One More Day
Hutch wasn't sure what happened. He really didn't know, nor did he care why. The only thing he knew was that he was sitting on the ground leaning against the brick wall cradling Starsky in his arms. He didn't hold back the tears that were streaming down his face. "No, no, no. Come on, Starsk. Don't do this to me," he pleaded.
Starsky took a deep breath and muttered, "It's okay, Hutch. It doesn't hurt. Read the letter. Read the letter, Hutch. It's in my top desk drawer at home." Hutch's lower lip quivered as he looked at Starsky. "Promise me one thing," Starsky whispered.
"Anything, Buddy. Anything you want."
Starsky didn't say anything else. Instead he took his last breath. Hutch shut his eyes and held Starsky tighter as he felt Starsky's soul leave his body. He buried his head in Starsky's hair. Hutch could hear the whispers of the other officers who arrived in the alley. None of them approached Hutch or spoke to him directly.
Hutch didn't want to go through Starsky's desk. He felt like he was intruding. His hand was trembling as he put the key into the lock and turned it slowly. He opened the door and went inside, locking the door behind him. He opened the desk drawer and there it was an-envelope with his name in big red letters on the front. "I guess this is what you wanted me to read huh, Buddy." Hutch bit his lower lip so hard it started bleeding, he didn't care. He had been hurting so much on the inside he welcomed the pain. He sat on the couch and started opening the letter. "Got to get through one more day," he told himself.
The next couple of days were a blur. Hutch knew he had to get through the funeral before he could fall apart. He told himself that he had to get through the next day. He had to take it one day at a time. He looked in the mirror as he adjusted the tie on his dress blue uniform. He hadn't slept; he hadn't eaten, at least he didn't think he had. He couldn't remember anything except holding his partner's lifeless body. He shook the vision out of his head for the millionth time. He looked in the mirror and said, "Keep it together one more day, Hutchinson. Just one more day and the funeral will be over and you can go away. One more day and you can yell and scream all you want."
Hutch was standing at the podium at the funeral. He took a deep breath as he looked at his partner, his best friend and the person he loved the most in the word lying motionless. He half way expected Starsky to sit up and say it was all a joke. But it was no joke. Hutch gritted his teeth and read off the paper he had prepared the night before. "I don't have any words that will really define everything this man meant to me. What can you say about someone who was always there when you needed them? What can you say about someone who made you laugh so hard you couldn't breathe and make you so mad you wanted to hit him. Starsky…Buddy…Pal, you were so much more than my partner in the department. You once told me I was your Pal. Well, you were mine too. You will be missed in ways I haven't even thought of yet." Keep it together Hutch, he thought. Just get through this day. Get through it for him. You owe him this much. Hutch nodded to himself but couldn't say anything else. He walked over to the light blue casket and whispered in Starsky's ear. "I love you, Buddy. I'm pretty sure there is a heaven and you're there right now. Visit me when you can, okay?" He wiped the tears from his eyes and sat next to Mrs. Starsky. She sat there staring straight ahead, emotionless. Nick was sitting on her other side. He was looking at the ground in total disbelief.
Hutch felt a little relieved that the funeral was finally over. He had changed into an old pair of jeans and long-sleeved flannel shirt. He tossed some things into a bag. He saw Starsky's badge lying on the dresser. He put it there the day Starsky died. Hutch opened the little brown case and rubbed his fingers over the number 82. "I'll keep you with me always," he said as he put the badge in his coat pocket. He checked his gun before putting it in his holster.
Hutch made his way down the stairs to the car. At first he didn't want the Tomato. He thought long and hard before taking the keys Mrs. Starsky was giving him. "Please, you were his best friend. I know he wants you to have it, Ken." He held the keys tight in his hand. It was as if he was holding Starsky one last time. He opened the door and tossed his bag in the back.
