I deleted my Gadge-fic, but now I have more time on my hands I decided on an Everlark fic. This fic is still betaless, so PM me if you are interested. Also PM me if you find grammar mistakes.

Disclaimer: All rights go to Suzanne Collins, only the plot is mine.

A/N: Updated on 22/08 - grammar mistakes are deleted. I was helped by my wonderful beta by my lovely beta MissingMommy, all other mistakes are mine!

Chapter 1: Routine

Chapter 1

It has been raining all day and all I want to do is lie in bed and curl up like a ball, but that isn't an option. Ever since I have been back I have followed this routine to keep myself busy, and even though I could stay in bed all day, I don't allow myself.

First thing I do in the morning is take a shower. I free myself from the clammy clothing I sleep in. It's hot in my room and the nightmares just worsen it. I wish someone could hold me, make the pain go away. But it simply doesn't.

I dress myself in some comfortable pants and a T-shirt. It's similar to the ones I wore yesterday. It's a part of my routine. I sigh and go downstairs where I find a pan of soup. Anotherpart of my routine. Greasy Sae comes every morning to bring me a small pan with soup and I eat it with bread from yesterday. Simple. At the moment, that's all I'm asking for.

I eat my breakfast and go to the Seam. To our house. Part of me hates going there. There are too many memories. I force myself to go every day though. It's part of the routine.

When I have everything on, I climb through the fence and hunt. I don't have to hunt, but it simply is part of the routine. I have to remind myself of that every day.

When I catch several birds and squirrels,) I go back to Victor's Village or as I like to call it: Hell. Because that's what it simply is. I want to move, but where do I go? The house is all I have left; I need it.

At Victor's Village, I quickly go to Peeta's house. I leave a bird or two in front of his door and a squirrel. Even if I haven't seen Peeta in months, we've built a routine. It seems that that's all there is in my life -a routine, just like in District Thirteen.

I look through the window of his house;he isn't in the living room. I reckon he probably is in the basement, painting. I hate his paintings, painting the most horrendous memories like he's casually making a list of groceries he needs. I leave him be though, it's his way of coping. Or at least, that's what I think.

I miss him. Every time I wake up in a bath of sweat, I miss his arms around me. There's no one to hold me and I hate it. I hate the miserable routine; I hate eating; I hate braiding my hair. I hate going by Peeta without seeing him, but I still do it. It keeps me going. I know I can't hang up on life and be miserable. It doesn't work like that, I know that.

I go to Haymitch's house. His house looks abandoned, it is almost abandoned, at least. Inside there's a broken man, I feel sorry for him, but I don't do anything for him. It doesn't work like that, Haymitch's a complex person, andeveryone knows that.

I open the door and walk inside. I clean a few plates and throw a few bottles of the clear in the rubbish bin. I leave three bottles on the counter and check if the man is breathing. He lies on the couch, a knife clutched in his arms. He's breathing, so I leave the house.

When I go back to my house, I'm surprised to not find several buns in front of my door. It's weird that Peeta forgot, but maybe he's working on something big in the basement. Or maybe he has fallen asleep. Either way, I choose to ignore it for once. I'm not hungry today anyways.

I enter the house and put the birds and squirrel on the kitchen counter. I go upstairs and take another shower. After the shower, I braid my wet hair in the most easiestway there is and go downstairs to prepare my dinner.

I clean the birds and squirrel and put them in the oven. I'm not very good at cooking, but I eat it nonetheless. I have to wait about an hour for it to finish and when it does, I devour all of it quickly, but this time without the usual buns. It irks me that my usual routine is broken, but I don't want to go to Peeta. I can't face him.

When the sun is setting, the phone rings. I don't bother picking up, knowing in probably is Dr. Aurelius. He calls once a week to check on me. It's not his usual time to call; it doesn't fit my usual routine so I leave it ringing.

When it finally stops ringing, I clean my dishes and go upstairs. I untangle my braid. Before I close my curtains, I check if Peeta has brought the game I hunted for him in like he always does, but this time it still is in front of his grey door.

