A/N: So…I have a couple stories all in the final stages of proofing before being posted. I wanted to post them by the new year, but then I ended up spending four months in the woods, hating life. I'm finally back--for a little while, anyways--and desperately playing Catch-up. I finally saw season four--awesome!--but these stories were all written well before I was able to watch new episodes. This story is something that came to me over several days--a series of moments and observations. Shawn and Juliet's relationship is so much more than simply banter or flirting or even friendship. There is the regular, shallow, everyday conversation (and in parentheses there is the deeper meaning). That is, until they just can't pretend anymore. Set throughout the third season, mainly from Gus walks into a bank on. The paragraphs following a name in bold represents the character's point of view.
"Still thinking about
not living without looking in.
'Till we're talking about,
not stepping around it."
'Till I Hear It From You,' The Gin Blossoms
With as much as they talk (every day) and as much as they flirt (also every day), they've come to rely on each other (again, every day). He's number two on her speed dial, right behind her parents. She's on his as well, just after Gus. There's a chair next to her desk for him, but he rarely uses it because it's so hard for him to sit still. If anything he prefers to lean against her desk, or look over her shoulder with his hand on the arm of her chair. She doesn't come by Psych quite as often, but she isn't afraid to take over his desk space, messy as it is.
Juliet
She's called him at all hours of the day (and night) while working a case (and sometimes just to talk). He's so perceptive, and occasionally it scares her because she feels defenseless when his searching eyes focus on her. It really is amazing to watch him work. She can tell when he has his real visions; the ones that aren't for show or to tick off Carlton. She loves to watch him piece everything together. They text each other during work (only eight or nine times a day. That's not a lot. Really, it's not…) just to see what the other is doing. After all, Shawn's always looking for a case.
Shawn
He makes it a point to annoy Lassie (and impress Jules) with his 'visions.' Half the fun in solving a case is finding new ways to present the evidence. He feeds off of her enthusiasm during his performances, and loves to see her smile when she figures out his clues (if they ever played Charades together they would be unbeatable). He admires her silent strength; knows it's tough to be a woman cop and even more difficult to work with Lassie.
They didn't talk (at least not like they usually do) for a few days after The Bank Crisis. Sure, she came by that night to drop off Gus's shoes, and they wandered the boardwalk; but they couldn't escape what had happened earlier that afternoon. It was awkward; her all dressed up (but not for him) and him in just jeans and a t-shirt. She apologized for not telling him about her dates and he forgave her (but couldn't look her in the eyes when he said the words).
Juliet
She should've changed before she returned the shoes. Just like she should've worn jeans and a cute top to his reunion instead of that dress (which was definitely not a prom dress). And she definitely should've told him about her dates, but it's hard to tell a guy they're just friends when it takes thirty-five minutes to get ready if she's going to see him (not that she's timing herself). Just like it's hard to tell him she has a date with someone else every time she sees him smile. Especially when she wants so badly to spend a little time with him (just to make sure they're okay). When he offers her dinner she spins around so fast she almost snaps the heel off her shoe (calm down, it's just hotdogs and a walk along the beach!). The walk is terribly uncomfortable; the conversation is full of subtext (but she wouldn't have it any other way because at least they are still talking) and when it's over she is emotionally exhausted.
Shawn
He should not keep staring at her. But she looks so good in that dress, with her hair down and the gold necklace that rests just so (it's not his fault he's attracted to shiny objects). He should not have been so smug about her date being cancelled, because now she knows he sent Luntz on a wild goose chase (but hey, the douchebag had it coming). He's never felt hopeless around her before (it's a curious feeling to know his best might not be good enough) and try as he might he can't shake the feeling. She is dressed for a fancy dinner and all he can offer is hotdogs. She catches him staring at her (again) and he tells her the gold necklace is nice, but he likes the one she usually wears better. A few minutes later he decides enough is enough, and steers them back to Psych. He can't just pretend like there isn't a big black cloud hanging over the two of them. He says goodnight and quickly walks inside.
Juliet
Almost a week goes by before she gets a mid-morning text. Lassiter hears her phone buzz and casually asks, "Are you going to answer him or are you two still fighting?"
