Defuse- 9, 645 words
So, this is something I randomly started writing. There's so much left unanswered and unexplained and it's only part of the story, but I feel really good about this story. I want to know if it's any good, as well. If you read, please review! I want to know everything! Don't hold back! Say it, even if it's mean and ruthless and scarring. Just do it. So if you can bear with me and suffer through the not knowing how Loki even ended up here, (which if you have read other fan fictions with this similar circumstance, pick one and let your imagination run wild! :D ) please read! I hope you like it and thank you for your time :D Without further ado, here is my fanfiction, Defuse.
Loki lets himself stop struggling and just instead float, the water calming around him. Light ripples down to his sinking form from up above. Everything is so tranquil, a nice change from the chaos that is living with the Avengers.
That is, until Loki sees another form dive into the water. He recognizes the person as Tony, who reaches out and grabs onto his shirt frantically. His eyes are closed but he is still kicking up towards the surface. Trying to save him.
Loki growls and tries to dislodge his hands, but he is latched on like a tiger latched onto prey. Loki pushes him down away from him, and suddenly his eyes open. Something snaps in his face and suddenly both of them are drowning, but Tony is thrashing wildly, the look on his face pure terror. He looks like he is dying. He grabs at Loki who pushes him back, surprised. Then two more bodies dive in, Thor and Clint. Strong hands wrap around Loki as Thor pulls him upwards. Loki struggles against him but it's only for show since he knows he can't actually shake him.
He looks over at Tony and watches as he pushes Clint away, fear etched into his face still. Clint reaches for him again, dodging the strikes Tony is placing at him. Another person dives in, this time Steve, who swims right up next to Tony. Recognition flashes across Tony's face and he reaches out to Steve. It reminds Loki of a small child, reaching for their mother. Hurt flicks across Clint's face, although it is barely noticeable. He is trained to have a blank face at all the right times. Steve grabs Tony and wraps an arm around his waist, then pushes up to the surface a few seconds after Thor and Loki break above it. Thor pulls him to the edge then pushes him out onto the tile surrounding the pool. Loki glares back at him because he can take care of himself and does not need his assistance before returning his attention to Steve, who pulls himself out of the water while still holding Tony. Instead of letting go of the man he lifts him up more and carries him out of the room while Bruce follows. Natasha helps Clint out of the pool and instead of scurrying off like they should they round on him.
"What the hell did you think you were doing?" Clint snaps angrily. Loki shoots him a glare, half disgust and half anger.
"I know exactly what I am doing," he retorts.
"And what would that be?" Natasha interjects, her arms crossed. Her hand flexes into a fist then back out, as if she just wants to clock Loki over the head.
"What does it look like?" Loki returns icily. He picks himself up off the floor and shakes water off his hands.
"It looked like you were trying to drown yourself," Clint answers sharply. He crosses his arms too and the way the two agents are standing is almost identical and almost comical.
Loki just raises his eyebrows as if to say 'Oh really?', sarcasm included.
The two assassins faces change to shock for a moment. Loki rolls his eyes in mostly disgust.
"I believe I am finished here," he quips, then pushes past the two and walks out of the room while shaking water off himself.
Loki stands in front of the mirror and buttons up his white shirt absentmindedly, since he is mostly thinking.
He wonders why Stark bothered to try and save him. He also wonders why Stark had suddenly started drowning too. He looked genuinely terrified, and it was only after Loki had shoved him down. But the weird part was it wasn't as though he was afraid Loki was going to drown him, it was as though his mind wasn't even there in that moment, as though he was somewhere else. He also wouldn't let Barton touch him, but when Captain Rogers got near he grabbed onto him. It's confusing.
Just then behind Loki the door swings open and Stark gallivants into the room, as if he can just randomly stroll into other's rooms and they will not be offended. And Loki is, not just for the invasion of his thinking but also because Stark's cockiness really irritates the shit out of him and said man seems to know it, too. It makes Loki happier everyday that he had thrown the man out a window more than 70 floors above the ground, and it also makes him want to reciprocate his actions.
Stark saunters over to the newly made bed Loki had just made after about 20 minutes of trying to figure it out and almost burning the contraption and sits down, his back against the headboard and his feet crossed in front of him. He has green fruit in his hand that Loki recognizes as grapes and is eating them with a thoughtful look on his face.
Loki doesn't turn around, and instead fixes his collar in the mirror and buttons the cuffs of his shirt.
"So, Lokes, you should know that we mortals have more effective and efficient ways of committing suicide," Tony suddenly speaks up, and there is an edge to his voice that Loki does not understand. He swallows and turns to face Stark. He then realizes he doesn't have any cutting remarks, in fact he doesn't have anything to say, because if he admits he'd tried to kill himself and failed, which he has managed to avoid saying yet, his dignity will be completely gone as if it isn't already.
"I have a serious question, now," Tony says, and has the same questioning look on his face as he stands up and steps forward, closer to Loki. "Uh...why, why did you try to..." Tony trails off, and stares at him. Loki looks away from him. He is really in trouble now because if Stark gets any closer he is going to lose it and there is absolutely no way in the history of EVER he is about to admit the real reason for what he did.
"That is none of your concern," Loki snaps after a moment.
Stark moves the few feet separating them until he is dangerously close to Loki, close enough to kiss. Loki shakes that thought out of his head.
"I think it is," Stark replies cooly, and continues staring at him. Loki wonders if he uses these same tactics for interrogation or other similar matters because it is sure working on him.
Loki looks away again and searches for something damaging to say.
