Overwhelmed

((Author's Note: This story is the result of a one-hour challenge for the word "overwhelmed." It was written on Easter Sunday, April 8, 2012, and took me a total of 60 minutes. The setting is Junon Harbor post-Battlegrounds and On My Honor... So about 8 months after Irony of Fate. Sephiroth's dog is a tribute to my Great Dane, Blade of Glory. Forever in my heart.))

overwhelm

1. bury or drown beneath a huge mass.

■ give too much of something to.

2. have a strong emotional effect on.

3. defeat completely; overpower.

It was early evening as Sephiroth walked along the rocky beach. The quiet harbor was to his left, the quaint fishing town that existed below the enormous military base in which he lived to the right. Thankfully, the beach was deserted. For that he was grateful, since he had come there in order to be alone with his thoughts.

He was not entirely alone, though, loosely holding the end of a long leather leash in one gloved hand. At the end its length, staying just a few steps ahead of his master, trotted the creature who had recently become his closest friend aside from his wife. Sephiroth had never much cared for the idea of having a pet, and did not think he even liked dogs. But after the large canine had followed him home one day, starving and alone, he had inexplicably felt a connection to the creature. Before long, he had welcomed him into his home with Aeris' blessing, and they'd been inseparable ever since.

Sephiroth's new companion was not just any dog. The top of his head stood just under five feet tall, and he weighed nearly two hundred pounds. He was tan in color with a black mask from his nose to just above his eyes, and though massive he carried himself with grace and ease. He was as gentle as a mouse, though he was intimidating in appearance and the owner of an impressive bark that sent most people running. Sephiroth had fitted him with a black leather collar and a nametag which spelled out "Blade" in elegant script. The dog also wore a bandana around his thick neck, a gift from his mother, its shiny black material and phoenix emblem matching that of the base's flag.

Blade was happy to keep pace with his master, occasionally lifting his head to sniff the air, or lowering it to inspect something on the ground. He would periodically glance back at Sephiroth as if checking to make sure he was still there, and the man couldn't help but grin a bit inwardly. He did much the same thing with his wife, as if he could still not quite believe she was there with him and feared she may suddenly vanish. He understood all too well what it was to be insecure.

He felt a bit guilty for a moment as he and Blade made their way down the beach at a leisurely pace. After dinner, he had simply informed Aeris that he was going to take the dog for a walk and left their apartment before she could respond. He hadn't explained himself, or invited her to come along. She was always so understanding and tolerant of his needs, and he knew she would not be upset with him. Worried, perhaps. That alone made him feel terrible. He was always causing her to worry…

There had been so much on his mind lately that he simply felt the need to escape the confinement of their apartment and get out into the cool evening air. Aeris was an amazing support for him, one he never could have survived to this point without, but sometimes his past of isolation caught up with him and he simply needed time to himself. Having Blade gave him an excuse to get away and clear his head without looking like a complete outcast. The dog was none the wiser to his troubled thoughts, overjoyed by any excuse to take a walk.

Sephiroth thought he had been adjusting well to married life, all things considered. He and Aeris had been living together peacefully for nearly a year now. It was still awkward for him at times, and he wasn't sure he'd ever adjust entirely to so closely sharing his life with another person… but it was an experience he would not trade for anything. She was the reason he was still alive, the reason he was sane and living in relative peace and contentment. Yes, he still fought his past every day, haunted by flashbacks, guilt, self-doubt and nightmares. But he was so much better than he'd been a year ago, and he knew he owed most of that to her. Still, the pressure of maintaining that progress, and the fear that he might someday hurt her or let her down constantly weighed upon his mind.

Another issue which continued to cause him stress was the fact that Cloud would still not allow him much responsibility within Junon Harbor. He had been the highest ranking general within Shin-ra's army for years before he'd lost his mind, but even though the very plan for taking over the base had been entirely his idea, Sephiroth now found himself largely wasting his time and his abilities. Sure, Cloud occasionally allowed him to run practice drills or break in some of the new recruits, but that was it. He never consulted him about defense issues facing the town and base, he never took him on missions or gave him important assignments, and rarely gave him any real responsibility at all. It was beyond frustrating, and only served to remind him of who he was and what he had done. Even after all this time, and everything positive he had done, Cloud and most of the others still did not trust him. It hurt his feelings more than he would ever admit, and aside from that, he was downright bored.

