Wonderful. Just wonderful.
FZHT FZHT KRESMASH FwaSH! Ck Crck CRONG~
Electric wiring quickly converted into electrifying nunchuks blowing up a couch, missing their target, and swinging around onto a houseplant, thus stopping its user long enough to be hit by a kid wielding the metal sill from one of two broken windows.
All on a fine Saturday morning, at that.
"COOOOOOP!"
The call of the father of the Burtonburger family had become something mainstream in the boy's life now. He hadn't gone a day without hearing it since his attacker had moved in with them.
"I keep telling you not to annoy the cat! You cause destruction wherever you go! Besides, how can simpy 'annoying' the Cat cause so much destruction?"
Coop had started to become slightly pessimistic at how his father never questioned how his little feud with the evil extraterrestrial had gone on for so long. He mouthed his fathers nagging with his mouth and right hand.
"Millie and I haven't even left the house yet!"
"Yeah! You always ruin everything for me! And Mr. Kat!"
Millie entered the partially ruined kitchen with the stove falling to pieces just as she had managed to walk past it. The main difference today was that she was wearing a dress overly adorned with expensive jewelry that was most likely… not plastic.
"Why do you have to hurt Mr. Kat?"
"Because he's the one causing trouble!... as usual," said Coop, in a tone indicating that he no longer found the two believing him even a slight possibility.
"You know what- Forget it, Coop," said Burt. "Your sister and I are going to attend the Greeny Girl Beauty Pageant. Hopefully your sister will win LEGITIMATELY this year?..."
"What they don't know won't hurt them... RIGHT, DADDY?" In Millie's tone of Speech on those last couple words, it could obviously be seen that there was something sinister going on in that round head of hers.
"Guh… yes, sweetie. Now, Coop, I don't want to see any more damage in the house today. And if you absolutely have to torture Mister Kat, which I know you don't… please try to keep it outside."
A small, evil, and felinesque bunch of giggles came from outside, behind a mound of dirt that had built up from the fowl creature being hit across the yard. The shadow it belonged to snuck into the storage shed.
"…. At least maybe then the nice taxpayers will be able to fix the damages.
"Now, we should leave before Coop somehow inadvertently ruins your dress, pumpkin." Burt and Millie left the kitchen, the entrance of which collapsed behind them the moment after.
… From another entrance, Burt's head popped in once again.
"By the way, are you wearing PURPLE?"
"It's an old shirt. I haven't worn it in a while. What do you think?"
"It's gives off a certain feel of nostalgia, like… Like it was your original design or something, and your usual shirt now is your final depiction, or something like that…?"
"Um… okay?"
A short, awkward silence.
"Well, I'll be off, sport."
And, awkwardly, Burt left.
"... Darn Kat... Destroy my clothes, will he?..."
The shed exploded from a pillar of harmful and, presumably, radioactive energy. The purple, pasty monster emerged from the slowly sinking dust cloud amid the falling wood. Adjusting some new add-ons to a makeshift collar, he approached Coop with his classic grin…
-...-
On a short trip back in the car, Burt talked to Millie about the pageant that, in the third year in a row, Millie 'might' have cheated in.
"Well, Millie, I can't say I approve of your actions at the Pageant this year either. Was that one girl's hair on fire at some point? Her ends looked… blackened."
"Me? No, I'd never do something like that… RIGHT, DADDY?"
One could swear they could see a black and red aura emanating from Millie's head.
"GUAGH!... Of… of course not, my little angel!"
"Right answer, daddy!" Millie turned away as if her outburst had never occurred.
Upon turning into the driveway, Burt was pleased to see his house intact for once.
"Ah, finally! It seems that Coop has finally heeded my advice and did not start up anything with the cat! There's not a scratch visible on the outside!
"… Visible… on the outside… Oh no."
The household leader ran inside. Despite knowing the inevitable, he could only barely brace himself.
Burt gasped. The carpet was spread and ripped. Furniture that was not knocked over was smashed or slashed in half. In fact, there were numerous wide slits in the walls. The railing on the stairs was all but… actually, it was completely gone. So were a majority of the stairs.
