Title: Or we can burn…
Category: Angst/MSR
Rating: M
Summary: Post Never Again – Expansion of truths not yet known.
Disclaimer: Mulder, Scully, and all other X Files related characters belong to Chris Carter, TenThirteen Productions, and FOX Productions. The purpose of this is purely for fluff and fantasy; no profit shall be made minus a few grins or giggles. Credit to Kygo for "Firestone" lyrics.
Changes will be notated, if there are any, and please check back for any added chapters.
I'm a flame.
You're a fire.
I'm the dark in need of light.
"Not everything is about you, Mulder," the words floated from her lips with an air of sadness yet held a sharpness that ripped through him like kitchen shears. "This is my life."
"Yes, but it's m—" Mulder stopped speaking, realizing how much of an ass he'd sound like if he dare uttered another word, her eyes burning a hole through him, her chin still downturned.
"Your what?" Scully played with her coat, the bruising on her face still fresh, regret stinging from behind the frustrated, melancholy façade she was upholding.
Mulder swallowed hard and glanced up at the ceiling, exhaling hard, loudly. "Nothing, Scully."
The silence in the air was deafening and had the mass of an elephant that neither knew how to move without retreating into defeat, allowing an assumed victory by the other. Mulder was hurt and so was Scully but neither had enough gumption or resolve to tell the other, surmising that the other would not give a damn despite how out of character that would be. Mulder knew he had no right to be upset over Scully's oh so obvious fling with a random man that she barely knew but he couldn't help himself. There was something that angered him because he KNEW her better than this and yet, she went against every notion he ever had of her. He could not understand what was going through her mind and wanted her to just spill it so it could end his suffering, but he knew how selfish it sounded even needing that from her. She didn't owe him a thing—never did.
"I'm going home, Mulder—" Scully started to get up from her chair, stifling the urge to tell him everything.
Mulder got up and stood next to hair in a half assed attempt to keep her from leaving, willing himself to man up and talk to her. "Scully, please just stay…talk to me."
"Why? So you can lecture me like some incredibly disappointed father figure some more? You're not satisfied berating me for the last 30 minutes over all of this?" Scully verbally slapped him around, the frustration in her tone boiling over as she stood up and nearly pushed past him, her arms sliding forward with her jacket across her forearm. "I'll pass on that if you don't mind."
Mulder felt the unmistakable sting that he knew he deserved that remark but refused to back down as he fully blocked her movement, half pushing her rear end against the desk. "Dammit, Scully, just stop it and listen to me for one fucking second! Can you do that?"
Scully's eyes widened as she looked up at him, dropping her coat clumsily on the floor in an effort to grab onto the desk, the anxiety rising in her throat. Mulder was too close to her right now, but not for an issue of comfort, it was the fact she couldn't run now. She was half shaking as his hands surrounded hers, gripping the edge of the desk right along with her. She inhaled deeply, glancing at his hands, the tension building as his fingertips pressed so hard they were white. Her eyes followed up his arms and settled on his face, where she could not help but see the intense fire burning behind his cornea, aimed at her.
"I'm listening." It was all Scully could do to keep from screaming and crying all at the same time as their eyes locked on each other.
"Scully how many times do I have to tell you that you are all that I trust in this world? That you're the reason I have a shred of sanity left?" Mulder's voice went ragged as he read her the riot act, the vein in his forehead bulging with every breath. "Why do you refuse to trust me? Let me in."
"Mulder, I do trust you but—" Scully teetered on the edge of tears, her eyes diverting to the floor. "Please don't make me do this."
"I'm not making you do anything, Scully—I NEED you to tell me what the hell is going through your mind because this is so unlike you. You're acting like I would and I don't like that you won't tell me why," Mulder tilted her head up, refusing to let her look away. "Don't shut me out."
