Ride or Die
A Walking Dead Fanfiction by Sassy Lil Scorpio
Summary: Shane and Andrea leave Rick's group, determined to make their own way. Their encounters put them to the test of what it really means to depend on each other for their survival. In time, they find shelter with a brutal group of survivors run by a man wielding a barbed wire baseball bat. Will they finally obtain the peace they long for? {Canon Divergence} {Shandrea}
Rating: M for violence, profanity, and occasional adult content.
Disclaimer: Shane Walsh, Andrea Harrison, and all other TWD characters in this fanfiction belong to Robert Kirkman. This author claims no ownership. No monetary gain is being made from this work.
Author's Notes: This fanfiction was inspired by the bond between Shane Walsh and Andrea Harrison on the show and how they always talked about leaving the group. I was also inspired by fanfic authors who write Shane still alive, which is awesome to this ShaneFan. The anime Michiko to Hatchin influenced this work, insofar as how the relationship between the two title characters evolves during their journey to find one individual. One of the themes in the anime is "it's the journey, not the destination", and also how various characters try to label Michiko's and Hatchin's connection. In the end, they define it for themselves based on their experiences together and their deepening bond. Finally, any lyrics from songs that helped inspire the story (and there are many!) are properly credited.
Thank You: Special shout out goes to "the ramblin' rose" as her Shandrea fics helped inspire this writing.
Dedication: For Victoria and Tanisha because you both asked for this fanfic. I hope this fic makes you both proud. For Tiara, thank you so much for all your feedback and assistance with parts that stumped me. For Lynn and Christian, thank you for being so supportive and encouraging of my writing. For TheOnlyKing who wanted a story where Shane lives. For Jon Bernthal and Laurie Holden because if I had my way both Shane and Andrea would still be alive—and together! And for Corey, my ride-or-die partner and friend for life.
Shane Walsh wasn't convinced. "So what? Say we do, we jus' run off. What's in it for me except for the extra ass I gotta cover?"
"The chance to do something for someone else."
"Yeah."
"And a door that swings both ways," Andrea Harrison emphasized. "Put a gun in my hand, I'll cover your ass too."
The Walking Dead Season 2 Episode 1 "What Lies Ahead"
Exit Stage Left
Petals fall / Easy when I'm with you now / Such a chaotic start
But I'm hopeful for the future now / And I thank the universe for this gift
You and me / You've got me
Petals fall / Petals fall / Petals fall
Trouble calls easy when I'm with you now / There's danger in your smile
There's pleasure in right now / Now do we make this better / Will we ever?
Don't wanna leave, baby never, no / I need you in my arms
Don't make me wish it / Can't you see that you've got me?
Anna Wise featuring Xavier Omär "Easy"
"I shoulda left with you when I had the chance."
Ten words that would change both Shane's and Andrea's lives forever, but they didn't know it yet. After he said them, he walked away from Andrea, wanting to be alone. It was better to get away and be on his own, since everyone thought he was crazy. They wouldn't listen to him about Randall being a serious threat and as Hershel had bluntly put it, they wanted him to keep his mouth shut.
He had once been the respected leader of the Atlanta group. They had followed him and he had protected them—until Rick returned. Then everything changed. Instead of being the main decision maker, Rick now held that role. Shane had been unofficially relegated to second-in-command with Rick taking the lead. Rather than work together, the two best friends clashed, resulting in the group taking sides on whom they felt was best to lead them. No vote had been taken and there had been no open discussion about it. Rick being their leader was an unspoken agreement within the group. It had evolved that way and now Shane found himself standing in the ashes of who he used to be.
Gone was the leader who had assembled the rag-tag group of survivors in Atlanta. In his place stood a belligerent outcast that was pushing himself closer off the edge of sanity, while the group he had once led watched without offering him a hand to pull him back. None of them cared if he fell over, completely lost and gone forever. Being in the group was like dying a slow and painful death: terrifying and lonely. No one knew what he was going through, and worst of all…no one cared.
One person cared. Andrea. He appreciated Andrea reaching out to him and now he wished he had left with her before they had found Hershel's farm. When they had been at the church, she suggested they leave together and he had blown her off. Instead, he waited around, hoping that he could take care of the baby Lori would bring into this world. Regardless of what Rick wished and Lori wanted, that baby was his. He was going to be a father and he took it very seriously. There was also Carl to think about. He had grown to love the younger Grimes as his own son. Shane couldn't stand the thought of leaving Carl with his family. Especially since Rick was prioritizing Randall's life as worthy of saving—instead of putting Carl's and Lori's safety first. It was infuriating and Shane didn't want to think about it anymore. Better to get the hell away from everyone—including Andrea.
Andrea heard the regret in Shane's voice. She had just finished telling him that he was right about his decisions, but that his presentation needed work. He came across as aggressive and forceful, and was sarcastic at times. None of it worked in his favor and he only succeeded in isolating himself more. The group heard his demanding tone and not his legit concerns. Shane had never learned the adage: it's not what you say, it's how you say it. Andrea hoped she had gotten through to him, but as he walked further away, she realized she would lose him and he would lose himself if this destructive cycle continued.
She made a decision right then and there. That was half of the battle. The other half was finding out if Shane felt the same way. Andrea believed he would since she was the only one who sought him out, made an effort to understand him, and show him that she "got" him. No one else bothered to do that—definitely not Rick or Lori. Knowing that she had a small window of time, Andrea quickly caught up with him. As she approached him, she was reminded of the first time she went after Shane in the cemetery and offered to leave with him. She hoped he would be more receptive this time around.
