A/N: Yeah I am kinda nerves posting this since this is my first wincest, ever so if you don't like this subject turn around now or go do something else. For those who like this kinda thing read on and I hope you like it.
Don't worry I am gonna start posting on my other story very soon including a few new ones, so I have not forgotten about it but real live doesn't quite work out how you planned it and my real life currently won't stay the hell away long enough to let me work plus I am on vacation so you know how it goes.
All play and no works makes me very lazy…..
Toast Winchester aka Beka,
Thank you so much for reading and helping on the emo side of this. You are the best and as you can see I included all your changes since it was great work. All I did was put in one more sentence at the end.
Thank you again so much, I really appreciated it.
DISCLAIMER: You have to be kidding right, what do I look like a freakin millionaire?
I ain't that rich and neither is my luck that good.
LEAVING
Chapter one: Leaving
Dean was angry. He was pissed off. And he was very, very confused to say the least.
Sam was supposed to meet him at the local diner at one, after he was done with his research on the spirit terrorizing the local cemetery. He told Dean that he would walk the two blocks to the diner and that way Dean could get more info out of the victims and families.
That was almost three hours ago and Dean's watch showed it was now clearly four in the afternoon.
He waited at the diner for almost an hour and when Sam was a no-show Dean high tailed it back to the motel, desperately trying to call Sam for the millionth time, only to get his damn voice mail.
When he got back he was confronted with an empty motel room and no Sam. To make matters worse Sam's duffel bag, clothes, weapons and laptop were gone.
Dean was on the verge of having a heart attack, again, from trying to figure out where Sam went when he spotted the folded piece of paper on his pillow. With trembling hands he opened it and what he read made his legs buckle, making him sink down on the edge of his bed.
Dean,
Please don't hate me for this but I have to leave.
It will be the best for both of us if I am out of your life. You will always be in my heart and in my dreams. Never, ever, doubt that I love you. You are the best big brother a guy could ever have. Thank you. For everything.
I can't explain why I'm leaving; just know that it's not your fault.
I love you Dean, and I'm sorry.
All my love,
Sam.
Dean read and reread the letter over and over again, the same question running through his mind.
"What the hell could be so bad that Sam felt the need to leave?"
Hell, he knew they were fighting a little more then usual but he never wanted Sam to leave. Sam was the only family he had left and he couldn't lose him as well.
#####D&S####
It was almost five and Dean was still sitting on the edge of his bed immobilized by the shock of Sam's sudden disappearance.
He couldn't loose Sam.
He loved him more then humanly possible even though he couldn't show it to him. Sam was his life, the one thing his world revolved around. His love for Sam was equaled only by his need to protect him and that both of these feelings had intensified as time had passed, maybe a little too much to pass as brotherly love.
When he picked up the letter from where it laid next to him on the bed, a second piece of paper floated down to the ground.
Dean bent down and picked it up.
It was a poem written in Sam's elegant handwriting and judging by the watermarks on it, Sam was crying when he wrote it.
"What the hell?" Dean thought as he smoothed it out too read it.
Every time we talk,
You kill me with your silent words,
your unspoken admit ions,
but yet I can not hate you.
Every time we fight,
Your venom poisons my heart,
my very soul,
but yet I can not stop loving you.
Every time you lock me out of your life,
you break my soul,
my spirit,
but yet I cannot forget my will to be with you.
I love you with my all my heart,
and yet you keep your hidden from me...
"Oh Crap!" Dean said out loud rereading the poem.
Folding the poem and putting it in his jacket pocket, Dean knew why Sam split, the poem revealing all he needed to know.
He needed to find Sam before he was gone….
#####D&S####
He tried to look inconspicuous, he really did but his 6'4 frame just wouldn't allow it.
If Dean was here he would probably make some wisecrack at Sam's miserable attempts to hide himself.
"Dean..." Sam thought longingly with a sad smile.
