A/N: Written by me, edited by Soryn.

CAST (originally, anyway)

Kyoya - receptionist

Haruhi - nurse

Tamaki - Haruhi-in-a-nurse-uniform fanboy

Weird guy that once pretended to be a doctor in Book 2 - doctor

Hunny - bunny kick person

"Hikaru, why must I have another physical exam? We just had one two weeks ago!" Kaoru complained as his twin dragged him up the few stairs to the doctor's office.

"Shh, Kaoru." Hikaru vainly tried and failed to calm down his (younger) brother by rubbing his shoulder blades, which usually led to both of them purring like cats and their hands going...other places. But not this time. Kaoru began to squirm even more relentlessly, which Hikaru usually thought was adorable, but he was too worried about his brother that no other thoughts entered his mind. He cupped Kaoru's face in one hand. "Milord's orders. You know we can't do anything about it."

"Why me, just me?" Kaoru looked at his twin with tears in his eyes. "I'll be so lonely without you, Hik-"

"Kaoru Hitachiin?"

Both twins' heads snapped up in perfect unison to inspect the person standing in front of them, who in turn was looking back at them expectantly.

The Hitachiin brothers looked sideways at each other, then asked the air in general, "What's Kyoya doing here?"

"Kyoya,", said the shadow king indignantly, "is the receptionist here. Now, Kaoru, why don't you come with this young lady here, and the doctor will be along in a minute." He walked away, revealing a nurse none other than Haruhi standing in front of them.

"C'mon, Kaoru," said Haruhi, uncomfortably pulling at her uniform, muttering under her breath, "Why do I have to be the nurse?"

"Tamaki Suoh," Kyoya read off the list.

"No!" cried Tamaki, who turned into a chibi and waved his arms at high speed. "if I have to undress in front of a girl, I WANT HARUHI!"

Sighing, Kyoya plucked Tamaki from his place on the table and deposited him in another nurse's hand.

Haruhi, bored to death, listlessly went through the nurse procedure and told Kaoru, "I'm done. The doctor'll be here in a minute. Bye." She left.

Shirtless, Kaoru slumped against the wall, too cold and too terrified to even put his shirt back on. Hikaru, where are you? he thought.

Hikaru, meanwhile, had just gotten off the phone with Hunny and had arranged for the older student to drive to the doctor's office, pronto. Just then, the door opened, and Hunny arrived on Mori's back.

"Hi, Hikaru!" said Hunny, waving. "Is there cake here? Can I have some? Is there strawberry? How about-" He shut up like a clam when he saw Hikaru's expression.

"Hunny, come with me," Hikaru ordered, all but dragging him to a side hallway. Mori followed them silently. "I need you to perform one of your bunny kicks to the doctor, okay? And be sure to knock him out."

"Yes sir!" Hunny said excitedly, and jumped on Mori's back, and off they went. Hikaru ran after them. I'm coming Kaoru!

The threesome ran around the corner, catching the doctor with his hand on Kaoru's door's handle. Hunny wasted no time, and with a "Bun-bun kick!" the doctor was out cold.

Hikaru also wasted no time in running to the room without a number on it, finding a long white doctor's coat, and changing into it.

Kaoru shot straight up when he heard someone suspiciously like Hunny yell "Bun-bun kick!" right outside his door. He tentatively opened it and peered around, hoping to see someone, anyone, with a familiar face, but he saw no one.

He slumped right back down against the wall and squeezed his eyes shut.

A few moments later, he heard a gentle knock and the telltale creeaak of the door opening.

"Whoever it is," said Kaoru, eyes still shut, "don't come in."

"Even me?"

His eyes snapped open. "Hikaru!"

"Shh, shh, not so loud, Kaoru, someone will hear us," said Hikaru, laying a finger on his twin's lips, his other hand snaking around to Kaoru's lower back, inching dangerously close to his waistband. Kaoru moaned softly and shuddered.

Hikaru, with his foot, pushed the door shut behind him and pushed the little button in the doorknob so no one would disturb them. "Kaoru, when you weren't by my side, all I could think of was how to get you back. It was agony. Please, don't do that again?"

"I wouldn't dream of it," Kaoru whispered, looking up at his brother with tears in his wide eyes, threatening to spill over. "Hikaru...I missed you so much."