"What's stopping you?"
Shane stopped in his tracks and turned around to face her. "Come again?"
"What's stopping you from leaving?"
He looked at her, puzzled, uncertain of what to make of her question. Then he scowled, clearly annoyed. "You sayin' you'd be glad if I left—jus' like the rest of 'em. Thanks a lot, Andrea. Jus' when I thought someone here had my back."
Andrea sighed, exasperated. "That's not how I meant it, Shane."
"Then what'd you mean?"
He sounded impatient and she tried not to mirror it. "I meant what's keeping you here? If you want to leave, then leave." She paused as she thought about what she was about to say. She hoped he knew she meant it. "I'll go with you. You just said you should've left with me when you had the chance—I'm giving you an out, Shane—because I want to leave too."
Shane rubbed his head, a constant habit born from his anxiety. "You wanna leave—an' put all this behind you?" He gestured to Hershel's home and then the wide expanse of farmland.
"If it means I'll have peace of mind being separate from this group, then yes, I'm willing to leave. You just said that you and I are the odd ones out. The outsiders."
"Always have been." He looked off to the distance, imagining them far from the Greene farm. On the road. With a new group? No, he didn't want that. He just wanted to put distance between himself and Rick. He couldn't believe how much their friendship had changed and it was the last thing he thought would ever happen, but the outbreak changed everything. It had changed him and he accepted that, but no one else was on board with him…except Andrea.
Andrea watched Shane, knowing he was internally debating her proposal. She prepared herself for another rejection, although she didn't see why he would refuse a second time. Then again, he didn't outright refuse it the first time—she told him to think about it, but neither of them brought it up again until now. She offered him friendship and understanding, which he desperately needed, although he would never admit it. He was on a crash course and she knew what that was like from her recent experiences. After losing her younger sister, Amy, she walked around depressed, feeling constant loneliness in the group and pressure to live for Dale's sake. After Shane gave her shooting lessons, she found her niche and a reason to live again. She could be a contributing member which was great. He had empowered her when she needed it most and she didn't want him falling to the wayside. She almost had and he had lifted her up when she needed it most. Now she was doing the same for him, whether he realized it or not. Just when she thought he'd turn down her offer again, he looked at her, a sly expression on his face.
"Let's do it—meet me outside sometime in the next twenty-four hours."
She tried not to let on that she was glad he agreed to leave with her. Instead, she followed along with planning their departure. "Too obvious."
"Alright, so how you wanna do it?"
"We can always sneak out at night when everyone's sleeping," Andrea suggested.
Shane shook his head. "Nah, I wanna get far while the sun's still up." He thought about it some more and then the solution came to him. "How 'bout you offer to do a run—an' I'll be your back-up?"
A smile lit up Andrea's face as she realized what he was suggesting. "We drive off and never come back?"
"Exactly."
oOo
Several days later, the group had brunch in Hershel's home. Carol and Lori had helped prepare a meal for everyone. After everyone finished eating their meal, they trickled out of the dining room and went to tend to chores around the Greene Farm. The only ones left at the table were Rick and Hershel—and Andrea and Shane. Both pairs sat at opposite ends of the table involved in their own conversations.
"Have you thought of anything else we can do about that kid?" Hershel asked. "I don't want him on my land or near my girls."
Rick sighed. The group was still going in circles about how to solve the Randall problem. He could try dropping him off far from the farm again—he and Shane had attempted to do so the other day and it was unsuccessful as they had gotten into a fist fight and returned to the farm with Randall. Shane had tried shooting Randall twice and both times Rick had stopped him. He had also thrown a wrench at Rick, which neither man had forgotten. Rick tried to shove that memory to the back of his mind. Shane's increasing aggressiveness was making him more dangerous and unpredictable.
He thought about executing the kid, but then Dale had an issue with murder as a solution. The kid could join the group, but nobody wanted that. Rick shook his head, frustrated. He had no solid answers. Then he glanced at Shane and Andrea. Shane had been outspoken about what he wanted to do about Randall. Rick figured he'd broach the topic with him again.
"I know we've discussed this before, Shane, but do you have other ideas about dealin' with Randall?"
Andrea and Shane paused in the middle of their conversation. They both shot quizzical glances at Rick and Hershel, shocked they were being included.
"I had my ideas an' you stopped me. You wouldn't be stuck right now if you let me take that shot."
"I asked if you had other ideas. We're not talkin' 'bout what happened last time."
Shane shrugged. "Can't help you there. I still say you should shoot him between the eyes or hang him, throw his carcass out—"
"That's cold-blooded murder," Hershel interrupted. "Maybe you can go about your day without a care in the world after taking a life, but the rest of us aren't you and want to sleep peacefully at night."
Rick noticed Shane looked away when Hershel implied that he could murder another person with no remorse. He remembered confronting Shane about what happened at the school with Otis and he knew Shane did not take murder lightly. Rick promised himself to never reveal the truth to Hershel or anyone else. He had kept Shane's secret. Either Hershel instinctively knew the truth or he had found another way to express his intense dislike of Shane—aside from telling him to shut his mouth.
Shane turned to his best friend. "There you have it, Rick. I'm 'cold' 'cause I wanna end the life of someone who can endanger everyone's lives on this farm. If that kid brings his gang back here, then we'll find out fast who's right an' who's wrong here." He directed the rest of his comments at Hershel. "An' it won't be my problem 'cause the blood won't be on my hands, Hershel. It'll be on yours, Rick's, an' everyone else who wants to give that kid tickets to the Greene Carnival."