Suddenly Stark reaches forward and unbuttons the buttons on Loki's shirt, then redoes them correctly since Loki now notices he has done them crooked. He stiffens and tries to control himself, but it is becoming increasingly harder with Stark so close and his face so close and his hands touching him so gently. He returns his eyes to Stark's and he feels his nimble hands falter as they stare at each other. Loki doesn't miss the way Stark's eyes flick down from his eyes to his lips quickly, or how he absentmindedly licks his lips, or how his hands are still on Loki's shirt.
"BROTHER?" A voice booms outside the door and Loki jumps backward, just about falling backwards over a chair he crashes into as the door swings wide open. Stark steps backward and looks at the ground before looking back up. He scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. Luckily, Thor does not realize the situation, so when he starts talking to Loki, Tony slips out of the room unnoticed and makes his way to his own room. He goes straight into the bathroom and splashes water on his face, then braces his arms on the side of the sink and tries to calm down. He stares at himself in the mirror and wonders what the hell just happened. He of course knows what happened but he isn't entirely sure he wants to admit it.
He grabs a towel and dries his face off quickly, makes himself a glass of scotch, then sits down and looks out his sprawling floor to ceiling windows at New York City.
"JARVIS, how many suicides are there each year?"
"United States or worldwide?"
"United States," Tony answers, and takes a drink.
"There are an estimated 30,000 deaths from suicide each year in the United States," JARVIS replies. Tony rubs a hand over his face.
"What's the most common reason for suicide?" Loki obviously isn't going to tell him, so he can eliminate the least likely then narrow it down.
JARVIS pulls up a screen in front of him.
"This is what I have found sir, there appears to be no direct reason more prominent over the others."
"Thanks JARVIS." Tony studies the list. Depression, substance abuse, suffering, stress, grief, guilt, shame, the list went on. All of them are pretty equally likely. Loki is a master at hiding his emotions, after all, minus disgust, but Tony is equally skilled in the art. It takes one to know one, and he intends to abuse that power to the maximum until he perceives exactly what makes Loki tick.
Undoubtedly, Loki is one of the most complex people Tony has ever chanced across. Steve is one perplexing character too, but Loki still topped him on the subject of 'one intricate little shit'. Loki is just so unexplainable. Tony has probably lost sleep over this exact subject. Although he can't figure most people out unlike Natasha and her weird spy shit, most of the time the individual isn't worth figuring out anyway. Usually their actions all lead to similar ideas and that is not interesting enough. Tony likes challenges, and Loki is a ticking time bomb just waiting and practically begging to be defused. And since Tony pretty much completely lacks any self control it is the one and only goal he is focused on at the moment and he is damn determined to finish it. Once he understands Loki he can slap some sense into him, and although they don't need another Avenger or any more magic crap Loki could be one valuable asset.
He returns his attention back to the screen in front of him.
"Alrighty, Jarvis, don't let anyone onto this floor, as of now we are on lockdown. I've got work to do." Tony rubs his hands together then mentally crosses items off the list while he tells Jarvis to do the same on the image.
"Substance abuse, no," he states. Loki isn't drunk, ever, and it just isn't his style. "Depression...Jarvis, look up the signs of depression."
Jarvis brings up another screen. Tony starts on that list. First is difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions.
No. Loki is as sharp as ever.
Next was fatigue and decreased energy. No.
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness.
Yes, that is true, although he probably has the right.
Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism.
No.
Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping.
Probably not.
Irritability, restlessness.
Irritability is true but than again Clint and Tony go out of their way to piss Loki off one way or another. Really, it's a competition to see which of them can get Loki to flip his shit first. Clint is much better at the inconspicuous parts of tricks, so Tony really has to work and make the pranks extravagant for it to be worth anything.
Depression is unlikely.
"Jarvis, cross depression off the list."
Tony works through a long list of possible reasons and in the end he is able to come up with the most likely. Shame, grief, guilt, and mental illness make the list.
Tony runs a hand through his hair and takes a drink of scotch. He just can't figure out anything that is pinpoint. He sits back and sighs, staring out the window at the now dark skyline and the bright lights of the city, the city that never sleeps.
Suddenly a thought runs through his mind.
"Jarvis, bring up the cameras for Loki's floor," he orders. Several screens show up, and he watches them intently, wondering where Loki is. He is about to ask Jarvis to scan the whole building for him when movement catches his eye.
Loki strolls into his bedroom casually, but in his right hand he has a pistol. Natasha's, to be exact.
"Shit," Tony curses, then leaps up and dashes off towards the elevator. When he is on it he tells Jarvis to hurry the hell up and prays that he will make it there in time, that he will make it before Loki puts the gun to somewhere fatal and pulls the trigger.
Just then the doors open and he sprints into Loki's bedroom, where he finds him sitting on the edge of the bed with the gun resting in his lap.
"Loki," he warns, and is surprised at the fear he can hear in his own voice.
"Let us remember that I am the one with the gun," Loki speaks eloquently without turning around. He lifts the gun and studies it in the meager light from the lights outside and the moon.
"I don't think you want to do this," Tony says, and edges closer, carefully and slowly.
"Do not come closer," Loki threatens. Tony stops dead.
"This won't change anything." Tony suddenly says, and has much more confidence in his voice than last time.
Loki stands up swiftly and faces Tony, then menacingly steps forward. It is so reminiscent of the way he had the day he also tried to take over Tony's mind that Tony instinctively takes a step backwards.
"You think the pain will go away, you think maybe it's best for everyone if they didn't have to put up with you anymore." Tony suddenly isn't looking at Loki, instead someplace else, remembering some other time. "I know that." Tony looks back up at Loki. "...This will hurt more people than you think it will."
Loki laughs a hollow, cold laugh.
"Who? You cannot include Thor, and both you and I recognize that the Avengers will not be so dramatically affected."