"As did I." Hikaru slowly unbuttoned Kaoru's pants, slipping them away from his twin's shapely hips, pushing them down around his ankles. Kaoru kicked them away. Now he was only in his underwear, Hikaru only in an unbuttoned doctor's coat, with nothing underneath.

Hikaru leaned down for a soft kiss, trailing his lips down Kaoru's jawline and neck. Kaoru fumbled with his brother's borrowed coat, pushing it off his shoulders and arms, to leave it in a pile on the floor.

Hikaru, in turn, slid his thumbs underneath Kaoru's black boxers and wiggled them down past his twin's knees, his ankles, bending down as he did so, letting his tongue hang out and trail down Kaoru's chest, his stomach, and dangerously close to his groin. Hikaru let his tongue pause there, teasing his brother (who moaned rather loudly), then continued down his thigh.

The boxers came off to be kicked away across the floor, and Hikaru began his slow path back up the other thigh, stopping to nibble at Kaoru's hip, and was rewarded with another moan. "Hikaru...someone will hear us..." Kaoru whispered, but his arms encircled Hikaru's neck, snaking down his back, past his hips, and around to the inside of his thighs. Hikaru responded with a moan, and gently took hold of his brother's hips and turned him over onto his stomach.

Kaoru's breath came in wild gasps. "H-Hikaru!"

"Shh," Hikaru murmured, rubbing Kaoru's shoulder blades with his thumbs. He bent down close and whispered in his twin's ear, "...I don't care if anyone hears us. Even if they do, I'll protect you."

A tear trickled down Kaoru's face, but it only got halfway down his cheek before Hikaru's tongue darted out to stop it. "Kaoru, are you...crying?"

Kaoru nodded, too choked up to speak. He curled up on his side, chest heaving.

"Here." Hikaru helped his brother sit up and put his arms around him. "Kaoru, why?"

"I was just thinking-hic-about what the doctor would have done-hic-if you weren't there." Kaoru buried his face into Hikaru's bare chest.

Hikaru stroked Kaoru's orange hair, planting a kiss on his forehead. "You don't have to worry about that. I'm here, and I'll make sure you'll never be alone in a place like this again. Okay?"

"Okay..." Kaoru unfurled himself from his brother's lap and pulled Hikaru on top of him. "Then...could we please...um..." He blushed. "...continue?"

"Of course." Hikaru gently turned Kaoru over again and spread his legs apart. He straddled his twin, but then leaned down to lightly brush his lips against Kaoru's ear. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Kaoru nodded. "Please..." he whimpered.

"Ah, Kaoru..." Hikaru moved closer. "You are just so cute when you do that..."

"Hi-"

"Heads up," Hikaru warned, and then suddenly, he was inside of Kaoru.

Kaoru cried out, waves of pleasure washing over him. "Hi...Hikaru!"

Hikaru gasped, pleasure swirling around him as well. "Kaoru..." he managed, "...you are just so tight..."

"Hey!"

They both laughed softly. Hikaru slid out of his brother, causing a giant whoosh of breath to escape Kaoru's lips.

"Kaoru...you have to relax." Hikaru caught hold of Kaoru's chin, tipping his head up to meet his gaze. "It's only me."

Kaoru took a deep, shuddering breath. "I-I know..."

"We can stop-"

"No!"

Kaoru's voice rang out, too loudly, and then someone knocked on the door.

They both froze. Hikaru's arm encircled Kaoru's waist protectively.

"Kaoru?" It was Kyoya. Damn him! the twins thought in synchronicity. "Is everything alright?"

"Yep, we're fine," they said in unison.

"I heard some noises coming from behind this door..." The evil smile was prominent in the shadow king's voice. "Are you sure?"

"Uh-huh." They dared a glance at each other.

"Well, I guess when I check the security camera footage, there'll be absolutely nothing there..." His voice grew fainter as he walked away.

"No!" Both brothers threw themselves against the wall. Hikaru fumbled with the doorknob, but Kaoru's hand over his stopped him.

"Hikaru." Kaoru caught his twin's eye. "We're still naked."

"Oh." Their hands fell away from the doorknob. "Well."

"What?" Kaoru asked curiously.

Hikaru looked at his brother mischievously. "That being said..."

Kaoru drummed his fingers against the wall. "I'm waiting."

Hikaru grabbed his brother, pinning him against the wall. "Ready for a round two?" he breathed.

END