I wonder why he hasn't picked up the game. Did he buy meat at the butcher today? Did he realize he couldn't take my meat anymore because I hunted for it illegally? Wasn't he happy with our arrangement? About our routine? I want to go to him and demand answers, but I refrain myself. It's not my case to worry about.

I climb in the bed which is far too big for me alone. The bed is almost swallowing me and it's the first time in weeks that I'm really bothered by it. I step out of bed and open the drawer of my closet. I take the parachute out and open the case. I take out the pearl and twirl it between my fingers. I go back to bed and clench my fist tight with the pearl in it.

It takes a while for me to fall asleep, but when I do it's restless and I wake up panting and sweating. That also is part of the routine, I realize. Waking up in terror from the nightmares that haunt me; it definitely belongs in my routine. I draw a deep breath before I lie back down, the pearl still clasped in my hand.

I always tell myself that tomorrow will be a brand new day, a new start, but who am I kidding? There isn't a day that I don't wake up dreaming of my little sister. I just wish I could be with her. I told her I would protect her, but Coin killed her. A rippled sound escapes my throat as I think of that woman.

Later I fall back in a restless sleep. Flashes of birds, screams and parachutes invade my dreams, like always.

The next day I wake up and start my routine per usual. I peel the soaking wet clothes off of me and jump in a cold shower. After that, I go back to my room to change. It's still early, (semi-colon) I might catch Greasy Sae in the kitchen if I'm quick. Before I make my way downstairs I check if Peeta has cleaned his front step of the old meat yet, he hasn't.

I want to be furious at him. I took time to hunt food for him and he doesn't even bother opening his door, but I know in my gut something isn't right, that he has a reason for not picking up the meat. In all these months we have been back, he has never left the game on his front step. It doesn't fit the routine and even though Peeta is unaware of my routine, I am quite sure he has one himself. I want to make sure he's okay, but don't want to knock on his door and find him being perfectly fine in his house. Even though I miss him, I like to pretend I don't.

I go downstairs, finding Sae cleaning the dishes from yesterday. It seems weird to me for she always leaves that to me.

"Good morning," I murmur as I rummage to through the drawers to find a sack of hot chocolate powder. I quickly find one and make some hot chocolate for myself.

"Good morning Katniss. How did you sleep?" Sae asks. I want to laugh, since the question is ridiculous. She knows I never sleep fine. These months, since I've been back, she has woken me up multiple times to make sure I'm okay and to put a wet cloth on my forehead.

Instead, I say I slept fine. I see in her eyes she doesn't believe me, but she doesn't say anything. She merely goes on scrubbing the pans I have used yesterday and the day before.

After a while of silence and sipping hot chocolate, I ask the question that has been bugging me ever since I looked out of that window in my room.

"Do you know why Peeta hasn't picked up the game from his doorstep?"

Greasy Sae sighs and turns around. She has a sympathetic look on her face;I realize something serious has happened to Peeta. "I'm sorry Katniss. They took Peeta away yesterday morning. I am surprised you didn't hear them coming for him."

My heart seems to be stopping with beating. I look at Sae and realize she isn't joking. Tears are flooding my eyes, but I hold them back. I take a deep breath and nod as if she didn't bring me horrible news a second ago.

"Why?"

"He has been having multiple fits again. I called the doctor yesterday. He was screaming that you- that you were a mutation. It seems that the hijacked part of him is taking over again," she says.

"Where is he?" I ask, feeling incredibly numb.

"He's in the hospital in the District. Doctor Aurelius will be arriving shortly."

I nod, not knowing what to do. I put the mug in the sink before I head upstairs. I figure since Peeta has broken our comfortable and simple cycle, I figure I can break that stupid routine as well. I undress myself and go back to bed, a burning feeling tugging at my chest.

I want to scream forall I have been through. He's back to being the hijacked Peeta. I hate it, am furious at him, even though I know it isn't his fault. How did he turn back?

My name is Katniss Everdeen, I'm seventeen years old. I survived a rebellion. My sister was killed by Coin. Peeta was hijacked, he was healed and now he is back being his hijacked self. I hate him for going back to that state.