Tony looks down at the ground, then back up at Loki. His eyes hold fear, and something almost like regret. He opens his mouth to say something but hesitates, and swallows.
"Don't do this," he instead chooses. "How are you sure you can even kill yourself, I mean, you are a god."
Loki turns away from him, and slowly walks towards the tall windows that showcase the glowing city. He doesn't actually have an answer for Tony's question, just a faint hope.
"You know nothing about me."
Suddenly arms slide around Loki's waist and Stark presses himself against Loki, his hands curling around the gun, half over Loki's.
"I think I do," he whispers. Loki freezes, then notices that Stark smells intoxicatingly good, and closes his eyes as he breathes the smell in. He stores the memory carefully away at the same time because he does not want to forget it.
Tony abruptly pulls away, the gun wrenching from Loki's hands. Loki whips around and watches as he backs away, putting the gun behind his back. He feels a flicker of anger because Stark totally just played him, unfairly.
They stare at each other for a moment, neither knowing exactly what to say. Tony's eyes are wide and he still looks afraid, as if Loki will rush forward and deck him or choke slam him into the pristine dark brown hard wood floors and force the pistol out of his hands. It's actually pretty possible.
Tony breaks the silence.
"Loki..." He trails off. Loki knows he wants an answer for his actions, wants to know why he has tried to kill himself two times in one day. Stark's eyebrows are furrowed in half confusion, half frustration and his eyes are dark, the color of the freshly brewed coffee he drinks every morning.
Loki shakes his head, because he can't. He doesn't have it in him to admit everything he has bottled up, to admit all the words that have almost slipped out.
Before Stark can say anything more Natasha comes into the room like a sleek black panther, stealthy and silent, probably missing her beloved gun.
"Tony?" She asks, just a hint of surprise in her voice. She quickly regains her composure and becomes professional as she assesses and understands the situation. She steps forward and gently takes the gun from Tony, who Loki realizes is visibly shaking, which also makes him want to wrap Tony up in his arms and hold him close until he stops, until both Loki and him know that he is safe and okay. Natasha then steps in front of him protectively and surprisingly Tony doesn't object. He does, however, shoot a look at Loki that means they aren't finished.
"Loki," Natasha says carefully. She remains as calm as the SWAT dealing with a psycho who has hostages. Calm but maybe a little desperate.
"I do not have a weapon," Loki assures, but there is an edge to his voice. He's irritated that Natasha had to come in, but also relieved because one wrong word from Stark and the man would be up against the wall and there'd be no stopping what Loki might do.
"Well, I dislike doing this to you, but we will have to place you under suicide watch," Natasha says as if the situation didn't just escalate very quickly, and surveys the room. Probably checking for possible devices to kill yourself with.
Loki cringes and disgust creeps onto his face. Before he can say anything cutting or protest the order Natasha speaks again.
"I will have Clint come in here and remove any objects that could potentially pose a threat to your safety."
Tony raises his eyebrows behind her.
"I could use just about anything in this room to kill myself, not to mention all the ways that don't even involve anything else. Plus, Loki has his weird magic shit," He enlightens, as if she didn't already think of the obvious. Loki's about to cut in that he actually doesn't have his amazing magical magic because it was unfortunately taken from him, before another voice speaks up behind him, a piercing wisecrack sure to be delivered, and after a moment Hawkeye does not disappoint.
"No shit, Sherlock Holmes, that's why he's on suicide watch," he snaps. He enters the room and begins plucking things off the immaculate dark wood shelves, then tucks them under his arm and continues searching like a well trained hound.
Tony sends him a glare, because he's the genius here, hello, and then throws his hands up exasperatedly as Thor, Steve, and Bruce show up.
"The gang's all here," he mutters. Really, it would've been better if it was he, himself, and Loki, because then he could pry the reason for Loki wanting to end his own life out of him with a little persuasion.
Steve uses his Captain America voice.
"Is everything okay?"
Loki watches as Tony sets his mouth into an adorable frown, but is interrupted as Thor comes over and checks him for bodily harm as if he had just swan dived out the window. He fights against the strong hands running over his arms and tries to catch another glimpse of Tony, who is being led out of the room, Captain Rogers' hand leading him delicately by his elbow towards the door as he argues across the room with Clint. Then Loki can't see him anymore and he lets Thor fuss over him, then doesn't speak while Natasha and Thor work out a suicide watch schedule. Incidentally, perhaps deliberately, Tony never ends up on the babysitting shift. Loki lets himself be cared for like a small child then and falls asleep while Thor sits rigid at his bedside, ready to jump up and either slice someone's throat, force Loki to stop maiming himself, or grab him whatever he demands at the moment. It's actually refreshing to have someone there, so Loki can maybe fall asleep without having to worry about the monsters under the bed, or rather the monsters lurking inside of him and the ones outside as well.
Pain is a stupid thing to feel, Loki realizes, as he leans over the sink and watches blood ooze out of his arms and down them, dripping into the smooth white sink. It hurts like hell, but Loki was so fascinated and perhaps addicted to what he was doing until there were cuts all the way up to his elbows. He knows he can't let Thor see. The door is locked so right now he's fine, but he won't be for long. Since he is a god, the cuts should heal soon, but he still needs something to cover them. A past memory flicks into his mind, of the mortals wrapping themselves in what Dr. Banner had called gauze. Loki searches the cabinets for it until he finds it, then washes the blood away. He takes his time wrapping his arms delicately, and soon he is finished. He throws on another white button down shirt and tucks it into his black slacks. It looks nice and Tony seems to like him in it so he continues wearing it. He unlocks the door then steps into his bedroom to see Tony lounging on his bed watching the television that Loki hasn't used once. On the screen, huge robot looking things seem to be in the process of destroying a city while mortals run around fighting some and helping some of the others. One morphs into a car and Loki continues watching, enthralled. Tony noticed his presence and rolls over so he is now facing Loki.