In fact, it looked as though a giant creature had dragged itself- no, shredded itself through the walls with sheer force… all over the top and ground level floors.
No one has ever been able to, currently is able to, or ever will be able to contain the scream produced by the head of the household in that single point in time in mere text.
"COOP! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"
"I can vouch for Coop!"
Dennis Lu, Coop's best friend and neighbor, was hanging by his shirt from a light fixture on the ceiling.
"Hello, Mr. B," he said as he waved his hand lightly.
"What in- where's Coop?"
"He's in the kitchen, Mr. B."
Green light irradiated from the aforementioned room, forming from a strange, unpredictable discharge. From it, Kat frolicked across the ruined floor and rubbed up against Millie's legs, as usual.
"Mr. Kat! You're alright!"
What was not usual, however, was that Coop was dragging himself out from behind the kitchen counter, covered in severe scratches and nervous sweat. As if to top it all off, Coop also had a bloody nose.
"Ew, Gross!" said Millie.
"Coop! What happened here?"
Coop finally hit a resting position in which his face was rested on the remains of the carpet, and lifted a single finger.
"It was… you know what, I'm not even gonna bother." The young hero put down his finger.
"It's like a tornado filled with vicious animals ran through here!"
The cat made a small mew.
"It could never have been Mr. Kat," said Millie, hugging the abomination. "He's too gentle and sweet to do all this!"
Instantly to contradict this, Kat let out an evil giggle targeted at Coop. To his displeasure, Coop could not receive his malicious message, due to losing consciousness.
"Actually, maybe it was the cat…"
Millie let out a gasp in surprise. Coop was unconscious, obviously not making a gasp of the same variety. Kat also looked a bit shocked.
"But Daddy! Mr. Kat's not evil! He's a good kitty!"
"Well, pumpkin, I'm not sure. I mean, I don't think a small scuffle could have possibly escalated into something this violent," he said as he gestured to the entirety of the house. "It had to be done with weapons of mass destruction, or something… alien…" Burt said in a suspicious manner, staring at Kat with squinted eyes.
Kat was nervous now. Perhaps he had gone too far this time!
Clearly, something in Millie's psyche snapped. Her eyes popped out a bit. Her mouth opened wide, revealing teeth besides her two front incisors, and she screamed. Not only was it heard by the neighborhood, but it could be heard from several miles out of town.
"IT'S NOT MR. KAT! IT'S COOP! IT'S ALWAYS COOP! MR. KAT IS NOT A CATNIPIAN, OR TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD! AND DON'T ASK ME HOW I'D THINK THAT! JUST BACK OFF, BUDDY!"
"… But p-p-pumpkin, how would it occur to you that-"
"I SAID DON'T ASK! Now make Coop do some chores for punishment or something, OR ELSE!"
"All right! Just calm down… calm down."
"Thank you, Daddy!"
Although she calmed down, she stomped out of the room with Kat in her arms, who was hoping that he would regain his hearing in his lifetime.
"Unh! What was that noise? What happened?" Coop's state of unconsciousness had surprising endurance.
"You missed most of Millie's screaming while you were out. That's probably a world record!... somewhere." said Dennis, contradicting his statement nervously. The remaining thread that held him snapped, dropping him to the floor. Burt walked up to Dennis with a stern look and crossed arms.
"Sorry, Dennis, but playtime's over. Coop and I have some cleanup to do."
"Sorry, Coop, I gotta go anyway. I think my pelvis might be fractured. Bye." And with that, Dennis left, giving a small whine of pain every time he took a step from his left. When the limping pal of Coop's had left the visual vicinity, Burt spoke up.
"Well, Coop, I don't see how you could possibly fix all this damage. I'm thinking about getting some professional help."
"A psychiatrist?"
"No, construction workers actually, but… that may also prove fruitful sometime soon."
Kat laughed a bit in the background, predictably plotting to convince the psychiatrist that Coop should be thrown into the insane ward.
"No! Don't send me there! Kat's evil! Really!"
"I'm sorry, Coop, but I don't believe you."