A faint smile lit up Andrea's face at Shane's response. "He's right,' she said. "Randall's a death wish waiting to happen and you're making it too easy for him. This kid shot at you, but you're giving him extra special treatment that he doesn't deserve. I'm with Shane on this, you should put that kid out of his misery. Our safety comes first."
"At least one person has common sense aroun' here an' ain't livin' in Fantasy Land." He offered Andrea a wide grin.
Hershel usually had a calm demeanor. Now he looked irate as he glared at Shane. He was about to respond when Rick held up his hand, stopping him before he could release a tirade or kick him out the house.
"Give him some corn-on-the-cob, chocolate chip cookies, an' a unicorn stuffed animal to take home!" Shane added. "An' make sure you have enough cotton candy for his lil friends."
"That's enough, Shane," Rick said. "You made your point, loud an' clear. Andrea…" He shook his head, unsure of what to say to her. She felt the same way because now she shrugged and turned away from him.
"I know I did! Do what ya'll want with the kid!" Shane scoffed. "Nobody cares 'bout anythin' I think 'round here."
Rick was stunned and then his anger pushed him forward. "I jus' asked for your ideas." He pushed away from the table and stood up.
"An' I jus' got done tellin' you what you should do an' that you don't care for my ideas when I give 'em to you." Shane stood up, mirroring Rick. "I jus' said both those things to you, but you hear what you wanna hear."
He ignored Shane's last statements and focused on what he wasn't directly saying. "So you're checkin' out?"
Rick would've sworn Andrea and Shane exchanged a knowing glance in response to his question. He didn't like it and he wasn't sure what to make of it.
"Maybe I am. You, Hershel, an' whoever—do what ya'll want with the kid. Tar an' feather him. Play hop-scotch with him. Whatever ya'll do, it ain't my problem." He turned back to Andrea. "Let's go shoot some targets. You been gettin' better."
"Thanks to you, Instructor Walsh." Andrea smiled as she stood up.
Without another word to Rick and Hershel, Shane and Andrea left the dining room.
Rick looked at Hershel, puzzled by Shane's abrupt behavior. Hershel shrugged. He had no answers for Rick, although he wished he did. He also had no more patience for Shane's lousy attitude. It didn't bother him that Shane didn't offer any reasonable suggestions of how to address the Randall issue. Hershel respected Rick a whole lot more than he did Shane and he felt confident that whatever Rick ultimately chose, it would work out for the best.
oOo
Two hours later, Rick was about to go in his tent to speak with Lori about his conversation with Hershel, when he saw Andrea approaching him. Shane was with her. Wherever Andrea was these days, Shane was nearby. The reverse was also true: where Shane was found, Andrea was also found. So when Andrea made her request and Shane offered to back her up, Rick didn't think anything of it. He noticed that the two had been getting closer lately. Maybe it was a good thing because it meant Shane's focus was finally off Lori. New woman, new mindset, Rick thought.
"Rick, I was thinking of going into town to do a run. I know Glenn usually does it, but I'd like to do it again."
Rick glanced at Shane, as though questioning him: did you put Andrea up to this?
Shane's face revealed nothing.
"I'd get some time off the farm, we can also refresh ourselves," she said, gesturing towards Shane.
"So why not take it easy for the rest of the day if you need to refresh yourself?" Rick didn't want to reveal his suspicions. Andrea offering to help out was great, but something seemed odd about her request and he couldn't figure it out. Maybe it had to do with earlier when he asked Shane if he was checking out. Shane's response was maybe I am… Rick shook his head. He was overthinking it.
"I'll go with her as back-up," Shane offered. "It'll give her a chance to improve her shootin' skills. She's gettin' really good. Can't stop now."
Rick was taken back again. It was strange how all of a sudden Shane wanted to engage in other activities. Then he tried to see it in a different way: it was for the best. Instead of storming around Hershel's farm and blowing up at everyone, Shane could redirect his energy in a constructive way. On that note, Rick decided to support them in what they wanted to do. Besides, they'd come back in a few hours. Any suspicions he had about them would be dissolved when he saw them tonight for dinner.
"Alright, jus' one thing—" He ducked into his tent and quickly came out with edged weapons. They were the same ones that Carl had found on the highway. "I know you wanna practice shooting an' perfectin' your aim, Andrea, but you gotta save your bullets too. You don't have a never-ending supply. Take your pick."
Andrea chose the Fixation Bowie and Shane picked the SOG seal knife.
"Great picks," Rick said with approval. He forced himself to smile. "You can stab walkers in the head, put 'em down like that. Save your bullets for when you really need 'em."
Shane glanced at him and for an instant, Rick thought he looked…regretful? Just as quickly the emotion left his face and he gave Rick a brotherly hug.
"Thanks, man. We'll put these to good use."
Rick nodded. "You gonna take the Hyundai?"
"Yep, runs really well. Got plenty of gas to go for miles," Shane said. He was tempted to add "far away from here", but made sure to control himself.
"I'll let the others know you guys are goin' out there. Maybe they'll want you to pick up some supplies."
"Sounds good."
Rick nodded and then headed towards the area where the group stayed. When they were certain Rick was far enough not to hear them, Shane and Andrea looked at each other with a mix of fear and anticipation. This had gone smoother than expected. Now it was just a matter of leaving the farm and they'd be on their way. They already had to stall their plans after Rick had asked Shane to join him in dropping off Randall. Today was the day. Nothing would stop them this time.