"Transformers," he says. Loki doesn't understand for a moment but soon realizes that is what the film must be called. "Directed by Michael Bay, who also directed Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, and The Island plus the two other Transformers movies and a few others. It's pretty good."
Loki just stares at the screen and tries to make sense of it all.
He is distracted through, as Tony pulls himself off the bed and stalks over to Loki with a suspicious look on his face. He examines the sleeves of Loki's shirt, and Loki tries not to give anything away. Tony quickly pulls the shirt open and off, faster than Loki can react. Stark sends him an angry, disapproving glare that also holds hurt as he sees Loki's fully wrapped forearms. He also catches the shocked look on Loki's face.
"The sleeves aren't that white, they are in fact ever so slightly see through. I know this because it's my own shirt," he adds, and Loki suppresses a shiver at the though he was wearing Tony's shirt. Tony tosses the shirt back at him and marches away. The shirt hits Loki in the face but he doesn't move otherwise from blinking. It tumbles to the floor and probably wrinkles beyond quick repair, but Loki picks it up and puts it back on anyway because it's Tony's.
Tony marches back over to him and Loki realizes he's pacing.
"I just, I cannot figure you out," Stark starts. Loki fixes his collar. "I mean, I can't figure most people out, but you are by far the most complicated. It kills me. And since you've managed to avoid my question so far, it's time to answer it." Loki swallows.
"Why the hell are you trying to kill yourself?" He demands. Loki once again doesn't answer and instead steps over to the mirror and tries to fix his shirt even more, although there is nothing to be set perfect because it already is.
Tony growls in frustration and collapses onto the bed. He stares at the white ceiling thoughtfully as Loki watches him secretly in the mirror.
"Shame, grief, guilt, mental illness, I just can't get it," he says. "Shame. I guess. Grief? Maybe. I don't know. Guilt? I don't know either. Mental illness? Maybe. I'm not a doctor." Frustration shows on every line in his face. He sits up and sends Loki a look that makes him want to grab Tony and tell him it's okay.
"Why can't you just tell me?" He says, and there is so much desperation and innocence in his voice it hurts Loki. He wants to scream everything he's almost said, everything he's rehearsed saying in his mind, but he can't. It hurts too. Loki closes his eyes and shuts them tight.
And then Tony is behind him again. Light fingers run over the top of Loki's shoulder, and down his arm, then dance over his bandages, and back up again. Loki is so close to losing it he is contemplating which wall to shove Stark against when another hand moves down his other arm. He swallows.
In the mirror, both hands move up to Loki's neck where they rearrange his collar although it was unnecessary.
"You look nice," Tony says roughly, changing the subject. Loki nods, and attempts to form sentences which he hasn't quite remembered how to do. "If you want you can join us for dinner, I hired a chef to cook us a nice dinner since none of us can really manage to do it ourselves. If not, invite me back because they are playing Transformers 2 after this." His hands had fallen to the cuffs of Loki's shirt, but they slide back up his arms as he lifts up on the tips of his toes. He leans forward and presses a delicate kiss to Loki's neck slightly under his jaw. Loki feels his legs buckle and almost give out under him, and Stark turns around and leaves. Once the door is shut Loki slips to the floor without grace and sits there, the noise of the television still echoing throughout the room. He breathes in and out and tries not to have a mental breakdown as he still reels from the realization of the moment. After five minutes he gets up and joins the others, mostly sticking to Thor's side because Thor really just speaks for him and he doesn't trust himself to speak yet anyway. The dinner is nice and Tony makes a point of reminding everyone it was his idea while Clint tries to take some credit for it though the only thing he did was agree that most of them sucked at making edible food.
Afterwards, everyone diverges to their owns floors or wherever they go when they have nothing to do. Loki returns to his floor and soon Stark shows up. They don't speak, but Tony lays next to Loki on his bed, though not too close, and explains things in the movie Tony had promised watching earlier Loki doesn't get. It's entertaining and before long they've watched both of the sequel movies and Loki still isn't bored with the films created by the mortals, so next Tony shows Loki Indiana Jones which is also fascinating and charming. It's late, way late by now and halfway into the second movie Tony is asleep, barely snoring. Loki pauses the movie the way Tony showed him to and then studies Tony's sleeping face for a while. When he stops he resumes the movie and watches the rest of it, then the next one too. After that he is too tired to stay awake for the last so he falls asleep too, not bothering to change out of his clothes. He turns over and falls asleep to the face of the person he loves, for the first and maybe even the last time.
When Loki wakes up he is laying on his back and Stark is using his chest as a pillow. One arm is slung over Loki's waist. He wonders if something happened he doesn't remember then kicks himself mentally for not remembering.
He stays still because he doesn't want to get up, and instead turns his head ever so slightly to look at the clock on the bedside table. It says 2 o'clock and Loki balks, then tries to slip out from under Tony without him waking up. Seeing neither of them for a good part of the day and Loki not checking in with Thor is suspicious, too suspicious. The whole...thing, between them is probably obvious and by now everyone will probably think things that aren't true, even though Loki desperately wishes they were. He slides out from under Tony who continues snoring then goes into the bathroom. Quickly he replaces the bandages on his arms, which are now better, but still wraps them. He puts on grey slacks and a satin green button down he knows Tony left there on purpose, then leaves the room. He's glad Thor has stopped going to his room to check on him, instead letting Loki go to his. Loki takes the elevator to Tony's floor where he finds everyone, to his despair, sitting in his lounging area. Clint smirks and Loki wants to throw him out the window.
