Just Between Us
A/N I do not own Glee or it's characters. Warnings: mentions self-harm, parental abuse, and suicide.
I'm risking a lot to write this. Writing this means I'm lying, stealing, and betraying two of the most important people in my life. Why, you may ask, would I do this? Just to write a story? Because, this story has been unfinished for too long. Bits and pieces are known, but the full story is not. Sharing their whole story makes all of this worth it.
Love is strange. It can bring two unlikely people together in a way no one understands. This is a story of how love brought together two souls, and how they were ripped apart.
One was a boy who had lost his mother at a young age. He was left alone, feeling unwanted. To fill his void, he detached himself from everyone and began to secretly cut himself. He always dreamed of suicide. But he stayed alive for his father, the only person who cared about him.
The other had also lost a parent, but not due to death. His mother left him and his father three years after his birth. Since he could remember his father would bring home different women almost every night. The boy's father also drowned his woes in alcohol. He tried to hide from his father at night to avoid having bruises on his body the next day. Even if he admitted who caused his injuries, his father's punishing would become worse. He didn't want to find out what would come then.
Their names were Kurt and Blaine. They had briefly dated for a few weeks before the Summer of 2010, but Kurt became afraid because he was trusting Blaine too easily. His solution was to leave Blaine heartbroken.
Soon after, Blaine began dating a bad boy named Daniel, or Danny, for the summer. The fifteen year old believed he was in love. He never realized that throughout their relationship, Danny was doing drugs, drinking, and cheating with both men and women. Blaine's heart was tortured and he didn't know how to move on. He thought he found a cure when he began self-mutilation. The self harm progressed until he was in a mental hospital for a suicide attempt. Then a second hospital months later for overdosing.
Blaine didn't realize until after he got out of the second hospital that Kurt had hurt for months. He had blamed himself for Blaine's misery. It took time, but they found each other again in August, 2011.
When they first got together that fall, I found a notebook that held one entry. The title of the entry was "Just Between Us". It had a paragraph of Blaine's writing then list of why Kurt was different. When I returned the notebook to Blaine I learned, after a good five minutes of being shouted at, that this notebook was something special between Blaine and Kurt. I was told if I ever found it again, not to read it. I never saw it again, until yesterday.
It's now almost a year and a half since their break up. They were together for eight months. All of us who knew them were certain they would last for an eternity. They had always talked about their future together. None of us saw it coming. Kurt and Blaine never said why they broke up, just that they did. I found the answers in this notebook. I made a promise not to read it again, but I'm doing this for everyone who knew them. Everyone who is still looking for answers. For you.
August 2, 2011
Just between us,
It's hard being the first one to write in this… Anyway, you can write in this however you want, I just started this in letter format. So here you go. My list of…
Reasons Why You Are Different
1. You understand what's wrong with me and put up with my shit.
2. Somehow you got me to open up to you and trust you more than anyone else. You know me better than anyone.
3. You were the first person to say I was hot. Puck's party was the first time I ever heard that.
4. You don't treat me like shit, and I hope you don't take me for granted.
5. I don't feel the need to make sure you're not going to kill yourself every night. Not like Danny.
6. You're so much better than people I've dated in the past.
7. You make me feel wanted.
8. You cheer me up when I'm depressed, you know what to say. I don't have to hide when I'm sad.
9. You bring out what little courage I have. You got me to slowly get over my paranoia and fear.
10. You're more intelligent than other guys I've dated. Don't even argue about that. ;)
11. I actually see a future for us.
I will finish this endless list later but first I wanted to say something.
Just between us,
The other day at the Westerville fair, when we were looking at the rings, I was thinking about how much I wish I could get you something like that for you.
But I can't and probably won't ever be able to. I'm a loser. You deserve so much better than me. Why do you choose to stay with me, when there is a guy out there who doesn't have problems. Who can give you what you want. Who knows what he wants for his future. Who will be successful. Who you could love forever.
Why choose me? I'm just a screw up who won't be able to give you what you want. Who's afraid to show people who he is. Why do you love me? Of all people. You could be so much happier with someone else. Why me?
Love, Blaine
August 6, 2011
12:22 AM
Just between us,
Blaine, I do not want to change you. I fell in love with who you are and you don't have to be different. You can be anyone you want to be and I'll support you all the way. I just hope it's somewhat the same for me
I love you. I don't need a fancy ring, Sure, they're pretty but I can live without. I'll tie a rope around my finger. So you are not a loser. Okay? Sure I could probably take the time and find someone else. But I don't want to because I have you. I will accept no one but you. I'll be by your side for as long as you'll have me. I could fill this entire book with loving words for you, but I think I should leave you some room to flatter and write loving words to me. Hehe.
1. I kind of like it when you don't show yourself to other people because I feel special when you show yourself to me.
2. You have issues, yes, but so do I. We can relate. You make me feel better.
3. I love your hazel eyes.
4. I love to hear you talk about anything and everything. I love the way your face lights up when it's something you love.
5. You make me feel safe and warm. Especially when we're in the car, with my head on your shoulder and you're singing along to the radio.
Blaine… I still feel like you'll disappear. You could go manic and land yourself in another hospital. Or you'll move away. Die. Find someone handsomer, happier, better. Or that I'll simply wake up from this dream.
Earlier, you asked the question, "What would you do or say if I cut again?" I didn't answer. The truth is I would resist the urge to slap you so hard your head would spin. Instead, I would say "Okay why did you cut?" and go from there. Then I'd leave your side and shed a few tears. I would feel ashamed for not being there for you. Then find you again to say that I love you so much.
I love you.
To me, you're the first hand I've held, hug I've received. My first kiss. First boyfriend, crush. My first everything. No one else matters. They're bumps in the road. Ditches even. Potholes?
Why are they even called potholes? Maybe because they fill with water when it rains. Like you fill a pot. Falling asleep… So much more I could say…
- Kurt
P.S. Did I say "I love you"?
August 6, 2011
1 AM
Places We've Kissed
In an abandoned school
The roof of said school
In hella dark tunnels surrounded by vulgar graffiti
Me straddling you on a bridge with an audience
Under said bridge
On the roof of McKinley (illegally)
Your roof
Floating in inner tubes in the middle of a lake
Top of a ferries wheel with little girls staring
On a carousel ride
On the play structure at the park
A/N Thank you for reading, reviews are much appreciated. So, please review? Thank you!
- Simone