Derek had passed away a year today. Meredith wanted to be alone but she had work: being a surgeon and a mother. On top of that, Meredith didn't get any sleep. She came home late with a small headache, which was understandable as she had just finished a 14 hour surgery. Ellis had kept her up most of the night and Bailey had a bad dream that needed attention to. Even Zola woke up early and wouldn't go back to bed.

Feeling exhausted, Meredith got to the hospital late, left the kids in daycare and hurried to catch up on rounds. She was late and tired and her headache started worsen.

"You don't look that well" Alex commented to Meredith who was having trouble finding a chart. "I'm fine" Meredith said though the pounding in her head was becoming worse.

She stumbled to the OR board and leaned against the wall. She looked at the writing but couldn't focus on it, that took too much work. She stood there for at least 5 minutes not wanting to move. "You were late for rounds" Chief Bailey exclaimed disappointed as she came up behind Meredith to look at the board. Mer turned around. "Wow, you also look exhausted. Go home Grey" Bailey said. She looked back at the board, "I'll reschedule your surgeries".

"No, I'm fine, I'm fine. I WILL do my surgeries today and then I'll go home and try to get some sleep... if my kids allow me to".

At lunch, Mer's headache went from a pounding to a constant pressure. Meredith rested her head against the cool table and wished for the next day to come. Maggie came and set her food tray down next to her sisters head. As Meredith lifted her eyes, Maggie put her hand to Mer's forehead. "You're burning up. Go home." Maggie was worried so she went to find Alex.

"Meredith has never been this type of sick. She is sometimes a little tired when the kids are trouble or when she isn't feeling well, but she usually just sucks it up at work. Do you know what's going on?" Maggie asked Alex. He shrugged and promised to talk to her after his surgery.

Maggie knew something was bothering Meredith today. She just couldn't figure out what.

"Beep beep beep beep". Meredith stood up and steadied herself, a bit dizzy, but still grabbed her pager. It was a 911 appendectomy. "See you tonight. You're making dinner" she said to Maggie and left to scrub for her surgery.

In the OR, Mer made the first cut, trying to focus with the bright lights all around her. They seemed really bright and it just made her headache worse. "Go home" Penny said as she was assisting. Penny knew that today was significant to Meredith. Today was the day Penny had lost her "one". Penny still prays for Derek's family every morning (even after finding out that she would be working under Meredith). But she prayed extra hard this morning.

"Will everyone stop telling me to go home. I'm fine" Meredith replied, teeth clenched as a wave of pain hit her through the head.

Stepping away from the table not wanting to danger her patient, Meredith reached out for something to hold onto. The tray prepared for the appendectomy crashed to the floor. Dizziness washed over her and he stumbled out of the OR. Bailey (who had been watching in the gallery, knowing something was off with her general surgeon) immediately rushed down to scrub to take over for Meredith. She was worried for her attending.

Mer made it to an on call room. Holding onto the door knob she closed the door. The force of the door closing pushed he onto the floor. Mentally and physically dizzy, tired, weak, and hurting she lay there eyes closed.

As soon as his surgery was over, Alex ran to the OR board and looked for Meredith's name. He had a feeling something was wrong. He grabbed a mask, and opened the OR door to find Bailey. "Where's Mer?" Alex asked through his mask, getting more worried by the second. Bailey replied also worried "I don't know, I took over because she looked like she was going to faint. You should check on her when you have the chance. I'm almost done but page me when you find her. I am going to send her home".

Alex ran out of the OR and started opening supply closets and on call rooms. He finally opened a dark on call to find Mer unconscious on the floor.

He shook his friend awake and helped her to sit up. "Mer, you really should go home" Alex stroked her hair, feeling her hot forehead and gently kissing it.

"Derek?"

"No Mer. it's Alex"

"Derek, I'm not okay. I might be dying... for being a bad mother" Mer hallucinated.

"Meredith listen to me. Derek is not here but I am. Let's get you home" Alex moved to help her stand up.

Meredith looked past Alex. "I'm failing Derek. I mean, will you still love me if I fail?". Meredith then collapsed again, her whole body feeling like fire. "I need some help in here" Alex yelled, knowing his friend needed more help than just getting home. Bailey, having just finished surgery heard Alex's call and ran into the room. "I'm positive she has a fever of over 100 degrees, I found her unconscious but she woke up and started hallucinating Derek until about 30 seconds ago."

20min later

Mer was barely awake so she was being monitored. An iv was attached to her arm, she was dehydrated. "It's just a bad migraine" Bailey whispered as she came into the low lit room to talk to her patient, attending, student, and friend. "You're sick, you will go home tomorrow and get some rest".

Meredith, half conscious murmured "Ellis, Bailey, Zola?"

"Maggie has your kids so you don't have to worry about them. Let's focus on getting you better. I will take care of your service until then. Sleep some more and page me or Alex if you need anything". Bailey closed the door to let Meredith sleep.

20min later

Amelia softly opened the door and came into Mer's hospital room to check on her. "I'm here if you need me". She put her hand on Mer's sheets. Meredith half opened her eyes. "Derek?"

Bailey then came in and stood behind Amelia thinking something was wrong. The flu shouldn't make someone collapse so many times. There must be an additional stress... something emotionally overwhelming... like Derek. Meredith was hallucinating Derek... but why?

"I'm failing. I'm a bad bad mother Derek". Meredith fell unconscious again. Bailey said to Amelia "she's still hallucinating and then collapsing. I don't know why".

Amelia wiped tears from her eyes. "My brother dies exactly a year ago this date. Mer used to be worried that she would be like her own mother, a bad mother, but Derek quickly helped her to prove that she was wrong. Now as a single parent, Mer is having trouble again. She got in late because the kids were giving her trouble last night because she came home late after surgery. One person shouldn't have all that responsibility".

Dr. Bailey immediately understood. It all made sense. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know that it happened this time last year".

"Derek?" A weak call came from the bed.

"Meredith listen to me. It's Amelia, your sister, Derek's sister. Derek died last year in a car accident. He's dead Meredith. He's not here." Amelia just let the tears run down her cheeks, not bothering to wipe them away anymore.

Meredith replied in a faint voice. "I know. It was just a year ago that my husband died and left me to take care of my kids by myself. Bailey can you please give me something for this stupid headache."

"Of-of-of course Meredith". Bailey set her emotions aside and started readjusting the medical equipment behind Mer's bed. Amelia silently left the room and went to find Owen. He always knew what to say, and today of all days he would be her person.

As soon as the door closed behind Amelia, Meredith went into cardiac arrest. "Charge to 200" Bailey shouted, panicked, as nurses rushed in the room.

Meredith could hear Derek calling to her. She reached forth and went into his arms.