Like Winter
Authors Note: So I just bought and read A Separate Peace today and I loved it! This is based off one of my favorite moments in the book where Finny is telling Gene that winter loves him. As soon as I read it I thought of the relationship between the guys and knew I'd attempt to write something about it. Also this takes place right after Gene talks to Finny the last time. Anyway review and let me know what you think!
"I believe you. It's okay because I understand and I believe you. You've already shown me and I believe you."
That's what I said to Gene before he left the room.
Last night I wanted to tear him apart. I wanted to hurt him like he hurt me. I wanted to break him. It's amazing the change of heart that takes place in a night.
It's amazing how before he even came into the room I had a reason for what he did. But when didn't I with Gene? If I'm honest I knew what had happened from the beginning, just as I knew at home in Boston when he told me, but I never wanted to admit it. I never wanted to admit that he could do something like that to me. That he could cause my fall on purpose.
So I chose not to remember it. I chose to ignore my feelings, and keep as far away from my memories as possible, because Gene would never hurt me. I had to be wrong. That's the blind reality I tricked myself into believing.
I do believe he didn't mean it. I truly believe he did it out of a blind impulse.
But I also convinced myself in the past that he didn't cause my accident at all.
Because the idea that he harbored hate toward me was too much- is too much. The idea that he doesn't care for me the way I care for him is worse than any pain I've suffered so far.
Because I need Gene. I need my best pal. No one else worth sleeping next to on the beach. No one else will stand beside me like Gene. I need that to be real.
So I believe him. He's been beside me since the accident just like always, he's proven himself. I believe him and it's okay. We're okay.
It'd be a lie to say that I don't feel nervous now. That I don't feel like maybe I'm wrong, that maybe Gene does have hateful feelings toward me. But the truth is that it doesn't matter. It wouldn't matter if he walked in the room right now and told me he hated me and hoped to shatter my other leg.
Because Gene is like winter. I love him, so I have to believe that he loves me as much as he's capable of loving anyone. I believe him. Because when you love someone you don't lie to them, and Gene loves me because I love him.
As long as that logic holds up I'll be okay. As long as Gene stays winter I'll believe him. And when I wake up from surgery everything will be perfect, just like winter.
Just like Gene.