She frowns at her partner, opens the text, and reads Gus is having a meltdown--just found out his sister is flying in for Christmas :) and tries to stop the smile from forming.
"Guess this means Spencer will be coming by the station again." Lassiter comments, more to himself than her. "Oh, well. It was nice while it lasted."
Shawn
Shawn looks down at his phone and chuckles. Gus notices and stops pacing the office. "What's so funny Shawn?"
"Hmm? Nothing." Shawn answers
"Are you texting Juliet?"
"No, not at all."
Gus grabs Shawn's phone and reads the screen out loud, "From Jules: It's over, Luntz can't bowl." He looks at Shawn "What the heck does that mean?"
"Nothing Gus, continue with your meltdown. I believe you left off at 'the office is a mess.'"
They are getting close (again). Things are back to normal: they flirt (even more than before) and spend time together (even on days off). And they've been touching; Juliet might pull him along with her instead of asking him to follow. Shawn sometimes rests a guiding hand on her lower back when they walk side by side. Nudges, taps, and pokes. They both do it, a sort of back-and-forth they seem to be getting more comfortable with. For support while walking in heels or to brush away some barely-there speck of dirt or just to emphasize a point. They've been touching a lot lately. But they're not dating. Juliet is clear about that when Lassiter asks if she has plans with Shawn one night. Still, she worries about him. She can't count the number of times a case has put him in danger (almost every day) and she wonders just how long his luck can hold out.
Juliet
When he calls her and is actually scared, she leaves the station immediately. Carlton won't be able to help, he took a personal day. Forget about backup, that'll take way too long to organize. She doesn't even tell the Chief, just runs to her car with Shawn still on the line. The connection is bad but he gives her directions to Camp Tikihama (she knows he's never liked that place, bad juju). The night is chaos; a storm of desperation and terror. And when it's finally over he sits quietly by her side through the darkest hours of the night while she drifts in and out of sleep. The next morning by the lake she's just so glad that he's safe. When he starts to thank her he sounds so serious; his voice is heavy with emotion. She's not sure she can handle that from him, not right now. So she shushes him before he goes too far. Then Gus walks up and the moment is lost.
Shawn
He helps Juliet cuff Clyde in an incredibly uncomfortable position to the rails at the top of the stairs, leaving the criminal contorted like a human pretzel. Clyde vows to press charges for police brutality, but they cross his legs and arms around the railing until his limbs tingle and fall asleep, and then she cranks the cuffs down as tight as they will go. Neither wants to take any chances with the killer; they still have a few hours until the sun rises and backup arrives. After cuffing Clyde she disappears, and a few minutes later he finds her standing on the front porch, just staring into the night. "Are you okay?" he asks quietly.
"Yeah." She finally answers. "You?"
"I've been better," he tells her with a shrug. She just scoffs at that.
"Come on." He gently wraps an arm around her shoulder. "Let's go inside." He walks her to the den. In the room, she pulls him down to sit with her and they share the oversized armchair until dawn (he can't sleep a wink all night, but at least she gets some rest). Later that morning they share a moment by the lake. He stumbles through a thank-you in an attempt to convey his feelings, but she quietly shuts him down again.
Then Chief Vick gets a letter from the Yin Yang Killer. Shawn can't take anything serious (as usual). Carlton's more stressed than a high-tension wire. And Gus? He's off the reservation. Juliet feels like her world is falling apart (and it's a pretty scary feeling).
Juliet
She sees the note, hears that some poor girl is in mortal danger, and can feel the pressure weighing everyone down. Everyone except Shawn, who takes time to criticize the killer's rhymes. It's just another case to him; at first he doesn't even seem that interested in it. She finds excuses to grab him by the hand or stand next to him because his nonchalance calms her nerves (she loves him for that). But it all changes on the pier. Her stomach drops and she thinks they've lost everything when Shawn throws the phone into the water. Then the clue she finds in the Psych office reveals they've been given a second chance (it's not that she doubted him, but it was a huge risk for Shawn to take). Except he quits. Just gives up. She doesn't know what to do (no one does, but somehow she's the only one trying to talk him out of this mistake). She argues with him (it occurs to her that this is their first real fight) and is left reeling from his hurtful words. He yells at her, tells her to leave; and she just can't believe what is happening. She was depending on him and now he's abandoning her (she hates him for that).