"Brother," Thor greets. He holds out a glass for Loki which he takes then sits down awkwardly, and inspects. It's one of those mixes mortals make where they take seemingly random fruits and blend them all up together. Admittedly, they are pretty good. Loki takes a sip and avoids Clint's eyes.
"Well, now all we are missing is Tony," Clint says. Loki doesn't react and looks up as if he doesn't know where he is. "Jarvis, where's Stark?"
Loki waits for his impending doom.
"Mr. Stark is in his lab and does not want to be bothered, Mr. Barton," Jarvis replies simply. Loki wants to cry in joy but instead doesn't do anything. Clint sits back and takes a sip of his drink, then stands up.
"I'm going to the range. See ya." He heads out of the room and into the elevator. Steve, Bruce, and Natasha stand up as well and mutter excuses, then leave. Since Loki doesn't want to be left with Thor really, he stands as well.
"I will, um, just be going back to my room."
Thor stands and Loki realizes that someone has to know about what happened because no one is on suicide watch and that is really bad.
"I assume you were in the lab with friend Stark," Thor says and Loki nods viciously. "He is still on watch so make sure you return to him. I will escort you if need be..."
Loki shakes his head and realizes Tony must've told someone he'd take over the shift before he came to watch movies.
"I am fine, I will return to him." Loki tries to sound convincing. Of course, he will return but not to where Thor thinks he will.
"Well, I am going to see Jane for the next few days. Please take care of yourself, brother," Thor says, and Loki is only half listening because of all the other thoughts running through his mind.
After he says goodbye and promises about fifty things he returns to his room. It's been about half an hour since he was last here and Tony is still asleep. Loki locks the door and steps farther into the room, then grabs the remote to the flat screen and turns it on. It's quiet and Loki leaves it that way, then carefully lays on the bed next to Tony who only shifts in his sleep. Loki turns it to the last Indiana Jones movie and watches it. He kinda wishes Tony would wake up and explain things to him and also laugh at the stupid parts but he doesn't and Loki doesn't wake him either. He makes it all the way through the movie and when it's over he still isn't bored with watching stuff. He doesn't want to wake Tony up just to ask what movie to watch, so he sits for a moment and debates what to do.
"...Jarvis?" he asks quietly and uncertainly after a while.
"Yes, Mr. Laufeyson?" Jarvis answers, just as quiet.
"What should I watch next?" Loki feels slightly stupid for asking, but he doesn't really have any other options.
"Mr. Stark really enjoys the James Bond series," Jarvis answers. "Shall I start one of the movies?"
"Yes," Loki answers. He doesn't understand half of the movie, so he pauses it occasionally and asks Jarvis to explain it, who does. He likes when Tony explains it better, though.
Halfway through the movie Tony wakes up. His hair is stuck up in random places and he looks totally adorable. Without words he moves closer to Loki and rests his head halfway on Loki's shoulder, who doesn't move and instead asks him to explain another part in the movie. They finish it and Loki finds he likes it too.
"Man, I'm starving," Tony says. It's now past six in the evening, so Tony hasn't eaten for about a day. "Stay here, I'll go get some food," Tony adds. He rolls over and gets up, them promptly drops his pants. Loki turns away even though he's got boxers on. He reaches into Loki's drawer and pulls out a pair of his slacks then puts them on, along with a white tee. Loki notices how no light shows under it, because Tony no longer has the arc reactor in his chest, and frowns. He kind of liked it.
"Be back in a bit," Stark says and flashes Loki a dazzling smile that could probably kill.
After a few minutes Clint opens the door with a flourish and flaunts into the room. His black bow is slung over his back and he looks positively lethal despite the fact he is wearing Hulk pajama pants and no shirt. Loki pushes himself into a sitting position and prepares for what he thinks Clint could possibly do.
Clint bounds onto the side of the bed and perches there.
"Loki," he greets with a smile that looks eerily sadistic. "Now, have you ever played X-Box?"
Loki has no idea what he is talking about.
"No, I am not familiar with 'X-Box'," he says. Clint grins and bounds over to the TV where he presses a button on a white rectangular box thing underneath Loki had previously wondered about. It makes a robotic noise and then whirs to life and Loki watches, slightly fascinated.
"Special edition, Star Wars," Clint says and pats it affectionately. Loki still has no idea what he is talking about, but watches as Clint grabs a weird shaped device and controls the screen with it, the same way the remote does. He hands Loki one of the same things and tells him it is a 'controller'. Loki examines it curiously.
Since Clint left the door open Tony is smart enough to act like he wasn't making food for the both of them, and instead insists on joining in on the game. He leaves again to pretend to make food while Clint shows Loki how to work the controller, and how to play the game. The game is called Call of Duty: Black Ops and Tony informs Loki that there is already a sequel. Basically, the object of the game is to kill everything that moves, unless they are on your team.
"Let's play online," Clint says, and Tony explains that means they will join a network of tons of other players also playing on their own consoles through the Internet and play together. When Tony grabs a controller Clint slaps his hand and takes the controller.
"Hell no."
"What? Why? Who's supposed to save Loki since I know you won't?" Tony protests and Loki secretly likes that Tony assumes the role of protecting him.
"Because you're a hacker," Clint shoots back, which Tony then tells Loki that means he uses his skills to his advantage. Clint tells him it's cheating.
They start an online game and Tony almost immediately begins hacking the game, while Clint declares every man for himself and leaves Loki to fend. Which is okay, because Loki catches on fast and in the end proves to be a very valuable sniper. He provides what Tony calls air support while he and Clint run around shooting wildly and knifing like crazy. Pretty soon they decide to turn it to game chat, which means they will be able to hear what other players are saying, and Loki is slightly surprised at the language of the users, though not really. They swear and insult just about everyone and some of it is irritating, while some is downright hilarious. Tony starts hacking again and the other players yell at him and call him names and flip out while Loki and Clint laugh.
