Well, it couldn't have lasted forever and Watanuki had known it.
Kunogi Himawari was an understanding and forgiving girl, but there were limits, even for her. And coming home to find not only her boyfriend cheating on her, and not with just anyone, but another boy and one she'd thought was her friend was obviously the breaking point.
It wasn't something that could be explained any other way than the truth. Even if they had only been half-dressed, he could have found an excuse. But there was little to say when you were lying in bed, naked, with another boy and fondling each other. She'd even had found the worst timing when there still was quite obviously a sheen of sweat on both of them. Had she come even a few minutes more and caught them in the final throws of intimacy, Watanuki might have died of mortification right there.
The sound of a shocked gasp and a thump of a bag on the floor had drawn Watanuki's attention. His lazy, sapphire eyes, still hazy with sex, glanced to the door before all relaxation vanished. Doumeki appeared as expressionless as always when he saw Himawari, but he at least had the decency move off the boy beneath him.
"Kimihiro-chan…"
And probably the worst thing he could have said came out of his mouth before he could stop it. "I thought you weren't coming back until the 5th."
Himawari didn't seem to even know if there was something to say. Her disbelieving eyes, suddenly bright with unshed tears, cast around the room and he knew she was looking at all her things in his apartment that she had made her home. Regardless of the bag she had dropped on the floor, she fled, as if there was no power on earth that could have kept her there.
"Himawari-chan!"
He managed to stumble out of the tangled bed sheets, but the door was already slamming closed. He'd never catch her now, he knew. And what could he say anyway? 'I was bored, so I had sex with Doumeki'? Himawari had counted Doumeki as her friend too and it must have hurt like hell to catch them both like that.
"Doumeki, please leave."
For a moment, there was no movement and his fist gripped at his side. This was larger than just being rivals. Everything he had put Himawari through was his fault and he didn't want to be anywhere around people right then. He didn't deserve any comfort. In fact, what he truly deserved was slow and painful Chinese water torture.
Doumeki didn't say anything as he got dressed and gathered his things. The archer paused in the doorway and Watanuki winced, expecting to hear only harsh words. For someone that could only see spirits, he was remarkably accurate in fortune telling.
"You brought this on yourself."
"GET OUT!"
He waited until he heard the front door open and close before collapsing on the bed and indulging himself with a shameless cry. Doumeki was right of course, the bastard! He'd been telling him and telling him that they shouldn't be doing it. That if he wanted it this way, the only decent thing to do was break up with Himawari or stop with him. It wasn't right to keep them both on the line like some demented harem.
"I'm so fucked up," he muttered brokenly into his pillow.
It was the only thing he could do. He had no one else to talk to about it with. Yuuko's eyes were serious and he was sure she knew about his secret, month-long affair with Doumeki behind Himawari's back.
"So you were caught then?"
"Last night," he muttered after he finished explaining it all, though he was positive it wasn't necessary. Her eyes were grave and vaguely punishing, as if she had expected something better out of him than what he had done. But nobody could punish him worse than he what he was doing to himself over it. Nobody could find more ways to bring him down, to hang the blame on him, except his own mind. He was a shameless asshole, that's what he was.
"And you're asking me what you should do," she supplied and paused. "This will cost you plenty."
"I figured it would." He risked a glance up, but couldn't meet her eyes properly and his sapphire gaze slid away after a moment.
She sighed and sipped her sake, leaving him to sit, fidgeting in suspense for her answer. "I'm not going to tell you, Watanuki."
His head snapped up and he glared. "I thought you granted wishes and I wish to know what to do!"
Her finger ran along the rim of her cup and then looked up at him. She suddenly struck him as very old and not at all the young age she physically appeared. "Do you remember the first client you ever saw of mine? The one that habitually lied?"
Apprehension gripped his heart. "Y-yes."
"It wouldn't have changed if I told her what she needed to do to stop it. How is this situation any different? I'm here to grant wishes, Watanuki, not run your life. Even if I told you what to do, why should you follow it? What you would do would be worthless, because it wouldn't be something you chose to do yourself. Sincerity, Watanuki. How is doing what I tell you to do sincere? You chose to do this and you have to take responsibility for it."
