Akatsuki board meeting.
We will do this One shot with an average board meeting in Akatsuki Inc. The chairman Nagato has some issues to discuss......... Let's begin shall we.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Nagato:(Enters room:) Okay then is everyone here?
Konan: Yes chairman Everyone is here.
Hidan: I'm here too......(under his breath)*fuckers*
Itachi: I am here as well
Kisame: I'm here
Kakuzu: present
Sasori: yo
Tobi: here
Zetsu: here
( A pink haired secretary comes in )
Secretary: Umm chairman Diedara called he's caught in a traffic jam. He says he will be a little late
Nagato: thank you. *sigh* Okay then we have start without him
Sasori: If I may add something here Chairman I know why he's late.
Nagato: why is that?
Hidan: He was out being an atheist again.
(Everyone looks at Hidan)
(Secretary walks out.....slowly)
Hidan:.....what like you guys aren't either
Nagato: Hidan everyone's catholic except you...... Your just an idiot
Hidan: HEY JASHINISM IS A REAL RELIGION ASSHOLE! SO BACK THE FUCK OFF?!?!?!
Konan: Calm down Hidan....Chairman can we start now I have to be at the salon in 30 minutes.
Nagato: Okay then lets get going then *Clears throat* So Kakuzu how our financial department doing
Kakuzu: Our stocks went up about 3 points. Our market for the real estate "Kyuubi heights" is skyrocketing at an amazing 35%. All in all I'd say we are doing rather well
Nagato: Good to hear. Has Hidan been contributing to this?
Hidan: I have not been able to chairman
Nagato: And your are not because?
Hidan:You know damn well why. I have Jashin church every day.
Konan: This is true.
Nagato:Jesus Hidan you let Kakuzu do all the work?
Hidan: What he's fucking good at it. Why the fuck not?
Kakuzu: Well in truth his absence is a great contribution chairman
Nagato: Oh really....Well then good work. Next item on the list here (Pulls out a clipboard) Ahh yes how's the advertising doing Itachi and Kisame
Itachi: Good. ( pulls out a giant graph sheet from beneath the table ) As you can our consumer sales our WAY up this year. over twice as much as last year.
Kisame: We have a new gimmick to sell even more real estate and merchandise. (Gets up and stands on the end opposite of Nagato. Then proceeds to pull a piece of paper from his suit pocket.) you see this?
Nagato:........yeah what is it?
Kisame:It's our Jinchuuriki plushies!
Nagato:......
Kisame: What?
Nagato: How is that gonna sell real estate?
Kisame:.......That question is best reserved for my partner Itachi....... go ahead dude
Itachi: We he's means is that with these plushies will be the mascots for the new village development just outside the Osaka kanto region. They will win hearts and minds of the people and therefore we sell more houses which in turn
Kakuzu: Gets us bankrupt.
Itachi: Shut it Kakuzu money doesn't make the world land does
Nagato: Money makes this company stay alive.
(Kakuzu puts his thumb up at Itachi)
Itachi: Oh fuck off Kakuzu.
Nagato:Anyway.....Let's get to the next item, Tobi is your presentation ready?
Tobi: Yes chairman I have it right here (Starts looking for his laptop) I brought my laptop in this mourning...Damn it where s it?
Sasori: Right here *chuckle*
(Sasori grabs it from under the table)
Tobi: Sasori what the hell man?
Sasori: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Your face is priceless Tobi.
Nagato: Sasori quit screwing around and give it back.
Sasori: Okay okay okay.....(under his breath) such a pansy.
Tobi: Thank you Sasori (Turns is on and connects it to a projector)
Sasori:*cough*PANSY *cough* *cough*
Tobi:.....oohhhhkkaaaaaay? Anyway chairman-
(Deidara walks in)
Deidara: Sorry I am late
Nagato: Good of you to come Deidara. What made you late?
Deidara: Well......I'd rather not talk about it.
(A black haired woman comes in)
Woman: Umm is Deidara here?
Nagato:Why....yes....yes he is
(Everyone turns and grins at Deidara)
Woman: Ohh Deidei you forgot your wallet baby.
Deidara: (embarrassed) umm...thank you babe....Now wait for me at home okay I'll see you later.
Woman: Okay deidei I'll see you then. (Kisses him on the cheek and leaves)
(As soon as she leaves Everyone breaks into a loud laugh)
Nagato;OHOHOHOHO MYHYHY GOHOHOHOD..... DEIDEI ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?! THAT"S SO HILARIOUS?!?!?
Sasori: HAHAHAHAHAHAH THAT"S AWESOME!
Konan: (trying to hold back her laugh) *HMHMHH* Cmon guys..I think it's a cute name Deidara...*HMHMHMH* Deidei *HMHMH* HHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHAHA WHO AM I KIDDING THAT THE BEST?!?
Itachi: OH MAN THAT'S SOOOOOOO CUUUUTE (He's now chibified)
Hidan: HAHA DEIDARA YOUR SUCH A FUCKING PUSSY! Your whipped and Jashin knows it. P-u s-s-y you ain't got on aliby you a Pussy!
Deidara: If you assholes say anything else I swear I will leave right now?
Nagato:(Calming down) Okay we are sorry....guys let's get Deidei up to speheheheheheed HAHAHAHAHAHA I'm sorry man that's just too damn funny.