Captain Dobey knew Hutch needed to get away for a while. After the funeral he had given Hutch the keys to his cabin and told him it was his as long as he wanted it. Hutch didn't go to the cabin, though. He didn't want to be where anyone knew him. He drove for hours. He had been driving without paying attention to where he was or how far he'd gone. He came out of his daze when the gas light came on. He drove a couple more miles before seeing a station. He stepped out and stretched before going inside. He asked the clerk to fill it up. The young man nodded and headed outside. Hutch looked around the little store and thought of Starsky when he saw a bottle of Root Beer as he was reaching for a Pepsi. Everything seemed to remind him of Starsky. He took a deep breath and closed the door. "Get through one more day," he whispered to himself. He reached in his coat pocket and felt Starsky's badge. It gave him some comfort. He paid for his Pepsi and gas then asked the cashier about a hotel. She pointed to the right and said there was one about a mile up the road. He thanked her and he got back in the car. Secretly he loved the Torino. He never told Starsky that, and now he wished he had.
He found the hotel within a couple of minutes. He asked the clerk for a room in the back. He told her he wanted to be as far away from anyone else as he could get. He was exhausted. He couldn't remember being so tired, so drained physically and emotionally. He hadn't been able to really cry and let go of all his emotions since Starsky's death. He had let tears flow here and there but had not allowed himself to feel the full effect of holding his best friend in his arms as he died. He had kept telling himself one more day. Just get through each day. Today was the day he would allow himself to feel everything. He locked the door, put his bag on the table and stood in the middle of the room for a long time. He wanted to remember everything he could about Starsky. He thought about the first time they met and their time in the academy. He could feel Starsky holding him as he thought about the time he helped him kick his addiction to heroin. He had known Starsky for what seemed like forever and there were so many memories Hutch didn't want to forget. He felt as if he forgot one little thing he would forget everything. He finally flopped on the bed and buried his head in the pillows and cried himself to sleep.
Hutch woke to the sound of the phone ringing. He blinked and rubbed his eyes. He reached for the phone. "Hello," he said confused because no one knew where he was, at least he didn't think anyone knew.
"Hey, Dummy, you were supposed to pick me up an hour ago," the familiar voice on the other end said.
Hutch looked around and discovered he was in his own apartment. He wasn't in some hotel far away after all. "Starsk, is that really you!?" He almost shouted.
"Who else were you supposed to pick up?"
"Starsky?" Hutch said slowly.
"Hey, Blondie, you okay?"
"I'm fine," Hutch rubbed his eyes in disbelief. It was Starsky on the phone. He hadn't died after all. It was just a dream.
"Tell you what, Hutch, I'll be there in ten minutes, okay?"
"Yeah," was all Hutch could manage to answer.
Hutch went to the bathroom to shower and shake off the memories of the nightmare. He stepped into the living room with a towel around his waist when Starsky knocked on the door. Hutch could not remember being so happy to see Starsky. He couldn't say anything. He reached his arms out and hugged Starsky.
Starsky had no idea what happened but knew Hutch needed him and he hugged back. "Hey, what's wrong?"
Hutch choked back tears as he said, "Nothing now."
"Hutch, sit down and tell me what's wrong." Starsky led Hutch to the couch and sat next to him.
Hutch took a deep breath, looked at the floor and said, "You died." He looked into Starsky's eyes and repeated, "You died, Starsk."
"I'm right here, Buddy. I'm not going anywhere."
"You died. I held you in my arms and spoke at your funeral," Hutch sniffed and wiped away a couple of tears.
Starsky could tell Hutch was still having trouble shaking the effects of the nightmare. He changed his own tone to be more upbeat, "Hey, I got an idea. Let's go for a nice drive up the coast, or the mountains. Anywhere you wanna go, just Me and Thee."
"What about the game, you wanted to go to the game?"
"There's one next week we can go to if you want."
"You sure, Starsk?"
"Sure, I'm sure." He slapped Hutch on the leg. "Hutch, I just want to hang out with you today."
Hutch smiled and knew it was all just a dream. "I'd like that too, Pal."