Bart the Vegetarian
Opens with Homer at the powerplant eating donuts. Some glowing liquid falls onto Homers donut.
Homer: Yuck
Homer wipes the glowing liquid off his donut and continues to eat it.
Smithers goes onto the intercom
Smithers: Hello employees. Keep working while I give you this brief announcement. As you all know it is Mr. Burns' birthday tomorrow and we are counting on seeing you there. Just a reminder: If you don't show up, you're fired. Thank you that is all.
Homer: ok I'll just clear some room on my calendar for tomorrow
Homer looks at his calendar and sees that the only things on the calendar for the whole month are going on tomorrow:
Barts 4th grade graduation
Lisa's Perfect student award
Maggies shots
Homer and Marge's spouse book club
Homer: Do'h
Homer arrives at home from work
Homer: Honey I'm home
Noone answers
Homer speaking louder: Honey I'm home
Grandpa yells from the TV room: Shut up, your family went out to buy clothes for your sons graduation.
Seconds later Marge walks in
Marge: Hey Homer, we are ready for Barts graduation. This time we got two suits, we don't want a repeat of his third grade graduation you know when he s-
Bart interrupts: We all remember what happened, you don't need to bring it up anymore
Bart goes up to his room
Homer: Um, Marge we might not be able to make it to the graduation after all
Marge: What do you mean
Homer: What I mean is that Mr. Burns has this birthday tomorrow and if I don't show up then I'll get fired from my job.
Marge sighs: Alright Homer
Marge drops the clothes and sulks upstairs
Grandpa: Whats for dinner?
Homer: Make it yourself
Homer goes upstairs
Grandpa picks up a bag of chips and opens it. He takes out a chip and eats it
Grandpa: Yuck, these chips are so cold, lets heat them up
Grandpa heads to the microwave and puts the bag of chips in it
Lisa: Grandpa I don't think that a good idea
Grandpa: pppt, what do kids know
Grandpa starts the microwave and the foil on the bag of chips start to spark and suddenly the microwave blows up and catches on fire, the smoke from the fire goes up through a vent in the ceiling and the camera follows it up to Homer and Marge in their bedroom talking.
Homer: Ah, come on Marge, what is a 4th grade graduation. Bart is moving from the 4th grade to the 5th grade. Who cares?
Marge: I do, why do we have to stop our lives so some old geezer can feel special
Homer whispering: Um Marge remember
Homer points to a camera in the corner of the room
Cut to Burns watching the simpsons on a tv through the camera he put in their house
Burns: Geezer am I. Why I'll show those simpsons who I am. I'll give them the best birthday party they have ever seen. I'll give them the juiciest steaks, the most succulent pork, the baldest eagle
Smithers: Sir, I believe it's a felony to kill bald eagles
Burns: Don't you remember Smithers I am above the law
Burns points to a famed paper on the wall that says: ABOVE THE LAW
Smithers: Oh yes sir how could I forget
Burns: Now lets get this party started
The next day the simpsons are getting ready to go to the Burns party. The simpsons leave the house and get into the car and leave the driveway. In the middle of the car ride Marge speaks
Marge: Ok kids I know you all were planning on doing things today and I swear we will make it up to you tomorrow
Bart: You better. I had to miss my graduation
Cuts to Springfield Elementary's graduation ceremony
Pricipal Skinner: …And Bart Simpson come up here and get your 4th grade diploma
Milhouse: Barts not here
Skinner: Well then I guess he will have to repeat the 4th grade
Ms. Krapappel sighs then lights a cigarette
Ms. Krapappel: I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up
Cuts back to the Simpsons car
Lisa: And I wont get to receive the perfect student award
Cuts to Lisa's classroom
Ms. Hoover:…And the perfect student award goes to Lisa Simpson
Ralph: Lisa isn't here
Ms. Hoover: Ok then Ralph you can have it
Ralph: Yay, this says I'm smart
Cuts to the simpsons car
Lisa: I hope they don't give the award to Ralph he'll probably stick it up his nose
Cuts back to Lisa's classroom
Ralph has the award stuck halfway up his nose
Ralph: I need help
Cuts to the Simpsons car
Marge: Kids, its not like your father and I are missing out on our own activities either. We were supposed to go to our book club today too.
Cuts to the book club
Helen Lovejoy: Homer and Marge must have known that we were going to read this book about Martin Luther King Jr. and they ducked out, I always knew the Simpson's were many things but I never would have guessed that they were racists
The members murmur accusingly
Cuts back to the simpsons car
Marge: And Maggie didn't get her shots today
Maggie coughs
The Simpsons arrive at Burn's party
The Simpsons sit down at a table with a lot of different meats on a plate, including a bald eagles head, in front of them
Smithers: Ok I believe everyone is here, now lets sing for Mr. Burns
Everybody: Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you
Homer rapidly singing: Happy Birthday blah blah blah Lets Eat
Everyone eats and enjoys their meat except for Lisa
Lisa calls Smithers and Burns over
Lisa: I'm a vegetarian, do you have anything other than meat
Burns: Why you un-American, liberal, herbivorous little-
Smithers interrupts: I'm sorry little girl we don't have anything else except you can have a piece of the cake instead
Lisa: Hmmm, ok, if that's all you have
Bart watches in astonishment
Bart: Well done Lisa
Lisa: What do you mean
Bart: You just did what every kid dreams about. You got to eat dessert for dinner, you must teach me
Lisa: Bart, I'm vegetarian remember
Bart: Yeah sure you are
Lisa: Whatever Bart
The evening turns to night and the party is almost over
Burns picks up his megaphone
Burns: This party is over, I hope you like your cake with "sprinkles" at the end (laughs)
Burns turns on the spriklers (laughs)
Everyone runs off Burns' property
The next day the family sits down at the dinner table
Marge: I hope you like meatloaf and when you're done I made pie for dessert
Bart: Mother, Father, Sister
Bart winks at Lisa
Bart: I have decided to become a vegetarian
Homer: Noo, not another
Homer points at Bart
Homer: You better not be gay
Marge: Homer!