"Shut the hell up, I'm Tony Stark," Tony snaps after a while. No one believes him and he starts going to vicious lengths to prove it, from hacking their screens to hacking their consoles and probably in the end hacks the entire electronic system in their houses while Loki and Clint laugh like mad men. Eventually he resorts to hacking their screens and appearing on video in front of all of them. Loki ducks out of the way of the screen and Clint shoves Tony so he can get some face time too. After they get bored they play Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 and instead of playing online they fight each other. Tony is on his own team and Loki and Clint get paired up. Clint soon turns on Loki and tries to kill him although the game doesn't actually allow you to kill teammates. So they actually just stand there knifing at each other while Stark flies around as a drone. Loki and Clint resort to firing their weapons nonstop at each other, while Clint screams not nice things at the screen and Loki remains absolutely calm. Stark grins like a Chesire cat and plots their demise.
"Guess who just brought a jet to a gunfight," he eventually says with glee, and Clint and Loki get mowed down by missiles. After that they decide to show Loki anther game and this time play Grand Theft Auto 4. Only one person can play at a time however so Clint and Tony wrestle over the controller, and Loki swiftly takes it from them and figures out how to play the game himself. It's just, if not more fun than Call of Duty.
"Steal a car," Clint instructs when he and Tony stop trying to hurt each other and Loki gets into a nearby car, then speeds off down the virtual road at top speed. Instead of slamming on the brakes when he notices that there is a very solid brick wall ahead he lets the car slam full force into the wall just to see the damage and Clint and Tony laugh as the person gets ejected and dies from blunt force trauma to the head.
Then Clint looks at the clock and notices it's 11:00 at night, so he stands up and places his controller on Tony's head. It slides to the floor but everyone ignores it.
"Later, brethren. It was nice playing." He turns around and leaves which leaves Tony and Loki alone again.
"So, did he tell you about the Special Edition Star Wars console?" Tony asks knowingly. Loki nods and luckily Tony already has an explanation. "It's a movie. Speaking of which, we should watch."
So they do. Tony explains more things and laughs at the graphics, and they lay on Loki's bed again and Loki is happy, actually genuinely happy. Towards the end Tony falls asleep again and when Loki finishes the film he lays down fully and tries to sleep. He stays awake and stares at Tony for over an hour because he simply can't sleep instead. Eventually Tony scoots closer, and wraps his arms around Loki who wonders if he is dreaming or if Stark is dreaming. Tony presses his face in the crook of Loki's neck and sighs contently.
"Sleep," he whispers. Loki then realizes he's awake, and does not even care. He moves even closer to Stark and presses a gentle kiss to the top of his head, then breathes him in.
He falls asleep in just a matter of seconds.
Loki wakes up and immediately notices the absence of anyone pressed up against him, so he opens his eyes and searches the bed for Tony, who is no where to be found. He sits up and looks around the room but Stark still isn't in sight, so he sighs and then gets in the shower. Stark doesn't burst through the door, he doesn't interrupt Loki, he doesn't kiss him like he should. In fact Loki's sure he never once comes near Loki's floor. When Loki finishes doing whatever he has to and wrapping his arms, which are fairing much better, he steps out of the bathroom and puts on a pair of white slacks and a dark charcoal grey shirt he knows Tony also left for him, then goes into his own personal living room and steps over to the tall windows that let the bright sun stream into the room. Glass from other surrounding buildings reflect the sunlight and project it into the room like mirrors, shiny and silver and all colors at once. Loki moves as close as he can and looks down all the way to the ground and watches the tiny people and their cars move about quickly, on their own missions in their own lives. He stands there like that for about ten minutes before he feels someone else's presence in the room, then turns on one heel to see Natasha studying him quietly and carefully. It's actually creepy.
"Hello," he says, but more in question than greeting.
"I'm taking you out to eat," Natasha announces, and Loki raises an eyebrow in surprise.
"I'm not entirely sure that is a good idea," Loki answers, considering people are bound to recognize him, as the crazy guy who tried to destroy New York and take over the world with his army of aliens.
"Probably not," Natasha rounds smoothly. She is wearing a nice blue dress with ruffles around the neck, and Loki thinks they must be going somewhere fancy.
"Okay," Loki agrees after a moment. He doesn't really have a choice anyway. They turn out to not go anywhere expensive but instead a nice coffee shop nestled between old red brick buildings that has a homely charm to it. The waitress either doesn't recognize him or is too nice to let her fear or anger or other emotions show because she gladly takes their orders and disappears to fetch it. Loki can't help but notice the people staring suspiciously at him, and pointing as well as whispering. Natasha acts like she doesn't see it and instead asks Loki questions about Asgard, and Loki answers them, happy he's finally the one to be explaining. She turns out to be a good listener, leaning in close to hear him clearly and never taking her eyes off his. She seems to be enjoying their conversation and Loki finds he is too. Before long someone comes around and ruins the moment, however.
"Hey, you're that one guy," a tall, beefy guy who has probably once done steroids says, and points accusingly at Loki, who has his elbows resting on the edge of the small table. He turns his head slowly and looks up at the man who glares him down. Loki wonders if he's extremely brave or just incredibly stupid.
Probably the latter.
"And who would that be?" Loki returns calmly. Natasha, surprisingly refrains from intervening. It'd probably be a good fight, if Loki was watching it instead of having to fight it.
The guy steps into his personal space and jabs him in the chest with a chubby finger.
