Hi! Back round information....uh....this is my third story, and it's the only one so far without chapters. SPECIAL THANKS TO: Miss Hogwarts, and That Guy Over There for giving me the idea. And now for... ............................................................................ ....................................................................
HOGWARTS CHAINSAW MASSACRE
It was after classes, and Hermione was doing her Arithmancy homework in the library. It was very long and tedious work, just to do one problem. All of a sudden, a hand came out of nowhere and spilled the ink all over the paper. Hermione looked up.
It was Draco Malfoy. He was smirking in a most absurd way, like he was severely retarded or something. "Hey, Mudblood," he said, as if that was her name.
Hermione snapped. She had been called this too many times, and she had worked too hard on that Arithmancy homework to just turn the other cheek. Her eyes blazed with anger. All of a sudden, a loud revving sound interrupted the quiet moment. Hermione had taken a huge, black chainsaw out of her back pocket. It was collapsible.
Draco's eyes went bloodshot. Hermione pulled the weapon of individual destruction and started to hack him to pieces with it. Blood was splurging everywhere. He screamed like a little girl, and fell to the ground, like I said, hacked to pieces. Percy popped out of his seat, and said...
"That's out of order! Against the rules! You ought to be ashamed of..." but he never even got the last word out. Hermione rounded on him and screamed "SCREW THE RULES, YOU WUSS!!" And away went his head.
Hermione had never been in this kind of frenzy before. All of the years of trying to be perfect little student had built up stress, and this is what happens when you attempt to be perfect.
People started to scream and run away. Hermione ran after them all while screaming "YOU'LL NEVER ESCAPE! YOU ARE AT MY MERCY! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!" She eventually caught up with them and chopped them to pieces.
Harry and Ron came running up. They heard screams. Harry ran up and got down on his knees. "Hermione, please! You know this isn't your normal nature!" Hermione only smirked and said "Apparently it is!" as she lifted it up and brought it down on him.
Ron came crawling up. "Hermione! I have something to tell you!"
"Yeah what?" Hermione said.
"I...I..." Ron stuttered, "I love you!"
Hermione's face softened. She lowered her chainsaw, but did not put it down. "Oh Ron!" She ran towards him and hugged him. All of a sudden, a big metal thing was sticking out of the back of his back. "My God, he actually fell for it," she said. She pulled the chainsaw out of Ron, and ran off towards Dumbledore's office.
A gargoyle guarded the staircase to Dumbledore's office. Hermione got all up in its face and said "Open up now."
"Password," it said calmly.
Hermione revved the engine of the chainsaw in its face.
"Just kidding!" it said quickly. It jumped out of the way. Hermione hacked it up anyway.
She stomped up the stairs, ready to see Dumbledore. Instead of using the handle of the door, she cut it in half. The door fell in two pieces, on the floor. The song "Milkshake" was playing full blast and Dumbledore was on his desk, dancing. He jumped down from the desk the second he spotted Hermione and said "It's not what you think."
"What am I supposed to think except for the fact that you are dancing to 'Milkshake' on top of your desk!?" Hermione cried. She shrugged, and started running after him with her chainsaw. Dumbledore ran away, and Hermione followed him through the room. But, since Dumbledore is an old man, she caught up with him and, of course, split him up.
All of a sudden, the entire staff burst through the hole that used to be the door. They had their wands raised. Hermione just went up calmly and chopped the ends off.
Now that she had done that, the teachers looked helpless. They looked down upon their broken wands, and looked back up at Hermione's chainsaw. They started to yell and wail, all while running as fast as they possibly could, down the hallway. Hermione couldn't run as fast as them, she hurled the chainsaw as hard as she could at their heads. It was a perfect shot. The chainsaw got at least their neck, if it didn't get their head.
The chainsaw hit the floor, and collapsed into a piece of metal. Hermione snapped out of her insane mode, and looked around, bewildered. There was blood everywhere, bodies covering the floor. Hermione's eyes widened, and she then said "Oh my goodness, I haven't finished my Arithmancy homework!" She jumped down the stairs and ran into the library. She got out a clean sheet of paper, and started again.