As if these issues were not enough to complicate the life of one still learning to handle his emotions and battling to stay planted within the realm of sanity, his mother had come back to life several months ago. It was still strange to think about. Somehow, she had been cloned, progressed to the age she had been at death, and able to regain all of her memories. Then she had managed to find her way back to Vincent, after over thirty years, and the two had quickly become an item again. He still wasn't quite sure how he felt about that. It was odd to say the least.

Vincent. There was yet another issue in and of itself. Sephiroth shook his head and frowned to himself as Blade paused to hike his leg on a piece of driftwood. He still couldn't wrap his mind around that one. He'd spent most of his life clueless as to who his parents were, then just last year learned that the strange, reclusive man who appeared to be the same age as he was was actually his father. Ever since, the two had had an even harder time relating to one another than before. Socializing and conversation were not Sephiroth's forte, and they were a weak point for Vincent as well. Were such things inherited? he briefly wondered, daring to cross territory he usually avoided. He didn't know why he had such a hard time accepting the man as his father… He had been nothing but helpful and supportive of him along his journey back from insanity. Now, to see him with his mother for the first time, Sephiroth wasn't sure what to think. He knew he ought to be happy for them and want to get to know them as his family, but for some reason a barrier remained that he felt unable to cross. His mother tried so hard to encourage him, as did Aeris, but he simply was not ready.

The latest news he was still struggling to digest and accept was the death of Hojo. The scientist came as close as anyone had to raising him when he was a child, and he briefly thought the man was his biological father. He was still relieved that had not turned out to be true. Sephiroth had long wished to kill Hojo himself, filled with rage and hatred toward him for all he had done, but never had the opportunity. Yet when he learned he had been killed by Tseng several weeks ago, he felt more than just regret that he could not take his life himself. It was a strange, confusing feeling… one he was avoiding considering for fear of what it might be.

He sighed heavily, his head beginning to pound with tension. Why could nothing be simple? All his life, things had been difficult and complicated. Even now, when he was happier than he had ever been and working hard to be a good man, a good husband, and a good teammate, everything was a struggle. Would it ever get any easier? In some ways, he admitted that it already had… but not to the point that he ever truly felt that he could relax.

So much of his past, and most of his present relationships, remained overwhelming to him. He was still learning to be human, to experience emotions and share them with others… But he was also learning to be a husband, a son, a teammate, and perhaps eventually a friend. He glanced ahead at his dog and the corners of his mouth turned up in an attempt at a smile. The big animal seemed to adore him, following him everywhere and hanging on his every word and movement. Aeris had told him that animals could sense what kind of person you are inside, and if Blade loved him that much, it meant the creature knew he was trustworthy. Now if only he would convince everyone else on the base…

Sephiroth's mind still felt full as he turned up the path leading back to town from the beach, but he did feel a bit more at ease. Though the walk had not solved any of his problems, it at least allowed him the time to think them over and try to organize his thoughts. Things really weren't going that badly, he admitted. Building upon all the new relationships he had in his life was difficult and stressful for him, but it was hardly something negative. Perhaps he would make more of an effort to speak with Vincent next time he saw him… He had a feeling no one else understood his difficulties communicating and his insecurities quite like his father did.

As they reached the road leading through town to the lift that would take them back into the base, Blade became excited and began to pull a bit at the end of the leash. The dog already knew where his home was, and he was excited to get there. When he glanced back at Sephiroth with such joy in his eyes, he couldn't help but smile. It was hard to feel alone and overwhelmed when faced with such unconditional love, after all. The thought of heading home to spend the rest of the evening with Aeris only further warmed him inside. Suddenly, he felt a lot less overwhelmed by the things he couldn't control, and almost hopeful for the future.