It's only after they find the girl alive that she realizes what he did. It was all an act. It had to be, otherwise Carlton wouldn't be telling Shawn and Gus to get to the hotel ASAP. The enormity of it all washes over her. Shawn was able to change the rules of the game. Instead of waiting and reacting, he went on the offensive. When he 'gave up' he effectively ended the game. There was nothing left to play for, no resolution. It was like when Bud Selig called the All-Star Game a few years ago and it ended in a tie. It just left a bad taste in everyone's mouth. For the killer, there was no reason to murder the girl because Shawn hadn't been beaten. It was a brilliant move (and when she realizes it, she loves him again).
So he saved the girl. But no good deed goes unpunished. And Juliet quickly finds that Shawn isn't the only one able to change the rules. Maybe it's retaliation, maybe it's just because Yang wants the game to continue, but the next victim is Shawn's mother. And just like that Shawn is down for the count. He's as close to breaking as she's ever seen him (and it kills her to see the hopelessness in his eyes). Maybe that's when it all became clear to her (that she doesn't just love him, she is in love with him). The grief in her heart matches the anguish in his eyes (she would do anything for him); It's certainly a moment etched in her mind forever.
She's never felt as desperate as when they searched that drive-in for his mother's car. She's never felt as relieved as when they finally cuffed Yang. And she's never felt as nervous as when she decides to go for it with Shawn, though a certain close-talking moment comes to mind (she's sure he'll say yes, this is Shawn after all. But still…she hates to be so vulnerable). She's had enough of the 'almosts' and the 'what-ifs' and the unspoken feelings they've shared. For three years he's chased her. But what's more is he's her friend (if she's honest, he's more than that). He was jealous and hurt when he found out about Luntz. April--the girl from the aquarium--easily saw through her façade. They were both worried to death about each other at Camp Tikihama. If ever there was a time to lay it on the line tonight was the night (that's how all the movies go, anyways).
When he says her timing is awful, she feels confused (maybe it's just one of his jokes). She thinks what he means is that he can't believe it took three years for her to figure out that he was serious (she can't believe it either; but like she said, the best things don't come easy). Then he tells her he's already on a date and she can't believe it, because who could possibly be on a date after the day they've had? But then she notices his tray and counts two drinks, two buckets of popcorn, and an incredibly sad look in his eyes. When he tells her it's Abigail, she knows it's not a joke.
It hurts much more than it should when he refuses her offer. But she understands, even if she desperately wishes things could be different. It's ironic, really; the one time in their entire relationship that they don't dance around each other ends just like every other. Actually, it ends worse. He can see her heart break when her smile collapses into despair. She can see so clearly that he wants this (that he's wanted it for so long). It's just that the timing is wrong. Somehow she maintains her composure (maybe she's in shock, she never thought this would happen). But she still can't quite let him go. When she kisses him on the cheek she feels him sigh, feels his eyes close. She can hear him take a slow, deep breath and knows that he's not over her (it makes her feel hopeful and ashamed at the same time). She has to get out of his sight before she loses it. His apology stops her (his voice is so poignant) and a small part of her hopes he's changed his mind about Abigail. But instead he apologizes for their fight earlier. She tells him it's fine and leaves him with a smile. Because she understands what he really means. And just like that, they're back to the way they were. His words are true enough, but the subtext is obvious.
Shawn
He's not an idiot, and he all but grew up in this station, so he knows who Mr. Yang is. Even though the first time Yang surfaced Shawn was in full rebellion against his father, he still had friends at the station. He still watched the news. He can recall all the press releases and nightly reports with perfect clarity. What he doesn't know (because he never actually talked to his father then) is whether or not his father worked the case. Or if Chief Vick was part of the original investigation as well. Though it would explain a lot about both of them. An early retirement… A move from homicide to vice… Who knows?
So it's not as if Shawn doesn't know of Mr. Yang, but at the same time he doesn't know Mr. Yang. And the fact that this killer called Shawn out specifically is definitely unsettling. But when it comes down to it, this case is no different than any other: collect evidence, piece it all together, have a vision, stop a killer. It's just another run of-the-mill psycho-killer case. It's routine; it has to be.
