"Finn. They want Finn." Clarke choked out. It hit him like a sack of bricks. The guilt had already been gnawing at him ever since he and Murphy had returned from that village. He didn't sleep, couldn't eat. He kept seeing their faces, hearing their screams. Raven and Chancellor Griffin were talking, and people were beginning to hear, to shout. Someone called for him- called for them to give him up- and in his heart, he couldn't deny them that. If they asked, he wouldn't refuse to go to the Grounders. To go to his death. But they had to ask him to go- they had to try. He let himself be lead away, be pulled inside- away from the crowd, away from the Grounders. He sat in the room they shoved him into. It was one of the med rooms, bare walls and a cot bolted to the floor. Spartan, but he didn't need comfort. Was this suffering justice? Did he deserve to have the faces of the people he killed be constantly on the edge of his vision, seeing the flashes every time he looked in the mirror? To wake up in the night, heart pounding and find himself frantically scrubbing at hands that he could never quite wash the blood off of? Or would his death be justice? Did he deserve to live with the guilt and the weight of his crimes, or would his death be more fitting? Which would be more punishing, losing the chance at redemption or being stuck seeing the ghosts of his mistakes everywhere, never able to escape? Would kindness allow him another chance, or would it be kinder to end his pain?
A trial. She told him as soon as they got back. A trial. He had a chance to survive this. There was hope. They were fighting for him, for his life, and he couldn't decide if the fight was worth it. When Clarke and Bellamy came to rescue him, to smuggle him away, he told them no. He explained what the Chancellor had done for him. He didn't enlighten them that this 'trial' would be anything but fair. He knew enough, had seen enough of the Grounders. They wouldn't accept him possibly living. All this trial bought was a quick death, rather than the slow decay he felt inside as life slowly lost more and more meaning. But with the guilt ratting around, staring at him in the dark hours every night- maybe he wanted a quick death. Anything to end the suffering.
They lined up and arranged themselves. Court in this manner, a jury, a visiting section, a judge, a honest to god gavel- hadn't been held for almost a hundred years. He didn't know how the grounders judged crimes, but he had a feeling it wasn't like this. It hadn't been like this on the Ark. The Ark was, for better or worse, a representative oligarchy. Elected officials, who reigned with complete control. So, this was new for all of them. He had to laugh everyone was nervous because this was all new, and they din't want to mess anything up. A truce between the Ark and the Grounders hung in the balance, and they couldn't afford any mistakes. Yet, despite being strange to all of them, the wasn't going to be difficult in the slightest. If he got his way, there was no way to mess it up. The prosecution laid out the evidence, read off the crimes and began proceedings. He actually did have to fight to get his way, to bull past his counsel in order to speak. But, he got to say his piece- which changed everything.
"I plead guilty."
Guilty. He knew there wasn't a point in trying to be innocent- he had killed those people. He was guilty, the court needed him to be guilty, and the grounders needed him dead for there to be peace. So, everyone gets what they want. Everyone but Raven. He knew that she was hurt and confused and that he hadn't made the best decisions. Honestly, since he had gotten dirtside, his choices had all been suspect: mindless sex, irresponsible choices, picking fights. Finn realized that he had been one more problem at a time when they had needed solutions. So, now he got to be a solution. Yes, he saved Raven's life- but he also put her in danger in the first place. So, they were even. Besides, you did things like that for love. Now, she would owe him again. Tough for her, he was doing this.
They asked him, how he wanted to die. He had entertained the thought of exile, but that was not to be his path. It took everything in him not to say by sexual dehydration, or floating. Instead, he bit his tongue and gave it a moment of thought.
He decided on death by the sword. Call him old fashioned, but he had read that in a book once, and thought it would be a cool way to die. 'Live and die by the sword, huzzah, huzzah.' Retrospectively, he thought that maybe it was him appealing to the dead grounders, since they were the ones with swords. He didn't really know why he was bothering to consider the feelings of the veritable army that was camped outside of the walls and baying for his head. Oh wait, he did know why he was appealing to them. It was because every time he looked in the mirror he saw that kid he cut down staring at him, accusing him. Murderer.
The next day, in the morning, he was lead out of Camp Jaha. They walked down the slope, past the stumps of the once close treeline, and into the Grounder camp. He was met by a small line of powerful looking grounders. He recognized the commander, and her advisors. Behind them, the rest of the army watched. Nyko stepped forward.
"The Commander and your Chancellor agreed to have me complete the execution. The Commander suggested Indra, but your Chancellor argued that she would draw it out. Lexa could not say that she wouldn't. How do you see this happening?" He said, holding a clean, and hopefully sharp sword.
"I don't know." He swallowed, mouth suddenly dry. "I've never done this before." Finn gave a weak chuckle, but Nyko's expression didn't change.
"I've seen it done once before. Kneel and close your eyes. Bow your head and lean forward," He advised. Finn complied, his knees hitting the moist clay. He swallowed again, took one last look around, noting the stoic faces of the grounder command and the suppressed fear and resignation in the eyes of the Chancellor. He tried to convey that this was his choice and that she hadn't failed him when he met her eyes, but the message didn't quite make it. He tilted his head back and looked at the sky one last time before closing his eyes and leaning forward.
From the camp, Clarke watched the execution. Finn sunk to his knees, took one last look, and Nyko swung. It was a clean swing, though in one swoop. The head rolled, the body fell, and it was done. Peace had come to them all. Blood for blood. The Guilty pay to protect the innocent. Raven sobbed, her knees giving out and falling, but Clarke couldn't find it in herself to do the same. Finn had been a friend, one-time lover, traitor, fighter, murderer, and victim. He had make his choices, and for once, he accepted the consequences. This didn't feel sad. No, this- this felt right. Just. Deserved. The Finn she had loved once, the Finn that had shown her that this place was forth fighting for, the Finn she respected and trusted would have been proud to have made peace between them, even at the cost of his life. She remembered how hard he fought for them to treat Lincoln right, how much he argued for the Grounders case whenever talk rose up about dealing with them. The Finn she remembered had never wanted to fight anyone. So, she wasn't sad that this had happened- just,
Accepting. He faced his death with grace and honor. And, judging by the look on the grounders faces, they approved. Lincoln was still weak, leaning on Octavia for support, but he said it best.
"There is a monster inside all of us. And we are responsible for its actions when we let it out. My people understand that sometimes we lose our grip on its leash- but that is no excuse for the actions. Since he faced his death with honor, no one will say this wasn't enough. Blood was demanded, and blood has been spilled. It's over."