"You tried to kill everyone," he accuses again. Loki contemplates standing up but he remains sitting, and instead leans back slightly to regain his own space.
"I'm afraid you have mistaken me for someone else," Loki says. Unfortunately another genetically superior man stands up and joins in on the action, while Natasha grabs Loki and starts to drag him outside. The men march after the two of them along with a crowd of people yelling unkind things at him and since Loki likes to provoke people he grins and mouths 'You're next'. It's totally the wrong thing to do and will get him in shit loads of trouble but he gets a kick out of the looks on their faces.
When they get back to Stark Towers Natasha leaves him with Clint then heads off to probably talk to Fury and try and do damage control before this turns into chaos. Clint makes Loki play Call of Duty Black Ops with him, but it's not really as fun without Stark, who Loki has not seen once. He wonders if Tony's avoiding him, because of what happened, and it makes him frown. It also makes him desperate to fix it.
Soon they both get bored and Loki swears on his life that if Clint leaves him he won't kill himself. Which is true, because he's gotta know about what Tony is doing to him before any final decisions. Clint makes multiple threats about what will happen if he does then eventually leaves, and Loki returns to his living room. He figures out how to turn on the enormous flat screen then watches another James Bond movie, this one called From Russia With Love. He still has to ask Jarvis to explain.
When the movie is over he makes himself a drink then sits back and just stares out the window as he watches the sun set. It enchanting and Loki is enjoying doing nothing.
Then Tony shows up.
His hair is stuck up randomly, and he has a black mark on his cheek as well as multiple ones on his shirt. Loki realizes he's probably been in his lab all day and that's probably why he hasn't seen him, but he's still annoyed he didn't tell him where he was going.
"So Lokes, I heard you riled up the locals at a Starbucks," Tony greets. Loki sets his glass down on the small table in front of the expensive couch he is lounging on.
"Unfortunately, yes," he answers. Tony steps closer and sits adjacent to him on another sofa.
"Well, Fury's probably gonna flip his shit, then again Natasha is his little angel so I'm not exactly sure how this will all go down, since it was her idea," Tony says. He grabs Loki's glass and without any regard to the fact Loki has been drinking out of it, repeatedly, he takes a sip and continues holding the glass. "Someone will get their ass kicked, though."
"Imaginably my own," Loki replies with a straight face. Tony grins and takes another drink. They sit in comfortable silence for a while, and Loki continues looking out the window. Tony still has his drink but Loki doesn't bother to get it back.
After a while Tony turns the TV back on and forces Loki to watch a show called Suits. It's not really too interesting and before long both of them are falling asleep. Loki looks over at Tony, who is dead asleep. He looks peaceful. Loki stands, then gently removes his glass from Tony's hand. He slips his arms under the smaller man and lifts him out of the chair and into his arms, then starts of towards his bed room. Tony, who is only half conscious and not aware of the situation curls into Loki's chest more and presses his face into the crook of Loki's shoulder and neck, who freezes then resumes walking. When they reach Loki's bed he lays Tony down, and when he tries to pull away Tony grabs him.
"No," he whispers, and Loki doesn't know what he's trying to say.
"Hmm?" He buzzes and runs light fingertips over Tony's arm, who shivers.
"Don't leave."
Loki stands up a little straighter.
"I don't think that is such a good idea," Loki says, but his tone is mocking. He looks down at Tony condescendingly and raises an eyebrow.
Tony blinks sleep out of his eyes, and sits up.
"I'm sure I can change your mind," he challenges. Loki lets out a snicker and rolls his eyes.
"I'm ever so sure," he returns. And then suddenly Tony is on his knees on the edge of the bed in front of him, facing him, close to him, too close. He lets a brilliant smile come across his face as he stares at Loki in a way that makes Loki sure he's never wanted someone so much in his entire life as he does now. Everything about Stark is just so delectable, from his toned chest and arms to his stunning smile to his perfectly styled hair right down to his dark chocolate brown eyes surrounded by long, raven colored lashes. Loki can't help but reach his hands up and lightly touch his arms.
Tony's eyes flick from Loki's eyes to his lips and back up.
"I don't think this is supposed to happen," Tony whispers, and if Loki wasn't right in front of him he wouldn't have heard. Tony's got the ghost of a smile on his mouth now, and he looks at Loki one last time before leaning forward.
Loki's hands immediately find their way to Stark's waist as their lips meet. Tony has his arms around Loki so there is no way he could possibly back away, but Loki doesn't want to, ever. He's dizzy but in a good way and the only thought running through his mind is how amazing this feels. Then he loses it and slams Stark up against the nearest wall, pressing him there with his body. He grinds his hips into Tony's, who pushes right back and kisses him harder. When Loki's probably about to die from oxygen loss Tony pulls away but doesn't stop kissing him, instead working down to his neck and along his jaw. Loki pulls him back up to his mouth after a moment and kisses him more. Tony lifts his legs up and around Loki's waist, then breaks away for air again. Loki moves down to his neck and Tony tosses his head back and lets out a small whimper.
"Loki," he whines, and claws at his back. Loki doesn't know what he wants so he just kisses him again, crushing him against the wall. It shuts him up, and Loki comes to the conclusion he is an amazing kisser. Everything he does drives Loki crazy and he can't believe this is actually happening. He pulls away again, but he can tell Tony isn't finished. Since he now knows it drives Tony insane he works on Tony's neck, who moans and whines and writhes under him. He keeps saying Loki's name in a such a breathless way it just makes Loki attack him more. Suddenly a voice interrupts them.
"Lock the goddamn door, jeez!" Clint snaps, standing in the door way with a disgusted look on his face. Tony and Loki freeze, since neither can form words at the moment and even if they could they'd have nothing to say.
