An Odd RPG-LoD Christmas
Neo: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA Neo here, Anyways…this is my submission to Rap's contest. It took me like…forever to write…the end is a bit Rushed though O_o;…also it takes place in RPG World…bwahahaha guest appearances! Hope you enjoy it!
-----------
Setting: Rpg World, Christmas Time, LoD House
Main Characters: Lloyd, Albert, Dart, Shana, Kongol, Miranda, Lavitz, Meru, Haschel, & Rose
Guest Stars: Rufus Shinra, Sephiroth, (FF7) Serge,(C.C.) Sora, (K.H.) Kuja,(FF9) & Myself (Neo)
Length: 3331 Words
Disclaimer: All characters are Ó their respectful owners and such. I own myself…I think…no suing so STAY BACK! *hides behind Sephiroth*
--------------------
_____________
An X-Mas Story
--------------------
Announcer: Our story takes place where the LoD heroes-
Lloyd: Hey!
Announcer: *coughs* & Lloyd… are all…doing there…thing in there…house
Lloyd: stupid narrator…
Announcer: I resent that! I am an ANNOUNCER
Lloyd: whatever…
Announcer: idiot…anyways::
Shana: What's today?
Dart: Tuesday…
Shana: NO what's the DATE
Dart: You want to go on a Date? AGAIN?! But we've been on…*counts*…A THOUSAND!
Shana: … *thwacks Dart with a trout*
Dart: O.o
Lloyd: It's the 24 th
Shana: Holy potato chips! It's almost Christmas!!!!
Meru: *eyes light up* Christmas?
All: …
Meru: BWAHA!!!!!!!! Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas CHRISTMAS!!!!!
Kongol: Christmas…what friend talk about?
Meru: PREASANTS!!!
Kongol: ….what present?
Meru: …you…don't…know…what…a PRESENT IS!!!!!????? *faints*
Kongol: *turns to Albert* Smart friend, what present?
Albert: A preasant is a gift, an item or cherished desire that one wants & recieves, or bestows to another
Kongol: … … … … …*turns to Lloyd* Smart friend, What Present?
Lloyd: Something someone gives you
Kongol: …oh…
Meru: But you don't get a present unless you leave cookies for Santy Clause *skips to the kitchen, checks fridge* THERE AIN'T NO MILK N' COOKIES!!!! *throws Lloyd & Albert outside in the snow* YOU GO AND GET COOKIES OR DON'T COME BACK!!!! *slams door, and causes snow to fall from rain eave (gutter) on Lloyd*
Lavitz: Remind me not to get on her bad side…
Rose: *records* note to self…remind me to remind Lavitz to get on Meru's bad side
*********
Lloyd: … great…I am stuck getting cookies with YOU
Albert: Well I do not like the idea of gracing with your presence either
Lloyd: …I have no idea what you just said…but I don't like the sound of it…
Albert: …pompous
Lloyd: hey we can take my brand new Ford Mustang 2004 and a half!
Albert: And a half?
Lloyd: yeah and a half do you have a problem with it?!
Albert: and a half…aren't you afraid it'll fall apart?
Lloyd: Shut up and get in the ****** car
Albert: *gets in*
Lloyd: *drives off*
****15 minutes later
Albert: *clutching seat* Lloyd your driving too fast!!!!!!!!!!
Lloyd: I know what I am doing!
***Police Siren is heard
Albert: Pull over! Pull over!!
Lloyd: 7-7 *pulls over* now keep quiet & let me do all the talking, I know how to handle the police
Albert: …whatever
Policeman: Sir, do you know that you were speeding?
Lloyd: if that's what you call speeding…
Policeman: Sir, you were going 89 on a road with a speed limit of 55
Lloyd: I am so sorry sir but you see…… *looks around & spots Albert* *smiles* my wife is in labor! I have to take her to the nearest hospital immediately!
Albert: Wha!? Who-*Lloyd Covers Albert's mouth*
Lloyd: yeah! She's in labor
Albert: …O.o
Policeman: You should have said something sooner! I'll escort you both to the hospital! *goes back to his car & starts driving off, Lloyd full speed behind*
Albert: PREGNANT???!!!
Lloyd: Well…you look like a girl…
Albert: …
****Hospital
Policeman: *to Lloyd* I can see why you married her, she's a looker
Lloyd: O.o
Albert: …
Policeman: *drives off*
Lloyd: *sweat drop*
Albert: Let' us proceed with the milk and cookies before I hurt you…
Lloyd: ok…that sounds good
********Meanwhile
Miranda: No WAY!
Meru: C'mon! it's Christmas!
