IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ:
Okay, so this is New Moon, (a little different version), up to a certain point, but then it gets more into my own story(:
Please don't critisize me by saying 'Oh, that was the exact line in the book', because I'm well aware of that, and I only needed to use some of those quotes when Edward came back so it would make more sense.
Like I said before, the first chapter is A LOT like New Moon, but don't worry, I have MANY more chapters to come, and they get pretty interesting(:
Jacob's pack was out on another hunting trip. They left Jared behind to protect me.
This was just beginning to get beyond ridiculous. First, there was Jacob keeping up his perserverence
with me, although I think we both knew that it was a hopeless and wasted effort. Though he never
seemed to give up, which was also beginning to get on my nerves. And then, there was Victoria.
Ugh. I didn't want to think about her at the moment with the wolves gone. I mean sure, Jacob was
getting on my nerves, but I couldn't be anymore grateful for what he was doing for me. I shuddered
at the thought of one of the wolves getting hurt because of me. It's me you want, I thought. Just me.
I'd been thinking a lot the past few days, on what my real point in existing was anymore.
Ever since...No, I couldn't think about it. I instinctively clutched my torso at the ripping pain in my
chest. I knew it was only a matter of seconds before I would fall apart again. Focus, I thought. You have
to be normal for Charlie. You can't let anyone see you like this.
Finishing up the dishes, Charlie walked into the room.
"Bells," he began. "This isn't right. I know you don't like it when I bring these things up,
and I personally don't like the subject either," he gritted through his teeth. "But you need to let go."
I couldn't do it. I just couldn't hold myself together. I ran up to my room holding back tears
the whole way. Charlie wouldn't bother me. Female horimones were the one thing Charlie couldn't bear.
I threw my face into the pillow and let out all those thoughts and emotions I so carefully kept
hidden from myself the past few months. His face, his scent, his velvet-honey voice, everything suddenly burst through all the bariers I had formed from it.
Suddenly, warm hands were rubbing my back. Jacob. Why did he have to come back now?
He couldn't see me falling to pieces this way, and I didn't have the strength in my voice to order him
away. I didn't have the strength for anything.
"Bella?" he asked in a frightened voice, "Honey, what's wrong?"
And all I could do was cry. You deserve better, I wanted to say, but I couldn't. All I could do
was cry. Jake, who knew me better then anyone in the world, instantly knew what this was about, and
started trembling. Charlie was downstairs, I remembered.
"Ahh Jake," I got out between sobs, "Cut it out." I aimed a week punch at his arm, but
probably gave myself a bruise in the attempt.
"I can't Jake, I just can't..." I trailed off, the hysteria raising in my voice. Why wouldn't he
leave already? I did not want him here. I wanted him to go find someone he could be happy with, who
would love him back with the love he deserved. My pitiful heart, could never give him that love.
Could never do anything. I was surprised it was still there, because it sure didn't feel like it.
"Bella," he sighed, "You don't deserve to be in this much pain after what the bloo-...After
what he did to you. It's not right. He's not here. He's not coming back."
Suddenly I was furious with him. How exactly did he think he was helping? He had no right to
tell me this, and I certainly didn't want to here it. It was the truth though...I thought, which brought on
another round of sobs. He doesn't want you anymore, I remembered. I unwillingly remembered his
harsh words in the forest. I had known all along that I wasn't good enough for him, and that I didn't
deserve him. So why had the words come as such a shock to me?
"Leave!" I barked out at Jacob, "Please just leave." It was barely a whisper.
Thank God he finally understood that I needed to be alone, as much as he didn't want me to.
He leaped up off the bed, leaned over and swiftly kissed my forehead. I grimaced at him, and he jumped
out the window. There was an audible thud, and then I knew he had left, so I broke down again. I was Alone. Totally, completely alone.
Waking up, Is the hardest part. I knew how pathetic and lifeless I looked to other people, so
why couldn't I change? At school I would always hear whispers 'It's like someone died', was the most
popular. It was like someone had died. Like I had died, and I was just this pathetic zombie girl. That's
exactly what I was, I thought. Bella, the pathetic zombie girl. The thought normally would have made
me smile, but I hadn't smiled in so long. And my friends had given up on me long ago. Even Mike, my
always faithful golden retriever, had given up on me.
Charlie and I didn't speak much, and I knew I was hurting him, and that he was in pain
watching me like this. I tried bringing up his spirits by discussing college with him. College was always
a huge deal to Renee and Charlie. I really hadn't given much thought about it honestly. What was I
doing anymore? Once again, that brought me up to my earlier thought, What's the point to my
existince? What if...No. No, I could not even think about that optition. I had to be here, and be normal.