The physical collision and moment of satisfaction with Ed Jerse paled in comparison to what she was experiencing with Mulder now and there was something intoxicating about Mulder's dominant stance that sent a jolt to her knees, causing them to shake almost uncontrollably. Her bottom lip quivered and her hands trembled, her heart and stomach both fluttering with anxiety and an adrenaline rush. A light in her flickered and an unmistakable flush formed on her cheeks. Scully's lips trembled as she fought back the tears, eyes searching him. Mulder's fingertips slipped to her clavicle, playing with her cross, brushing against her skin ever so slightly, and his free hand instinctively steadied her at the waist, gripping one of her belt loops.
"Mulder, take me home."
Mulder's chest deflated, his eyes dropped to the floor, and he felt the brutal sting of refusal from the woman he would undo his life for. He sighed deeply and started to back away from her, not wanting to look at her, his vulnerability was written all over his face, on display for her. Scully seemed confused by his actions as she reached for anything on him to keep him from moving, snagging her delicate fingers on his tie, both hands still shaking nervously. Mulder looked down at her and took in a deep breath, thoroughly confused.
"Scully—"
Scully pressed her index finger against his lips, teetering on her heels before repeating a little louder and carefully enunciating each little syllable, hoping that she was understood this time. "Take me home."
"Okay, Scully…I'll take you home," Mulder leaned down and picked up her coat, sliding it around her in such a way that can only be described as an affectionate gesture before turning toward the door to leave.
Scully swallowed hard and followed him out the door, pulling it shut behind her. The walk to the parking garage was a blur for Scully, her mind whirling around the notion that she had been blindsided by cancer. Betsy Hagopian. Leonard Betts. Betsy Hagopian. Leonard Betts. The vomit was up in her throat. She couldn't tell Mulder—she didn't want to be seen as weak in his eyes and definitely didn't want to be treated differently. If you don't say it out loud it cannot kill you, right? Scully was rationalizing her refusal to tell her partner that something was wrong—and part of her knew that he would be so angry knowing she was hiding this from him. He was, by all accounts, her best friend, after all, but this was different…this was more than just a revelation to Scully. She was seeing this as a death sentence and if she didn't say anything it could simply be avoided. It was more than simply losing her life—it was not being able to continue the journey next to him. Her stomach sunk at the thought of not being there for him—unable to see this quest through, even if it was only for him.
"No, don't go to Georgetown," Scully could see that Mulder was about to take the exit toward her apartment, her voice sharp, almost desperately pleading with him.
Mulder half swerved back into the lane, caught off guard by the tone of her voice. "I thought you wanted me to take you home."
"Yours…" Scully didn't catch herself before the word slipped from her lips, her voice small, meek.
Mulder had the desire to ask 'what' but he knew exactly what she just said. He nodded in her direction and continued on toward his own apartment, continuing the drive in silence. He glanced over at her only once, taking notice of her hands trembling in her lap. What are you hiding from me, Scully? Mulder's mind could not get wrapped around it but he knew that he was about to take a bulldozer to the wall she was attempting to construct around her, one way or another.
One hour later, Mulder's apartment-
Mulder jiggled the keys in the door and pushed it open for Scully, who was bundled in her jacket like a small child. She walked in and took off her jacket, draping it over the arm of the couch, sinking into the fabric. He shook his head just slightly, shutting the door behind him, locking it tight. He turned around to see her almost examining his Yankees cap, holding it by the bill, thumbing over the white lettering. He contemplated her and leaned against the entryway jam between his kitchen and the living room. He watched her fingers roam over the lettering in soft, fluid motions.
"So are you going to talk to me or sit there fondling my Yankees hat?" Mulder attempted to inject a little humor into the awkward silence.
Scully's gaze hit the floor and she choked back a flood of tears, burying her face in her hands, muffling the words just slightly. "Do you ever have the desire to run far away and start all over, Mulder? Just forget who you are and pretend you're someone else?"
"Every time I get my magazine subscription renewal bills—" Mulder let out a chuckle, hoping to inspire a glimmer of laughter from his partner, but he knew he was failing.