(everyone break into another laughfest)
Tobi: I guess I will show you next time Chairman?
Nagato: I am afraid so Tobi.
Tobi: Very well (sits down)
Deidara: ......I hate all of you
Nagato: I'm sorry Deidara..*Clears throat* Now Deidei...(try's to hold back laugh) Do you *HMHMHMH* have a a slogan for us?
(Every one calms down)
Deidara: Yes I do Chairman...Sasori do you have the fax I sent you?
Sasori:Yes I do....*PMHPMHPMHPMHMHMHPH* Deidei HAHAHAAAAAAAA OH MY GOD YOU GOT A GIRLFRIEND??!?!?! AND SHE GAVE YOU A PET NAME THAT'S TOO DAMN FUNNY DUDE.
Deidara: Sasori I swear to GOD if you keep calling that I will send you straight to hell in a hand basket.
Sasori: Sorry man I couldn't resist. Okay then....Chairman we decided to make a slogan to go with the commercials we put out....Look at this.
(Hands Nagato the fax)
Nagato: hmm...not bad....not bad..... We guarantee our houses are a bang.....creative...
Sasori: I wanted to go with a "home forever" theme but Deidara insisted on that one cuz it made more sense from a corporal point of view.
Nagato:Well I think they are both great but seeing as though Deidei *PHMPMHPMHPMHPMH* knows the commerce market and the consumer interests better we can go with his.
Deidara:.....you not gonna let this go are ya?
(Everyone at the same time): NOPE HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHAAAA
Deidara: *sigh* ...Can I go now?
Nagato: We are almost done we just need Zetsu to give his plans for a floral design for the new development
Deidara:Fine I'm going to sleep
Nagato: You sleep and we wake you up with a very loud wake the hell up Deidara.
Hidan: And I slit your throat for sinning in the eyes of Jashin. Seriously dude you need to stop being a fucking damn pussy and grow a set of balls dude you atheist fucktard.
Deidara:.....dude chill...... It's not my fault your in some cult dude......psychotic Idiot.
Hidan: HOW DARE YOU BLASPHEME YOU FUCKHEAD....REPENT NOW OR IN THE NAME OF JASHIN I FUCKING KILL YOU RIGHT FUCKING NOW?!?!?! DEIDEI
Nagato: ENOUGH YOU TOO?!?!?! HIDAN KEEP YOUR RELIGIOUS CRAP TO YOURSELF PLEASE!!! THIS IS A WORK ENVIRONMENT. DEIDARA YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN ALSO.......Sorry Zetsu can you begin
Zetsu: Yes...... Well As you can see I have traveled the world looking for exotic plants to decorate our development..I think you will be pleased with what I have discovered.
Nagato:Okay let's see it then.
Zetsu: Here it is....ladies and gentleman of the board I present to you....Dionaea muscipula!
(Pulled out a plant in a vase.)
(Everyone looks at the the plant with their jaws dropped)
Nagato:.....dude....what the hell is that.
Zetsu:.....What...it's Dionaea muscipula!......A great plant to keep around the new development.
Konan:..........Dude....That's a venus flytrap.
Zetsu:.......yeah and?
Nagato:What the hell are you doing with a venus flytrap?
Zetsu: It's great plant Chairman.... It's not a only a rare plant but a great fly killer
Hidan: I like it... It's a gift from the lord Jashin.
Sasori: Dude you think guns are a gift from Jashin
Hidan: Hey guns are Jashin's way of saying he loves us and wants us to be happy!
Kakuzu:.......Can it make us profits?
Zetsu: of course it does. I mean look at it....It's a venus "FLY"trap. It catches bugs.... Think about guys. It gets rid of termites which destroy the wood in the houses and keeps the fly pestilence at bay. Therefore our property values go up.... By 3 times the gross income
Kakuzu: I like it...sounds solid to me
Nagato:I don't know
Konan: I like it..... I recently got my house fumigated and it's a bitch....Zetsu may have a solid idea here chairman
Nagato: Very well.......Then I approve of it.
Zetsu:Thank you Chairman...you will not be disappointed.
Nagato: I hope so...your job depends on it plant man
Zetsu:.......plant man?
Nagato: sounds better the deidei right
(Everyone lets out slight snicker)
Deidara: Ha ha haaa It's so funny I forgot to laugh
(Konan gets up from her chair and put her chest on deidara's back)
Konan: Don't let them get to you deidei it's okay....I honestly think it's sweet that you decided to settle down
(Konan puts her face to look at Deidara)
Deidara:Really?
Konan: (slaps his back) NO are you kidding me your a player for Christs sake......Seeing that is too funny man
(Konan sits back in her chair next to Nagato and Hidan)
Deidara:............. I hate you all
(Nagato gets up from his chair)
Nagato: Alright that's it.... See you guys next week for the merger with Taka enterprises
Kisame: Hey Itachi isn't that your brothers' company
Itachi:...Yes...........unfortunately
Kisame:Harsh....... well (Gets up) I'm going to Ichiraku's for a coffee and smoke. Anyone game?
Everyone: I'm in
(everyone talking to each other exit the board room to head over to Ichiraku cafe)
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
That's it.......... Hope it's made you giggle at least. Made me laugh when I wrote it. BTW did you guess who the sec was? answer me via review