"But… the house!..."
"(It's not like I have a choice, after all…)"
"What?"
"Just… I don't know, get the mail or something!"
Then Mr. Burtonburger left the room, mumbling something with the words "Millie" and "Possessed" in the same sentence, leaving Coop in the wake of Kat's destruction.
Coop himself looked around for a while to fully comprehend what had happened. Kat had actually mauled the living room, as he had first seen, tore the stairs as he had chased him up, destroyed the contents of his room while he was hiding in the closet, and toyed with him in the kitchen. Millie and Burt burst in at this point, thankfully preventing Kat from finishing him off.
It now seemed that Kat didn't mind mutating himself a bit to make life harder for Coop.
"(Kaaat!... I'll get you for this… someday…)"
Coop walked across the street, picked up a softball bat lying outside from the partially spared garage, of which only a mere box of knick knacks had been destroyed, and headed for the mailbox. As he walked across the street, he noticed something slinking into the bushes. Well, at least this time, he was ready… and armed.
Coop opened the mailbox, pretending that he was off guard. He began to sort through the mail to further the illusion that he hadn't caught sight of his so-called "predator..."
"Damage bill, damage bill, Greeny Girl catalog, Lobster Lad invite, Junk from Lorn and Harley…" and then, a black envelope within a fitting, clear plastic folder.
A black envelope? In a clear plastic folder?
It was addressed to the whole family, but the return address came from Hollywood.
Coop went up to the end of the driveway and sat down. His dad usually handled the mail, but something about this particular letter drew him in.
The envelope was indeed black, but the seal was very intricate, looking like a red rose. It was undoubtedly handmade. The stamp contained a picture of a certain woman that he vaguely remembered from the early parts in his life. The letter was also embroidered with whimsical red linings. The letter sort of gave off some sort of "femme fatale" look. It was a work of art.
Coop opened the letter carefully. The glue simply separated in several soft crackles, not putting up any sign of a struggle, and opened without creating a single crease in the paper. The handwriting on it was also handwritten.
The text confused him at first. He barely knew who this woman was, but he had always wanted to meet her. Now that he thought about it, she was a major part of his life.
Then, after his eyes crossed back and forth across the paper a few times, his lungs seemed to feel as if they were being pulled down by a giant, lead sphere on a chain.
From the bushes, Kat plotted briefly to pounce on Coop. He decided to torture the boy even more and make the day even more swell, and his face a bit more swollen. Maybe he would have a mental breakdown, Kat thought to himself with pleasure.
Kat leapt from the bushes and dove toward Coop like one would into a pool, intent on creating a dust cloud with Coop from their fighting.
Instead, he found something much more furious, and, ultimately, wrathful. Something that would make him regret pushing Coop today.
"You never know when to quit, do you? You Deceiving-!"
KONK
"UGLY-!"
KINK
"FURLESS FREAK!"
KRICK!
Kat's body hit the ground with what could have been a comedic squishing sound. At first, he was still, lying on the ground with a shocked expression. Then he shook and moaned. Painfully.
He lifted himself up partially, with his front legs, and looked back toward his leg. It was indented and bent from the last blow from the metal bat. Trying to get up, his body convulsed and shook, almost like one of his machines that was failing and about to explode. His leg didn't even look natural now; some of the inner workings could be seen beating inside his body.
He looked up at Coop with an expression of confusion and fear, as if to question the thought of how it had escalated to this level of violence. Coop himself still had his brow slightly furrowed in anger, but the angle became more and more obtuse as he made eye contact with the animal he had struck down.
Still moaning, he looked to and from Coop and his broken leg, trying to fit the pieces together, yet failing to do so.
Confused and horrified at what he had done, the Kid ran away from the wounded alien and into the house, intent on hiding the bat to conceal the crime he had just committed. Kat just sat there, as if he were zinged. His face then shown real anger, one not seen before, one seemingly thinking it was justified in whatever it would do next.
No longer was this the colorful world of Kid versus Kat it had just been minutes before, but a confusing world Coop didn't know how to deal with.