Except everyone is worried. Particularly the Chief and Lassie. Juliet is worried too, but he's pretty sure it's because her partner looks like he's reliving a nightmare. Juliet stands close to Shawn in the station (which is nice but not unusual). But when she takes his hand he notices how cold hers is (and holding hands with him is definitely unusual, especially in the station). The look in her eyes says it all: she's afraid because even though she wasn't here the last time Yang surfaced, she senses just how scared everyone else is (the unknown is always so much worse). He realizes she is depending on him.
A few hours later she asks something that sounds so ordinary to everyone else but catches his attention perfectly. When the rat comes to the station, she asks if he can talk to it. He looks up, a Dr. Doolittle joke already forming on his lips. But the tone of her voice and the hope in her eyes silences him. The epiphany hits him like a caffeine jolt: she truly believes that he will solve this case. He gets that jittery, hyper-sensitive feeling that comes with downing a double espresso on an empty stomach. That sort of trust (that sort of faith) is new to him. It's scary and reassuring at the same time. Lassiter's own Doolittle comment--more biting than humorous--severs their connection and Shawn forces himself to take a slow, deliberate breath before he goes back to work.
Sometimes things come to him that he can't explain. He might be a fake psychic but that doesn't mean he can't have real moments of inspiration. And the cell phone on the pier is one of those moments. Time slows down and things just click. The game cannot be won--not like this. He's got to change the rules. Which means he has to really sell what he does next. So he picks a fight with Juliet and yells and says terrible things that he doesn't mean (the emotions come easily thanks to the case, but he hates to hurt her). He feels like he is betraying her faith in him, even if it is for the greater good. This case isn't about murder, it's about Shawn and Mr. Yang. Which means he needs everyone else out of the picture. He wonders if she'll ever forgive him (and the uncertainty makes him sick to his stomach).
The world actually stops turning when he realizes Yang took his mother. Shawn may have won the first battle, but now it's war; and it's personal. He collapses into a chair and feels truly hopeless for the second time in his life (ironically enough, the woman who made him feel that way the first time is standing about three feet away). But this time he can't dwell on it. He pushes the panic back into a corner of his mind, and focuses on finding his mom.
During the conversation with Mr. Yang--who is actually Ms. Yang, and a freaking psycho to boot--he feels like this is the moment when all his bad luck has finally caught up to him. All the hurtful, selfish, stupid things that he's done and got away with are coming back to him. Karma has come to collect. Big time. But wouldn't you know it? Shawn skates by again. Silly, spontaneous, and sometimes stupid Shawn survives another brush with death. Everyone is fine, the killer is captured, and Shawn can even make a joke about racquetball. Yep, just another routine psycho-killer case (thank God). And to top it all off, he still gets to go on his date.
He never expected to run into Juliet when it's all over. The last he saw she was somewhere in the scrum of officers and movie-goers surrounding Yang. After checking on his mom, he had made a half-hearted attempt to find her (just to make sure they're okay) but figured she didn't want to talk with him. So when she finds him in the concessions lobby he's caught totally off-guard. She is scared and vulnerable and looks all the more beautiful for it. But then he is forced to break her heart. After three years of flirtation and close-talking and rejection, she confesses her feelings a day late (he would relive this case a thousand times--make it his own personal Ground Hog Day--as long as he got a chance to make things right with Jules). Turning down Juliet is the hardest thing he's ever done. He watches her thousand watt smile disappear; replaced by a painful, broken expression (and it haunts his memory). He can't hide his feelings when she kisses his cheek, and nearly breaks down right there (but like so many other moments with her, it's just another false start). He wants to--has to--make her understand that he cares for her. It's just that the timing's wrong (Karma, and this time it did collect. Big time). He does the only thing he can, and falls into their old familiar pattern. He apologizes for the terrible things he said earlier in the day, but the hitch in his voice makes it obvious that he's sorry for so much more. They can return to the safe, shallow conversations (minus the flirting, of course). In the end, they are exactly where they started (except that they're not, because everything has changed). And he hates himself for it.