Miranda: …get that @#$% dress away from me before I @#$% it up your---
Haschel: *covers Miranda's mouth* Shhh people will hear you!
Miranda: I DON'T @#$% CARE!!!!
Rose: *laughing her butt off* HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!
Meru: *tosses Rose something pink*
Rose: What the…?!
Meru: It's your dress!
Rose: … … …
Lavitz: pffffffffffff HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!!!!!!!
Meru: *tosses Lavitz toothpaste color tux*
Rose: *sticks tongue out at Lavitz*
Haschel: Meru…why do we have to where these 'things'
Meru: 'Cause you ain't goin to the dance the way you normally dress
Miranda: WHAT'S @#$% WRONG WITH THE WAY I @#$% DRESS?!
Meru: It's so overdone
Miranda: AT LEAST I @#$% LOOK LIKE I AM WEARING @#$% CLOTHES!!!!!
Lavitz: Hey…where's Dart & Shana?
Rose: I think Dart was helping Shana with her hair….& Kongol was trying on his tux…
****Shana's Room
Darts: *spraying hair spray all over Shana's hair*
Shana: *sitting with eyes closed* ^______^ My hair is going to look all nice and pretty thanks to you Dart!!! XD
Dart: MmmHmm…. *still spraying Hairspray*
*light twitches, room goes black*
Dart: ?!
Shana: the light bulb burnt out…light a candle
Dart: *turns on lighter*-
BGGGGIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTT!!!!!
Shana: *hair catches on fire*
Dart: O.o
Shana: That hair spray must make you feel hot or something…I feel like my head is burning *giggles&
Dart: O_o; Uh huh *sweat drop* *grabs fan and starts blowing on Shana's burning Hair*
Hair: *catches on more fire*
Shana: Dart…is everything ok? *opens eyes* GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
*tramples over Dart & sticks her head in the toilet*
Dart: … …judging my the situation I am in…I think I should run…BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! *runs out of Shana's room & into living room*
Shana: I am going to get you Dart Feld!!!
Dart: *runs smack into Rose*
Rose: *rips out rapier* GYA!!! Oh…pfff *puts sword away* ..priss
Dart: 7-7... You have to Hide me! I burned some of Shana's hair away and she is trying to kill me!!!!!
Shana: *walks in* oh Darrrrrrrrrrrrt! I've got something for you *holds up highlights package* It'll give you red & green highlights! For the Christmas spirit of course…
Dart: No revenge
Shana: nooooo revenge :D
Dart: Cool thanks!!! *snatches up package & puts the stuff in his hair* *singing* hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm I had a dream hmm hmmm hmm I can feel hmm hmm hmm….*takes Haschel's glass of water and throws it on his head* ah there *turns to everyone* How does It look?
All: BWAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA
Haschel: I have more hair then you!!!!
Dart: *scratches his head and realizes there isn't anything left* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Kongol walks in with orange tux
Kongol: Does make Kongol look fat?
All: O.o
Kongol: Kongol like look nice
Lavitz: uh no…Kongol…
Meru: pff…you...look…good…
Kongol: Kongol knows he …ses-xie
All: O_o
****MEANWHILE
Albert: Your driving too fast again!!!
Lloyd: Shut up! I know what I am doing!
Albert: That's what you said LAST TIME!!!
Lloyd: well if anything happens your pregnant
Albert: HECK NO!!!
Lloyd: *pulls over* *tries shoving pillow up Albert's shirt* get in there!
Albert: *hit's Lloyd*
Policewoman: …
Albert & Lloyd: …oh
Lloyd: What seems to be the trouble miss policeman lady ma'am sir…
Policewoman: You were going 110 on a 65 road
Albert: told you, you were going too fast
Lloyd: 7-7
Policewoman: Let me see your registration.
Lloyd: *strikes up an idea & remembers a joke* the registration for this car…this car isn't mine but I think I saw a book about it when I was putting my gun in the glove compartment
Albert: @_@ Bu---*Lloyd shoves a pillow in Albert's mouth* … -_-
Policewoman: Gun, sir?
Lloyd: Yeah, I shot the owner standing next to this car, stuffed her body in the trunk, stole her car and put my gun in the glove compartment, & I am driving with a suspended license
Policewoman: … … … … … … *goes back to her car*
Lloyd: See I told you I know how to handle these things
Albert: *spits out pillow* YOU IMBECILE!!! ARE YOU MAD?!
