I do not own criminal minds—Mark Gordon, CBS and ABC do. I do not intend to infringe copyright. I make not money from this story.

Please please comments? This is another one of those stories that I am (still) desperately unsure of. Also, I think I should let MGG know that I intend him no harm, but boy, does it suck to be Spencer Reid.

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Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner found himself sitting in the obstetrician's office, holding tight onto the thigh of his lover seated next to him, listening to details, choices, facts and numbers presented by the obstetrician, the urologist, the endocrinologist, the anesthesiologist and the surgeon. There didn't seem to be many choices. The obstetrician had always been clear that their pregnancy was high risk, that Spencer's life could be endangered, and that they could lose the baby. Aaron had tried not to worry.

Not until Spencer was late getting back to work after a routine checkup did Aaron become truly worried. When he received a call from the doctor's office two hours later Aaron was frantic with worry. The baby was at risk, and if the baby died Spencer, oh god, Spencer would too. This wasn't meant to happening. Aaron and Spencer had taken this decision so carefully. It had initially been a shock to find out Spencer was pregnant. Spencer was deeply shaken, and they had frankly discussed termination as an option. Both Aaron and Spencer however, wanted this baby, this was a miracle, if you asked Aaron, and a statistical unliklyhood if you asked Spencer. Now Spencer was sitting in the pink and blue offices, making horrible decisions.

"Our baby is dying." Spencer blurted out.—atypically uncontrolled. "My hormones aren't adjusting with her development. My body is producing too much testosterone to restore the balance that my male genetic code belies is necessary. She won't survive in this environment." Spencer waves his hands around as he spoke.

One of the doctors broke in, Aaron couldn't be bothered to find out who. "This problem is usually encountered in the first trimester. Our best solution is to terminate the pregnancy. Hormone treatment is an option in the first two months, but we are well past that window."

Spencer's voice interrupted, explaining hormones, and the changes and unique problems of male pregnancy.

"When can you perform the procedure?" asked Aaron, his chin with just the slightest quiver. This was going to be hard, exceptionally hard for Spencer. Spencer had considered this all so carefully, it just wasn't meant to actually happen."

"Given the circumstances," a doctor who's name Aaron had forgotten spoke up, "we would like to terminate the pregnancy tomorrow morning at latest. We can give yourself and Dr. Reid the names of …"

The doctor never got to finish what she was saying.

"She's not a pregnancy, she's our daughter." Spencer insisted quietly.

Aaron's pursed his lips together, he couldn't look at Spencer. He and Spencer had decided on termination as their last resort, but Spencer had agreed that he wouldn't put his life in any further danger.

"Spencer, she's not yet four months, she can't feel yet, she's not alive in any real sense of the word." But Aaron knew he had given himself away, Spencer would notice the pronoun.

"I can feel her moving, she reacts to music, she has a heartbeat Aaron, she wasn't alive, but now she is."

"Spencer," Aaron was on dangerous ground, "you are in love with a dream, an idea of a baby."

"You think I don't know that?" Snarled Spencer, "But I can feel her moving." Spencer folded in on himself.

Aaron hadn't seen Spencer this closed off in years. He tightened his grip on Spencer's knee. Spencer tried to pull away.

"Spencer we agreed to this, that we wouldn't endanger you, please Spencer, you will die without this." Aaron pinched the bridge of his nose, mostly to hide the tears forming in his eyes. "We have no real choice."

Spencer looked up straight at Aaron. "There is a choice."

Every doctor in the room held it's breath.

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"My hormones are creating an antagonistic environment for her, I can't take hormone shots because my testes simply produce more testosterone, my body would have to be flooded with hormones, and that in itself would kill her. We, I, could, castration is a simple solution to managing my hormones." Aaron's mouth went dry. This was something they hadn't discussed; termination in the first trimester was what they had discussed. Spencer was willing to risk his life for this baby; of course he would be willing to be mutilated for his daughter. Aaron covered his mouth with his hand; he was going to throw up.

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"Dr. Reid," the obstetrician's voice was calming, "you do understand that this pregnancy may spontaneously terminate, no matter…"

"Of course I do." Snapped Spencer. Now he looked terrified.

Aaron pulled himself together, and guided Spencer onto his lap. Spencer didn't cry anymore easily than Aaron, right now he was on the edge. Aaron wanted to protect him. "Mutilated." Was the word that repeated over and over in Aaron's mind.

The endocrinologist seemed to have a less rosy view of the outcome than Spencer, and put together with the view of the obstetrician, the outlook remained bleak; with possibility of Spencer on bed rest and under close observation for months, and the baby would, certainly be born early.

The surgeon started to explain what would happen, a cut in the scrotal sac, vas deference tied off, ligaments cut, and individual testes removed from the scrotum. Given the delicate state of the pregnancy and Spencer's history of addiction, they believed that the surgery could be done under local anesthesia only. Spencer could come into the surgery center in the morning; the surgeon could perform the procedure at 2pm, he would need to stay in the hospital for two days following to track his hormones and the baby's health given that everything went well.

Spencer was completely silent. Aaron rocked him. "Are you sure baby? Really sure?"

Spencer nodded and whispered "If it can help her."

"Thank you baby." Murmered Aaron in Spencer's ear.