"I'm gonna see what everyone needs," Andrea whispered. "We have to act like we're doing an actual supply run for the group."
"You right 'bout that. I'll check on our wheels…let's be out of here in—" He glanced at his watch, "a quarter after. That should be enough time."
Andrea went to go check on everyone to see what they needed while Shane started towards the Hyundai.
oOo
Shane was checking the trunk, making sure all their belongings were there when he heard someone step behind him. They had packed everything into the vehicle during the night when everyone was asleep. Sensing the presence behind him, but not knowing who it was, Shane shut the trunk and turned around. He groaned inwardly when he saw Dale standing there, holding his rifle and watching him. Deciding it would be best to remain cordial for what would be their last confrontation, Shane swallowed his annoyance and greeted him.
"What's up, Dale?"
"I heard about your supply run."
"Did you now? That's cool."
Dale's serious expression never wavered. "I know what happens when anyone goes on a supply run with you."
"What's that? Tell me, cause I'd love to know!" He leaned against the vehicle, taking a relaxed stance. Keep your cool, Shane, he thought. It would be too easy for him to go off on Dale, but he needed to remain level-headed. This was the last time he'd have to deal with "Mr. Moral Authority". After today, he would never have to hear him get on his soapbox about humanity ever again. The older man would be a forgotten memory.
"They end up dead like Otis or—"
"Or what?" Shane tried not to react emotionally, but he had already found a point past Dale to focus on. Whenever anyone brought up Otis, he turned away, not wanting to continue the conversation. Even now, he still felt awful for killing Otis. Although he justified it in his mind that he took a life to save a life—Carl's—it didn't erase the ongoing guilt that only he knew about.
Not once to mince words, Dale dived right in. "I'll get straight to the point. You and Andrea slept with each other when you were supposed to be looking for Sophia."
"That's incredibly perceptive of you, Dale! Who woulda thought you'd pick up on that?"
Inside he was rolling with laughter. Then he let it out much to Dale's disapproval. It felt good to laugh, when just moments ago he was wracked with guilt about Otis. Yeah, he had sex with Andrea—he wasn't ashamed to say it was the best sex he had had in a long time—even better than all those times when he had snuck away from the group to have wild sex with Lori in the woods. The day he had sex with Andrea was spontaneous and passionate. Andrea wanted it too and didn't toss him aside afterwards like Lori did when Rick returned. On the contrary, she had initiated it and enjoyed it. She didn't treat him like her dirty little secret. It made him want to see her more, which in turn, made her want to know him more. A devilish grin almost showed on his face when he imagined having his way with her again in the Hyundai. Now that we're gettin' away from here…he didn't finish the thought as he forced himself to be serious.
"Look, sex or no sex, me an' Andrea did go lookin' for Sophia an' found nothin'. So that's—"
"Lay off Andrea," Dale cut in, ignoring Shane's glare. "She's not just any woman you can use up and dispose of."
"You think I'm usin' her?"
"I know you are."
"You tryin' to protect her, but you comin' off more as cock-blockin'. Ain't no problem if she wanted to give it to me willingly, an' if I wanted to give it to her."
"She doesn't see the problem, but I do," Dale said, refusing to back down.
Shane smirked. "Way I see it, you jus' mad that you ain't gettin' any play."
Without another word, he left Dale standing, speechless, as he went to turn on the Hyundai.
oOo
Andrea reviewed the list of items. She had just left the front lawn where she had met with Glenn, Daryl, Carol, and T-Dog. Glenn asked for canned foods, Daryl said he didn't need anything, Carol hoped Andrea would find cough drops, and T-Dog wanted any men's hygiene products that she could scavenge. She started towards Hershel's home when she saw Dale approaching her. She sighed, hoping they would part on good terms. Of course, Dale had no idea she and Shane planned to leave the group. It was still important to her that their last impressions of each other were positive. She had been angry at Dale for robbing her of her choice in the CDC, but he had been a friend to her, even if he was overprotective and unconsciously acting as her father figure.
"What's wrong, Dale?"
"I can't believe you're going out there with him." He looked over his shoulder, glaring in Shane's direction.
"You mean Shane?"
"Of course I meant Shane. Who else?"
Andrea sighed, not hiding her annoyance. "I'm a grown woman and can make my own choices of who I hang out with."
"You need to watch yourself with him, Andrea. He doesn't have good intentions."
Andrea looked past Dale and watched as Shane inspected the Hyundai, making sure it was safe. She hoped her tone didn't sound too harsh when she responded. "I appreciate you looking out for me, but I need my space. Is that too much to ask for?"
He didn't respond; instead, he stared past her, not wanting to acknowledge what she told him.
She knew that asking for her independence was a lot to ask for when it came to Dale. She decided to change the topic. "We're leaving soon. Do you need anything?" She glanced again at Shane as he opened the passenger side's door.
Dale finally answered and met her eyes. "I don't need anything, Andrea. I just want you to be safe, that's all."
Before she could reply, Dale walked away, his shoulders slumped over as though defeated. Andrea watched as he walked towards the barn. She was tempted to go after him, but decided it was better not to. It would make things harder for him if she kept talking to him. She knew he would miss her the most once she and Shane left. For some reason though, she wasn't sure if she would miss him as much.
oOo
Andrea found Lori in the kitchen of Hershel's home. Lori was chopping carrots and had put a pot of water on the stove to boil. Andrea watched her for some time, feeling strange knowing that this was the same place she had argued with her. If Lori knew she was present, she didn't let on. Andrea finally pushed herself to speak up.
