I feel like a giant bitch for not writing new stuff, but there's a lot of shit going on with me right now and I just want you guys to not be mad at me for what you get. I'd appreciate some new C/E stuff; it might snap me out of my cold spell. Right now I'm failing school and I'm completely disconnected from the world.

So I wrote this. Even though I don't go to church. I'm such a weirdo.

Love Me Deadly

01. Gluttony

The binging was, in Craig's opinion, the worst part of his problem. When he eats 3 Lean Cuisines, 2 bags of popcorn, a bag of Doritos, mini-appetizers, and a tray of Bagel Bites in one sitting, he feels disgusting physically and emotionally. The physical was obvious. The emotional was difficult for him to explain. It created a giant paradox in which he was the biggest hypocrite ever. It made him feel like an awful person to know he was eating all of this food just to expel it later. He felt for some little kid in Darfur who would probably treasure everything Craig had just wolfed down knowing that the kid probably had better morals than he did. He wondered if Eric would think he was a horrible person, if Eric would hate him. All the binging and purging would be useless. The idea of bulimia would be useless. He knew he had a problem. He knew he was disgusting. He knew he was hideously fat and gross and nasty and all the thought of his gross, misshapen body makes the bile come up thick and fast and he almost doesn't have a chance to kneel in front of the toilet and begin his ritual.

02. Sloth

Papers. Mountains of papers. Papers as far as the eye can see. All piled on Eric's desk. All about how Craig needed help and "if you are really his friend, you'll help him" or something. Most from students, some from teachers, all annoying. If they thought the little weirdo needed help, why didn't they ask him and leave Eric the hell alone? He sighed and looked around his room. He couldn't remember the last time he cared how it looked. He had trashed it, again, fifteen minutes ago, in another one of his rages. It was bad enough, he thought, to worry about his own dwindling sanity. Why should he have to worry about Craig's, too? Craig was dirty. He had stopped caring about his appearance and frequently went to school in sweats and dirty, wind-blown hair. Eric sighed heavily again and picked up a picture he had thrown on the floor of two happier, cleaner boys. One of them had a lot more meat on his bones in the picture than he did now. Eric rolled his eyes and threw the picture back onto the grown, shattering the glass. He kicked the glass under his bed and decided he didn't care.

03. Lust

"Fuck me." Craig says wryly, one day, at his house playing a board game. Eric looks at Craig and knows, has known for a while, that the little queer is dead serious. So he agrees, but he isn't in it for the sex. He wants to try being an emotional sadist for once. And plus, the sex is probably godly anyway, and Eric had a lot of pent-up sexual frustration…that his right hand was getting particularly tired of…

They end up in Craig's newly remodeled bathroom, squished together in the shower, wet bodies colliding and hot water creating enough lubrication so that Eric didn't have to care anymore than he wanted to. Craig is so loud. Eric is putting every emotion into this except love. He didn't like men. He liked seeing Craig fall so hard for something he'd never have again. It wasn't the smooth, thin body his hips slid into that got him off. It was the satisfaction of delicately breaking Craig's already shattered psyche.

04. Envy

Eric and Mindy. It didn't sound right coming out of anyone's mouth. No, it didn't. It was Craig and Eric. Craig and Eric. Not Mindy and Eric, there was no flow there. Eric and Mindy and Craig and Mindy and Craig and Eric and Craig and Eric and Mindy and no.

Craig wants to scream it in the hallway. He insists that it's Craig and Eric. It was Craig and Eric. Before Josh and Mindy broke up and it was Josh and Mindy and Craig and Eric and Drake and Carly or whatever girl he was fucking at the time and everything was right with the world or so it seemed. And then Eric wanted Mindy.

And Craig became hopelessly, violently, vindictively jealous. Mindy betrayed him. He'd known Mindy longer than he'd known Eric. He loved Mindy as a sister. But he started to pick apart all the things he loved about her: her hair, her eyes, her style, her intelligence, her gender…God, he was so jealous of the gender. She was crazy. She spent time in a clinic across town. She was the crazy one. Not Craig. Craig isn't crazy because he wasn't diagnosed. Yeah, that had to be it.

It was never like he asked God for anything except this. Nothing. Not money, fame, power, nothing, he was happy being a poor little nerdy nothing as long as he could wake up next to Eric and they would love each other forever.

Mindy had the one thing he wanted the most. The worst part was that sometimes he would look in the mirror and would swear he was tinged a bit green.

05. Pride

Eric had never been proud of anything he had ever done, except maybe academic achievement. He always wondered what people would think of him if he boasted. But when he became moderately well liked, even after everyone discovered he was a fraud, and when he finally got an extremely attractive girlfriend who may or may not have been a wonderful kisser, he knew his time had finally arrived.

