Legal Disclaimer: I own my stuff, but not the original source material. That belongs to whoever. Also, the opinions and interpretations I use here may not reflect the same in said whoever that owns the source material. Look, I'm just a poor college librarian. Suing me isn't going to get you anything but tears.
Warning: This work may be offensive to some readers. Feel free to back out if that's you.
Author's Note: I blame Magi Silverwolf for putting the idea that Luna licks people to claim them into my head. It somehow grew into what other creature misunderstanding Luna might apply to human interactions.
Submitting Info:
Stacked with: MC4A; House Competition (Term 4)
House: Hufflepuff
Role: Player (7th Year)
Category: Pre-Round Challenge
Prompt: Kuro (Character/Ship)
Representation(s): Cultural Differences; Boundaries of Understanding; Magic; Hogwarts; Draco Malfoy; The Nest; Poly Ship; Family & Friends as Family; Luna Lovegood
Bonus Challenges: Queen Bee; Second Verse (Not a Lamp; Ladylike - Bossy; Nontraditional; Mouth of Babes; Found Family; Tomorrow's Shade; Unwanted Advice; Unicorn; Three's Company; Odd Feathers; Misshapen Pods; Hot Apple; Uncivil Obedience; Casper's House; Machismo - Soft; Lovely Coconuts; Under the Bridge)
Word Count: 1378 words
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Of Mating & Madness
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Draco Malfoy was raised with three undeniable truths. Family would always be the greatest loyalty that one could count on and the first one to be upheld. Hogwarts required all four of her Houses just as there were four basic elements of the physical world. And finally, always listen and obey the Cousins, no matter how mad they sounded.
Of course, just being raised with those lessons being taught didn't mean that they had sunk in through his childhood perceptions.
That had led to more than one issue in his first few years at Hogwarts, much to the barely-expressed amusement of one Blaise Zabini. Theo Nott had a less restrained way of reacting to the rants and elaborate plans that Draco typically made to gain the attention of Harry Potter that was his rightful due as a Malfoy. Likely egged on by his close childhood association with one of the Cousins, Theo had no issue with blatantly laughing at Draco.
It might have continued as a dorm joke for the entirety of their seven years at Hogwarts if it wasn't for what happened the first Hogsmeade weekend of his fifth year. He had been debating between two flavors of fudge in Honeydukes when the youngest Cousin (and certainly the oddest as well) had approached him, with Theo at her back, and informed him that she required an escort to visit a goat. Theo had simply shrugged when Draco had met his eyes over Luna Lovegood's head, but in the end, both of them followed the blonde as she skipped to the sketchy end of Hogsmeade.
They had picked up Blaise just before ducking into the Hog's Head.
There was an unprecedented number of students in the dim interior, all of who (with the exception of Harry Potter and Neville Longbottom, both of whom had just sighed resignedly) were just as surprised to find Slytherins in their midst as the trio had been to be there. It had taken some fast talking to keep the situation from devolving into spellfire or fisticuffs. In the end, a full third of the group had stormed off, disgusted at either the acceptance of the Slytherins or the refusal of Potter to regale them with the full story of the Third Task.
That all four Weasleys present accepted them surprised Draco right up until he learned that the Rookery abutted the Burrow, meaning that similar to Theo, they had grown up with exposure to the Lovegoods. Potter and Longbottom had both met Luna before, usually while lost or exploring the halls of Hogwarts. Explaining that they had just been following Luna was explanation enough to anyone so acquainted with a Cousin, particularly this particular one.
Granger seemed offended at the suggestion that this was all the expectation necessary.
After years of fighting for the top spots in most of their classes with the Muggle-born, that fact pleased Draco more than just a little. Judging by Theo's snicker, Draco's petty vindication had not gone unnoticed. Blaise affected an air of indifference to the growing agitation in Granger's hissed demands for a better explanation than it was Luna being met with confusion from her fellow Gryffindors who had all failed to understand how that wasn't enough. He seemed more interested in examining the contrast of Luna's silvery-gray hair to his own dark skin. The interest made Draco's hackles raise defensively, thoroughly distracting him from Granger trying to explain her issue.