For Charlie. That option was definately out, and I shuddered to think that I actually thought about that
possibility.
I was driving home from school when I decided to take a turn on a road I promised myself I'd never
drive on again. What on earth was I doing? Didn't I already do this once before? Why did I now suddenly
think this was a great idea. My hands grasped the steering wheel as I tried to figure out just what exactly
I was doing. I knew this would only cause me unbearable pain later, so I decided to turn around. I caught sight of something moving in the forest, but I figured it was just a deer. My imagination was used up, I thought. I didn't press it any further.
As I pulled up into the drive, I noticed Charlie's cruiser wasn't there in it's usual spot. I decided it was anything to big, and started dinner. Sure enough, I heard Charlie's car pull into the drive. But it wasn't Charlie who walked in the door.
Couldn't Jacob just give up on me? Why did he have to be so damn pushy, and continue to keep up our friendship. I sure wasn't. Jacob caught me in one of his spine-breaking bear hugs, that had me gasping for air.
"Jake, just give up on me already." I grumbled to him, he somehow seemed to be enjoying himself.
He grabbed my face between his warm hands. I tried to pull away, but he was just so huge.
"Now Bella," he started, "You know that I would never leave you." he whispered, pulling my face closer to his. "I could be just as good, you know? Just give it a try. Please..."
Childishly, I pulled my hands up to cover my mouth. I just couldn't do this. Not right now.
"Jake," I whispered, "...I can't." That was my brilliant excuse? 'I can't'? No wonder he wouldn't give up on me. My attempts to keep him away were just pathetic. It wasn't that I didn't want him around, it's just that I didn't want him for the same reasons he wanted me. He was my safe harbor. My Jacob. But nothing more, and I didn't want to keep this going on so that I would hurt him so much more in the end. And it seemed that I couldn't have it both ways. 'Friends' just wasn't good enough for him.
"You can't because you've never tried!" he shouted, startling me by his sudden change in mood. "You've never tried to let go of him. I'm here now, and he's not! Am I just not good enough or something?!"
"That's the problem Jake," I mumbled, "You're too good. I don't want you wasting your time on me, when we both want each other around for different reasons!" I started raising my voice.
"Whaa.." he started to say, but then he understood. He finally understood.
"Jake, you know I love you," I whispered, "But like a brother, You're my best friend."
"If that's what you want me to be," he said, determined, "I'll be it."
"But I'll know that that's not what you really want. And how can we be friends, when that is what you want?" I stated, pleased with my new excuse. Sure was a lot better then I can't.
"Bella," he said with that same determination, "If that's what you want, I will be your friend."
"But you'll be in pain." I murmered, gentally stroking his cheek then suddenly releasing it. That would only hurt him later.
"All that matters, is that you're happy. I don't care about anything else." His dark eyes grew warm, soft. Then, he was gone. I knew he'd be back later though. So much for that discussion.
Charlie walked in the door, hanging up his gun and vest.
"Hey dad," I said, expressionless, "Why home so late?"
"Another hunter killed," he grunted, "I'm starting to think it's not animals doing it."
I shivered.
Of course I knew it was Victoria. I'd known all along, but didn't want to believe. I could just picture her, with a pale, lifeless body in her hand. Her bright crimson eyes sparkling. Her wild red hair, like fire, blowing in the breeze like a flame. Again I shivered.
"Bells? You okay?" Charlie asked, sounding concerned.
I justed nodded my head for him not to press the conversation any further, and headed for the stairs.
"Going to bed already?" Charlie asked suspiciously. What did he honestly think I was doing?
"Yeah, Night Dad." I said lamely.
I laid in my bed listening to the thud thud thud of the rain outside. I heard Charlie climb up the stairs and was afraid he would come and check on me, but he didn't. I remembered he was packing for his trip to Houstan where he'd meet with some old friends and go fishing. He agreed that I could stay here alone for the week that he'd be gone. I was thrilled to finally get some alone time without Charlie and Jacob bugging me about my 'zombieness', since Jacob and Billy were going with Charlie.
Jacob had told me I should come, but I told him that they all would have more fun without me there. I knew that'd I'd do my usual moping if I went. Plus I didn't want to leave Forks. I couldn't. It just didn't seem right, even for only a short length of time. This was my home.
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The next chapter is coming very soon!
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