"Me and Shane are going on a run. Do you need anything?"
Lori stopped what she was doing and looked up at Andrea, a questioning look in her eyes.
"You're going with Shane?"
You're the one that left him hanging when Rick came back, Andrea thought, feeling annoyed. She made sure not to state it aloud. She didn't like Lori's tone: it sounded strained like she had forced herself to ask the question, but didn't want to know the answer. Andrea hated that. Why ask the question if you don't want to know the answer? Lori also looked….shocked? Upset? Angry that Shane was going out with her? Or regretful that she had thrown Shane away so that Andrea could take him for herself? Andrea shrugged inwardly. She didn't care how Lori felt or viewed her connection with Shane. Nor would it bother her if Lori knew that she had slept with him. She had noticed how Lori treated Shane differently when Rick joined the group and she hadn't forgotten overhearing their conversation at the church. Shane had told Lori he was leaving the group. It was that very conversation that led to what they planned on doing.
"Yeah, I am," Andrea finally answered. "Do you need anything?"
Lori resumed cutting the carrots, keeping her gaze focused on her work. "No, I don't."
Andrea nodded and turned to leave. She knew she wasn't welcome in the Greene home anymore after leaving Beth alone during her suicide watch, but she still had to pretend like she was going on a run and ask Lori if she needed supplies. Thankfully, their exchange was short. Andrea wanted to keep it that way, especially given how Lori sounded when she asked if she was going with Shane—envious and upset all at once.
She remembered her last confrontation with Lori. She had left Beth alone and Hershel's youngest daughter tried to kill herself by cutting her wrists. Andrea felt the choice should be Beth's and Lori felt she was wrong to leave the troubled teenager alone. Their argument had spiraled downward quickly and went in the direction of gender roles and how they viewed each other as contributing or not doing anything to help out. In the end, Andrea threw it in Lori's face that she had Shane on the side without mentioning his name. They hadn't spoken since then until now. At least, they didn't get into another vicious argument this time.
Andrea left the house and went to see if the Greene family needed supplies.
oOo
Shane turned the ignition key and grinned when he heard the familiar sound of the Hyundai warming up. In less than an hour, he and Andrea would finally leave the farm. He had to look like he was getting ready to do a run, so he turned on the car. He was so caught up that he didn't hear the knocking on the driver's side window. It was only when he turned to leave the car that he saw Lori standing outside. Shane shook his head. What does Lori want now? He turned off the vehicle and grabbed the keys. Lori stepped aside as Shane got out of the vehicle. They stood across from each other, silent, waiting for the other to initiate the conversation. Finally, Lori had enough of the tension and broke it with her accusation:
"You're going on a run with her?"
Shane stared at Lori, wondering why she was asking him about Andrea. He decided to act like he had no idea who or what she was talking about.
"Who?"
"You know who—Andrea."
"What 'bout it?"
Lori folded her arms across her chest, frustrated that Shane was acting like he didn't know what was going on. He knew damn well what she was talking about.
"Yeah, me an' her are goin' on a run. What's it matter to you?"
"She asked me if I needed anything."
"Okay, so what's the big deal?" Shane shrugged. "Was kind of her to ask you."
"You're with her…aren't you?" Lori didn't know what she felt anymore. She wanted both Rick and Shane, but it was impossible. In order to focus on Rick, she had to push away Shane. It still felt strange to see Shane with another woman when not too long ago, she had been with him. They had been together until Rick came back. "You're sleeping with her…"
Shane made a face as though she had told him to eat his own intestines. "Who I sleep with ain't none of your business, Lori. Besides, your husband is back!"
He made sure to mock her tone of voice when she had first lashed out at him when Rick returned: My husband is back! He is alive! Those seven words kept repeating themselves in his mind. It overrode his memory of her telling him to stay the night he came back from the school. He didn't want to remember that time because he had fallen for the myth that she wanted him to stay because she truly cared for him. He knew now that she was thankful to him for getting the supplies that saved Carl's life. She appreciated what he had done although she had an inkling of what had really happened at the school—but she didn't love him…not in the way he loved her.
"Have you forgotten that you have a baby on the way—that I'm carrying your child?"
Shane grew silent and rubbed his head as anxiety settled in. If there was one thing keeping him on the farm, it was his unborn child. He also stayed for Lori and Carl. He remembered Andrea asking him what changed his mind about leaving and glancing at Rick, Lori, and Carl… His jaw tightened. There was no way he'd allow Lori to guilt him now. Not after what she had told him. He decided to bring it up, not caring how it made her feel. He was tired of her mind games—intentional or not—and he was fed up with her pushing him away only to pull him back when it benefitted her.
"I ain't forget for one minute, but obviously, you forgot what you told me…unless you got selective memory."
He found it revolting that she'd use his unborn child as a means to convince or manipulate him to not be with Andrea—especially after she made it known that she didn't want him involved in raising the baby. In Shane's mind, Lori words and actions didn't match up. She also didn't want him speaking to Carl, but then got angry when Shane pushed Carl away to create distance. He was tired of her mixed signals and it was one reason why he decided to move on with Andrea.
"Shane—"
"'Even if it's yours, it ain't gonna be yours'. Remember that? 'Cause I sure do."
"I didn't mean it." Lori shook her head. "I've been worried this whole time—"
"You ain't worried 'bout nothin'." Shane cut her off, not wanting to hear the rest. "An' you know exactly how you meant it. You want Rick to be the Daddy, so let him be the Daddy."