Little tears rolled down her cheeks and landed on the top of her hand. Scully sighed softly and reluctantly wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. Cancer. Deterioration. Death. All of it meant a lot more than she wanted to admit but she couldn't bear to let the words come out. Not to him. Not tonight.
Mulder scooted between her and the coffee table, sitting down on the surface of it, inadvertently sitting on a jagged object. He let out a "frrrp" sound, pursing is lips together, shoving said object away from his left cheek before putting his hands over the top of hers. He sighed, a resignation of tension as a preparatory action to be whatever Scully needed right now.
He could feel the moisture of her tears on the top of her hand and his heart sank. "Let me in, Scully—"
"Mulder, please, I can't," Scully refused to look at him, her voice cracking now as she allowed herself to gently sob.
Mulder tilted her head up via her chin and laid a little kiss on her forehead, wiping the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs. Her eyes closed in a slow motion as Mulder rubbed her cheeks with both hands, cupping her face in his hands. Mulder pulled her into an embrace, surrounding her protectively yet tenderly. She melted into him, her head buried in his chest, hands gripping his sides while his gathered in the middle of her back, pulling her to the edge of the couch, closer to him. Scully took a deep breath and pulled back, looking into his eyes for the first time since they got to his apartment. Mulder looked down at her and kissed her forehead again, brushed a little bit of her hair out of her face and found himself contemplating her features. He was drawn to the rosiness in her cheeks, the little bit of a pout on her lips, her eyes shimmering from crying. He wiped the remnants of tears with his thumbs and placed a kiss on both spots in the middle of her cheeks.
"Mulder…" Scully's tone was not much higher than a whisper, lips trembling as she finally caught his gaze.
"Mmmhmm?" Their faces were mere inches from each other and his voice was more than a comfort to Scully.
Scully's fingers slipped to his shoulder blades and dragged downward, settling at mid back. "Make me forget."
Mulder didn't ask how, he simply slid forward a little more and parted her lips with his thumbs, sliding them outward until they were near the corners of her mouth. He grazed his own bottom lip across the space between her lips before grazing her teeth with his tongue. He knew her better than almost anyone but not in a physical sense, at least not until now. Her heart was practically beating out of her chest as he seemed to know exactly how to drag a moan out of her. The sound was almost guttural as it came from her lower belly and emanated from her lips, vibrating against his.
When we touch, you inspire.
Feel the change in me tonight.
He was gentle with her but could feel an unmistakable heat from her as she let him in, his tongue finding hers, the air between them colliding and melting together. Mulder's fingers laced through her hair and tugged on her soft tresses just enough to tilt her head back to gain better access to her mouth. He nibbled on her bottom lip and half sucked it into his mouth, tapping his tongue against her tender flesh half between his lips and teeth. He let go of her lip and looked down at her swollen bottom lip, then listened for her threaded breath.
So take me up, take me higher.
He pulled her into another open mouthed kiss and parted her knees, sliding his own between them while scooting forward. He guided her forward, pulled her knees around his waist and lifted her up, her hands instinctively moving around his neck while his cradled her rear. He stood up, refusing to remove his lips from hers and clumsily shoved the coffee table against the rounded table across from the couch with his foot. For a moment Mulder hovered with Scully's legs wrapped around him, her shoes slipped off and tumbled under the desk while they both devoured each other's mouths. Mulder haphazardly threw his blanket on the floor and slowly guided Scully onto the soft material. He hovered over her and reluctantly withdrew his mouth from hers just long enough to pull off his jacket and tie.
"The floor, Mulder? Really?" Scully found the ability to smile as his hands were already on the front of her blouse, unbuttoning it slowly.
Mulder let the front of Scully's blouse fall open and he leaned down, kissing the pale skin just below her bra. "Ah come on, Scully, you won't even be worrying about the floor in a minute, trust me on that one."
Scully bit down on her lip as Mulder unbuttoned and unzipped her slacks, his fingers pulling the fabric away from her body, sliding them down past her knees. "Are you absolutely certain, Mulder?"
