I had a horrible itch to write. So I did. I may or may not continue this. We'll see.

Unbeta'ed. Just raw.

Disclaimer: I claim nothing but the plot I will unfold in this story. Stephenie is the master mind. Kthnxbai.

Chapter 1

Come on skinny love, what happened here?

All I can remember are long, dark nights, with starry skies stealing our breaths as we lay in the grass. You tell me so much, everything pouring from your lips are tainted with your charm and intellect.

We talk all night, every night, deep and shackled conversations about our lives and beyond. You make me giddy, almost giggly, and that's something because I'm not a giggler.

I'm not girly. I'm not giddy. But you make me.

I don't know what it is about you really, what makes you so perfect and yet flawed?

I turn over to my side, the golden cotton wrapped around my body like second skin. I need to always be wrapped in something nowadays. A blanket, a towel, some cloth, anything.

I feel that if I can just stay still long enough, my body heat will warm up the lifeless object, and the illusion of your arms will keep my mind sane for a while. Only for a while, it's always only for a while.

It's late, not too late, almost midnight right now.

Around this time, we would've been crossing that rickety old bridge in the forest, passing our palms over the once gorgeous touch of a carpenter's hand, to feel the rough, prickly feeling of wood under our fingertips.

You would've made some lame joke about a troll being under the bridge, watching us every night like a complete creep. Probably masturbating to our little make out sessions.

"You're such a freak, I swear." My tone would come out disgusted, I would pretend to gag with a horrified face, all the while fighting back the urge, instinct to smile widely back at you.

"You dig the freakiness."

Your crooked grin, your cocky tone, the soft and hard edge of your voice circling around me, and awakening desires no one's ever had the ability to.

You captivate me, you always have. Ever since that day I moved into town, there has been the sparkling chemistry between us. It's a curse, because I can't stay away from you. It's a shackle, an imprisonment, because I can't try to move on.

Eventually, we would reach out destination. A small, almost too perfect meadow in the middle of nowhere. I would always do a little spin with my arms outstretched, a small laugh bubbling through my lips as I close my eyes. The air would consist of animal musk, and plant aroma. The freshness of the river close by, and the dampness of the rain from earlier before.

Whenever we came to that meadow, I was home.

I turn over again in my bed, willing to breathe some life into my cold hands. I rub the inside of my palm with my thumb, remembering the many times a blazing kiss would be placed upon the spot.

But I fight it, I fight the happy memories because they hurt too much. They sear, and they cut, and I'm always left gasping for air by the end of it. A small moan slips through my clenched teeth, a pathetic human sound really. It's filled with the endless amounts of pain I try so hard to hold back.

In the darkness, in my room, I think of you.

I think of me.

I think of you and me.

Together.

And it kills me.

Because the you and me that once was, isn't anymore.

I bring forth a bad memory, anything to keep from reliving the sweetness that is you. The time I found you with that other chick, Tanya was her name. She was in your lap, grinding her disgusting, grotesque body down to yours. You were moaning and lifting your hips back against hers. The smell of sex was thickening in the air, and there wasn't even sex to begin with. But that's what Tanya is, free sex on legs. Free pussy for anyone with a dick, or anyone at all actually. She would be wet within seconds, from anyone.

And you knew this, we always talked shit about her. But that didn't stop you from turning down her offer did it? Her little birthday present, was it good? I hope she gnawed your dick off when she gave you a blow job, because that's her specialty.

The memory fills me with anger and hate, and that's so much better than heartbreak and loss.

My fist are clenching around the gold blanket, my lips curling upwards in a ugly snarl and my breathing accelerates.

I remember how I walked into your house on your birthday, ready to put down my heart in front of you to offer. I remember the almost relief and high feeling, that I was finally going to tell you, finally going to let loose the feelings holed up inside of me. Alice was completely on my side, she was my best friend ever since I moved. She motioned me a green light by raising her thumb at me with a bright grin. That was the sign to go upstairs and let no one stop me. I was determined, I was bright. But that all dropped, my light flickering and dying, when I heard the noise. I told myself to not open the door, God how I wanted to just bolt out of there without a thought. But I couldn't, I had to see, had to make sure it was someone else's musical voice in your room, doing God knows what.

I relive this memory.

Your face was in her naked chest, and she kept shoving her hips down. There was no mistake. The crazy mess of auburn hair was yours. The heavy pants from your red lips was yours. The long, pale fingers with graceful skill was yours. You were there, licking and biting her skin. You were making her feel good, and she was making you feel good.

I run after only a second of peering through the small crack I made from the door.

I run and I didn't stop till I reached my house.

Sobs are already rocking through me, and I thank whatever deity there was that my dad wasn't there.

My phone keeps vibrating and I know it's Alice. Asking and worrying, because she cares. I don't pick up immediately, I get my crying down to a small whimper and then blow the snot out of my running nose.

