Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto..just my OCs.
Chapter One: Of Sarcasm and Walking Textbooks
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-Kirigakure-
"A Kage meeting." Flat.
"..Yes." Resigned.
"And may I ask why we are being dragged along?!" Impatient.
My sensei, Animizu Touko, sighed as she watched me steadily grow more and more irritated. "I've explained this," she said with a probably forced calmness. "I've been chosen to guard the Mizukage during the journey and meeting, and I can hardly leave my team lounging idly behind. It would look bad."
I scowled, not impressed one iota by the argument. Give me a break…'It would look bad'; yeah, right. She could get us out of this if she wanted to, the witch.
"Besides," Touko pressed, "it'll be good..practice for seeing how these types of meetings work, and for dealing with shinobi from other villages."
"…What if I don't want to deal with foreigners?" I snapped. "We went to war with Konoha once, in case you forgot-"
She raised an eyebrow. I guess my immature argument had clued her in to the fact that I was getting desperate. "If every nation hated whichever one it had once warred with," she replied evenly, "then the result would be world chaos."
Go ahead and act all straight-laced…but aren't violence and war the reasons shinobi exist? What about grudges? Fear? I'd like to see you try to answer that.. The only response I could trust myself to utter was a scowl and a snarled curse.
"…Houshiro Sakima."
I flinched, as good as physically pained by the use of my given name. It wasn't exactly a secret that I loathed it with a passion. Come on, 'Sakima'? My parents were deluded. It was Saki, and anyone who said otherwise could count on being royally chewed out.
Except for my teacher, of course. I'm not that stupid.
"The 'why' does not matter," Touko stated sternly. "You are going, the rest of Team Animizu is going, and you're going to keep your boundless complaints to yourself. Got it?"
I continued to mutter mutinously under my breath, but kept my gaze fixed grumpily on the ground. Obviously satisfied with her victory, Touko left, undoubtedly to inform the rest of the team of this interesting development.
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"Yo, Saki!"
Ugh. I took a deep breath at the disgustingly perky voice and prayed for patience, even though such requests were routinely denied. "…Yes, Kasu?"
My cheerful, annoying-as-heck teammate Anka Kasukabe ran up to me, grinning until it looked like his fool face would split. "Did you hear?" he asked excitedly. "We're accompanying Touko-sensei and the Mizukage to Konohagakure for a Kage meeting!!"
"I know. Can't you see me jumping for joy?" My response to his enthusiasm was dripping with sarcasm. The days when those kinds of words would make Kasu's smile falter, though, were long passed. I really missed them sometimes.
"C'mon, it'll be fun! We'll get to meet foreign ninja!" he persisted.
"Yes," I replied grumpily. "Because you know how much I love meeting people."
He shrugged, still irksomely unaffected. "Maybe you'll change your mind once we get there."
I snorted. Keep telling yourself that.
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Not that any amount of protests or bratty words could sway Touko once she's changed her mind. Less than a week later we were off to Konoha with the Mizukage and assorted bodyguards in tow. Yippie.
The journey was drawn-out and boring as heck. Kiri-Mist Village-was foggy and misty (well, duh); pretty lackluster scenery. But it had mystery, and therein lay its beauty…at least, that was the notion that Touko persisted in.
As we neared Konoha, though, trees suddenly started popping up out of nowhere. It was like the world's biggest pack of seeds had been dumped right around one big spot. It made me uneasy. I wasn't used to so much green.
"Oak," the voice I had come to seriously dislike remarked. "Maybe a few cypress, over there on the left.."
Enter Yasamaru Ika, the last member of our team. Aka, Walking Textbook Extraordinaire. Currently pointing out and identifying every tree we passed.
You know what I'm talking about. Every team has one-the member too smart for their own good. And for their teammate's sanity. Aforementioned teammate usually being me, as Kasu was too stupid to be bothered by something like that and Touko had evidently become an expert at tuning us out.
"Great, Ika," I stated. "If I ever actually need to know crap like that, I'll let you know. Why don't you spout off something useful, like how much longer before we-"
I stopped. While I had been biting Ika's head off, we'd come to the gates of Leaf Village. Guess I wasn't really paying attention…
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The guards let us in after a minute of questions, for security reasons. Inside was like another world. Buildings were everywhere-not the shabby little huts we had in Mist; I'm talking places with levels-as were trees and people. And the sun-I was going to burn after five minutes of walking around, no doubt. Kiri was shaded and dark to the point where if someone asked me what the sun was, it would probably take me a minute to answer. This place was bright.