"Clint," Tony finally says, but Loki doubts he could even be taken seriously given his legs are still wrapped around Loki's waist and he is still smashed against the wall. Clint shakes his head.
"I've got nothing to say to anyone, you guys are just watching The Matrix," Clint says and shoots them a look that obviously means 'you fucking owe me.'
Tony nods viciously.
"Yes."
Clint winks at them in a totally childish way then closes Loki's double, sliding, frosted glass doors to his room and walks away. They wait for a moment, and when they are sure Clint's gone, continue what they left off.
"Loki," Tony whines again between kisses.
"Hmm?" Loki hums against Tony's lips. Tony moans, then kisses him again. They continually break off, which allows for words to be spoken.
"Baby," he pants, and Loki presses him harder into the wall at the name. "Bed."
Loki pulls him away from the wall, then pushes him into the bed. Tony yanks him down on top of him and kisses down to Loki's collarbone, then back up quickly. Their lips meet again, and Loki runs a hand down to Tony's waistband.
Suddenly Tony pulls away, laying back on his elbows, and looks away from Loki bashfully. Red tinges his cheeks as he speaks.
"I, uh, I don't think we should do that," he mumbles. Loki leans forward and slowly kisses up the side of Tony's face, who closes his eyes and sighs contentedly. When he reaches his hairline he travels over, then down to Tony's right eye. He presses a soft kiss to his eyelid, and then the other. He then kisses the tip of Tony's nose delicately, and last, he gives Tony a final, light kiss. It says more than lust, more than like.
Tony opens his eyes carefully and stares back at Loki with dark eyes.
"I fathom as much," Loki whispers. He moves forward again and gives Tony another last kiss, on his forehead. Then he stands up, leaving Tony alone.
"Loki, wait," Tony says quickly, desperately. He sits up and seems to be searching for words in his hands with as much as he is staring at them. "I-I don't want to mess this up. I can't let what's important get away from me."
Loki turns back around.
"It is not myself you need to worry about losing," he says back. "I am just going to lock the door."
Tony looks relieved but also troubled. Loki joins him on the bed, then wraps him up in his arms and holds him. Tony relaxes until he's soon asleep, pressed against Loki, his hands gripping Loki's shirt softly between their bodies. Loki also fairly certain he hears Clint in the living room, but he doesn't want to let the moment pass, so he falls asleep with Tony right against him, and Loki finally feels absolutely content. It's perfect, but he can't stop thinking nothing stays that way for long.
He shuts his eyes tight and falls asleep.
Loki wakes up to an empty bed, again, but Tony isn't far. He's standing at the huge windows, watching the sun slowly rise, or so he assumes.
Loki sits up and blinks to clear his vision before getting up and coming up behind Tony. He slides his arms around the shorter man's waist then presses against him lovingly and rests his head on his shoulder.
"Hey handsome," Tony greets, and Loki smiles and hugs him tighter. "Whatcha got planned today?"
"I am all yours," Loki answers. Tony twists in his arms so he's now facing him, and smiles at him. He doesn't say anything, just studies Loki with an adorable little grin. Loki stares back but soon breaks eye contact bashfully, and clears his throat. Tony just laughs, then leans forward and catches him in a kiss. He pulls slightly away and rests his forehead on Loki's.
"You are so perfect," he whispers, and Loki looks at him with more admiration than he's ever felt for anyone in his entire life. Since Loki can't think of anything to say he just kisses Tony again, soft and sweet, and hopes that no one decides that right now is a good time to visit this floor because it really is not.
Tony lightly runs his hands up Loki's back as Loki holds him against his body by his hips, and Tony tugs him closer to the bed without leaving his lips. When the back of his knees hit the edge he falls backwards and drags Loki with him, who tumbles on top of him roughly. He then rolls over so he's on top of Loki now, and continues where he left off.
Suddenly he sits up, and Loki looks positively confused.
"Oh, God," Tony exclaims. "Dammit."
Loki pushes up onto his elbows.
"What?"
"God, I'm so sorry, I'm such an idiot, Loki, I'm so sorry," Tony repeats and pushes off of Loki then stands up and fixes his shirt hurriedly.
Loki stands up and steps closer, and tried to place his hands on his arms gently, but Tony won't let him.
"God, I'm so sorry, Loki," Tony says, and Loki notices with shock he is perilously close to tears but is holding it in. He doesn't meet his eyes.
"Tony, what is wrong?" He says, and forces Tony to look at him. His face his filled with anguish.
"Loki," he says, his voice cracking. "I'm sorry."
"Tony," Loki snaps. Tony gives him a single look with what looks suspiciously like heartbreak.
"Pepper," he says and just about breaks down in Loki's arms. Loki stops.
"Tony..."
Tony breaks away from Loki and wraps his arms around himself, his eyebrows furrowing into an expression Loki can't quite comprehend.
"Loki, I'm so sorry," he says again, every word spoken with icicles of pain. It hurts Loki, not because Tony cheated as well as led him on but because it hurts Tony. He doesn't want to see Tony so upset.
Tony gives him one last look, that says so much then spins around and darts out of the room, leaving Loki alone. Loki doesn't want to be alone, because being alone allows for irrational thinking and irrational thinking leads to him hanging himself on the ceiling fan and that is really not good.
But instead of chasing after him he sinks to the ground and grips Tony's special red and gold X-Box controller to his chest because right now, it feels like all he even has left of Tony Stark.
Good, bad, terrible, makes you wants to throw up, amazing, spectacular? Tell me! Press that little review button! ;D Or I will deprive Loki and Tony of each other.
...Just kidding, it's too cute...so, um, yeah.
With much hope (and desperation),
Stealth.