The smell of smoke lingered from the chimney up above, as I sat motionless on the front porch steps. How could this be that bad? I thought. I could hear my parents fighting inside, and I knew that there was no one who could help me. It was seventh grade year when I got held back. I didn't know anyone but two girls, and trust me it was about the scariest experience I have ever endured. You know the old routine, finding seats in lunch, and who were the popular kids of the grade.

For me this was different, I never had experience talking to boys. I was just about as clueless as it gets. The very first day of school, I got placed by the most gorgeous guy in school… Nathan. My heart fluttered the very first day, even though his jerk friends were asking me very disgusting questions. Nathan looked over and told me to just answer yes, but was I about to let them make a fool of myself?

Relationships were never easy for me, and I wasn't the prettiest girl in the school. That seemed to discourage me a little bit, especially after my very first crush, I wrote him a letter front and back releasing my feelings that I had for him. I remember specifically telling Tyler in the letter not to show anyone, because I didn't want it to get around school.

You know how that went? Horrible. He ended up showing his entire lunch table and then afterwards, one of the guys told me that he had threw the letter down on the ground, stomped on it a couple of times, then shredded it up, and threw it in the trash. After a while I kind of gave up on the whole dating situation.

It's hard watching the one guy you like, date your mortal enemy. I know exactly how this feels… it was at lunch one day, and I happened to glance over and see Nathan getting spoon fed by Prezilla. I about gagged. We didn't always call Prescila by that name, but she earned it one time in gym, when she badgered us about how we weren't athletic… or bionic. The real problem that I faced that year was having to face my "wonderful" locker buddy. Once again humiliation struck and I was forced to take action when a cluster of his friends do what clusterers do and formed a huge pack around my locker. As my home life wasn't really that good, I didn't want to put up with any sort of bullying. After the billionth time Ethan jabbed me in the ribs, I flung around in a whirlwind of awesomeness, and conquered the demon. After twisting his arms around so he couldn't poke me anymore, he sat down on the floor and cried, as much as his pitiful puppy eyes could.

Needless to say Ethan didn't mess with me again that year. I got really upset with Nathan one time, and told him that I was going to kick his butt too, because he wouldn't stop bringing his jerk friends around. At the time, I didn't realize that I possibly just committed the worst social suicide ever. He never paid attention to me after that, so I was forced to always glance at him… Then something magical happened, I finally got the hint that he didn't like me, and started ignoring him. Occasionally I would glance over, and to my surprise he would be glancing right back at me.

Those were the nights I stayed up and literally Googled everything about men, and gave up on how confusing they are. The scary thing was that during lunch, my group of friends sat in the very middle of the lunch room, we were stared at a lot, and kids threw stuff at us. We weren't exactly the "outcasts" but we weren't respected. Especially not by the Jocks which happened to be the group that Nathan was in.

Many nights I stayed up crying because I didn't know if I would ever begin to feel complete again. I felt like my whole world was crumbling down, constantly I would flip through my old yearbook, and glance at his picture. I know I sound pathetic, but I'm sure all of you, boy or girl, man or woman, have done this once in your lifetime. The world of love is so mysterious that it isn't like a game you would play that has rules in it. Love is supposed to be kind, patient, and full of adventure. Something that I realized, love isn't always found in high school. Only in rare cases, do you see couples holding hands smiling, looking into each others eyes… with a 50th year anniversary sign above them, in a newspaper.

I drummed my fingers nervously on the side of my desk as I peer over across the room to where he was sitting. Freshman year was filled with avoidance, and the luck of having no classes together. In my strange mind, I liked him so much, yet I didn't want to be seen around him. Maybe it was my conscience telling me that I would make a fool of myself. Either way when Sophomore year rolled around I found myself distanced from him. I no longer glanced his way, and he meant nothing to me. In a way I was glad because then I could focus more on my studies.

When we entered Sophomore English, I felt like I was about to throw up. No, even though the class itself was repulsing, I found myself sitting face to face with him. For about nine weeks I let myself be tortured by the fact that here was this hot guy sitting in front of me, but me being the outcast no good would ever come of this tragedy. I knew after gazing into his eyes, we were like two worlds meeting for the first time... Wait that doesn't sound too cheesy right?

When I was around him, it felt like stars were just forming into the galaxy. I was the sun and he was the planets orbiting around me. The awkwardness of our presences only became worse once the nine weeks were over and the seating chart changed. I came into class, and of all seats I had the seat right next to him. My eyes seemed to stay glued to the ceiling, I was afraid to move so that I wouldn't attract any unwanted suspicion from his general area.

My feet padded nervously as I felt his eyes wander to me, he smiled at me and I looked away blushing. Soon after he started padding his feet too. We were all reading a story out loud, and it came to a part where the lady let out a stream of curse words, and so I laughed. He chuckled, and reluctantly I glanced over, putting aside my long list of fears. Surprisingly he was looking at me, my heart fluttered once and then tipped over inside my chest. "Holy crap." I said out loud.

"Is something the matter?" He asked leaning towards me, attracting all of our fellow classmates attention.

" No, every thing is fine... thanks."

I could feel my body tense up, and I felt my muscles become spastic. Great, the last thing I need is to start flailing my arms like a dinosaur in front of everyone.