After thirteen years, I had developed a policy, one which I abided by firmly-When in doubt, say something sarcastic. I put it into play right then to avoid having anybody notice my unwilling interest.
"…So this is the great Leaf Village."
Touko gave me a warning look. "Yes. And let me just say this: if any of you cause any trouble during this meeting, it will mean demotion for you and probably worse for me. So keep your mouths shut and your head down, understand?"
I muttered something unintelligible.
"If you were worried about trouble, you shouldn't have brought Saki-kun along," Ika remarked mildly.
"Cut it out, girls," Touko intervened as I opened my mouth to retort. "Ika, please, just don't. We're all a little on edge today."
"Did I say anything that was untrue?" Ika inquired, shoving a few loose strands of pale blond hair back into a ponytail.
"I swear, you little-"
"Enough!" our sensei snapped. "The Mizukage is going to go and greet the Hokage; I'm going with him. You three can explore a bit if you want, but if I catch wind that you're making trouble for anyone.." She let the enigmatic threat hang, allowing our imaginations to fill in the blanks. It wasn't a pretty mental picture. She left with the Mizukage, after shooting us one more warning look.
The three of us wandered around aimlessly for awhile. We eventually ended up at a little ramen stand called Ichiraku.
"Oh…lucky me. I love ramen," Ika commented tonelessly, pulling out her wallet and sitting down.
"Wha-?!" I exclaimed. "Look, we don't have time. Touko's probably expecting us back soon." Besides, I loathe ramen. Just the smell of it was enough to make me feel sick. I was hungry too-really hungry, actually-but I would rather chew off my arm than chew one bite of ramen. "Get up. We better get going." I yanked at her arm impatiently, almost jerking her off the seat.
She regarded me calmly, adjusting her glasses. "I'm hungry," she stated. "I think Kasu-kun is, too. You're outvoted 2 to 1. Sorry." And with a shrug she turned back to the counter. "Two bowls, please."
Two? She's going to eat two bowls of ramen? Uggghhh. I wouldn't be able to go near her for a long time, for fear of smelling the accursed noodles on her breath.
As Kasu sat and ordered, I stepped just outside the stand and started people-watching to avoid having to look at/smell/breathe the same air as the ramen.
"….need to stop dragging us here, Naruto!"
The irritated reprimand came from my left. Turning, I almost did a double-take.
Walking down the street was the weirdest group I had ever laid eyes on.
The person who had spoken was a green-eyed girl wearing a red fighting dress. Pretty normal, except for the fact that this chick had pink hair. I'm not kidding you here! Bright, bubble-gum pink, and held back by a Leaf forehead protector she was using as a headband.
Walking next to her and looking slightly offended was a spiky-haired blond boy with big blue eyes and whisker marks on his cheeks. He wore an orange jumpsuit so bright you could probably see him from the next country over, and was pulling out a fat froggy wallet. Uh, okay then..?
The third member of the little circus was a pale boy with his hands in his pockets. He had dark hair that closely resembled a cockatoo's head (or maybe a duck's butt?), black eyes currently fixed on the ground, and he resonated attitude caught somewhere between arrogant and annoyed.
All three were Konoha shinobi, as evidenced by their forehead protectors. But they were so obviously different it was almost painful to watch. Even I could see that they didn't get along well.
Lost in thoughts, I was rendered oblivious as Team Weird strode right up to the ramen stand. I was standing squarely in their path, spacing out as I only seemed to do at the most inopportune moments.
The dark-haired guy bumped into me, bringing me back to reality. "Watch where you're going," I snapped grumpily. Okay, fine, I knew it was rude, but come on-I was tired, and I hadn't eaten in the better part of 48 hours. Not to mention the superior air this guy gave off was really getting on my nerves.
He didn't spare me a glance; just kept walking. I thought I heard a condescending "Tch" escape his lips, but who knows. The blond kid zoomed to a seat like his life depended on it. The pink-haired girl frowned at me. "That was really rude, you know," she said.
A scathingly sarcastic response was one millimeter away from being unleashed, but then I remembered my sensei's earlier warnings. If I started a fight or something here, I could screw up the meeting, in which case Touko would kill me. Or I would end up getting demoted, in which case I'd have to graduate all over again (read: Major Pain) and Touko would kill me, dig me up and kill me again.
No appealing options there, really.