Marge faces Bart
Marge: I'm sorry Bart, but I only made enough salad for Lisa
Bart: Oh, Well I guess the only thing left to eat is the pie
Homer Yelps
Homer: Marge you cant give him the first piece of pie, I always get the first piece of pie
Marge: Homer that's not something to be proud of
Marge cuts out a piece of pie and puts it on Barts plate
Homer: All this pie is making the boy fat, look how fat he is
Bart: Look who's talking Homeboy
Homer: Why you little
Homer reaches across the table to strangle Bart but Marge slaps Homer's hands before he could
Marge: It's time you start supporting your son Homer
Homer sarcastically: Oh, Ok, I support you giving away my first piece of the pie
Marge: Just eat your meatloaf Homer
Homer: No, I am a vegetarian now
Marge: Homer just eat your meatloaf or I'll throw the pie away
Homer: Ok, Ok, I give up I'll eat the meatloaf, just don't hurt the pie
Lisa: Bart, This is a new low even for you
Bart: And it tastes so… (Bart takes a bite of his Pie)… good
Lisa: O Brother
The next morning Marge calls the family down for breakfast
Bart runs downstairs and sits in his chair
Bart: What's that smell
Marge: That smell is your breakfast: Steamed broccoli, carrot juice and salad with spinach dressing
Bart has an utterly disgusted look on his face
Homer: (laughs) Where's you're pie now vege-boy (laughs)
Bart: Um, I'm not very hungry this morning
Marge: Ok, I'll save it for an after school snack, how about that
Bart: That would be great
Lisa: That's the schoolbus
Bart: Gotta go
Cuts to Bart in the lunchroom in line
Bart: Ok Milhouse watch this
Lunch lady Doris faces Bart
Doris: What will you be having for lunch today
Bart: Well I am a vegetarian so do you have a salad that I could eat instead of this fine meatloaf
Doris: You know we only cover the important food groups
Doris points to a school nutrition pyramid
Doris: Cow meat, horse meat, mystery meat and sugar
Bart: I'll just have extra jello then
Doris: Fine
Cuts to Bart in his room
Bart is holding his stomach
Bart: ohh, my stomach hurts sooo much, could it be, NO! sugar could never hurt someone
Homer: Bart get ready, we're going to Krusty Burgers
Bart: Yay
The Simpsons arrive at Krusty Burgers
Bart: They don't have an ounce of vegetables at Krusty Burgers
The Simpsons sit down
Waiter: Can I take your order?
Homer: I'll have 3 Quarter pounders, actually how about we make it 4 Quarter pounders.
Waiter: Sir, you want a full pound of meat?
Homer: That is correct
Waiter sarcastically: Someone is worried about Mad Cow Disease
Waiter faces Bart
Waiter: What will you have
Bart: Well, there doesn't seem to be anything a vegetarian would eat on this menu so I'll just have a pie and ice cream
Waiter faces Lisa
Waiter: And for you little girl
Lisa: I am a real vegetarian (glares at Bart) so I'll get a salad
Waiter: Um I guess we could do that
Cuts to the waiter ordering the chef
Waiter: Ok just take the lettuce off the hamburgers and put it on this plate
The waiter brings out the food for the Simpsons
Lisa gets her salad
Lisa: This salad has a lot of meat on it
Homer gets his food
Homer: And my meat has a lot of salad on it
Bart gets his food
Bart: Oh stop complaining
Lisa: Easy for you to say you're having pie for dinner
Bart: Don't be jealous
Lisa: Jealous? Bart you've had four pies this week
Bart: So?
Lisa: It's Tuesday
Marge: Oh Lisa, just give Bart a chance
Bart: Yeah, Lisa doooooo (Bart faints)
Lisa: That's not good
Homer: Is he going to finish his pie?
Marge: No
Homer: So can I?
Marge: No! we are going to a hospital
The Simpsons leave the booth
Waiter: Ok now here's your bill---What--- were did they go
Cut to the Simpsons in the doctor's office and Bart is still passed out on a bed
Bart wakes up
Dr: Hibbert to the Simpsons: It seems that Bart here has had a pure sugar diet for the past week, this is grossly unhealthy, whose idea was this?
Marge: Well Bart said he wanted to be a vegetarian
Dr. Hibbert: Well these results show that nothing even resembling vegetables has entered his system in the past few days, I'm afraid Bart will have to end his vegetarianism unless he is serious about it
Homer: Alright lets go back to the house
Dr. Hibbert looking at his clipboard: Oh wait Homer, you have some shots scheduled
Dr. Hibbert lowers his his clipboard and finds that the Simpsons aren't there
Dr. Hibbert: Lock down the building we have a code 7, I repeat code 7
Cut to the Simpsons running to the door of the hospital
Homer: Hurry Family we are almost there
Just then the doors close and two burly men come out and grab Homer and drag him down the hall, Homer is screaming uncontrollably
Cut to Homer in the shot chair
Dr. Hibbert: Ok this wont hurt a bit
Dr. Hibbert puts the needle into Homer's arm and Homer Screams
Fade Out
THE END