Conventionality

Someone was pulling him back, yelling in his ears for him to stop fighting, but Antonio didn't care. He knew that he was capable of being a leader and Adam constantly undermining him was getting on his last nerve. He wasn't a detective because he lacked perception; he knew that Ruzek had been corresponding with Voight throughout the case. He'd closed his eyes for it, but he wouldn't let the cocky detective tell him to back off from what he had a right to know.

"GET OFF OF ME!"

The hands around him held strong despite him bucking against them, pulling him back before disappearing for a mere second. He tried to take advantage of the brief release but Jay was suddenly in front of him; a physical barrier between him and Ruzek. Jay wouldn't stop Antonio; Antonio was stronger than him, could easily wipe the floor with the veteran.

But Jay wasn't fighting him. Jay was merely pushing him backwards, keeping him from reaching Ruzek. Ruzek, who was being pinned against the wall by Kevin and fighting with all his might to reach Antonio. Antonio wouldn't mind; he'd get to land another punch and hopefully the blond would shut his mouth for good.

He lunged at Jay again, making the veteran lose his footing for a moment. Great, that was the opening he needed. He stepped forward but Jay's arm was against his chest again, pushing him back into another set of arms. These arms didn't wrap around him. No, they simply grabbed his arm and held on; not pulling but not relaxed either.

Then Ruzek said something that Antonio didn't fully understand through the blood pumping in his head but anger was sweeping through him in waves again, clouding all of his rational judgement and leaving nothing but prime instincts behind.

Punch first. Ask questions later.

After all, Ruzek might have said something about finishing it.

The hands on him increased. He was being pushed backwards, pulled from all directions. Someone was yelling in his face and he caught sight of somewhat light coloured hair; Ruzek? Why were they holding him back and not Adam? He wouldn't allow Adam to push him into the cupboard again. No, Antonio would fight him.

"ANTONIO, GET OUTSIDE!"

Jay was still in front of him. He was all up in his face and pushing him to the door. Antonio almost tripped over his own feet when he tried to shove them all away again and there was suddenly another pair of hands over him; dainty, ladylike. They were still strong and they kept pushing and pulling at him until he was nearing the door.

There was a chair nearby and Antonio had half the mind to swing it at all the people who were holding him but someone else's hand was already there, keeping it in place, so Antonio just slammed his hand against its leather back (instead of slamming it in someone's face) and continued walking. There was no point in going back to fight; 3 vs. 1 were odds that he didn't wish to face.

He still struggled against the arms holding him, getting almost all of them to loosen their holds. However, he could still feel the ladylike hands on his back, shepherding him to the outside. They were gone the second he was out, replaced by callous hands on his arms that pulled him into an alley and pushed him down on some steps.

Antonio landed harshly but didn't feel the impact – he was still lost in his wrath. Ruzek had no right to treat him like that. He never was one to demand respect but neither was he one to let people walk all over him simply because they looked at him as a friend and not as their leader. He had calls to make and his calls had to abide by the rules whether the unit liked it or not; he was the one who had to answer to the people above them, not the unit. Not Ruzek. Antonio himself. He couldn't justify allowing Ruzek to talk to Voight; his higherups would just tell him that he did not know how to handle his subordinates.

As if he had been their leader for more than 24 hours.

Or has it been 48?

Antonio felt infinitely more tired than he had been when this case first started.

"Antonio?" Jay's voice startled him out of his reverie and Antonio snapped his eyes open, unaware of when he had closed them or rested his head against the door behind him. Jay was crouching in front of him, green eyes flickering inquisitively over him before catching his gaze. "Just breathe, man." Jay remained an arm's distance away, giving Antonio his own space but still close enough to not let Antonio attempt to go after Ruzek again. The older detective couldn't help his snort when he realised the probably unconsciously tactile position.

"I'm breathin'." Dawson murmured, offering a semblance of a half smile to his friend - it probably looked more like a grimace as the adrenaline faded away, giving place to the aches and pains of both the day and the beating he'd just taken from Ruzek. He couldn't really fault Ruzek; he'd instigated the whole thing. A good team leader didn't raise his hand against a subordinate, no matter how angry he got.

"Don't do that, brother." Jay cautioned, the tension oozing out of his frame when he saw Antonio's anger abate and give place to the pressures of the day.

"Do what?" Antonio frowned at Halstead, carefully stretching out his legs before attempting to remove his vest. A pang of pain stopped him and suddenly there were hands near him again, hovering uncertainly until Antonio nodded his assent - it was well known that it was not a good idea to touch Antonio without his explicit permission when he was pissed. He tended to land a punch or two without thinking.

"That. Blaming yourself for everything. Ruzek instigated your reaction as much as you started the fight." Jay murmured as he pulled the vest away and handed it to Antonio. The jacket followed and Antonio remained immobile, letting Jay pull at his shirt and poke and prod for a while. "You'll bruise, but nothing seems out of place."

"I should have kept my head; it's his first time losing a partner." Antonio's back heaved beneath Jay's hand and Antonio couldn't fool himself that Jay was not feeling the fine tremors travelling beneath his skin as the last of his adrenaline faded away.

"Experience doesn't make that easier, Antonio." There was a barely felt tap on his back, subtle enough to not trigger Antonio's personal bubble or spark his anger again, but unmistakeably there. It disappeared soon after and Antonio drew in a deep breath, relishing the space that Jay put between them again.

"He's taking it the hardest; he was under Al's wing." Antonio shrugged, fixing the collar of his shirt.