S.W.A.T. Team arrives, Captain walks up to Lloyd
Captain: *goes up to Lloyd* Sir open your glove compartment *Lloyd opens glove compartment and nothing's there* open the trunk *S.W.A.T Team checks trunk & nothing is there* sir…show me your license & registration *Lloyd, shows it to him, everything is ok* oh sorry sir for the inconvenience but one of my officers reported you shot the owner standing next to this car stuffed her body in the trunk, stole her car and put your gun in the glove compartment, & are driving with a suspended license
Lloyd: Yeah, and I bet you she told you I was speeding too eh?
Captain: HA HA HA That's a good one, well we'll be off!
*Lloyd & Albert Drive off*
Lloyd: *gives Albert, "I know I am smart look"*
Albert: 7-7 Don't you say a word…
********************meanwhile at Ball
Meru: Aha! Look how crowded it is!
Lavitz: Yeah…who would have thought?
Rose: well it is RPG Game world so…WHY WOULDN'T IT BE CROWDED YOU DITZ?!
Lavitz: O.o;
Neo: *steps onto large stage* Ahem *pats microphone* Hello everyone & I would like to get this years first annual Christmas Ball started. First, I would like to thank Rufus Shinra for sponsoring this ball *everyone looks to Rufus who has a 500$ Champaign his hand* & I would also like to thank Sephiroth for heading security and making sure absolutely NOTHING goes wrong *all look at Sephiroth who is harassing an old lady*
Sephiroth: LADY YOU CAN NOT COME IN UNLESS YOU TAKE OFF YOUR WEDDING RING!
Lady: NEVER!!!
Sephiroth: Then you can not come in because the beeping needs to STOP!!! UNLESS the BEEPING stops when you go through the Metal Detector 2000 YOU CAN NOT COME IN!!!!!
Lady: Misses, I will NEVER take off MY Wedding Ring! *taking to ring* it's ok Mortimer I'll never let them take you away from me…
Sephiroth: …Miss? I am NOT A MISS!! *takes out Masamune Sword*
Neo: O_o; *coughs* *directs everyone back to her* ANYWAYS! Indeed, thank you all for coming and…uh…let's get this ball started! ^-^;*has the music start*
Kongol: Me like punch…*walks up to Rufus grabs the Champaign* *lugs it all down*
Rufus: O_O; BWAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Kongol: oh me sorry, *hands Rufus back empty Champaign bottle, and walks away staggering*
Rufus: ;_; …
Kongol: *staggers away*
Rose: we have a drunken Kongol on the loose…
Haschel: This can not be good…
*********************Meanwhile, back at the House
Lloyd: *busts open the door* BWHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHA We got The COOKIES!!!!
Albert: O_o; No one is here…
Lloyd: I knew that
*TV turns on automatically*
Lloyd & Albert: *holding each other* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Lloyd: …
Albert: …
Lloyd: *lets go of Albert* *coughs* Look Meru is on TV
TV/Meru: OK! NOW that both of you brought the cookies, you need to bring them to the ball. Your tuxes are on the couch' YA BETTER BE THERE OR ELSE!!! Buh byes! *tv turns off*
Lloyd: She never said anything about a ball *picks up his tux which is gray with a pink bow-tie* …. ….
Albert: *picks up lime green tux with a red tie* heh…
Lloyd: I am NOT wearing this @#$% thing!!!
TV: *turns back on* AND YA HAD BETTER WEAR YOUR TUXES OR ELSE!!!! *turns back off*
Lloyd: …
********half an hour later they are driving
Albert: Go left!
Lloyd: No! It's right!
Albert: …
****lost 10 minutes later*
Albert: I told you it was left!!!
Lloyd: We'll just stop & ask for directions *sees someone walking and pulls over next to them* Hey kid, can you tell us how to get to the ball?
Sora: Make a left turn on RPG Lane
Albert: I told you
Lloyd: …thanx…but why do you have a giant key?
Sora: It's my weapon
Albert: O_o;
*on RPG lane*
Lloyd: I can't see if a car is coming Al, let me know when there aren't any cars
Albert: …ok….There aren't any cars
Lloyd: *turns left*
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPP*Albert & Lloyd get run over by a truck*
Lloyd: YOU SAID THAT THERE AREN'T ANY CARS!!!!!!
Albert: There weren't, that was a truck
Lloyd: … … …
*****Later at the ball
Lloyd: We're FINALLY here!!! *waits on line*
Albert: *waits behind Lloyd*
***** 20 minutes Later
*the line hasn't moved*
Lloyd: GO SEE WHY THE LINE ISN'T MOVING!!
Albert: 7-7 You don't have to yell… *walks 30 yards before finally getting to the entrance*
Lady: GET AWAY FROM ME YOU EVIL WOMAN!!!
