Hey guys it's Bah Bah. I have no idea if anyone will ever read this but hey, at least it's out there for everyone to see. I decided to go with an Axis Powers: Hetalia fanfic to start out with. I am going to do countries that I have enough fodder to lampoon. If you are offended by my narrative of your country I greatly apologize. However this is a satirical viewpoint and should be taken with a grain of salt it is (usually) not my particular point of view. The first one is Turkey! Hurrah!
Herkese Merhaba benim adım Türkiye! For those of you that don't speak Turkish, which mind you is nobody outside of my little peninsula, I told you hello and that my name is Turkey. I am located on the Anatolian Peninsula surrounded mostly by the Black, Aegean, and Mediterranean Seas. I also share land borders with Bulgaria, Greece, Armenia, Azerbaijan, Iran, Iraq, and Syria. With countries defaulting on debts, racial and religious disputes, and genocide going on all the time you can tell it really never gets boring where I am. Especially with America sticking his big fat nose into everyone's business and making a huge mess out of everything. I am happy to help but at this point I really am starting to think that it is doing more harm than good. Especially since America is starting to disregard what I say about northern Iraq. I still hope we can be friends even though we have been agitated at each other for a couple of years now. I have been trying to get into the European Union for years now and nobody wants me into the party. I am sure it is only because I am not connected with European countries. But I am sure that I will earn the trust of everyone in the Union! We have a very secular and somewhat extreme Muslim government though for those kind of things we certainly have an open mind regarding the world. I have been trying very hard to make friends in the international community and I have succeeded! It is really a good to have friends in the world of international politics. I am still working on that piano player Austria who still hates my guts. I have three brothers, two sisters, and one son. My brothers are Azerbaijan, Kazakhstan, and Uzbekistan. My sisters are Kyrgyzstan and Turkmenistan. My son is The Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus. My son hasn't been recognized by anyone else in the world; not even my siblings who are supposed to love him! He is their flesh and blood after all. Then again not everybody has been showing much civility to the other since we rejoined each other again. Turkmenistan and Uzbekistan really don't get along and everyone is trying to distance themselves from Azerbaijan because of the Armenian Genocide.
Azerbaijan and I have been close ever since the Soviet Union collapsed. Everyone only sees him as a bully and a liar but I still love him anyway. I even help him to cover up… I mean… uhh… support him in trying to prove false the allegations of a ludicrous "Armenian genocide". I don't believe it happened and a lot of countries are disappointed that I would back up my brother in his correct conjecture that such an atrocity never took place. Believe me I would have noticed if something that evil was going on. My boss Mr. Ankara and Azerbaijan's boss Mr. Baku often joke that we are "one nation with two states". That isn't really true although we do love each other very much. America and those in the European Union and NATO say I love them too much. But what's a little human rights violation here and there in the grand scheme of things. It only brings about deep seated racial tensions right?
Turkmenistan has been really close to me also since the Soviet collapse. I think that we are going to get along as well as Azerbaijan and I. Turkmenistan is always called "flat" so she has a complex concerning her bust. I always tell that's not what they really mean by that but she doesn't believe since she is overly self-conscious. Her boss Mr. Ashgabat also reflects her beliefs and anything that is said about him causes hell to be raised and demons to wander the earth in the form of fear. It is so bad that every person on the radio issues a pledge before the program that if he or she says anything that defames the country, flag, or president that their tongue should shrivel in their mouths. The only places that restrict free speech more are North Korea and Burma. I just think that she is going through a rough patch and it will turn out alright. She has asked and received permits by the rest of the world to be permanently neutral in every issue. It's kind of like Switzerland when it comes to wars. I will always back her up no matter what the odds so she has nothing to worry about.
My brother Kazakhstan took the dissolution of the Soviet Union as a spring board to a whole new outlook. As soon as the borders opened so did my brother's view of the world. He saw new opportunities to gain from what was lost when the Soviets fell. In 2000 he paid back all the money he owed because of the IMF which was seven years ahead of schedule. And speaking of ahead of schedule he has left the rest of the family except for me in the dust so to speak. He also has a large amount of ethnic diversity in his nation and seems to cause no problem. He has become very tolerant and liberal minded about foreign policy. Crude oil has become his big thing and he really makes some serious bank. Kazakhstan is also trying to connect all of Central Asia with some kinda mode of transportation. Think of it as a huge middle finger to Russia that he is doing this as it quite frankly pisses off Russia. While he needs it the less he is trying help me in trying to get the family all together.
My sister Kyrgyzstan, like my other siblings, also rejoined family after the end of the Soviet Union. She is the opposite of Turkmenistan in every way. The first think that Turkmenistan will tell you is that she has quite the "non-flat body" as opposed to her own make up. She also tends to be far more liberal and forgiving to her people. Her economy is in complete tathers which is different than Turkmenistan who lies about her economies growth all the time as if on impulse but still has a semblance of stability. I have been the country she has leaned on the most for many different reasons but mostly civil unrest and a turbulent regime overthrow and the new democratic government that has been set up there. It doesn't have much power which is another difference between her and Turkmenistan. She also ranks in the top twenty in corrupt governments ranking 1.8 out of 10. Zero being most and ten being least corrupt.
Finally there is my brother Uzbekistan. Uzbekistan is the youngest of the group and is always being picked by everyone in the family except for me and Kazakhstan. Uzbeks are frequently discriminated against by every culture in Central Asia but it is particular strong within the house. If there are human rights issues in the Turkic states it is always concerning the Uzbeks being maltreated. Others say Armenians as well but as I said before I have no idea what they are talking about. Although Uzbekistan isn't exactly sterling in their human rights department either they get along better than most of the other Turkic nations.
Whew. THAT certainly took a lot of time. I wanted to give you a little bit of background so that you know who we were if my family members or I are talked about by other countries and by the same token you will get to know us better as we move along. Though judging by that bored look on your face you may not even come back. I hope I am wrong and I want to see you later. güle güle!
Uzbekistan: Hey all you cool kids. What Bah Bah really wants is for you to get to know the characters and to get the basic idea of the countries. If you really want to know more about or if you think you could do a better job researching and finding out information for yourself, do it!
Turkmenistan: You better review or else I will get my big brother Turkey to get his friends in high places to castigate you from the rest of society until you have no other choice but to praise the ground I walk on. And nothing negative either or else even I will get mad.
Kazakhstan: Turkmenistan you can't go around threatening people… you can barely defend yourself with that pitiful military. You can make negative reviews just make sure that they stay within reason and so Bah Bah knows why you hate it. Sau bolynyz and thanks for reading!