"I wonder why there's blood and bodies everywhere," she said to herself. ............................................................................ .................................................................... What'd you think? Was that retarded, funny or in-between?? READ AND REVIEW!!! -HunterGreen-
HOGWARTS CHAINSAW MASSACRE
It was after classes, and Hermione was doing her Arithmancy homework in the library. It was very long and tedious work, just to do one problem. All of a sudden, a hand came out of nowhere and spilled the ink all over the paper. Hermione looked up.
It was Draco Malfoy. He was smirking in a most absurd way, like he was severely retarded or something. "Hey, Mudblood," he said, as if that was her name.
Hermione snapped. She had been called this too many times, and she had worked too hard on that Arithmancy homework to just turn the other cheek. Her eyes blazed with anger. All of a sudden, a loud revving sound interrupted the quiet moment. Hermione had taken a huge, black chainsaw out of her back pocket. It was collapsible.
Draco's eyes went bloodshot. Hermione pulled the weapon of individual destruction and started to hack him to pieces with it. Blood was splurging everywhere. He screamed like a little girl, and fell to the ground, like I said, hacked to pieces. Percy popped out of his seat, and said...
"That's out of order! Against the rules! You ought to be ashamed of..." but he never even got the last word out. Hermione rounded on him and screamed "SCREW THE RULES, YOU WUSS!!" And away went his head.
Hermione had never been in this kind of frenzy before. All of the years of trying to be perfect little student had built up stress, and this is what happens when you attempt to be perfect.
People started to scream and run away. Hermione ran after them all while screaming "YOU'LL NEVER ESCAPE! YOU ARE AT MY MERCY! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!" She eventually caught up with them and chopped them to pieces.
Harry and Ron came running up. They heard screams. Harry ran up and got down on his knees. "Hermione, please! You know this isn't your normal nature!" Hermione only smirked and said "Apparently it is!" as she lifted it up and brought it down on him.
Ron came crawling up. "Hermione! I have something to tell you!"
"Yeah what?" Hermione said.
"I...I..." Ron stuttered, "I love you!"
Hermione's face softened. She lowered her chainsaw, but did not put it down. "Oh Ron!" She ran towards him and hugged him. All of a sudden, a big metal thing was sticking out of the back of his back. "My God, he actually fell for it," she said. She pulled the chainsaw out of Ron, and ran off towards Dumbledore's office.
A gargoyle guarded the staircase to Dumbledore's office. Hermione got all up in its face and said "Open up now."
"Password," it said calmly.
Hermione revved the engine of the chainsaw in its face.
"Just kidding!" it said quickly. It jumped out of the way. Hermione hacked it up anyway.
She stomped up the stairs, ready to see Dumbledore. Instead of using the handle of the door, she cut it in half. The door fell in two pieces, on the floor. The song "Milkshake" was playing full blast and Dumbledore was on his desk, dancing. He jumped down from the desk the second he spotted Hermione and said "It's not what you think."
"What am I supposed to think except for the fact that you are dancing to 'Milkshake' on top of your desk!?" Hermione cried. She shrugged, and started running after him with her chainsaw. Dumbledore ran away, and Hermione followed him through the room. But, since Dumbledore is an old man, she caught up with him and, of course, split him up.
All of a sudden, the entire staff burst through the hole that used to be the door. They had their wands raised. Hermione just went up calmly and chopped the ends off.
Now that she had done that, the teachers looked helpless. They looked down upon their broken wands, and looked back up at Hermione's chainsaw. They started to yell and wail, all while running as fast as they possibly could, down the hallway. Hermione couldn't run as fast as them, she hurled the chainsaw as hard as she could at their heads. It was a perfect shot. The chainsaw got at least their neck, if it didn't get their head.
The chainsaw hit the floor, and collapsed into a piece of metal. Hermione snapped out of her insane mode, and looked around, bewildered. There was blood everywhere, bodies covering the floor. Hermione's eyes widened, and she then said "Oh my goodness, I haven't finished my Arithmancy homework!" She jumped down the stairs and ran into the library. She got out a clean sheet of paper, and started again.
"I wonder why there's blood and bodies everywhere," she said to herself. ............................................................................ .................................................................... What'd you think? Was that retarded, funny or in-between?? READ AND REVIEW!!! -HunterGreen-