Lori glanced at the ground, avoiding his cold stare. "I never wanted there to be all this hate between us."
"That makes two of us, Lori. Rick's here now, so go back to bein' his wife an' leave me the hell alone."
Lori's eyes widened, completely surprised by his angry tone. She stood there for some time and he stared back at her. Minutes of silence passed before she turned around and slowly walked back to Hershel's home. He watched her, noticing how her head hung between her shoulders and the way she shuffled. He could tell she was trying to hold back her tears.
Before going inside, she turned back once to face him and he turned his attention to the Hyundai, popping open the hood. Moments later when he looked in the direction of the house, the door shut behind Lori and he was relieved that she was out of his sight. He loved her, but he couldn't take being around her anymore. He needed to get away with Andrea and put distance between himself and Lori. Hopefully, Lori's absence in his life wouldn't make him want her more. He just wanted to forget about her, although he felt guilty for leaving his unborn baby. Maybe Rick would assume the role of father, since he had told Shane that the baby was his. With that thought in mind, Shane tried to put the entire situation out of his mind and opened the door on the passenger side so that he'd be ready for Andrea when she returned.
oOo
"I think we have everything we need," Hershel told Andrea. "I appreciate you checking in with me."
Andrea had found Hershel placing farm equipment in the building and decided to approach him. Beth was sleeping while Patricia watched over her. Jimmy was grooming horses in their stalls. She had run into Maggie on the way to the barn. Maggie had glared at her, but said nothing. Based on her cold reaction, Andrea knew Maggie was still angry with her for leaving Beth alone to harm herself. Andrea thought of apologizing to her, but Maggie swept past her before she could say anything. That left Hershel and she wondered if he knew about the situation with Beth. Based on how he acted towards her, Andrea figured Hershel didn't know or that he chose not to hold it against her.
"Alright, Shane and I will be back before the end of the day. I'll still keep an eye out for you or your daughters just in case. Same for Patricia and Jimmy," she offered.
Hershel nodded and started towards his home. She walked beside him.
"That's kind of you, Andrea." He stopped when he saw Shane checking the engine of the Hyundai. "I hope your ride's okay," Hershel said as he pointed ahead of him.
Andrea looked and saw the engine's hood propped up. Shane was tinkering with the engine and didn't see Carl approaching him with Rick nearby. "I'm sure it is. See you in a bit."
She started towards the Hyundai and smiled as she watched Shane. She wondered if something was really wrong with the vehicle or if he was just stalling. Probably the latter. The entire time, her heart pounded with excitement. She had made her rounds to everyone. All that needed to be done now was for her to get in the passenger seat, Shane in the driver's seat, and they'd be on their way.
oOo
"Shane?"
Shane turned around to see Carl standing behind him. He did one last quick check and shut the hood. Everything was working fine; he just wanted to make sure. He was waiting for Andrea to get back and was surprised to see Carl. Rick stood several yards behind him watching their exchange.
"What's up, Carl?"
Carl looked behind at his father. Rick gestured for him to continue. "He wanted to send you off." When Carl still hesitated, Rick came forward and gently nudged him. "Go ahead, you know Shane doesn't bite."
Shane laughed. "Nope, I don't bite anyone—I ain't a walker."
At this, Carl's face broke out into a smile.
"Can I get you anythin' while I'm out there?"
Carl didn't hesitate. "A picture frame."
"A picture frame? That may be hard to find."
Carl dug in his pocket and took out a photo that was folded in half. He handed it to Shane. Shane took it and opened it. Right away, guilt swarmed in his heart. It was a photo of Carl when he had graduated from preschool. Carl was seated at the head of a table, grinning and holding up a certificate that read "It's Graduation Day!" His full name, Carl Grimes, was in the center written in calligraphy handwriting. Rick and Lori stood on either side of him, framing Carl, and Shane was crouched down at his level, pointing at the camera. Everyone was smiling and appeared genuinely happy. The picture had been taken in Carl's favorite restaurant, Mrs. Wilkes Dining Room. Shane swallowed, trying to hold back emotions that threatened to burst forth. He quickly gave him back the photo. Knowing he wasn't returning, he didn't want to take Carl's memory away from him.
"Mom took it when we left." Carl looked at the picture and then at Shane. "It's my favorite picture of all of us."
Shane nodded. "I'll scavenge for you the best picture frame I can find. How's that sound?"
"Great! Thank you, Shane!"
Carl hugged him and Shane ruffled his hair. Above Carl, Shane met Rick's eyes and he wondered if Rick knew the truth. Rick's expression was neutral as he watched them. In an effort to avoid Rick, Shane turned his attention to Carl.
"While I'm out, I need you to do two things for me."
"What's that?"
"Be good an' listen to your parents. Always do what they tell you to do. Got that?"
"That's three."
"Fine, three. Do all of the above, you hear?"
Carl stared at Shane, confused. Shane now wondered if Carl knew what was really going on. Kids had an uncanny ability to read the adults around them. The longer he stared, the more sadness gripped Shane's heart. He would never see Carl again after today. Out of everyone there, he'd miss Carl the most. He hoped that everything he had taught his best friend's son had stayed with him and that he would use his survival skills if necessary. He was certain that Carl would move on and forget him. He hoped so because he couldn't stand the guilt that was gnawing at his conscience. He figured he'd feel better about his decision once he left the farm and Rick and Carl were out of his sight.
"I will." Carl nodded.