So I gritted my teeth and grumbled a "Yeah, I know." It was the closest you would ever hear me get to an apology. But it seemed to satisfy Pink Hair, who smiled. "It's okay. I'm Haruno Sakura."
Guess that means I have to introduce myself now. "Houshiro Saki. I'm here as an..escort of the Mizukage." Hey, it was kind of the truth, right? "My teammates are in there." I gestured to the ramen stand with a grimace.
"You don't like ramen?"
"…I hate it." You can forget about me sugarcoating my opinion on that..
The awkward conversation was temporarily terminated by a small commotion from inside Ichiraku.
"Whaddya mean, I don't have enough for twelve bowls?!" a high-pitched voice yelped.
"You heard me, kid. Sorry; this doesn't cut it." The owner's voice, it sounded like.
"..What if I have him spot me on this one?"
"Not a chance, dobe." Another voice. A bored, condescending one that sounded like it should belong to the dark-haired kid.
"Come on, Sasuke!"
"Forget it."
"You jerk!"
"Tch…Whatever, loser."
I raised an eyebrow as the argument went on. Haruno Sakura turned back to me, looking slightly embarrassed. "Sorry about that. Those are my teammates. They don't really get along. It's mostly Naruto's fault, though; he won't leave Sasuke alone.."
Her voice got different when she said 'Sasuke'. What; does she like him or something? He seems like a jerk to me..
"Look, kids, you're gonna scare off customers. Naruto, take that last bowl on the house-but just this once, you hear? Now go on," the owner was saying exasperatedly.
Four people came spilling out of the ramen stand. Ika, Kasu, and Sakura's teammates.
"What are you guys doing?" I asked Ika and Kasu. "We finished," they chorused with a 'duh' look.
"Saki-san?" Sakura was talking. Is she going to introduce her friends..? Spare me. Please.
No such luck. "These are my teammates," she said with a smile. "Uzumaki Naruto-" the blond kid "-and Uchiha Sasuke." The emo kid.
Just grin and bear it. Get the intros over with and then run like a bat out of hell. It was a good plan. I forced myself to smile. "This is Anka Kasukabe-" he ran his fingers back through brown hair and grinned "-and Yasamaru Ika." "It's nice to meet you," Ika said with a bow.
"Nice to meet you too," was the polite reply from Sakura. "Are all three of you escorts for the Mizukage?"
I winced. Crap. Thank you, karma, for coming to kick me in the head. Kasu laughed. "Us? Escorts? I wish! We're only here because our sensei is the Mizukage's bodyguard for this meeting, and she dragged us along. We couldn't be escorts for the Mizukage in a million years!"
He babbled all of this easily, grinning as if he weren't making me sink into the pit of mortification. "Thanks a lot, idiot," I growled, but he didn't hear.
Sakura looked at us in confusion. "Then..you're not actually escorts?"
Ika cocked her head to the side. "Of course not. We could never be escorts..who gave you that idea? We're what you call..dysfunctional."
That was all it took. Naruto doubled over, laughing and pointing. My face heated up, and I scowled. "You're just glad that there's one team on this earth worse than yours!" I snapped angrily. He stopped laughing and glared at me. "Hey, watch it! You don't know what we can do!"
"You don't know what we can do either, so quit laughing!"
"I did quit laughing-hey, don't tell me what to do! Besides, I wasn't the one who said you were dis-whatchamacallit!"
..Valid point. I was too fired up to just let it go. But I couldn't think of a good argument either. The shouting match withered and died hanging in the air between us.
"Naruto." I twitched. The Uchiha guy was speaking. "Come on," he continued apathetically. "Quit wasting your time on these idiots."
Whaaaaattt?!!!!
"Who's wasting whose time here, Birdhead?" I yelled furiously. His eye twitched in irritation. "Watch it."
"You think you're so tough, don't you!?"
"Feh. I'm not going to waste any more of my time with you."
"You-!"
A kunai knife came soaring out of nowhere, passing right in front of my face and stopping me short just as I was lunging at him.
A cold feeling formed in the pit of my stomach. Crap. Crap. Craaaaap.
Touko strode over, wrenched her weapon out of the wall of Ichiraku with unnecessary violence, and then came back to us.
I am officially dead meat.
To be continued
A/N: So, what did you think? This was just something I came up with and decided to start on a lark; thanks a million DeathFruitsMaximumSecrets and xxartemisgirlxx for inspiring it!
This chapter was really long…please don't expect every chapter to be so long..-.-;
Hope you enjoyed! Reviews are cherished, but feel no obligation. Sayo! -SS