A/N: I wrote this as a response to Utopia (which was a BRILLIANT episode, by the way). Basically, I wrote the phrase "She would never understand him" quickly on a peice of paper right before I left for the day, let it sit for a while, and then wrote the entire fic around that one phrase that night (yes, this is yet another insomnia fic, don't worry, I'm off for the summer, I can do that now) The result's a bit different then how I normally write, but I hope it works.
I don't own anything. And unfortunetly (despite my best efforts) I never will. Enjoy anyway. :D
Understanding
By Romana Dante
She would never understand him.
She knew that, she always knew that. From the moment the Judoon's scanners dubbed him "non-human" she knew that. It just never occurred to her it would be an obstacle.
He was lonely. He was broken. She knew that. It was something concrete, that he was the last of his kind, it was something that couldn't be changed. He was alone in the universe, and she was the only one who could reach out. She thought she knew that. She was wrong.
Suddenly, in one short instant, he may not be alone. He may not be the last, and he may not be lonely. Suddenly there may be another, and his reaction is...strange. He answers her in a tone of voice that she can't quite decipher. Is it worry? Is it joy? Is it panic? Is it denial?
"They died," he says panicked, "They all died" He says it frantically, almost frightened, as if the thought of another person like him is wrong.
Thousands of thoughts were going through his head in that instant, she could see it, in his eyes. Not one thought could she understand, not one could even hope to comprehend. He was a mystery, an enigma. A lonely person with no one to understand him, with an alien reaction to when someone finally could.
Suddenly he goes still. He looks straight ahead, eyes wide, staring into the distance at nothing in particular. She looks where he looks, trying to see what he's seeing. But there's nothing. He looks panicked, even more so than before. Whatever he's seeing is terrifying him, but she can't see it. No matter how much she desperately wants to, she can't. And it terrifies her even more.
He shuts his eyes, just for a second, and runs behind her. He manically throws switches and adjusts buttons, never once stopping to tell her what's happening. She tries to ask. She taps him on the shoulder but he doesn't answer. He phones the lieutenant and as soon as he's sure they're all right he runs to the door. As if on cue, it locks him out and he screams.
She follows him. She always follows him though she never understands. He runs faster than light, it seems, and screams and bangs on doors. As soon as they enter the room, another man stands before his ship, writhing in pain, about to die. He looks at the man, and the two share an understanding, a terrifying understanding, but an understanding.
She watches them, she watches him, she watches as they part and he screams and bangs on the door. He is more panicked than she has ever seen him.
She bends down over the lifeless body of a friend she had made earlier. It's something she understands, a medical emergency, checking for life. It's normal, it's familiar, it gives her purpose and she hates that. The body is dead. It hurts even more.
He stands screaming, a battle in his mind she can't read. The embodiment of mystery, and she loves him. She calls to him, begs him to notice the world outside his own, but he can't. He yells strange things to the oddly familiar voice inside his ship, he breaths rapidly, and she can't tell why.
As she tries her best to delay the inevitable disaster in the world outside his mind, she desperately tries to sort it all out. The conflict isn't hers, the battle isn't hers, and the mystery isn't either, but she needs to know anyway. She loves him to pieces but knows nothing about him, she tries to reach out but doesn't know how.
She tried to help, but she couldn't, and it terrifies her.
She would never understand him.
Fin.
Reviews are love, especially since I'm not too sure about this one. :)