Shane was about to say something else when Andrea came over. Inwardly, he breathed a sigh of relief for her timing. He couldn't stay here much longer. Not with knowing that Carl hoped he'd find a picture frame to immortalize one of his favorite memories. It was a memory of times gone by, when everything was fine between him, Rick, and Lori. He would never get that time back.
"We got our list," Andrea said, holding up a paper with the group's names and items they had requested. "Time for us to head out."
"Add picture frame to the list," Shane said, smiling at Carl. Carl smiled back.
Rick nodded as he watched Andrea get in on the passenger side. Then he faced Shane. For some strange reason that he couldn't explain, he felt that he should talk Shane out of doing this supply run. He was worried about something happening to him out there. It seemed ridiculous, but it wasn't completely unfounded. Rick knew what had happened the last time Shane went on a run. Unlike Dale, he wouldn't throw it in Shane's face and he was the only one who knew what happened that night at the school. He just didn't want to risk losing Shane or Andrea. He thought he should tell his best friend this, but he didn't. Rick didn't want to come off as overly dramatic or anxious. This was just a normal supply run. There was nothing to be worried about.
"See you later, brother," Rick said. Shane nodded and started towards the driver's side. Rick watched him, resisting the urge to stop him.
Shane opened the door and then turned back to Rick. He let himself get one last look because after today, he would never see Rick again. Rick Grimes was his best friend and brother; they had attended high school together, grew up and joined the sheriff's department of King County. Now he was leaving him behind and for the first time an inkling of regret ran through him. He squashed it when he saw Andrea waiting patiently for him. There was no reason to go back on his plans or to feel sorry for what he was about to do. He was making the right choice. He was doing what he needed to do to keep Andrea and himself alive. He had kept Lori and Carl alive all this time, he had tried to get Rick out of the hospital, and Rick had survived. The Grimes family would be fine without him.
And he would be fine without them.
Goodbye, brother. The words almost spilled out of his mouth, but he stopped them in time. "Be back soon."
Shane got in the driver's side and slammed the door. He knew he didn't call Rick by his name or "brother" aloud because he needed to detach himself completely. This was a permanent separation and nothing would reverse it. He started driving towards the farm's gates and peered at the rearview mirror. Rick and Carl stood back, watching them leave. Shane glanced at the road and then at the mirror again in time to see Rick escort Carl into Hershel's home. Then they were both gone. Shane exhaled and beside him Andrea cheered.
"We finally did it, Shane!"
"Sure did." His voice was flat.
Noticing his serious demeanor, Andrea sat back against the seat and watched as Shane drove. Before long, the farm was behind them and they were now on a long dirt road. It wasn't until they were a good distance away that Shane offered Andrea an uneasy smile. She returned the slightly sad expression and they continued onward in silence. He looked down when he saw her fingers creep towards his right thigh.
"You jus' can't wait, huh?" Shane sounded amused.
"I can." A coy smile flashed across Andrea's face. "Just glad that we're finally out of there."
"Me too, darlin'."
oOo
Hours had passed since they had left the Greene farm. The Hyundai was pulled over to the side on a deserted dirt road, similar to the one they had driven on earlier. There were wide open fields on both sides. They had passed by several stray walkers and he had made sure they were in an isolated area. Now that they had left the farm, everyone was out of sight, out of mind.
It was just the two of them, the Hyundai, their supplies, and the entire world.
Andrea made it known that she wanted him, right then and there. Shane wanted her too, but she jumped ahead of him—which was incredibly alluring. It was just like the day they had went looking for Sophia and ended up in a housing development that was infested with walkers. He had put her to the test that day to see if she could shoot under stress, if she could handle herself. She showed him that day that she could handle herself—and handle him. Today was just like that day, except they didn't have to worry about returning to the farm and dealing with Dale's (or anyone else's) suspicions about what they had been doing together.
Their future lay ahead of them. There was no rush, no urgency to get to where they were going.
Before her fingers reached the bulge between his thighs, his mind was painting images of her body pressing up against his body. His tongue flicked over his upper lip when he turned to her. She bit her lower lip and stared at him, desire glazing her eyes. He knew what that look meant from their last experience. He had just finished parking the Hyundai, when she climbed on top of him. She wasted no time unbuttoning and yanking his cargo pants halfway down so that she could release him and at the same time he pulled her blouse over her head and threw it over the seat. It was a race between them to see who could undress whom first. He didn't mind losing because he won either way. He loved being with a woman who knew what she wanted and took control. There was nothing more attractive to him than a woman who didn't hesitate to get physical and who was confident in her beauty and sexuality.
He unzipped her jeans and she helped him by shimmying out of them. With a flick of his fingers, he moved her panties to the side. He didn't care if they were still on her—he had plenty of experience and knew what to do. When she raised herself and slid down on him at the same instant he thrusted his hips, he felt like he was on another planet and in an entirely different universe altogether. Entering her warm body left him unable to communicate unless he counted occasional expletives and guttural groaning. His skin burned when her fingernails engraved her name on his skin. He crashed into her again, releasing all his pent up stress from earlier. Her hair brushed across his face when she leaned into him, her forehead pressing against his. Over the rhythmic sound of their skin slapping, he heard her moaning his name.