Sephiroth: THAT'S IT!!!!!!! *throws lady out of the entrance* *dusts his hands* There…Knew I could solve that problem *line finally starts moving*
Lady: AHHHHHHHh *gets chucked into Albert's face*
Albert: '|_|' *throws old lady to the end of the line* Line is moving…
Lloyd: la la la
Old Lady: GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *gets chucked into Lloyds face*
Lloyd: … … … *throws old lady in the street*
*A large truck horn is heard in the distance then a loud crash*
Lloyd: O_O;
Albert: Line is moving….
MEANWHILE at the ball
Miranda: *dancing with Haschel* oh…how fun…I swear I have never had so uch….
Hascel: *snores*
Miranda: DID YOU @#$% FALL ASLEEP ON ME?!
Haschel: Mom…just give me five more minutes…
Miranda: !@#$% !@#$% !@#$% *slaps Haschel's face the storms away*
Meru: C'mon Dart, it isn't THAT bad
Dart: *sniff* yes it is… ;_;
Meru: 7_7 give me a break
Dart: ALL MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!!!! GONE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *begins crying and starts writing something on a piece of paper* Dear Santy, all I want for X-Mas this year is some hair…I mean…I was good all year and stuff…I saved the world…I saved Shana…then I saved the world…and then…I saved Shana AGAIN…so can you PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GIVE ME SOME HAIR FOR X-MAS? I would really appreciate it…thanks. ~Dart
Meru: *eye twitch*
Dart: *seals letter in an envelope and kisses it* *_* Now…to have someone send it to Clause…*walks away*
Meru: … … …
*loud Crying is heard*
Meru: O_o; *piece of ceiling falls on Meru's head* … I had better see what's wrong with Shana…
******
******
Shana: *wailing*
Meru: What's the matter?
Shana: *charcoal hair* MY HAIR Is….CHARCOALED!!!!!
Meru: O.o; well…why don't ya-
Shana: I have an idea!!! *whips out pen & paper* Dear Santa…You probably don't know me but I am Shana…Anyways my EX Boyfriend burnt my hair to a crisp when he set my hair on fire….I was just wondering if you could give me a new one…thanks a bunch! ~Shana *seals envelope and prances away*
Meru: … … …
*******
*******
Lloyd: FINALLY!
Albert: Indeed, I, by no means, essentially considered that we would actually arrive here on time but it seems to my knowledge that we are just on time and still have an opportunity to give Santa Clause the cookies and milk so that we may rejoice and receive cherished gifts only given to us once a year…and…Meru won't kill us
Lloyd: All I heard was Meru won't kill us…
Albert: impudent fool…
Lloyd: … Let's just find Meru
*ground begins to Shake*
Albert & Lloyd: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *holding each other*
Kongol: *hiccup* ello… Kongol *hiccup* Drink much *hiccup* punch….
Albert & Lloyd: … …
Kongol: Why you hold
Albert: O.o;
Lloyd: *lets go of Albert* …
Kongol: You boring *hiccups, then staggers away*
Albert & Lloyd find Meru standing next to a Christmas tree hen Kongol with presents underneath it*
Lloyd: Meru! We've got the cookies!
Meru: Well we don't need 'em any more YOU WERE TOO SLOW!
Albert: ;_; PLEASE MERU! Don't Kill me! PLEASE! I told Lloyd to hurry up! It was all his fault! I have not yet reached my full capacity of knowledge! I still have so much more to learn and embrace! I must visit the library in Denningrad before it is my time to meet Soa! PLEASE! PLEASE!
Lloyd: …
Meru: No, we already got the gifts, I just need at hand 'em out! But at least ya guys got the cooklies *takes milk and cookies and eats them*
Lloyd: you mean…
Albert: …we did all that for utterly nothing?
Meru: Yep. Now I am going to hand out these gifts… Aha! *grabs Shana's & Darts and skips away*
Lloyd: …
Albert: …
*********
Meru: Here ya go Dart, and here's yours Shana *gives them their gifts*
Shana: *unwraps gift to find blond spiky hair toupee * O.o;
Dart: *unwraps brunette wig* …
Shana & Dart Trade
Meru: *opens her own present* Ooooooooooo…. … … IT'S A STEREO!!!! *tunrs the music up to 9* BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH
Dart: MERU KEEP IT DOWN!!!!
Meru: WHAT?!
SHANA: HE SAID KEEP IT DOWN!
Meru: WHAT?! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!
Dart: I SAID-*Meru turns off stereo* KEEP It DOWN!!!!!!!!
Meru: Ya don't have to yell Dart *walks away humming*
Dart: …
Shana: …
*********
Haschel: BWAHA! I got….ANTI-AGING CRÈME!!!
