Chapter One – Major Swearing.

17th May, 2005.

For my mother, I am writing a diary, this diary to be exact. Not that I really get a choice, she handed me this thick leather pad and informed me of what to do with it. She wants me to compare my 'old' life with my 'new.'

This is where I should explain, but first I will introduce myself, as that seems to be the thing you do when you begin a diary, right?

My name is Kyle Broflovski, or well was, I still have the Broflovski, unfortunately. My new name is Kyla, as simple and ugly as it is, it means victorious in Hebrew. Yet, this whole situation isn't victorious at all, unless you look at it from Kenny's point of view. Which I suggest you don't. Ever.

Yet, this is the situation at hand – if you haven't already figured it out – I'm a girl. Yeah, fun. No. I have had numerous girls dragging me around South Park's centre, making me buy stupid things like makeup, skirts and thigh highs. Thigh highs socks? I swear you only wear them if you do porn, but no, I now have about fifty pairs of them. Let's not even get onto my bras and Knickers. I am making that rule number one of this diary:

1. No talking about underwear (socks included).

It's because of Cartman and his fucking stupid plans. Fuck you, Cartman. I am so done with you.

Part One.

I know it's not the most fabulous title you've probably heard, but this isn't fiction, it's a part of me, I suppose.

I was at Stan's, as per usual, we were playing on his PSX (which is the shit, if I can say) and Cartman and Kenny come knocking, talking us into this great plan to screw with Garrison, being the fucking spunk heads we are we decided "yeah, let's go on a own fucking adventure to fuck up Garrison's life."

I'd apologise for the language but to be honest, I am so angry, that I couldn't possibly give less of a shit right now.

So we arrived on Mephisto's place, which is gigantic, the building is bigger than the town hall, and could probably rival our local hospital, Hell Pass. Although there isn't much greenery as the tall grey building hogs too much space.

None of us had really made it past the first room, because of rumours that Mephisto he hides deformed creatures that he has made inside, some with four giant fearful heads, and others with more than three sets of razor sharp teeth. The rumours had probably been created to scare unwanted trespassers, such as us. Yet, I pushed back all of the dreadful adrenaline that pumped through my veins and walked through the wicked archway that greeted us.

A thick distinct scent lingered throughout the place, not something you could identify with an object, but recognise. It's probably useless describing it as anything other than bleach and honey.

We wandered deeper and deeper into the building, coming across nothing but a lizard with a mutated wart where his bottom was. Yeah, we moved on pretty quickly after we saw that.

Soon, we entered a large hall, probably a room once used for holding balls, now in the centre stood a grand piece of machinery. I say grand, but I don't know how to explain it. Next to the 'grand' machinery stood a cage – well, when I say cage I mean more a section of flooring caged off – somehow, Cartman had lured me inside, better yet – I had gotten trapped inside.

Which to him, must had been fucking hilarious. It wasn't. Not one tiny little bit.

I've decided that rule number two is going to be:

2. Talk about Eric Theodore Cartman as little as possible.

Kenny lent on the switch board, booting the machine up and before anything could be done; it shoot fire at me. It wasn't a bullet, nor a dart or arrow. It was a laser, pumping a thick red beam at me. It struck me instantly and brought me to the floor with an ear rattling scream.

I felt like I was being electrocuted, which I presumed I was at first. I felt the currents pump throughout my body, it stung as if I was slowly melting away. I jolted around before the pain became a screeching burn, I was jerking about, my body unable to control the bursts of radiation sprouting within me.

I heard them screaming my name, the cage rattling with their weight as they climbed over, but soon all the lasers cut out, I began to spasm, before blacking out completely.

What I awoke to was a quiet beep, it was stable and repetitive, but became annoying quickly, ripping numerous leads of my body before the beeping cut out. I grumped and turned over, not enjoying the thinness of my duvet. But then it hit; I shot up, breathing heavily. I began to examine the small box size suite, a small sink sat in the far corner, and a few seats loitered empty space surround the bed.

The door swung, revealing a nurse. She seemed pleased to see me up, she pressed a button by the door before waltzing over to me and planting herself gracefully onto a ripped blue seat.

"Kyle, I am glad to see you awake, you're lucky to be alive."

I managed to croak out a: "What happened to me?" before she told me in elaborated detail (which I'm not going to write because I can sum it up in two sentences) The lasers simmered all of my reproductive organs, also causing me to produce other ones, some other shit and I'm now a girl.

She tried to ask me what had happened to cause this, but I shook her off, my parents stood in the doorway, reassuring smiles and thankful tears filled their cheeks. Behind them stood the boys, looking greatful.

If we fast forward two hours, my hairs grown an inch, I've lost an inch in height, and I can barely keep my eyes open. Mephisto has shown up and is explaining to everyone that I am a girl. Except funny story that's I've only just clocked onto – they believe it's just external change, and when I become an adult, sex change will be my way of turning back.

With all the hope in their eyes, I daren't tell them it's not an option. They left as the nurse injected me with a sedative. Needless to say – I had a great night's sleep.

I've decided to rewrite 'Diary Of a Genderband' so this is the new re-written version. If you can deal with a crappy version, the old ones still up. Well, for now.

What are your thoughts and feelings on the new version? Got a better title, summary? I'd love to hear you ideas!

(Wee pointer that I changed my pen name from Craigandthoseguys to Kirklame)