Zabinis had a certain reputation, after all, and no matter how little sense Luna made at the best of times, she was his cousin as much as she was one of the Cousins. Family honor demanded Draco keep a close eye on that particular situation. Cousins tended to not understand things the same way as everyone else. It wouldn't do for Luna to be hurt by some rake being careless.
In the utter chaos of that year, Draco had managed to somehow get used to being something like friends with Potter's little gang. Even the Weasleys weren't so bad once Draco got used to the sheer volume and endless motion they produced. Granger was the most annoying of them all to deal with, being bossy and hidebound in equal measure. Surprisingly, Blaise had been the one who had finally exploded on her, hammering home certain fundamental truths about how the magical world worked differently than the Muggle one.
Maybe not surprisingly, given that unmerciful explanation of why her paradigm was doomed to failure had been in direct retaliation of the bushy swot's dismissal of something Luna had said.
Despite the reputation that Zabinis had of being selfish seducers who left as soon as they grew bored, Blaise seemed particularly protective of the two people who seemed to interest him the most. Luckily for Draco's nerves, both Potter and Luna seemed oblivious to his interest throughout that winter. Unluckily, that obliviousness didn't seem to actually deter Blaise one iota.
Draco and Neville had bonded over the despair that realization had inspired.
Accepting that some people were just like that didn't help when watching the three dance around each other and just wanting to lock them in a room until they all figured it out enough to stop the shoddy mask that did nothing to hide Blaise's pinning.
Which was incidentally how Draco happened to find himself being dragged by Luna into a deserted wing of Hogwarts three weeks before the start of exams and then into the strangest room he had ever been unfortunate enough to see. Everywhere he looked there were towering stacks of things. Some of them were likely priceless relics, but most of it definitely was not. There were corks strung up like garland and candelabras showcasing painted butterbeer bottles. Various kinds of vines had been braided together before being wrapped around columns made from tattered work journals. Through that labyrinth made of a niffler's castoffs, Luna led him until they had reached a sunken pit that rivaled the Prefect's Bath that had been filled with pillows made from brightly colored fabrics that clashed just as much with each other as they did with the stitching used to bind them.
Luna seemed nervously proud at her creation while Draco just felt confused about it all.
"Do you think they will like it?" she finally asked, after Draco had just looked around himself dazed at the sheer chaos that surrounded them. It looked like something a raven or magpie would build for a prospective mate, if said bird was the size of a teenage girl. "Is there anything missing? It's important!"
The realization that his assessment was probably not as far as off as he thought hit Draco at the same time as the sheer dread of having to explain to a Cousin that human courtship simply didn't work this way. Had he thought that he wanted Luna to not be oblivious of Blaise's pinning? Because that would be preferable to the challenge that now lay before him.
Draco would even be willing to tell Umbridge about her resemblance to toads than be there at that exact moment.
"Humans don't usually construct nests, Luna," Draco said carefully. Luna blinked at him a few times before she beamed a wide grin at him.
"That's what makes it such a perfect idea! It shows forethought and creativity. Though, I think Neville might appreciate a garden more than nest. Maybe something with a pond. His mother loved waterlilies."
"Wait, Neville? As in Longbottom?"
"Yes, of course," Luna agreed absently as she turned to look over the pit of pillows. "He'll make a wonderful consort. Your children will be very loved. Do you think I should include more purple? It's Harry's favorite color and he currently has nothing in that color of his own."
Draco was finally starting to understand why the entirety of his family avoided the Cousins as a whole. His head was spinning from how confused he was getting trying to understand his cousin's fussing over the details of her planned courtship gift. That didn't stop the tips of his ears from turning pink as he mulled over inviting Neville to see the waterlilies in the Kelpie gardens at Malfoy Manor.
After all, one always listened to advice from a Cousin, no matter how mad it seemed.