He wasn't even away from him for five hours and he already missed him, but he couldn't go back. He just couldn't face him anymore, be around him any longer.
When he decided to leave two days ago it was the most pain filled decision he had to ever make and that was in a long line of bad and pain filled decisions.
When Dean dropped him of at the library that morning he waited half an hour before he returned to the motel. He grabbed his gear, left the note and bolted for the bus station, where he has been sitting for the last couple hours waiting for the 6:30 bus.
He was still trapped in his own thought when a movement at the entrance caught his attention.
"Fuck!" Sam cringed inwardly as the movement turned out to be a very pissed-off looking big brother marching straight toward him.
Sam immediately went into fight or flight mode and flight won hands down but before he could react Dean was standing right in front of him cutting of his escape route as if he knew what Sam was thinking and Sam found himself cursing his brothers "big brother ESP"
"Do you have ANY idea how worried I was?" Dean hissed between clenched teeth. Sam chanced a look at from underneath his bangs and there was no mistaking, Dean was livid.
"H-How did y-you find m-me?" Sam asked, trying to keep his voice as normal as he was determined not to let Dean hear the complete fear that was running like hellfire in his veins.
Dean fixed him with a glare potent enough to tame a werewolf.
"You're kidding right? The first place you bolted to when you left for Stanford was the bus station. When you went after Dad instead of doing what he said you left for the nearest bus station and since you won't steal a car when it isn't an emergency and you won't hitchhike since I taught you better then that.
So knowing your love affair with bus stations it wasn't exactly rocket science."
"Oh!" was Sam's only reply earning him another glare.
"Now that we have that out of the way, you mind telling me why you are running away." Dean asked, still sounding and looking rather pissed.
"I wasn't running away." Sam defended weakly.
"Oh, I see." Dean asked his voice dangerously low.
" Then what are you doing in a bus station if you're not running away? "
It's none of your damn business, okay." Sam growled standing up.
He wanted to get as far away from Dean as possible before he was guilt tripped into staying. Before Dean put two and two together and got four.
Before Dean figured out that Sam was in love with him, and had been for years.
Sam grabbed his bag and turned away from Dean, heading for the door.
"I read your letter." Dean said softly, all of his anger draining out of him.
Looks like I'm too late... I've lost him... forever...
At Dean's words Sam stopped dead in his tracks.
"Yeah so?" Sam asked and there was a slight quiver in his voice.
Fuck it. I've all ready lost him. Might as well stop lying to him.
"And I liked it a lot, not exactly the whole truth but I liked it." Dean answered
"Oh!" Sam said and started to walk away again, figuring that Dean wouldn't love him back the same way he loved him, all the more reason he had to leave.
"Jesus Sam, you are the dumbest smart person I know." Dean snapped as he suddenly grabbed Sam by the arm, spinning him around.
"You are not leaving me again, you hear. I won't let you." Dean growled before he pulled Sam flush up against his body, smashing their lips together and claiming Sam's mouth in a heated kiss, slipping his tongue into Sam's mouth as Sam's lips parted under his. Their tongues locked in a lust filled dance.
Sam groaned as he dropped his bag on the ground and snaked his arms around Dean's waist pulling him even closer to his body, clinging to him as if he never wanted to let go.
"Do you?...Have you?..." Sam stuttered as he slowly and unwillingly pulled away from the kiss.
"Since before you left for Stanford." Dean told him leaning his forehead against Sam's, trying to catch his breath
"I've always loved you Sammy. Always have. Always will." Dean whispered as his breath ghosted Sam's lips, making the younger man shiver against Dean.
"I love you to Dean. Always." Sam said before he pulled Dean back in for another kiss.
As Dean stood in Sam's warm embrace, feeling happier than he had done in a long time, he realized that this was the happiest he'd ever been with Sam anywhere near the vicinity of a bus station.
"We should do chick-flick moments more often if I get kisses after them."
To Be Continued…
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Pretty please with M&M on top….