How Government Helps
A/N: Some of it in script format while I make it into a proper story on Doc-Manager.
"Oh, hi! Welcome to our fanfic about business preparation!Now this is a long and potentially boring fic, so we'll try to liven things up by adding comic relief at times." said K.K.
"Hey, I get to say that!" whined Vadier sadly.
" If you're readin' this, you probably want to know about what the government can offer you as you start your new business! The government wants your businesses to PROSPER!"So the government has introduced a modest policy that is going to help BOOST ECONOMIC GROWTH!" yelled K.K. loudly, childishly, and obnoxiously, clearly uncaring for the reader's wellbeing.
"Can we stop doing that? I thought this was supposed to be a political and intellectual debate about the government and its plan to help businesses. Speak formally." said Vadier.
K.K sighed. " Ok. We managed to interview some local shopkeepers about how they think the policy will affect them."
*a flashback occurs to K.K holding a microphone in front of a store owner.*
"So, the government wants to help you by reducing VAT, which will make people want to buy things from you because they will be cheaper without the tax!" said K.K. happily, doing his job like a job-person.
" Did I agree to this?" asked J.J, the shop-owner.
There was silence, until J.J spoke up, "Well, firstly, as the owner of a popular megastore and a popular employer, I think that the money we will make will allow us to hire more employees. With the increased wages we pay them, they will probably buy things from my store, and I will be rich! RICH!" J.J added a diabolical laugh for dramatic effect.
"Uh, I mean, that policy sounds fun."
More silence occured.
K.K. was lost for words. " Uhhh…."
He then traversed the area, looking for another interview, until he settled on his friend Cledo, who he knew had joint ownership of a little shop.
"So, Cledo, you own a small corner shop. You've heard of the policy, do you think this will be good for business?"
Cledo was happy to oblige with the interview. "Certainly! Let me say this as an example. With the decreased VAT, people will be free to spend their money. As the public spends their money, popular businesses will flourish in profits. They will hire employees, and their increased wages will result in more allowance for themselves. Even if I make a small profit, I figure any profit is a good profit!" He finished with smiling creppily, causing K.K. to back away slowly.
K.K: Thanks for your time, Cledo.
Cledo: It's a pleasure!
*scene goes back to report room.*
Vadier: We've received breaking news! The government wants to train the unemployed to get them back into jobs and off the streets! We wanted to know, how is this going to affect businesses, if at all? As always, we went to the most reliable source, interviewing random people on the street!
*scene switches again to Vadier holding a hairbrush to the mouth of a random person.*
Vadier: HEY YOU! What do you think of the rumour that the government is planning to get the unemployed back into jobs?
Mia: Oh hi Vadier! I know you from school!
*pause*
I think it's awesome! Finally, I won't have to throw money at them and feel guilty.
Vadier: Uh, Mia, we're talking about unemployed people, not homeless people. Apparently this will be good for business. We want to know why. *mutter* WHY do I keep bumping into people I know?
Mia: Um, well, I suppose it would be because businesses could hire employees. But this could be a bad thing, because although productivity will increase, profits will dwindle due to the salaries that the extra employees are gonna want…although if VAT decreased, people will have more money to spend and-
Vadier: We've all heard the theory.
Mia: OK, but if profits increased from the VAT decrease, there might be enough surplus to pay for extra employees.
Vadier: How will this help?
Mia: Well, let's take a local metro market. People hate waiting in line at markets! Right?
*Scene switches to D103X5 waiting in line at the supermarket, KBeh is working at a till.*
D103X5: I HATE WAITING IN LINE AT THE SUPERMARKET!
Mia: Sure. Anyway, let's say profits allowed a new till to be opened. Till workers don't make much money, right?
KBeh: Yes.
Mia: No. They don't.
So if they hire a till worker, people won't have to wait in line longer and they will be able to buy their things quicker!
Vadier: How do you figure?
Mia: Well, if there's an extra till, there won't be so many crowded ones, and it should be split evenly, potentially reducing the number of customers waiting to check out their goods at the service.
D103X5: YAY!
Vadier: Thanks. Let's go interview Mr. I Hate Waiting in Line.
*scene switches to Vadier holding a hairbrush to D103X5's head*
Vadier: So, D103X5, what do you think about unemployment? First things first, do you have a job?
D103X5: Whoa-wait, why're you interviewing me?