Mulder discarded her slacks and brought her knees up a bit, pulling down her knee high nylons. He locked eyes on her as he leaned down and kissed the spot just above her knee near her inner thigh. Scully bit on her lip a little harder and let out a little moan, her gaze on Mulder. Mulder watched as her breathing began to hasten while his lips traveled up each thigh, fingers sliding over the silken material of her panties. A low growl emitted from Scully's lips as Mulder dragged his teeth along her left inner thigh.
The sound brought his mouth to a stop as he looked at her, a small curve of a smile appearing on his mouth. "Very certain, Scully…"
Scully groaned and closed her eyes for a moment to gather herself before slowly sitting up, assisting him in untucking his shirt. Mulder slid her shirt the rest of the way off and discarded it next to her slacks before looking down at her delicately unbuttoning the front of his shirt. His eyes traveled up her arms and settled on her face. He smiled as he fully realized that her powder blue matching bra and panties were now the only clothing still on her while he was completely dressed by all accounts. Scully pulled the sleeves down on his shirt and nibbled his collarbone while tossing his shirt aside in the growing pile of clothes. Her hands traveled to his belt and painstakingly slid the slack through the loop until it finally gave way and slid off in a slow, fluid motion.
"You're awfully good at that, Scully…been practicing?" Mulder made a wiseass comment as his pants were already undone and halfway down to his knees, Scully's lips still nibbling a trail along his collarbone.
Scully smiled softly and pulled his head down toward hers, lavishing his lips with a very passionate kiss, pulling him forward he hovered over her again. Mulder wiggled the rest of the way out of his pants and his shoes; the socks didn't want to budge but finally gave way after the pants were free of his ankles. Mulder lifted her back off of the floor and unhooked her bra, his mouth kissing down her neck while exposing her more tender flesh. The goosebumps appeared almost immediately as the cool air hit her breasts. The sensations were intoxicating to Scully as Mulder carefully and strategically kissed in a circular pattern, purposely avoiding her nipples until she arched her back and pressed her chest up against him.
Scully's voice cracked again as he finally enveloped her left nipple with his lips and lightly with his teeth, tugging it outwardly and then releasing it, repeating the same action on the right, "Mulderrrr...uhnnnnn, oh fuck."
"Scully, what do you need me to do?" Mulder's almost rhetorical question licked at her subconscious, his lips next to her ear while his fingers pulled her last remaining article of clothing down past her thighs.
Scully knew that tonight she was not the woman staring at death but rather a woman allowing the only man she truly trusted to let her feel something more than fear, regret, and anger. She knew that she would have to reveal everything about her cancer to him soon but not tonight. Tonight she needed to feel something meaningful—powerful—scintillating. She half writhed out of her own panties and looked up at him while bringing her thighs up to his hips, half frowning at the fact he was still in his boxers.
She kissed his cheek and let her lips hover near his ear, whispering. "Don't fuck me…make love to me, Mulder and don't hold back…I don't want to remember my own name in the morning."
Mulder maneuvered out of his boxers and guided her legs around his waist, pressing against her just enough to tease her. Scully growled at his deliberately slow movements, craving more of him. The feel of his skin against hers was damn near electric and flowed through her like lightning. For a moment, time seemed to stop as they looked at each other, the space between them nearly gone. Their mouths found each other again and eclipsed in a kiss as Mulder slowly filled her to the hilt. Her words "Make love to me, Mulder and don't hold back" looped continually in his head as her body began to move to his beat. The sweetest sound in the world to him was Scully's panting and moaning in a rhythm that nearly matched his thrusts.
Nothing else mattered in this moment as the world around them disappeared while they reveled in each other's energy, feeding off of the only good vibrations that mattered—each other. They didn't need to know why—all they needed was each other in this moment. They were not FBI agents tonight—they were two people taking refuge in each other's arms, indulging in each other's passion.
End Chapter 1
YES THERE WILL BE A NEXT CHAPTER! PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS LOVES!