And he was really damned proud of it.

Obnoxiously proud, in fact. Too proud for the likes of Craig. When people asked what happened to his forgotten friend, Eric would shrug it off, saying Craig was annoying or that they grew apart over high school. Oh how he loved to think he was so much better than Craig that he could actually talk shit on him.

And then, suddenly, the pride leaves when Mindy won't suck his dick and he has to cash his paycheck from FYE earlier than he normally would have to crawl back into Craig's bed.

06. Avarice

Craig starts to claw desperately for attention after Mindy and Eric announce that they're going steady. He dressed like a little slut, teasing his hair and wearing oh-so-skintight jeans. He was practically begging to be propositioned by a rich businessman. But no, he had to keep his focus on his mission. He had to have Eric all to himself. Eric saw less and less of Mindy lately because it seemed like Craig was slowly seducing him with his words, and oh God the eyes…

Craig giggled like a damned schoolgirl about Call of Duty or Fallout or Oblivion or whatever game had captured the geekdom at the moment. And Eric found her so damned cute…wait, her? And Craig gave himself up more and more, too. Charged more money to keep Eric under his control. He hated seeing him with her (God, she doesn't even have a name anymore). He would take all of Eric's lust and leave none for Mindy. He would charge more money so Eric would have nothing to spend on Mindy. And the dumb little bitch didn't even know he was cheating on her.

Eric was his. He wasn't going to share with anyone, especially Mindy.

07. Wrath

If looks could kill Craig would be a bloodstain on the floor by now. A bloody pulp of crushed organs. Eric often wondered if he should just kill Craig, to end a miserable life that just hindered the lives around it.

He decided on just ending the sexual relationship instead, but he had forgotten that Craig was a clever little bastard. Craig knew it was the last time. He knew Mindy would win unless he did something. Yes, he wants to take all three down because there's nothing left of him to take down anyway. So before Eric comes over he sets up a camera above the bed, and then when Eric comes over and insists they have sex on the couch because he's a dog in heat and walking up the stairs is too much effort he makes sure they end up in the bed. Then it's over, and Eric goes home, and Craig's plan goes into motion. He hides the tape underneath Josh's area at the Premiere just knowing that he'll look at it. And Josh does. And then he shows Mindy. Next thing you know Eric has no girlfriend and no more cool friends because faggot is pretty low on the high school totem pole.

And Eric was pissed.

He drove at about 80 mph to Craig's house with Craig peering out the window at him. No one was home, so he decided to get ready for a quick fuck.

Until Eric broke down the door. Craig knew this was going to happen and so he walked down the stairs with his shirt off…

…into a knife.

And Eric didn't stop. Craig couldn't register what was happening at first. He felt some stabbing pain in his stomach and felt something trickle down but he couldn't comprehend…until he was stabbed the second and third time (in the side and the arm, like it mattered) and he couldn't even stand anymore and the thought finally registered.

…oh God, I'm going to die…

He crawled to the phone as Eric threw random objects, and some actually hit him, one in the head, nearly knocking him out. He crawled into the bathroom, having bled all over the living room floor, and slides down the door. He frantically dialed 911.

"911, what is your emergency?" A clear, cool voice resonated on the other end of the line.

"Please…" He hated how hoarse he voice sounds and instinctively moved away from the bathroom door and all of the walls so that Eric wouldn't stab through them. He was beginning to lose consciousness.

"…please, ma'am, the man I love stabbed me…" And he faded away.

They found him with critical blood pressure lying in a pool of blood in the middle of the bathroom floor, and Eric was arrested still crying because even after all the sex and drama and sin Craig was still his best buddy in the world…

He who is without sin shall not cast the first stone.

He woke up in Belleview hospital, a few days later. He'd had an emergency blood transfusion, emergency surgery, it was all an emergency. His life was an emergency. It was all his fault, too. As he lay back onto the bed, wincing in pain, he thought about his life. Had he been stabbed as a means of damage control or a way to be punished by God for his sins? Was there a God that could punish sins that were totally justified? What did it mean to be justified?

Is that why they say love is so deadly, and the deadly sins are so deadly? Because he should be dead right now.

He knew he should be dead, and the fact that he had to live through seeing his best friend go to jail because Craig had fucked Eric's life up to the point where Eric felt the need to stab him and Mindy is on suicide watch and Josh is drinking and dammit Craig should be dead.

And that was punishment enough.

o-o—o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o—o-o-oo—o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o—o-o

I haven't been that deep in a while. And I've never really done religion before. I didn't really go too deep into it because I dislike working with it.

I turned the angst up again.