Vadier: Because everyone else we tried to interview was attacked by a Fuzzlesnug. So we have to. *JJ runs around screaming in the background*
D103X5: I simply can't give away my voice like this, because the Fuzzlesnugs might track me down….but I'll be outta business if the Fuzzlesnugs invade…so ok, you got me. What I'm thinking is that my business, because the Fuzzlesnugs are homeless, I'll be able to employ them so they won't attack me. I also think that unemployed people won't have had much experience in the working world, so I guess I can pay them a minimum wage.
Vadier: What business do you own?
D103X5: *suddenly redundant*
Uhhhhhhh….
Vadier: Awww, look! *points at a Fuzzlesnug* It's saying hello!
D103X5: OH, NO…OHNOOHNOOHNO!
*Fuzzlesnug attacks D103X5*
Vadier: Awww…..that's so cute!
KBeh: *barges in* OH BOY! MY TURN NOW!
Vadier: *sigh* Back to unemployment. What do you think of the government plan?
KBeh: What?
Vadier: The plan to get the unemployed off the streets?
KBeh: I'm a till worker, so I don't make much wage.
It'd be terrible to see people who are lower life forms that me, if that is even possible, to rise up past me and succeed in everything I haven't. I don't think the government's plan is a very good one, as my productivity rate…has well….dwindled a teeny weenie bit lately…
*scene switches to KBeh eating cupcakes on a sofa, watching television*
KBeh: OH BOY! I'M GLAD I MISSED WORK FOR THIS!
*scene switches back to a befuddled Vadier*
Vadier: It looks like we've run out of sensible people to interview…Oh wait, here's someone.
Hello, sir? What do you think?
Felix: Well, as an ice cream store owner, my business is done for in the winter, but there's that usual summer surge.
Vadier: Oh no, what?
Felix: I basically think that due to it being winter….uhhh….since now…what was the question?
*scene switches back to studio*
Vadier: As you can see, that attempt was a complete and utter FAIL.
K.K: I'll try.
*K.K with interviewee*
Hi there.
Good sir, you are employed, correct?
Stryda Bot: That is correct. Affirmative.
K.K: Well, did you hear? The nice old government released ANOTHER POLICY!
Stryda Bot: Bzzt. checking memory. Bzzt. File Found: png. Transportsystem…..bzzt.
K.K: Yeah…the government wants to do something about congestion. Your thoughts?
Stryda Bot: Bzzt. Meep. Thought found; congestion is a national annoyance throughout the country and even worldwide. Popular worldwide chains have problems with parking.
K.K: That's right. Most businesses next to congested motorways…like McDonald's….are popular because they are easy to find and usually right off the A303.
Stryda Bot: Affirmative. Good businesses like *file check* MCDONALD'S choose a good location that is easy to reach and operate. It is important for flourishing businesses to have a good road network because if they were placed out off a road which is seldom used, it would not attract good business.
K.K: Well, I think we've covered that point. K.K 1, Vadier 0.
*scene back to studio*
Vadier: OK, next topic?
K.K: *crumpling paper* Uhhh, the European Union.
Vadier: Mmmm, I love onions.
K.K.: I'll ignore that… I don't think we need to interview anyone, my legs are tired, so let's debate here.
The question in question: Why is being a member of the EU a good economical boost for some countries?
Vadier: Huh. I guess because those other members, like…Italy…some of their population will want to study our economy and come over here and buy things.
K.K: How does that boost the economy?
Vadier: Well, let's take Luxembourg.
K.K: Where?
Vadier: Then say someone from Germany heard about Luxembourg and wanted to find out more about it.
Assuming that the person never heard of Luxembourg and didn't have internet, what would they do?
K.K: HEY! I'm not from Germany!
And my internet works when it wants to….oh, right….
Well, I guess THAT PERSON would book a flight to…Fluxemblurrg or whatever and go buy a hat. Big whoop.
Vadier: So you're saying tourism is a great part of the economy, because other members of the Union will be curious about the others.
K.K: Oh, I get it now….
Vadier: Good.
Next topic?
Vadier: How does the…Wiltshire County Council help businesses?
K.K: It's a council. They help the community. Simple.
Vadier: Well, yeah, but…
K.K: INTERVIEW TIME!
*K.K interviewing Angel Imp*
Angel Imp: OK, first off, the council will obviously help the county it presides in.
So it will probably fund the biggest attraction in its county. They'll probably do some charitable acts, such as give a donation to get a small business off the ground, but if you want to be successful, you have to invest in the thing you know will succeed.
K.K: That's it?
Angel Imp: Yup.
Vadier: That clears up our presentation! We hope you enjoyed it!
K.K: Hey, I get to say that!
The End