Miranda: … … *gives Haschel odd look*
Haschel: Did I…say that out loud? … O_O
Miranda: I got a….'Big Book Of Super Cuss Words & other @#$% Things' wow…
Lavitz: *unwraps* oh look!!!! It's from SONY!!! They said they are going to fix the glitch and let me say 'Rose Storm' instead of Blossom Storm! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHH
AHAHAHA…oh…. AND JERKEY! *_*
Rose: O…K…I got…a lump of Coal… … … …
Lavitz: Uh…Rose?
Rose: _* The Clause will pay for this!!!!
Miranda: Oh…!@#$
Rose: *rips out Rapier and runs over to Kuja*
Kuja: *opening gift*
Rose: *takes the Silver Dragon* I'll bring it back
Kuja: Pathetic mortal! That is mine! MINE I say!
Rose: *flys away breaking a whole in the ceiling*
Sephiroth: HEY! That's a security breach! YOUR SUPPOSED TO GO THROUGH SECURITY!!!!! *grabs onto Dragons tail*
Haschel: I just realized…all Hell is going to brake loose soon…
Lavitz: Yep…
********
Albert: *unwraps his present* SOA! SOA!SOA!! I DO NOT BELIEVE IT!! *_* Webster's 'All Words in Every Language' VOLUME XXVII!!!!!!!!!!! THANKYOU! THANK YOU!!!
Lloyd: …right…*open's his* :D!!!!! A MIRROR!!! BWAHA! *looks at himself in the mirror* Yeah…I know I am beautiful….uh huh…*kisses mirror*
Albert: Conceited…
Kongol comes staggering in
Kongol: Kongol got pants for K-ris-E-MAUS *hugs the Tree* Oh Kongol Like tree…OW TREE POKE KONGOLS EYE!!!! Kongol SMASH!
Lloyd: AHHHHHH NO Kongol!!!
Kongol: *whips out axe and starts thrashing it around* KONGOL SMASH!!! SMASH!!! *narrowly misses Albert*
Albert: O_O *faints*
Kongol: GUAAAAAAAAAAAA SMASH!! *hit's an X-Mas decoration which falls on various rpg characters*
Rpg chars: HEY!!!!
Kongol: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *hit's the tree*
*****
Meru talking With Rufus & Serge
Meru: (to serge) ya don't talk much do ya?
Serge: O_O
Rufus: Why do you have an absent look on your face?
Meru: Maybe he can't talk?! OMG! I would DIE if I couldn't talk!
Serge: O_O; *points behind Rufus & Meru*
Rufus: Huh? *turns around*
X-Mas Tree: *slowly begins to fall on them*
Serge, Rufus, & Meru: O_O; AHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *run away smack into Dart*
Dart: EEEEEEEK *screams like a little girly, turns into Red Eyed Dragoon and does flames Shot*
X-Mas Tree: *Catches on fire*
Shana: First my hair! Now that Beautiful Christmas Tree!!! THEY SHOULD BAN YOU FROM FIRE!!!!
Neo: EVERYONE EVACUATE THE PREMISIS IMMEDIATELY!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
******* Later everyone watching the burning Building
Lavitz: Well…this is one Christmas I'll never forget…
Miranda: !@#$% !@#$$% !@#$$#@
Kongol: Kongol promise never drink punch again
Shana: *cries* my wig got lost in all the commotion*
Dart: HA HA! Mine is still good!!! *suddenly all the hair falls off* NNOOOOOOOOOOOO ;_;
Haschel: uh….has anyone seen Albert?
Lloyd: *kissing his mirror* nope
Albert: *rummaging through building's ashes* WHERE IS IT?! I MUST FIND THE 'ALL WORDS IN EVERY LANGUAGE' volume XXVII!!!! I will NEVER LEAVE UNTIL I FIND IT!!!! *continues to dig*
Meru: Yep…this was the oddest Christmas ever…
Lloyd: Hey ya hear that?
Dart: Yeah I do *jingling bells are heard*
Santa: HO HO HO AND a MERRRRRRRRRRY- WHAT THE?!
Rose: COME BACK HERE YOU STUPID!!!!
Santa: HO HO AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *loud Crash is heard in the distance*
Rose: THAT'LL TEACH YOU!!!! NO ONE GIVE ROSE A LUMP OF COLE AND GET'S AWAY WITH IT!!!
Sephiroth: YOU DESTROYED SANTA CLAUSE!!! THIS IS GOING TO GO ON YOUR PERMANENT RECORD!!!!
Lloyd: Yeah…this was the oddest Christmas ever…
Neo: The End…or is it? BWAHHAAHHAHAHA *coughs* Actually…it is:P