BEAUTIFUL

(A fansequel to FrankieFandom's 'Pretty')

DISCLAIMER

This story is a fansequel to FrankieFandom's Pretty.

Which means it's a direct continuation, trying to stay as true as possible to the universe created in Pretty.

Being written by a different writer, it will have its own colour and unavoidable divergence.

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So, I suggest you all go re-read Pretty to be up-to-speed to where this story starts...

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I want to thank FrankieFandom for letting me do this and for all her support in the process.

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This story portrays a friends-to-lovers storyline between TWO MEN. if you're not into that, don't read.

If you are, I hope you enjoy.

1 | Nighthawks

"What if…?"

They're sitting one night at Molly's, it's almost closing time and only a few patrons are left. By the tone of Matt's voice, Kelly knows it's something to do with Harvey; Though the subject hasn't come up at all during the evening, it's constantly whirling at the back of Matt's mind. The secure emptiness of the bar, Kelly's proximity and the fluid influence of alcohol taunt Matt's mind into talking, forming aloud the question plaguing him for weeks.

"What if what?" Kelly tries to encourage Matt to go on, knowing how delicate his state of mind is in such situations. But it's also when his inhibitions and walls are at his lowest, maybe he can bring him to actually talk about what's been bothering him these past weeks, since Harvey's death.

"What if, somewhere, somehow, I was flattered by his attention? What if secretly, unconsciously I liked the cards and the flowers and the wine?"

"We're all flattered by attention, Matt. It's only human, it's why the game works. But you set clear boundaries, you told him 'no' on more than one occasion. He should have stopped there."

"Yeah, yeah," Matt agrees pensively, sinking back into his silent contemplation. "but what if, I was a little, tiny bit intrigued?" Matt's eyes are huge with shock and dread, his voice is so low that Kelly must lean in to hear what he's saying.

"Intrigued by what?" Kelly tries to follow.

"By… what he was offering… by what he wanted to do…"

"You mean sleeping with a man? A relationship with a man?"

Matt's eyes shut as if he's trying to protect himself from the thought, but Kelly doesn't miss the tiny nod that follows. "What if I was secretly intrigued and I somehow unconsciously sent mixed signals?" he whispers, his tone laced with horror.

"You didn't send mixed signals. Even if you were subconsciously interested in the possibility of sleeping with a man, you clearly didn't want to sleep with him. You told him that loud and clear, right?"

"Hm-hm," Matt nods starkly, concentrating on Kelly's logic.

"You told him not to contact you and you blocked his number."

"Hm-hm."

"You threw away the flowers and the card."

"Hm-hm. Punched him once." Matt adds.

"So, I don't see any mixed signals, Matt."

"But what if," Matt's conscious doesn't relent. "on the boat," he can't seem to continue but Kelly knows not to push. He wishes he could console Matt, give him comfort, but Matt's become extremely sensitive to touch recently, and Kelly's afraid to spook him, concerning the topic of their conversation. Kelly sits in silence, patiently waiting for Matt to come to terms with what he wants to say.

"What if, on the boat," Matt begins again, slowly, trudging through his thought, his eyes locked deep to the bottom of his own beer glass, "when he was undressing me, when he had his hands on me, what if I wasn't entirely disgusted?" A single tear breaks through Matt's dark features, rolling down his cheek, portraying his anxiety, his fear of everything going on inside him.

"What if so, Matt? What's wrong with that?" Kelly asks softly, "What Harvey did was wrong, in every way. He drugged you into a state you were out of control, took you against your will and better judgment. Even then you made it clear you didn't want him. Nothing that happened on that boat was your fault. But aside from Harvey, what's so wrong about being attracted to men, Matt?" He pauses for a moment to see if Matt is still with him; if he should go on. "I've slept with men, you know that, does that make you think any less of me?"

"No," Matt shakes his head hurriedly, "no."

"Then why would you think any less of yourself?"

Matt knows his answer isn't suitable for an independent 29' year old man, but he can't shake it. "My dad,"

Kelly inhales deeply and exhales slowly as if trying to calm himself. "Can I say something about your dad, without you getting angry? I know it's not my place, and I'm not a psychologist and I know you hate talking about it, but may I?"

Matt nods again a tiny nod in answer.

"The worst thing your dad did to you, was make you afraid of yourself. And unfortunately, although she was trying to protect you from exactly that, what your mother did, didn't help that. We can't change who we are, Matt. We can hide it and fight it to the point it makes us miserable, but we can't change it. And I promise you, being attracted to men isn't something you should be afraid of. There is nothing inside you, you should be afraid of. I know you. I know you're scared of losing control, of losing the grip on your emotions like your mom did, but I promise you, I guarantee, it will never happen to you. Never."

They sit there for a moment in silence, Kelly's words ringing between them and Matt seemingly frozen. "Sorry," Kelly whispers, not for what he'd said but perhaps for crossing a line he shouldn't have. But Matt shakes his head lightly, still avoiding eye contact but very much attuned, overwhelmed by Kelly's words. His eyes squeeze shut as a rush of pain and gratitude flows through him.

"How do you know?" Matt asks quietly, hesitantly, still afraid to believe Kelly's words, though he trusts him implicitly.

"You fishing for compliments now?" Kelly tries to joke.

"What? No. sorry,"

"I'm joking, Matt, but your reaction is how I know. You don't have a selfish bone in your body. You do your best to help people, and you avoid hurting them at all cost. At your own expense sometimes. I don't mean it as critique, it's just the way you are. You could do with a bit more self-preservation if you ask me."

Matt doesn't react to that, Kelly's word sinking deep inside him, meeting different thoughts and experiences. Most of all everything that happened with Harvey and on that boat.

"Enough of this," Kelly says as he knocks down the last of his drink, setting the glass down on the bar. Noticing he's lost Matt to his own mind, he tries to pull him out and change their vibe. "That was way too much for one evening. How 'bout we get out of here? Go to the all-night Irish pub down the road? I could do with some fried junk-food, how 'bout you? Matt?"

"Yeah, yeah, sure," Matt nods absentmindedly, finishing his drink and jumping off the stool to pay.

"I've got this," Kelly says, his hand gesturing to stop Matt from taking his wallet out. "You've had to listen to my blabber, that's price enough to pay," he says laughingly, trying to downplay their conversation, give Matt some perspective. "you can get the next round."

"Fine." Matt relents, "But I'm not paying for your junk food. You want to kill yourself slowly with cholesterol, you do it at your own expense." They both chuckle at that as they make their way out of the bar.