Watanuki opened and closed his mouth several times, but there was nothing to say. She hadn't pulled any punches. His hands gripped the empty tray in his hand and his eyes brimmed with tears until he blinked them away. Who was he crying for? Himself. Everything about this whole situation was his fault and he deserved no tears.
Yuuko didn't appear at all sympathetic as he composed himself. Her eyes were cool as they followed him, watching as he stood and pulled off his apron. She didn't even move from her seat when he began to pull on his shoes in the outer hallway. "Where are you going?"
"To try to fix this mess."
When he had left, the Dimensional Witch shook her head and turned to Mokona at her shoulder. "What a mess he's made."
"Do you know what's going to happen?"
"Not at all. We'll just have to wait and see."
Watanuki found Himawari among her girlfriends, secluded under a tree on the college campus. Apparently, they had heard about it and their gazes couldn't have been unfriendlier. They were filled with hate and on closer inspection of Himawari, her tear-streaked face was so wrought with despair that he guessed she hadn't stopped crying since the night before when she had caught he and Doumeki.
"Uh, Himawari-chan? Can I talk to you for a moment?"
An aggressive girl, hair cut in a no-nonsense pattern around her head, stood up and her flaming eyes caused him to take a step back. He knew that had he just heard about it and not done it to Himawari, he would have felt the same way.
"Give us a moment, Chiharu."
"But Himawari-chan!"
"Please. There's something I have to know."
Though they all had some misgivings, when the aggressive girl, Chiharu, moved to leave, the rest followed. Now that they were alone, however, he found that he couldn't think of a damn thing to say to her. He hadn't exactly come up with a speech to win her back or soothe her heart. He didn't think he even could anymore. Any power like that that he might have had was gone the second she had seen them.
"Tell me, Watanuki-san…was it ever real?"
He winced at the way his name came out so formal from her lips. All he'd ever heard was "Kimihiro-chan" from her sweet lips for two years. He almost didn't recognize his name when it fell from her lips. Carefully he knelt in front of her, but as if she could not stand to even be near him, she pulled her legs up to her chest and buried her face in her knees.
"It was, Himawari-chan. It was, really. I'm not lying."
"Then was I just not…good enough for you?"
Watanuki looked away and struggled to put what he felt into words. He didn't want to admit any of it, least of all to Himawari, but if she deserved anything, it was true honesty.
"It has nothing about not being good enough, Himawari--"
"Kunogi."
Another wince, but he continued. "Kunogi-san, then. It's my fault and I readily admit it. I never did it intentionally to hurt you. It was…" He looked up at the sky as the clouds crawled lazily over the expanse of it, unruffled and unconcerned about the breaking hearts beneath the trees. "I couldn't help it. I don't have a reason for you and all my excuses are petty. The only thing I can tell you is that…I'm attracted to Doumeki and well…" He trailed off, his throat closing. How could he explain an attraction to the archer to Himawari when he didn't even know what it was himself?
"How long has it…been going on?"
"A month…"
He pushed his glasses up higher on his nose. He hadn't been up to fussing with contacts that morning. And focusing on his glasses was a way to ignore the silence from Himawari. He wanted desperately to know what was going on in her mind, but he dared not to ask.
"Watanuki-san."
Watanuki blinked and turned to her, their eyes meeting for the first time since the night before. Hers were red-rimmed, but even after having sobbed for the whole night and the next day, she still looked as beautiful as ever.
"Thank you for at least being honest about it. I'm not going to lie. Right now, I hate you. My heart hurts so bad that I don't even remember how to smile and it's your fault. But I know you, Watanuki-san, and I know that you're punishing yourself worse than I ever can." She looked away. "If you're really sorry about what you did, then if you want to even begin to be a man in my eyes again, you have to make it up to Doumeki. I wasn't the only one you hurt."
Shocked at her rather admittedly understanding words, he watched as she stood and began to walk away, only to pause again. She didn't look back at him, but he didn't need to see her face to know she was about to cry again. "And you really do look better with glasses."