Then the bell rang, and he darted out of his seat towards the door. My feet had a tingly sensation, because I had sat there for so long.

"You must really like him..." Anna said, giving me a sly smile.

I scowled, and slung my bag over my shoulder stomping out of the room. All I need is for another rumor about me to get around the school again. What's next, supposedly Emma turns into a Care-Bear at night time, and runs around to houses singing lullabies to gnomes?

Anna was one of the most gorgeous girls in my school. I suppose she suspected me to fear her because of this. Maybe it was true that I did despise her lack of flaws. I knew Anna since we were in 7th grade... she embarrassed me countless times. Each time I would go to the bathroom, so would she. I didn't have any friends, and I guess she kept note of this, at the time.

As I walked down the hallway towards the Gym, and noticed that Nathan was standing at his locker. He happened to glance my way, and so I immediately tilted my head downwards. No way was I going to let my guard down, I thought. Its easy enough that he can get just about any girl he wants. I walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My eyes appeared to be sunken in, possibly because of my lack of sleep. I started out of the door, and noticed Sara and Alyssa walking ahead.

"Psst!" I whispered.

I didn't realize at first that Nathan was walking right beside me. "Hi...hi...hi..." He stuttered. I didn't know how to respond to him, so I just smiled and went on.

I hurried down to the girls locker room, and was glad that my day was almost over. We went through all of the basic stretches, and then once again we ran three times around the entire gym. Gym is fun, mostly because I have it with my friends. If it weren't from them Gym would be a lot painful than what it is now.

"So did you see Nathan again?" Karah, one of my best friends asked.

" I do everyday, but I take it your meaning speaking to him?"

"Yeah." She said, hitting the birdy over the net. This was the week that we were playing badminton.

" I never have the courage to just go up to guys and ask them how their day is going. He did say hi to me though... actually it was more of a stutter." I said whacking away at the air, in an attempt to hit the bird.

"Aww how cute! So do you think that he likes you or anything? Now that Prezilla is out of the way, Anna is sure to step up." I grumbled at the thought, and returned a hit.

"Yeah, there was an incident in English today... she thought I was flirting with him. So she confronted me after class about it." Karah shook her head as she bent down to pick the bird up.

"She has no class what so ever... Did you see what she was wearing today?"

"No."

"She had a mini skirt on, and a strapless shirt. Her shirt was falling off of her, because she doesn't have anything to keep it up with." I smiled at her, she always knew how to make my day a whole lot better.

What only felt like minutes, turned into an hour. The bell finally rang, and we were off to the locker rooms again. I heard a couple of girls laughing, and stayed hidden.

"Yeah...she just froze when he talked to her." Lucy, one of the girls from Anna's group remarked.

"How pathetic, she's in for it... Anna doesn't like competition. After all she's like the most gorgeous girl in school, no one would dare go against her." Karah and Rebekah looked at me and shook their heads.

"Don't pay attention to them, Emma. They aren't worth it."

I quickly changed into my regular clothes aware of the stares I was getting from my friends, and hightailed it out of the locker room. I went back to my seat on the floor and buried my head in my hands. How unbelievable... if it isn't one thing it's another. I go home and I don't exactly have a life there... my parents fight all the time, and I never get a peaceful moment. Shouldn't school be like a sanctuary for me instead of a living nightmare?

Maddie and Stacy appeared outside of the entrance to the locker rooms, and started snickering. Preps... I thought. They started towards me, but then the bell rang. As I walked out to the bus, my feet were pained from the torment they endured during badminton. My plan was to go home and lock my door to my room, so I didn't have to listen to anyone's bickering. Sadly, this plan failed and once again I found myself sitting outside with my dog Lily, listening to the birds chirp and feeling the wind against my skin.

I trucked up the stairs, unloaded the contents in my bag, and laid down on the bed.

"Can you feed Lily?" My mom asked, peeking her head through the door.

I rolled my eyes and sighed, "All right..."

I hopped up, clearly upset that no one else would take into consideration that I had a long workout at school. It was nearly five, and dinner wasn't started, I figured that mom was too tired, and I had to make dinner tonight. Lily pawed at my feet, and started licking her lips.

"Are you hungry baby?" I cooed. She sniffed. "Trust me girl, I am too..."

Usually during my spare time I go for walks around the park so I asked my friend Kylee to come walk with me. After about ten minutes the breeze became blistering and unbearable for us to walk through. As we were walking back towards the house I noticed a white duck, with fluffy feathers sticking in every direction waddling towards the creek. We decided to follow the little fellow thinking that it was okay, but boy were we wrong.

As soon as we praised the little guy, he started puffing his chest out like he was Mr. Duck-Hot-Stuff and strutting his feet everywhere he could. A gang of diesel trucks came blasting through our little park with such force it left a massive earthquake and unbearable smog. Instead of releasing his built up duck anger on them, he turned on us. How could such a little thing be so feisty? I don't believe I have ever run so fast before. All the while Kylee was in the back of me yelling for me not to run, but when your chased down by a strutting duck, what would YOU do? As we got to the bridge Kylee informed me that, "Ducks can't fly." I have never felt like such an idiot before that day. And now that my fun is over... I am sitting right back on this porch again... not so alone with the amount of stars in the sky.