One time with her hadn't been enough: he was addicted to her touch and he shouldn't have waited until they left the farm to be with her again. Now they were making up for lost time. He wasn't ashamed that his desires were entirely carnal. He cared about her more than he wanted to admit, but it was better (and safer) for him to focus on their physical connection. Mistaking lust for love had been his mistake with Lori. He had believed that Lori loved him just as he loved her—that what they had was real—only for her to act like it meant nothing, and at worst, didn't exist. He knew he would only be deceiving himself if he allowed himself to believe that the woman—whose legs were spread for him now—sincerely cared about him. Maybe her feelings were true, but he had learned that love wasn't worth the heartache.
Exposing his heart had led to it being torn apart and he wouldn't be a fool again…
The second time was even better than the first time. Tremors overtook her and sweat glistened on her skin. The Hyundai was already hot, outside was humid, but with every thrust he gave, her body temperature skyrocketed so that the closed in space was sweltering. Feeling him throb deep inside her made her wonder if there could be more between them. In her mind, she didn't just let him inside her body—she granted him access to her heart. While she caressed the back of his neck and his hands roamed the contours of her hips, one hope remained: that he would be hers. When she had first approached him in the cemetery, she told him they were the third wheels, the odd ones out. She made it known she wasn't looking to go steady—after he sarcastically asked her if they were "gonna hold hands an' sail off into the sunset". That was before their shooting lessons and their first tryst, before she offered him understanding when the entire group treated him like an outcast.
Things were different now…
They were in the middle of nowhere and it was only her and him. For the first time, she admitted to herself that she truly needed him. If it weren't for him teaching her how to shoot and protect herself, she'd still be buried by her grief over Amy's death. After they went to sleep tonight, she wanted to wake up knowing that whatever they had now would blossom into something more beautiful and fulfilling in the future. She was imagining him agreeing they move their connection to the next level, when he distracted her by pulling back a handful of her blonde hair, exposing her neck. She gasped when his lips brushed softly and then sucked roughly on the skin of her neck. He was going to brand her with his lips and make her his woman. When he was done, a reddish mark lay exposed on her neck. She wouldn't mind if he left red marks like that all over her body. She'd gladly let him brand her thighs, breasts, stomach, arms, legs... She'd let him lick, kiss, suck wherever he wanted. She was his, but the question lingered in her mind: was he hers?
Time and space were their servants. He knew she was exhilarated. They were free and out on their own. He felt the same way: he couldn't get enough of her and now she was all his. They didn't have to answer to anyone anymore. They were making the most of their newfound freedom, starting with this intimate moment. She was as thrilled as he was and now they were reaching a crescendo. He was ready to release when she was and they did so at the same time.
Andrea didn't dismount from him right away. She lay her head on his shoulder and he let himself enjoy the sensation of their sweaty bodies rubbing together. Their heavy breathing soon harmonized. After some time, Shane shifted in the driver's seat when he felt her arms encircle his shoulders. He looked past her and stared at the open expanse of land. The vision of the world in front of them was incredible.
"So you gonna ride with me no matter what?" His hands rested on her outer thighs while she still straddled him.
"The question is…are you gonna ride with me, come hell or high water?" Her smile was self-assured. Seductive.
Before he could confront her on the way she answered his question with a question, her lips crushed down on his and he reciprocated with the same force. He adored the faint strawberry taste on her lips. When she pulled away from him, he felt disappointed. He was about to tell her bring those lips back when she stared into his dark eyes.
"Does that answer your question?"
"Mmm-hmm." Shane's hands caressed her outer thighs, going up and down slowly.
She picked at the silver necklace hanging around his neck. "What does this mean? The number '22'?"
He chuckled. "The number of women I slept with before the world went to hell."
Andrea dropped the necklace and her smile vanished.
"I was jokin', darlin'! I used to play football in high school, 22's my jersey number."
She wasn't convinced as she cast him a look that was both startled and afraid. She was starting to regret what she had just done. What if she was just another sexual conquest to him? As though he had read her mind, he explained himself.
"I was a womanizer back in the day, Andrea. The more women in my bed, the better. That ain't who I am anymore. You ain't gotta worry 'bout that." When he saw she was still downcast, Shane ran his fingers all over her stomach, tickling her. She broke into peals of laughter. "That's more like it."
Andrea calmed down and became serious again. "Do you think they'll miss us?" She wondered if that explained why he looked sad when they had first drove off.
"Hell no." He shook his head, remembering watching the Greene farm shrink in the rearview mirror. "Glad we finally got out of there."
Shane really meant it. He was overcome with relief that there was distance between him and Rick. Although a part of him already missed his brother, this was the best thing he could've done for himself. He couldn't stay on that farm much longer at the rate he was spiraling downward. It wouldn't be the first or last time that he realized that in urging him to leave the farm, Andrea had saved his life—and hers too. They had left the place where they had been pariahs. Now they were on their own and could decide their destiny. He sat back against the seat as Andrea dismounted from him, pulled up her pants, and sat in the passenger seat. She reached over to the backseat and picked up her blouse to put on. As he zipped his pants and then put on his shirt, he thought about where they'd go. Andrea read his mind.
"So where're we going?"
Shane turned the ignition key and the Hyundai rumbled.
"Let's head up to Maryland. Find us a place to settle down an' live out the rest of our lives."
"A road trip?" Andrea grinned. "Fine by me."
Shane pulled out and started driving on the dirt road. As he drove, he glanced at Andrea who watched the scenery flash by on her side. He could see her reflection in the glass and knew she was just as glad and relieved as he was. Somehow, they'd make their own way as they traveled up north. There was no need to look back on what could've been if they had stayed with Rick's group. They had wanted to leave for a long time and their time had come.
Shane and Andrea had finally left the farm—and there was no turning back.