After the 6th call, I answer her.

She merely answers with an anxious, "I'll be right there," then hangs up.

I'm left alone after that, but only for about 10 minutes. I sit there on my bed, silent streams from my eyes, silent pain etched in my voice.

All too soon, there's banging on my door. It's quick and small, but loud. It's Alice.

On my way downstairs, I notice the clock screaming in bright red 10:10. In some small part of my mind, I wonder where Charlie could be, only to remember that he was on a date with his mystery lady. Great, just great.

This train of thought only lasted for a second, because as soon as open the heavy door, a fresh wave of hurt toples me over.

Alice doesn't hesitate to drop her designer purse on my dirty porch, her arms encircling me within a second. She smells of sweet vanilla and sweat. She must've ran here because Alice hates sweat. She ran all the way here, when she could've just gotten into her yellow Porsche. This makes me break out into another round of whimpers, because I realize how much I truly love and appreciate Alice, and how little I really do for her.

"I didn't know, I never saw her come inside. Bella, I'm so sorry, I should've been more alert. I swear I never saw her inside the house." Alice's voice is near, her lips in my hair as the agitated tone seeps into me.

"She's a litt-le fucking sl-llut, she probably sneaked in when you weren't lo-oking." I choke out, finding it harder and harder to find my voice.

Alice quickly shushes me, and leads me back inside the house. I didn't even noticed that I had crumbled down under her embrace, a sack of human flesh on the floor coupled with salt water.

"Little effin' idiot. Son of a bitch, how could he..? Tanya of all people, bastard..I swear when I see him.." Her voice takes an alarmingly scary pitch, and I take a second to shake my head roughly at her little mutterings.

"He's your brother, you can't do anything like that." My voice sounds small and weak compared to hers. I fold my arms into myself, clutching my sides for all that I'm worth because I'm trying to stop the concerning noises from my chest.

"Like hell I won't. It's because he's my brother that I'll say whatever I want to that shithead. Even if this wasn't about you, I mean really, Tanya? What the fuck did she say to him? Maybe she poisoned the glass of water he always has next to his bed. Or she-"

"ALICE, stop. I can't, I can't think about him. Or her. Or them together. I just, I can't. I need-" She cuts me off with a firm nod, and pulls me from the couch, tugging me upstairs back into my room.

We make our way over to my bed, and she makes me change into my pajamas. It should be weird getting naked in front of her, but it's Alice, and I've never felt uncomfortable with her.

She kneels beside my bed, as I slip myself under the sheets. I feel weighted down, like an anchor settled itself between my lungs and gravity worked it's magic on me. I couldn't even raise my head when I felt Alice's hand sweep across my forehead, clammy and slick. The silent crying began again, and I just closed my eyes and let the raw emotions take over. After a while, Alice made her way into my bed and under the sheets, holding me tightly. This is how I drifted off to sleep, and how I woke up.

The next day at school, there were whispers hovering in the air. Sloppy lips and hurried voices carrying the news to my ears. Alice Cullen slapped her brother in the middle of class and walked out.

Ah mah gawd, did you see how red his cheek was?

Like, seriously, it could be heard three hallways away.

Dude, you should've seen his face after it, fuckin' priceless man.

Holy fuck, it sounded like it hurt.

No way man, they're like twins, they never fight.

Eddieman got a whoopin' from his little big sis'. Daaayuumm.

The bathroom stall makes a loud banging noise as I run inside of it. I sit on the toilet seat and hold my head in my hands, willing back the nausea that crept up my throat. My breath smells of acid, just like the rumors about Alice and Edward's fight. People drew exaggerated stories, but one kernel of truth was nestled in all the faux, Alice slapped Edward.

This is all my fault, I ruined their relationship. Their mother will probably hate me, and never let me go back their house. Their father will tell my father, and Charlie will be on my ass about this. It's all my stupid, stupid fault for wanting to tell Edward how I felt. So freakin' stupid.

I don't get to see much of Alice for almost a month after that. Her mom grounded her from everything and anything. Family was important over there and so was school. So she was on lock down for a month. I see plenty of Edward, unfortunately.

He seemed oblivious to my silence and went on with his life.

He seemed the same, happy and blissful.

With a strawberry blonde bombshell at his arm.

Sickening and painful.

A gurgling sound comes from my mouth as I force myself back to the present. I close my eyes and count to ten, trying to breath past the ball of cotton in my throat. This is better, better than reliving the good memories. These are carefully edge and centered around my hate for you, and it's easier to hate you than to lo-..

I sink under my blankets and stop thinking.

No more brain, no more conscious.

Just sleep and unreality.

That was the first time you broke my heart.

I wish it was the only time.

Love it, hate it. Tell me.

Duce.