locked onto his long, blonde hair. He frowned. But how far do we have to change our looks? I have long hair, but I don't want to get rid of it. He touched his hair and sighed. I might cut it, or I can put it in a bun.

He sighed again. I will think of our appearance later. The first thing I need to do is to come up with a plan to infiltrate Konoha. We need to have a background story, yeah.

Grabbing a small piece of paper, the explosive user sat there thinking about what should his background story should be. Twirling the brush in his hands, he sat there for a while jabbing down from time to time some of his ideas.

His first idea was that he was an abandoned boy founded by Tobi who took him in many years ago. Both had no place to stay since Tobi came from a poor family, who recently died due to a fire that burned down his family's house on the borders of the Fire Country. While searching for a place to stay for many years, they spotted Konoha and immediately fell in love with the architecture and the life of the village that they both wanted to stay there for a while.

His second idea was that they were both tourists just visiting Konoha, but Deidara thought that it wouldn't last long since tourists do not stay in one place for a long time.

His third idea was to just walk into Konoha in his true appearance and blow himself up along with Konoha to make life simpler. But his leader would be pissed since the Kyuubi would die and they wouldn't be able to obtain the Nine-tails.

But using himself to blow up Konoha was his favorite idea. It is true art, yeah.

Deidara pouted as he sat back to view his ideas again. One was probably the best one out there, but he wasn't sure if it would last that long. Leaving his quarters, the blonde made his way towards the main room and noticed some of his fellow members there. He smirked when he saw them. Maybe I could ask for some help about our background.

"You lose, Hidan."

"Why don't you go suck on a dick!"

"There aren't any around."

"Hey, I am here-,"

Pause.

"Did you just call me a pussy?!"

"You lack any sort of knowledge."

"Fuck you, Kakuzu! I don't even know why the hell I am playing this shit."

"You don't know how to play at all."

"This is my first fucking time playing, you asshole!"

"Kakuzu, Hidan," a voice interrupted the two playing shogi. "I need your help with something, yeah."

Their heads snapped at the voice and both glanced at each other before looking back at the blonde. It was strange that Deidara was asking them for help since usually he had an answer for himself, but it was even more strange since 'help' was not a term entirely fulfilled through the Akatsuki.

"Help?" the both questioned.

Deidara nodded.

"Does this involve with the mission Leader assigned you?" Kakuzu asked.

"It does, yeah," the blonde sighed as he took a sit next to the duo.

"So why should we lend you a hand? We aren't going to do bitch work."

"Shut the hell up! I just need your input in something."

"Well, then spit it out," Kakuzu demanded.

"I need a background story for Tobi and me, yeah."

"Background story?"

"Why the hell do you need one?"

"Tobi and I have to infiltrate Konoha and stay there for a few months."

"You should already have a plan."

"I know that Kakuzu, but I want it to make it more believable if I plan it with other people. I need others' advice so I can have all sort of opinions about what is real to them, yeah."

Kakuzu paused and looked at the youngest member of the Akatsuki. "Just come up with something."

"I already have, but I don't think they would work out that well, yeah."

"What about Tobi? Did he come up with anything?" Hidan asked.

Deidara sighed. "Do you really want to know?"

Hidan leaned closer and although Kakuzu wouldn't care about anything else in the world except for money, this was slightly intriguing him.

"He wanted us to pose as a married couple, yeah."

For a good ten seconds, there was nothing being said. Only eye contact was going on between the three Akatsuki. Deidara was trying to find any sort of emotion in the two, but they haven't shown anything so far. They just gave him the same blank expression.

"See? It's full of s-,"

"Holy fucking shit," Hidan blurted out. "Best. Fucking. Idea. Ever."

"What?!"

Then Hidan burst out laughing so hard that it made him hold his gut while a hand wiped away tears from his eyes.

"Hidan, shut the hell up!" Deidara was about to pounce on him until he was grabbed by his own cloak by Kakuzu. The blonde looked back at him, "Let me go so I can beat the shit out of him, yeah!"

"Both of you calm down."

"Hey Kakuzu, can you imagine our little Deidara-chan with his fucking hubby? They can holding hands and shit! I am guessing that Tobi will be the one wearing the pants?"

"Like hell he is, yeah!"

Hidan flashed him a smirk and raised his eyebrows. "So, tell me, Deidara-chan, how was the honeymoon? Did you do the naughty?"

"Shut up!"

"If only Sasori was here, then he could pose as their kid! Just imagine, Kakuzu!" Hidan laughed. "They would be such a happy family. I know that it will make Tobi's heart burst of full joy."

Deidara was starting to think he shouldn't have ever asked for their help. At least Kakuzu wasn't making fun of him.

"Hidan," Kakuzu interrupted.

"I'm in tears! I can't stop! It fucking hurts my stomach. If only I had a sacrifice for Jashin-sama so they can feel my pain!"

"Can you stop? Why can't you be like Kakuzu, yeah?"

Suddenly, a hand grabbed Hidan's throat and nearly crushed it as the Jashinist could be heard gasping for air. Immediately, there was silence in the room with the exception of Hidan trying to breathe.

Once he let go, Hidan was ready to start the preparation for Jashin. "What the hell, Kakuzu? Let me have my fun!"

But he didn't get a response. Instead, Kakuzu remained silent. Hidan glanced at Deidara, who just glared at him in return. But the silence started to take up time and both started to await for the older man to say something.

"Hidan," Kakuzu finally said.

"What?"

"It would be impossible for Deidara to have a child."

"I already that-,"

"Deidara would blow up while giving birth. Or worse, give birth to a ball of clay."

Hidan immediately was in a fit of laughter as Kakuzu sat there a bit pleased that he told a joke.

For Deidara, well, let's just say that Tobi wasn't the only one who was going to be blasted into hell today.

How about you guys give me your input? Review please! They are welcomed! Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed the first chapter!