First, ignore my pen name and username, I'm really confused and I made this account ages ago. I'm not even sure if it's the pen name or the username you see so just ignore them.

I started writing this when the spoilers came out about the anniversary of Zosia's mum's death. I didn't know where I was going with it and by the time it was finished the episode had already been on. I thought I would upload it now anyway even though the episode was a while ago because I've been wanting to write a Zosia fic for a while. Let me know what you think and if you have any ideas for what else could happen because I'm not really sure.

Enjoy :)

It's been a year. This is a day that Zosia has been dreading for weeks now, the anniversary of her mother's death. It was one year ago when everything in Zosia's life came crashing down as she was engulfed in overwhelming feelings of grief and anger. Grief for her mother and anger for her father. Why had her dad not told her the cancer had come back? Why had she not been able to say goodbye? Who was he to stop her from seeing her mother as she was dying? All these questions rushed through Zosia's head everyday. She wasn't sure if she would ever be able to forgive her father.

She got up as she did every morning and got ready for work. Today Zosia was dreading work, her stomach tied itself in knots every time she thought about her mother but today the feeling had intensified and it was constant. The thought of facing her father today made her feel sick.

The doors of the lift were closing as she kept her gaze fixed on one spot, not being able to shake the thought of her mother dying and her not even knowing about it. Fingers suddenly gripped onto the door of the lift, preventing it from closing. As the doors opened again they revealed him. Guy. He stepped into the lift and as the doors closed it created an awkward silence. The man who had stopped her saying goodbye to her mother was standing right next to her, she wanted nothing more than to scream at him and let go of all thing anger but she couldn't.

"Zoshie I wanted,"

"How many times do I need to tell you, don't call me that."

The doors opened, saving her from further conversation with him, and she quickly walked out and began to make her way to the staff room before her father could say another word.

She had arrived at work early which was surprising seeing as how unorganised her mind was today, so many thoughts yet none of them were useful to her job. It's going to be a long day she thought to herself. Zosia was sat at the round table, her elbows propped up and her hands holding her head. Images and thoughts about her mothers death were swimming around her mind. Imagining her in a hospital, surrounded by doctors and not family, the only one who loved her there was Guy. She should have been there, what if her mother had wanted her there? She then imagined being able to go to her mama when things got tough, she would collapse into her arms and instantly feel relaxed. Her mama's words would make her feel better no matter what was going on but when she needed the comfort the most, her mama wasn't there. She couldn't think of the exact words her mother had used and when she'd tried to think of them they hadn't sounded the same, they hadn't brought the same comfort to Zosia. These words she would never hear again, she would never get to cuddle with her mama and she would never get to chat for hours on end with her ever again, that's what hurt the most.

A gentle voice brought her back down to reality, she hadn't even noticed anyone entering the staff room,

"Zosia, are you ok?"

Four words were all that they said yet it brought a strange feeling of comfort to Zosia, she looked up and saw Colette. She was sitting opposite her, a sympathetic look pasted across her face.

"Fine,"

was Zosia's blunt answer because although she was glad she got some comfort she didn't want it from her, she wasn't her family and she wasn't going to pour her heart out about private family business to her fathers friend who Zosia had never liked.

"Come on Zosia, I know what today is,"

She tried to speak but her brain would not connect with her mouth. She wanted to shout, to tell Colette it was none of her business, that she should leave her alone but she couldn't find the words. Instead she just looked into her eyes, they stayed focused on each other for a moment before Zosia's vision was blocked by tears filling her eyes. She wasn't going to let Colette see her cry, it was embarrassing. Zosia got up and stepped out onto the ward, where she saw her father. Why didn't he understand that he was the last person Zosia wanted to talk to?

"Zoshie," he said with a sympathetic tone to his voice, she didn't want or need sympathy from him but this time, she couldn't be bothered to argue with him calling her by that nickname, that and she feared that if she began to talk her voice would crack and she wouldn't be able to hold in the tears. Instead of arguing with him she stayed silent and looked up at him. She could see the genuine concern and love that was in his eyes until once again the tears blocked her vision as she struggled to keep them in. She tried to push past him because she didn't want to whole ward to see her cry but he took hold of her wrist and kindly asked if she'd come to his office. Zosia was determined not to let herself fall apart like she had a couple of weeks ago in front of her father but she agreed, it would be easier that way.

Guy took a seat behind his desk and signalled to Zosia to sit down. They sat in an awkward silence for a little while until Guy spoke,

"It's hard for me too you know."

Zosia didn't answer, she kept her eyes fixed upon a pencil pot which was sitting neatly on his desk next to a pile of paperwork which she guessed he was putting off for as long as possible like he always did.

"Your mother and I loved each other so much, when she signed the DNR it made me so angry and at first I couldn't understand why but now, I do,"

Zosia looked up at him and waited for him to continue,

"it was to protect us. Not just you but me as well. It sounds stupid as we both would prefer it if she was still here now but we all knew that if she kept being resuscitated that it would only delay the inevitable which was fast approaching. It would have been a long and painful death for your mother to go through and it would have been hard for us to watch."

"I wouldn't have had to watch it because you kept it a secret from me, I should have been there to help and I should have been there to say goodbye but you took that away from both of us."

Zosia couldn't stop herself from crying any longer and she got up and left the office, bumping into Colette on the way out. Colette entered the office to see Guy fighting back tears,

"I keep trying, she just doesn't understand and I'm not sure she ever will."

"She will understand once you've told her the truth, it may take time for her to listen and for her to understand but she will feel better for it. I can talk to her if you like, tell her she needs to talk to you and to let you tell the full story."

"Please," Guy replied. Colette walked over to him and supportingly put a hand on his shoulder and told him once again that once she gives him a chance, Zosia would understand.