"We were all under his wing; Al loved us all." Jay corrected gently with a wistful smile on his face.

"Yeah, I guess. Adam doesn't know who to blame, so he's taking it out on me because he thinks I'm not also grieving for him." Antonio couldn't help it; shouldering responsibility was expected from a leader, but this wasn't him being a leader. It was him being true with himself.

"Doesn't make it right, Antonio." Jay frowned at him, calling out what Antonio was doing with the simple gesture.

"I think our unit should be the last to comment on what's right or wrong, Jay." Antonio pointed out matter-of-factly, releasing a sigh as he contemplated the grey areas that their team usually found themselves in.

"Hey, we are not responsible for the actions of everyone in the team. Every one of us chooses their path and we bear our own crosses." Jay sounded stern, almost compelling Antonio to believe what the younger detective was telling him.

Antonio simply hummed in reply, breathing deeply as most of his rage simmered down to nothing. He was still furious deep down, but at least he could think and see his surroundings now, not just his need to pummel Adam's face. He hoped he hadn't done much damage.

"You barely hit him; he defended himself well. Come on, I'll drive you home." Jay didn't move to take the keys out of Antonio's pocket like he usually did when he'd claim his role as a driver, allowing the still simmering detective to control what was going to happen.

"Thanks, Jay." Antonio smiled as he fished out the keys, throwing them at the veteran before pushing himself to his feet.

He thanked every deity above that the rest of the unit had already dispersed, leaving only the officers behind to process the scene and take care of the people that had been arrested as he lowered himself gingerly in the passenger seat.

"Don't be a baby." Jay chided with a grin as he soaked Antonio's left knuckles in rubbing alcohol in order to clean out the miniscule cuts. At least they weren't bruised. Antonio forced himself to stop pulling his hand away, leaving it pliant as Jay expertly wrapped a bandage around it.

"I'm older than you, you don't get to call me a baby." Antonio rebutted with a small smile, standing up to hand a beer to Jay.

"A toddler then." Jay leaned back, rocking his chair on its two back legs in relief when he heard Antonio's huff of laughter. Finally.

"Neither, you asshole." Antonio handed the beer to Jay, its coolness a welcome reprieve from the seething rage of before. He sighed, using the silent moment between them to rest his head on the fridge, feeling the beginning of a headache start to pound behind his eyes. Similar to the beer, the fridge's coldness was welcomed.

"Rest, Antonio. You need it." Jay's voice was soft, void of any teasing or joking.

"Yeah, I just have to do one thing first." Antonio pushed off the refrigerator, grabbing his jacket from the back of the chair and shrugging it on again.

"You could have at least let me open the beer. You want me to stay?" Jay started off with a joke, but his question was as honest as they came – Antonio knew his friend well enough.

"No. Go home, I'll be fine. I need some time alone anyway." He knew Jay would support him all the way, but this was something he needed to do alone. He couldn't afford any of his teammates to be there with him, not in something like this.

He'd just take a nap and sleep off the day's tremulous events after talking to Voight, not before.

After all, some things couldn't wait.

Adam was giving him the cold shoulder but Antonio couldn't bring himself to care very much. He'd let him simmer in his anger until he dealt with his grief, then he'd let Adam approach him, not the other way round.

Antonio wasn't an idiot; he knew that their tension was creating an awkward aura over the team in general, but he was tired of always being the one to reach out. Besides, Adam was ignoring any attempt at communication, preferring instead to brood at his own desk.

"Hey, you back on the job?"

Instinctively, Antonio knew that the jibe was not meant at him for having been lost in his thoughts.

"Got the official call an hour ago."

An hour ago? Antonio was surprised that Voight had taken so long to get to the precinct. But then again, Voight always had places to be and things to arrange – legally or otherwise.

"All right."

Jay's easy acceptance was something that Antonio felt dubious whether he could stomach or not. Could he accept Voight back easily? Unashamedly, he liked having the reins in his hands – he could follow his moral compass without having to disobey direct orders.

But Voight had basically given him permission to follow that compass, orders be damned, at the bar. Well, not orders be damned as such. Just close enough to that.

"Good to see you, boss."

"You too."

The relief in Adam's body is basically palpable. It succeeded in dispelling the awkward tension in the room as Voight greeted the group one by one, stopping just behind Antonio. He didn't call out or anything, but Antonio could feel his heavy gaze on the back of his head; unjudging and calm.

Antonio turned, unwilling to fight with his boss, and sighed when Voight spread his arms in a gesture that did not require words. He was greeting Antonio as a friend; thanking him for taking his place while he was benched and silently absolving him of how he had dealt with Adam.

He couldn't help it in the end. He stepped forward into the embrace, holding his boss in a tight grip for a few seconds before pulling back, squeezing his shoulder in silent support. Despite all his flaws, Voight would never back away from one of his own and Antonio knew that.

"Glad you're back, Hank."

Funny thing was, Antonio wasn't lying when he said that, even if he had mixed feelings on his boss. Despite all of the methods that Antonio didn't agree to; Voight was the most cut out to be a boss from all of them - He got the job done, unconventionally or not.

Hey guys! So, as many of you know; I just started university and I am swamped with notes and lectures and things to do. I have other stories in the works and will do my utmost to upload as soon and as much as I can.

That being said, I hope you enjoyed this little ficlet and hope you have a nice day/evening! Feel free to leave any feedback or comment about the story; I don't bite!

Kudos,
Chrisii.

PS: Disclaimer- I do not own CPD and never will; not making profit out of this maties.