It was almost poetic as he sat on his knees, a stray breeze ruffling his shoulder-length hair, watching her run away from him. Slowly he got to his feet and looked back up at the sky again. His slim hands lifted to run through his ruffled hair and he turned away to leave the campus. The ice prince was currently melting inside. Her words hurt. Himawari hated him. But he hadn't expected anything less. In truth, he had expected, deserved, so much worse. But that was Himawari. She understood to a fault, even then. She always tried to forgive. He didn't think things would ever be the same between them again; he didn't think she'd ever want to talk to him again. But he truly did only want her to be happy and it couldn't be with him.
He was so preoccupied with his thoughts that he didn't even see or sense the spirit until its scaly tentacles wrapped around his legs and landed him roughly on his back. But his fear didn't last long; it never did when spirits were involved. He could hear the thwang of the string and almost see the invisible arrow as it pierced the spirit.
Doumeki Shizuka. The person he was looking for; the person who was never truly far away.
Doumeki didn't offer him a hand to stand up with as he came to his side. His stoic face seemed even more forbidding than usual as their eyes met. He had done Doumeki wrong as well. He hadn't listened to him when he kept telling him to that he had had to stop something.
"Just answer me this. What we had, was it only because of the danger and spice of hiding it?"
Watanuki's eyes slid away and he stood, brushing himself off before whispering, "No." It had never been about the spice of hiding their affair from Himawari. He had never even specifically sought out to continue it. He had just wanted to get whatever it had been out of his system so that he and Himawari could have been like they had been two years ago. He hadn't realized that their very first kiss would have been his total undoing.
"Wait."
Doumeki paused and Watanuki studied that muscular back with a sigh. He knew that back too well and right then, it was as expressionless as that face, which only meant that he was disapproving. He wanted to get irritated, wanted to yell. He knew he had done wrong, but he was sick of all the disapproving stares, especially from Doumeki. But that didn't mean he had any room to do so. He had no right to feel indignant.
"I—You were right. I shouldn't have continued it like what happened. I just…" He stuck his hands in his pockets and looked away. "I'm just sorry, okay?! I don't know how else to say it to a jerk like you." He wanted a way to make it up to Doumeki, but what he was supposed to say? What was he supposed to do? Was he going to lose both of them? He admitted to himself that Himawari and Doumeki were the most important people in his life. Even in college, they had been his only friends.
His greatest fear was to be left alone again, as hard as it was to acknowledge.
"Watanuki."
Watanuki blinked and turned to look at the archer. His throat conflicted as he saw that roguish, handsome face and he knew that by no means had he gotten over that heartthrob. He still very much wanted him, in more than just physical ways. And it was all so confusing that it made his head pound.
"You hurt Kunogi. You hurt me. You hurt a lot of people." The bespectacled boy winced but the archer still had more things to say. "But for all that, I do care about you, idiot. I care what happens to you. I'm going to give you one chance to make it up to me and it's going to take a lot of time. Do you have that time?"
Caring was good. Caring was better than hating. He hadn't expected and didn't want Doumeki to fall on his knees confessing eternal love. God, that would be horrible! There weren't any of those sorts of feelings between them. But at least caring was there. It meant that maybe, just maybe, things could work out if he really tried. He really didn't want the archer gone.
"I can take you to dinner—or rather, make you dinner."
"Fine. But no--"
"No, no. No sex," he agreed quickly. "No kissing, no touching. Just…dinner, okay?"
There wasn't any smile that he would have normally saw and Doumeki only turned and walked away, but he thought that maybe he had begun to heal even a little of the damage he had inflicted.
If it took years or decades, Watanuki was determined to make it up not only to Doumeki and Himawari, but also to himself. He had hurt himself as much as his friends and the wounds would take a while to heal. But with hope, maybe it would work out.
-end-
Not exactly happy go lucky and everything is fixed, but at least it gives the hint of happiness. I'm a total sap, yes, but I can't just write stuff like "the world is ending and there is nothing good ever." If there isn't something to look forward to, why should people work so hard?
And I don't own xxxholic